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Embarrased in Front of My Wife


LostBoy

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4 hours ago, Klingsor said:

Exactly. It's a male fantasy. Obsession with dick size is a male thing.... 

....It is entirely psychological.Like

Hi @Klingsor I'm going to have to partially disagree. I do agree with you that "obsessing" over cock size is a male thing but preferring an average or larger cock is a female thing. I've seen it most of my life. Does that mean they can't live without a larger cock? No,  just like saying you preferring a limo doesn't mean you can't get by with a Smart car.

Size is also only psychological to a point. I have personally tested this theory with a variety of female companions (although they didn't know it). I've varied the number of fingers used as well as the size of dildo's and vibrators used and there is a "sweet spot" for most women I've been with and, depending on the woman, it's somewhere between 5" and 7"in length and between a 5" and 6" girth. Of course YMMV in this and by no means is it a scientific statistical study just my personal experience.

At the end of the day, they may not be able to tell 5.5" from 6" but I would bet any woman you slept with could tell a 3.5X3.5 cock from a 7X6 and it would not be psychological in nature. I've mentioned this in another thread but I'll repeat myself here, a woman's vagina is designed to stretch and it has folds in (with lots of nerves) that can only be reached when it is stretched. If it's not stretched some then there are nerves going untouched.

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I hear you. This was discussed some years ago, the alleged distinction between a clitoral and vaginal orgasm. I think you're missing my point - the physiological reaction to the different sizes is subordinate to and preceded by the psychological stimulation provoked. In such a scenario, you are correct, the small dick won't satisfy. But it's possible for a woman to orgasm with nothing more than the palm of her hand. What I'm saying is that the mechanics of the thing are subordinated to the psychological arousal provoked by the idea of a big dick (aesthetics, appearance, conception). It would be edifying to know the sizes of dildos purchased exclusively by women, their own preferences.

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Hi @Klingsor your point is understood. I can agree that the psychological precedes the physiological. This is true for any sexual attraction between humans. I would dare say arousal typically starts before physical contact.

I'm still not sold that the physiological is subordinate. Again, not a scientific experiment due to sample size, but most woman I have been with in life own a small clitoral vibrator as well as at least one dildo or vaginal vibrator. None of them had dildos less than 5" and only one had one over 7". I didn't really pay much attention to girth but I'm guessing they were also between 5-7". I've looked and it's very difficult to even find a dildo less than 5" and practically impossible to find one less than 4". I revert back to one of my earlier points, 6" to 5.5" may be psychological but 6" to 3.5" is both psychological as well as physiological.

Yes, some woman can orgasm with the palm of their hand but this doesn't mean that it's the easiest or best feeling way. If it was, sex toys would go out of business.

This topic has went somewhat in a full circle, which is great. The entire reason that I don't want my wife to see me my small flaccid cock is that I don't want the psychological to detract from the physical. I've spent most of marriage trying to determine how to satisfy her and my fear is if she really pays attention to my size (especially when I'm retracted) then she won't want to have sex as often or that it would be more difficult to stimulate her with that "picture" in her head. This is the reason I constantly "fluff" when I'm around her nude.

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On 10/19/2017 at 11:12 PM, Lodz said:

It is a male fantasy, first and foremost. But there are women who enjoy it and even a few who specifically seek it out. I dated as a prospective cuckold for almost a year, met and actually dated 6 women and had a long term relationship with the 6th. Of those 6, 2 were specifically looking for a cuck and had experience, 2 were dominant women who were jnterested in trying it out, and 2 were just slutty and liked the idea of trying a new kink that involved sex with multiple men. I ended up with one of the latter. I also emailed and talked with probably two dozen other women who were interested in that lifestyle. So yeah, there are plenty of women who are into it, but it's driven by the men. They onky know they're into it because a man wanted them to try.

The idea that huge cocks are the best is culturally driven. There are some women, though few, who really do want the biggest of the big, but for most women, average or a little bigger is what they consider ideal.

As far as women becoming more vocal about size preference, i think that's mostly a result of it being more acceptable for women to talk about their preferences at all, particularly naughtier preferences. I think there is a bit of it that is a backlash against patriarchy, a kind of way to get the upper hand over men in some kind of way. But mostly it's a legitimate preference and component of their sexuality. Men in the past were shielded from this reality because women weren't allowed to be promiscuous, so they either weren't experienced enough to have preferences or were far too ashamed to talk about them. 

Where did you get talking to these women about that?

But you're completely right though and I agree with a lot of what you have written in this post.

Women are way more open about what they like sexually than they would have been once upon a time. Truth be told, being a slut isn't anywhere near as shameful as it once was. A lot of women just don't care anymore, they are becoming more like guys in that respect.

Based on my experiences of talking to women online about sex - on Twitter, on Fetlife and on Fabswingers, there are loads of women on the internet who want to talk about sex, and also post porn of themselves. Some of them are doing it for money but many of them are not. It's usually pretty easy to tell a fake profile, too.

