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johnw

small penis, no hope for any kind of future

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I'm 28 and I have a smaller than average penis (3" flaccid, about 5" erect or slightly more, pretty skinny).  This is the first time I've ever brought this up with anyone.  Despite having a college degree and being capable of much more, I wait tables.  Nobody understands why I haven't pursued anything more fulfilling.  For a long time, I didn't know why I seemed to be committed to living in this post college-grad purgatory.  Recently I realized that, deep down, I have known why all along; no matter how hard I work, how fit I get, how capable I am, I will never be able to achieve happiness.  I will never be able to have a family or a significant other (that stays around for more than a few months or year) because I don't measure up.  I believe that anyone who says that you can have a happy life without those things is simply living in a dream world.  The ONLY things that GENUINELY matter in life are your relationships with other people and family (at least to me, anyway).  I will never be able to have any lasting, meaningful relationships or a family.  Any normal guy will tell you to just man up and that you can do anything and be happy no matter what.  That's just not true for some of us.  The truth is, the key to a man's TRUE happiness is completely dependent on him having an adequately sized penis.  Without that, there is no family, no "love," no respect, no deep connections with a life mate.  Anybody that says you can be happy just working and doing the things you want (by yourself, forever) is full of it.   While I really appreciate the kind words of considerate human beings (you guys seem to be in short supply these days), I am not interested in trying to face this problem with some form of denial in the form of advice like: "learn to use your hands and mouth," "some women don't care about size," "if she really loves you, your size won't matter," "you can live a full life without sex or relationships."  Every woman, no matter how kind or thoughtful she is, wants to be with a guy who has a penis big enough to satisfy her.  She might look past your shortcoming at first.  Eventually, though, it always comes down to sex.  The hand and mouth stuff work for a while, but the fact is is that it's not enough in the end.  You can be perfect for her in every way, but if you're not up to snuff down there you WILL get dumped no matter what, eventually.  No matter how kind, hard-working, faithful, reliable, or compatible you are, NONE of that will trump being unable to pleasure her with your god-given genitals.  I appreciate the intent, but these few women that talk about size not mattering are propagating a feel-good sentiment that simply isn't true.  I've lived through too many horrible genital-related breakups to believe that garbage.  Nobody wants to admit to a man that there simply is no hope for him having a happy, fulfilling life.  But, like I said, I'd rather face facts than live in denial.  Due to my experiences with women, I've realized that love is complete bullshit.  Love is just a Hollywood-esque term invented to describe the feeling you get when you spend time with someone that has a similar outlook on life and is capable of satisfactorily getting you off on a regular basis.  The word love just describes a state that exists only after a series of physical and mental check-boxes have been checked.  It is endorphines and hormones, nothing more. If you can't check all of those boxes, then your'e pretty much screwed.  From these statements, I'm sure you would conclude that I'm just angry, jealous, and depressed.  You'll just throw your hands up and say "man, this guy is a friggin' angry little coward and just needs some therapy or something, things will be fine, get over yourself."  Some of those things are probably true, but that doesn't mean that any of what I've said here isn't true.  To me, this is all an inconvenient truth that nobody wants to face.  Everybody just finds ways to delude ourselves or others into thinking that yes, there is hope for me and other guys like me.  But there's not.  I'm just so tired of being mocked, being dumped, being disrespected, laughed at, pitied, and being depressed and alone.  I'm just lost and afraid and I don't know what to do.  I can be the best man I can be in every way, but with the penis that I've got I'll always just be the sad, lonely, pathetic guy with a little dick.  Penis size is absolutely the least common denominator for a man.  No matter what else you're capable of, you won't be able to live a full life as a man unless you meet certain size requirements.   I've tried therapy, antidepressants, drugs, working out, strict vitamin regimens, EVERYTHING.  I've been in great shape.  I consider myself fairly attractive and fun to be around. I've just kind of given up and I'm going into a downward spiral because I feel there is no hope for me to ever fulfill any of my basic human needs for companionship, family, and a future worth living.  I would never kill myself because I think it would be a terrible thing to do to my family and friends, but if I keep having to live this way I'm sure that this situation will just lead to my early death anyway, through some sort of drug or drinking problem that I'm likely to find myself falling into.  I don't want this to happen; I am capable of pulling myself out.  I can only do that if I have something to do it for, though, because a hopeless future is just not worth the effort required to pick myself up.  If anyone can offer me some form of hope that isn't just some form of well-intentioned lie, I would greatly appreciate it.