On more fetish based websites like Fetlife in particular, it is really easy to talk to women about their specific sexual preferences and fantasies. If anyone here doesn't believe me, sign up for that site.

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On 10/21/2017 at 4:36 AM, Powerhouse8000 said:

Where did you get talking to these women about that?

I got into a pretty awesome relationship with a hot younger woman. And then i fucked it up because i was fucking around on dating sites and keeping in contact with former fwb's, sharing pics, and she saw it all when i left my phone home one day. I didn't physically cheat on her, but she didn't believe me and i can't blame her. So i went into a hard slide into depression and ended up in a vanilla relationship. Now married with 2 kids, trying to cope with a "normal" life with a small penis and a high sex drive.

Does that answer your question? Lol

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  • 3 weeks later...

As I'm sitting here tonight, drinking enough bourbon to kill an average human, I decided to read all of the title enticing posts in this SPS community.

One was resoundingly familiar and was something that I haven't thought about in many years...condom fit.

My wife was "fixed" after my second son was born over 15 years ago so we have not had a need for condoms in quite some time. I do, however, explicitly remember when we use to use them and how horribly embarrassing it was for me.

It may just be selective memory but I don't thing so. I can recall countless times that condoms came off of me during sex and even if they stayed on to completion once I pulled out the condom would remain hanging out of her until I grabbed it and removed it. The most embarrassing incident was when I "lost" my condom in my wife and had to fish it out.

ahhh....good times. And I wonder what drives my embarrassment in front of my own wife.

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How about this one for embarrassing....

As we sit on the couch watching TV, my wife all of a sudden decides that she is "in the mood" so she reaches over and goes into my shorts with her hand. Needless to say I had no forewarning that this was going to happen so there was no opportunity to "fluff". When she reached my "magic spot" she couldn't find my cock to grab hold of because I was in full retraction. She had to play around to get him to come out of hiding enough to even get a hold on him and due to my embarrassment he would only stick out about an inch, even then, so she was playing with him with her thumb and index finger. I finally moved her hand and took her to the bedroom so that I could perform my typical foreplay activities while I brought him to attention.

Quite embarrassing when your wife can't find your cock, for sure, and this has also happened many times with similar story lines.

The more I reminisce the more reasons I can come up with as to why I am embarrassed in front of my wife. Add to this, the fact that most of my life I have been a premature ejaculator means that once I do penetrate her I don't stay long because I loose control. This has improved some as I have aged but I still reach an orgasm quickly unless I have been drinking.

I guess this could also explain my desire for bourbon at night...I never know when I will be "called to the mound".

 

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@lostboy1 I'm not a big fan of the spontaneous crotch grab either, so much so she doesn't do it because I hate it. I'm all good for impromptu sexshuan sexhuals, but mainly just kisses and then to the bedroom. That way I can have a piss, swill some mouthwash and get the old boy up to speed. We have a very open and set in stone pre sex ritual anyway, so normally it's not an issue. Although a few nights ago she woke me up wanting sex, being a guy I can't say no, so I tried my best, but having a wank before I fell asleep half an hour earlier kind of left me with an empty tank, massive cramps and little motivation  In the end after my legs turned to cement so I just went down on her, but she came twice and really enjoyed it. Personally, I'm like a musket, I only fire once, I also need at least a 12 hour turn around lol. Even average/bigger guys have these issues, I had a mate was a premature ejaculator, he was mentally screwed up too, he only had to be groped by a girl and he'd blow his load, not to mention once cumming on a particularly old bus with bad (or good depending on your views) vibrations. Also falling out is super common for most men, especially if they're aren't fully turned on. Just one of those things that most people don't ever mention for fear they'll be ridiculed by other men who don't want to admit its happened to them too, it's as common as beaks on birds. And hey, what ever way you slice the pie, at least you're having sex on the regular, I'd put that in the win pile. 

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4 hours ago, YOTH said:

Also falling out is super common for most men, especially if they're aren't fully turned on. Just one of those things that most people don't ever mention for fear they'll be ridiculed by other men who don't want to admit its happened to them too, it's as common as beaks on birds.

Hi @YOTH, I do appreciate your comments but my point wasn't that I fell out as I know that can be somewhat common depending on how carried away it gets. My point is that when it happened to me I was rock hard, came out, and my wife couldn't even tell that I was out. Apparently it feels no different with me inside her that outside her.

and we're no longer having sex on the regular. It's been a while and my attempts to "get her in the mood" have been failing miserably. I'm not sure if it's me or her but regardless and after reminiscing I don't really know why she would ever want to have sex with me.

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Have you tried a sleeve? My gf hated it personally, but your wife mightn't. It can be cut to size and it adds an extra few inches, it also uses suction so it's stable, it'd potentially add a bit of excitement. I know what you're saying, as a mate of mine used to say 'no girl gets turned on for a bullet'. There is no solution, there is no physical fix. You'll never be that 'big' guy and that's just that. You have a wife and you're lucky. I still say what I've always said, tell her how you feel. You have to be honest with her, make her listen. I wish I lived near you, It's hell going through this alone.

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YOTH and Kilingsor - those posts were spectacular. Right on the money.

lostboy1 - I read your posts a couple days ago & was hesitant to comment for fear of saying something dumb.  Try to accept yourself because none of us are to blame for the body genetics gave us.  

Sorry you are going through this emotional trauma and hope you find a way to feel better.  

 

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@Klingsor You've hit the nail on the head with that word. This issue is primarily & overwhelmingly exhausting. It drains a part of your mind that 99% of the population doesn't even know exists. I told my gf last night how exhausted I was, she thought I meant physically (which I am as well to be fair) but I was talking about mentally. Both combined it leaves me with 0 energy and an urge to medicate, heavily. I just had a day off and hand on heart, I can't remember it. I took so many sleeping pills the night after my last shift I've lost a day. I'm only getting the odd flash of memory. I hate my job, I can't like it, I only bear it. I'm getting shit from a regular who comes in every day and I can't do anything. I can't stab him in the eye with the lime knife, I can't say anything about it because it's subtle and he'd just deny it. When I see him walk in I want him to trip and fall in the log fire. It's not really his fault either, it's mine. I made a stupid comment that got taken out of context, he just ran with it. Probably because he's got a small cock himself or prematurely ejaculates if a woman says "hi" to him. I get that's why they do it, they're miserable blocks of butter and they wanna spread it on everyone else's toast. They can't help it. But it's really hard to deal with the work for 9 hours physically and for 9 hours mentally on top of that. It leaves me feeling like a husk. Just shuffling through life. Worst thing is that I can deal with it. Meditation helps me more than anything, I can deal with anything after a good meditate. I do my forgiveness work too, I try to see things from even the biggest cunts perspective. See their strengths as the weaknesses they are, try to be kind even when I'm angry. I don't even retaliate in my mind as it happens, it seems to be when I'm home I think about it and don't want to go back, doing it everyday is really tiring, I just want to go back to my old voluntary job where I was happy. Working for £7.50 an hour is a slap in face for how hard the work + stress is. 

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@Klingsor@YOTH@Victimorthecrime

Thank you guys for the thoughts and words. It is exhausting to live this double life.

We've tried a sleeve and neither of us really liked it. I couldn't feel anything and it was too floppy where it joined my penis so it was awkward to use. Thanks for the idea though.

I guess the main point of my rants is just to vomit out all of the pains I've dealt with in my lifetime onto this thread just to get them out of my body. I've felt down for a couple of weeks now and just felt it all needed to come out.

In the end, nothing will change. I'll always have a tiny cock, I'll always be embarrassed about it, I'll always avoid encounters where it can be seen, I'll never be able to please my wife without toys, I'll always hide myself in front of her, I'll never discuss my SPS with her, and life will continue this way until I die.

This is what makes it all so exhausting.

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Feel free to rant, that's what we do here.  

Just something to consider:  I have never had a wife, unlikely I ever will.  Even putting sex aside there are so many nice things couples do together that enrich life like going places, doing things together, making plans for the holidays & vacations, helping out, etc. that I have never experienced.  

I am not trying to invalidate your pain in the slightest, I hate when people do that to me.  Just presenting another fact to help complete the full picture for when you're thinking about your life.  

 

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I would echo what others have said about having a wife. This scene from the departed sums things up pretty concisely (also interesting that Matt Dumbass Damon's character is a villain and has ED issues as a subplot throughout the movie, and DiCaprio's character eventually fucks his psychologist girlfriend).

In my experience, most self-identified straight men, including those who may identify as politically/socially "liberal", always make it abundantly clear at every opportunity how much of a man they are. I have to put on a front of extreme aggressiveness - the guy who's not wound very tightly and could snap and kill everyone - to be taken seriously at work. Where I'm from, a man is expected not to "be a bitch or mangina", he must enjoy team sports and be active and discuss his sexual encounters. This is true from the blue collar workers to the "professionals". 

If you're my age and single, it's either assumed your're a closeted gay or there's something wrong with you...small dick, ED, weird, social outcast of some kind. It's like kryptonite to women and you become a butt of every joke to men. I referenced hyenas in another post...in my experience you can never show weakness or disadvantage because people can smell it like a dying animal in the desert. 

 

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@KlingsorI realize that I am fortunate to have a wife even though, other than money, I can't figure out why she stays with me or stays faithful.

I count my blessings that I married fairly young and that my wife did not have a large number of sexual partners because this would have potentially led to a different end result.

So my life should be awesome but it's not. We all have shit and everyone's shit is different. My shit deals with having everything I should want but having such a low self-esteem that I can't enjoy it. Like winning a lottery but not being able to cash in the ticket.

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