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Size does matter, you're right. But that size is not only different for every woman, it's different for every man too. Some guys are happy with small ones and some guys are miserable with big ones. We're just animals at the end of the day, and yes, off the bat women look for a big cock and confidence and men look for big tits and comfort, but not everyone is like that. You have the alpha & beta males, the alpha & beta females and then everyone who is left, which is a few billion, including us. There are plenty of woman that fall into our category. I'm not gonna blow smoke up your arse because everything you said I've said before, every last view. But you're here, asking and sharing, and that's not nothing. I don't have one complaint about my cock in the bedroom and my measurements are pretty similar to yours, your flaccid size is bigger too (for me, depending on the weather ha) I personally fluctuate all day. So as for size you're pretty much spot on average anyway. I personally believe in love, but for me it was in contrast to how much love I had for myself. When I hated myself it was reflected in every relationship I had and they ended due to my own self sabotage. It's not women, it's people, nobody wants to be with self hating misery, it wears you down. But I met my partner and we clicked. That was 11 years ago and we have two kids. Things haven't always been great, relationships rarely are, I suffered from depression which led to anger which led to hard times, but I changed my outlook and attitude and we're stronger than ever. The only way to heal this shit (if this was a well intentioned lie I wouldn't even bother writing this shit) is to be the person you're looking for in life. If you don't look in the mirror and give that guy a break this thing we put up with will eat you alive. Fist bump the guy looking back at you and say 'enough is enough. Nobody else gives a shit about me right now, but I will. I've got your back'. After that moment the whole thing falls into place. You're worthy of love, we all are. And if it makes you feel any better I have a mate who is about 7" and every gf he ever had finished with him after a few months and he's gutted every time. As men, even If we have everything perfectly lined up genetically we'd still find a way to pull the circus tent down on top of us. I hope you find what you're looking for, mate 👍

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12 hours ago, johnw said:

The truth is, the key to a man's TRUE happiness is completely dependent on him having an adequately sized penis.

Logically that means every happy man has an "adequately sized penis".  Do you believe that squares with reality?  Just asking the question.  You have every right to your feelings and beliefs.  

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     First of all, sorry people.  I had a bit of meltdown last night due to a bunch of comments and mockery that's been infiltrating my work life and group of friends.  I kind of lost it for a bit.  I've never told anyone my thoughts about this but I've had them for a very, very long time and my life seems to continually reinforce these ideals.  Sorry that it's so long, it's just that I've been thinking about all of this forever and I've never been able to open up to anyone about it in person.  I just need to put this stuff out there; maybe see if anyone else feels the same way and get some constructive criticism or well thought-out debate going.

      I don't consider myself thin-skinned.  I have other flaws that people point out and laugh at and that doesn't bother me at all.  I think a good roast is hilarious.  If the insults are good enough, I'll laugh right along with you.  The only other jokes that bothered me were the weight jokes when I was younger (I was really overweight in my middle-school and high school years).  Those jokes don't bother me any more, not because I lost all the weight and I'm in good shape now, but because I eventually realized that those jokes (although mean-spirited and kind of fucked up) existed not only just because people are dicks, but because that kind negative reinforcement can help call attention to a weak member of the herd (in this case, my group of friends calling me out for being overweight) and can help motivate that weak member of the herd (me) to make improvements to him/herself in order to improve the quality of life for both the individual and group.  I thought that kind of social hazing was really messed up when it was happening and I went through a lot of depression and self-hate back then, but then I eventually DID face the music, lost all the weight, got in average shape, and felt a whole lot better and happier because of it.  Maybe there is a better, more ethical way to motivate people to change for the better.  But, whatever way it happened to me, I feel like I am a stronger and happier version of myself because of it.  My point is: people are assholes, hazing people is pretty messed up, insults are hurtful and unnecessary; despite all that, I've realized that people will be people, there's nothing you can do and that you can either feel all depressed and implode or face the criticism and do whatever it takes to HEALTHILY change yourself for the better [I AM NOT saying that you should change everything because of insults.  I am not saying that we should all just get plastic surgery and be fake and perfect and whatever.  I am only saying that if you are bothered enough by particular insults, if it consumes your life enough, if you could live a healthier, more fulfilling life by making the changes that insults promote, then why the hell not?  You have everything to gain and nothing to lose, you just have to get over your ego (which can be the hardest thing in the world, at first)].  Perhaps insults do have a purpose, they're not just there because some people are plain old emotionally and socially retarded, or just because some men seem to have spent their entire childhood suckling the tit of evil herself.  Perhaps insults are a misguided way of the collective world trying to make it's people the best they can be, either directly or indirectly.

     All of that leads up to this: this penis mockery at work and among friend groups absolutely destroys me at my core.  I have tried everything I can to not let it affect me.  I've read literal TON of advice and none of it helps.  The difference with the penis insults is that I cannot do anything about the size of my penis.  If I just had a big nose (which I do, and it gets joked about) than I can still have normal life, it's just a big nose and it looks kinda funny and therefore I can see the humor in it so I laugh along with my friends.  I mean, come on, my nose is kinda funny-looking.  The penis mockery, though; I can deflect and laugh and pretend it doesn't bother me, but the truth is is that it kills me on the inside, every time. I can't have a normal life with what I've got.  I will never have the family I want, the companionship I want, or the small, basic amount of respect I want.  I'm tired of everyone (friends, coworkers, SOs and their friend groups, females especially) mocking me as soon as I go to the bathroom or leave the room (I'm not a nutcase imagining it, my close friends always tell me what was said).  I feel like I bust my ass in every aspect of my life but I will NEVER get any amount of love or respect.  Every time someone mocks me for that, it reminds me of how bleak my future is.  I can be happy and smiling one second, and on the turn of a dime get penis shamed and reminded of: "oh yea, this laughing and smiling right now is all just a temporary release from the fact that you are useless to society, females, and have absolutely no potential for fulfilling your only goals and biological purposes.  You absolutely can't let this lauging and temporary happiness blind you from the fact that you have no future!!!"  And don't anyone tell me "Hey man, I live an awesome life just working, laughing with friends, travelling, and playing my favorite computer game, fantasy league, etc.  You don't need all that stuff."  BULLSHIT.  I appreciate your kindness and your intention, you are a good person and brother to me on this journey, but you are lying to me and you are lying to yourself.  You don't honestly lay awake at night and think "hey, my life is fulfilling and I just wanna keep on doing this!  What a great society to be a part of!  What a great life!"  

 

To Victimorthecrime:  Absolutely, I believe that squares with reality.  My point is that I feel that our brains are so good at finding new forms of denial, at utilizing absolutely any means that are necessary to protect our psyches and sense of well-being from the harsh reality that some of us will just never be able to attain the basics of life: love, family, worthwhile relationships, and respect.  I mean, that's all I want.  I can distract myself with work, video games, working out, reading; you know, whatever floats my boat.  But, at the end of the day, when all of the distractions are gone and turned off, when I'm lying in bed with just quiet reality to focus on, I know that I am just keeping busy and trying to distract myself from awful truths and my impending lifetime loneliness.  Everyone my age is married.  All of my friends have kids.  My one friend from high school who lives with a similar genital situation is also highly successful but single.  His dating history is just like mine.  That's not to say that I'm just going to start being a piece of shit and give up and quit TRYING.  To explain that quote further, I meant that every man that doesn't quite measure up is able to find temporary happiness in other things.  I am able to distract myself with hobbies, books, working out, work, etc.  I mean, these behaviors are helpful.  But, for guys like me, I feel that these behaviors are just ways of distracting ourselves from reality and the god-awful truth that rears it's head every night when we put our heads down on the pillow.  We are literally just trying to keep our minds distracted until we die.  I digress. At this point in the conversation, I feel like I am bitching just to bitch, and that doesn't help anything.  

To YOTH: Thanks for that.  I haven't really had enough time today to really think about what you've said a great deal, but after the first read at 5 AM it seemed like there might be some good insight in there.  Don't think I'm ignoring your thoughtful response, I just need to go through it again.  That bit about us guys always being able to "pull the circus tent down around us" was pretty damn insightful and maybe a bit inspiring.  If you care to respond:

               1) That self-destructive behavior (pulling down the circus tent): I really want to explore that with you.  Can you explain your thoughts on the why/where/when of that ideal?  It seems to me that that collapse of the circus tent often has to do with some sort of problem with us guys keeping our ego in check in the grand scheme of things.  Blame whatever you want; action movies, advertisements, pop-culture, women; our fucked up stuck-in-the-past society.  The male ego is necessary but extremely misguided and over-inflated in today's times, I think (keep in mind that I live in the South, guys, it's not the most forward-thinking region).  Do you agree?  Why does that circus tent come down?  What do I do?  Do you have any advice for my particular situation?    

                2)Outside of my own personal situation, I have read a handful of articles that all seemed to contain data that suggest that men of my generation are giving up on dating, and many of them suggest that my generation is having some sort of male gender-role crises.  Perhaps my situation is a kind of perfect storm type situation because of the era us guys are living in.  I don't know what to make of it.  Thoughts, anybody?

  

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Hey John W just some thoughts here.  First let me compliment you on being extremely literate.  You write very well.  Second there are women that report a dislike of penetrative sex and many who feel nothing but pain should a penis impact the cervix.  Third, 5" is not bad especially if that is non-bone pressed.  The vast majority of men fall into this range.  Lastly, do some research. Maybe there is a way to steal 1/2".  

Let me reiterate that I am in no way trying to argue or invalidate anyone.  We all feel how we feel about things and feelings are not always accessible or apprehensible to reason.  Speaking for myself, feelings often seem to thrive in opposition to reason.  

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There are many, many reasons why men struggle to form relationships with women.

And penis size is way, way down the list in terms of the most common reasons.

Actually, speaking from personal experience, having a larger penis can make sex VERY difficult.

I was unable to pleasure my ex-girlfriend with my genitals mainly because I couldn't get my penis inside her most of the time. On those few occasions that I actually did, she usually started bleeding, and I also slipped out almost immediately after every time I got it inside.

I have serious doubts over whether I'll be able to ever have a fulfilling sex life, and I'm larger than average in both length and girth. What use is a large penis if you can't use it? When you've tried and tried and every time you get the opportunity to have sex it never works?

Most of the times that I've had the opportunity to have sex, it didn't actually go in properly at all.

I do wonder if I'd have any of these problems if my penis was smaller.

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Lube up, man. Buy Liquid Silk online (the best lube on the market) and find a girl who likes them big. I don't mean to belittle your problems because we all suffer through shit, and who knows, maybe you're looking for love not some fling, but I would pluck out the eyes of a lamb and force feed them to a blind crippled boy for your problems 😂😂😂 I'm just joking around tho, this whole planet seems to be chocka blocked with people suffering in silence with nobody to confide in. I sometimes wonder whether that whole American culture of therapy is that bad of a thing, I wish I could of afforded a few sessions a week when I was a teenager, because I really needed it. 

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20 hours ago, YOTH said:

Lube up, man. Buy Liquid Silk online (the best lube on the market) and find a girl who likes them big. I don't mean to belittle your problems because we all suffer through shit, and who knows, maybe you're looking for love not some fling, but I would pluck out the eyes of a lamb and force feed them to a blind crippled boy for your problems 😂😂😂 I'm just joking around tho, this whole planet seems to be chocka blocked with people suffering in silence with nobody to confide in. I sometimes wonder whether that whole American culture of therapy is that bad of a thing, I wish I could of afforded a few sessions a week when I was a teenager, because I really needed it. 

Well I've had oral sex and have had some nice blowjobs before and those have been easier than actual sex, but I've still never had an actual orgasm from oral or vaginal sex ever. I've never even had an orgasm from being wanked off by a female. The only orgasms I've ever had are through masturbation myself and I couldn't even begin to imagine it being any different.

Usually what I would do is lie next to a girl and wank myself off while touching her body, then once I have ejaculated, let her taste and swallow my cum.

That is the closest to sex I can actually get. I've had blowjobs, I've fingered women many times, I've attempted vaginal sex but I find it so so difficult, and I also find it really difficult to get a condom on and get it to stay on.

I'm on a sex site called Fabswingers.com as well as other sex sites which I use to talk to women online. I have some pics of myself on there (not showing my face) and I also have a pic of my cock on there.

There are actually plenty of women looking for sex online if you know where to look. I would say that Fabswingers and other sites are good places to start.

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Can you not get Magnum condoms? There are condoms out there for bigger guys, you might have to buy speciality ones. Nobody is better at getting us off, we just know what we like and how. It takes forever for me to cum from oral. Sex on the other hand just depends on my mood. I have to constantly pull on reins and picture my neighbour naked, that normally adds a few minutes to the session lol. Some women are naturally bigger down there, especially mum's. Maybe look for hook ups with milfs so you know she's not gonna be super tight. Try that plenty of fish or something? 

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21 hours ago, YOTH said:

Can you not get Magnum condoms? There are condoms out there for bigger guys, you might have to buy speciality ones. Nobody is better at getting us off, we just know what we like and how. It takes forever for me to cum from oral. Sex on the other hand just depends on my mood. I have to constantly pull on reins and picture my neighbour naked, that normally adds a few minutes to the session lol. Some women are naturally bigger down there, especially mum's. Maybe look for hook ups with milfs so you know she's not gonna be super tight. Try that plenty of fish or something? 

I have got large size condoms but even they can be hard to get on but it's mainly probably because I am not doing it right, they are fine once they are actually on.

I am a bigger guy in pretty much every sense of the word. I am pretty damn tall with broad shoulders and take XXL size clothing and have size 12 feet, so in those circumstances it is unsurprising that I should have a larger than average penis.

Yeah, I suppose a mother has had a baby's head go through her fanny so it would possibly make sex easier especially if you have a big girth.

I used to be on Plenty of Fish, was on it from 2012-2016 and was in a relationship with someone I met off it for almost a year - between September 2016 and August 2017.

I have no plans to use that site again, but I am on Fabswingers.com, Fetlife.com and use Kik messenger for talking to people. I am considering using Tinder but have never used it before, anyone tried?

And yeah, I'd definitely be up for hook ups with MILFs! Honestly I think women between the age of 30 and 40 are just perfect - I am 30 myself so I am just at the start of that age range.

But it's easier said than done. If you recommend looking for hookups, how would you suggest that I pursue these? Online? In real life in bars and suchlike? (I am a non-drinker so that really throws a spanner in the works, and I do still feel I'm missing out socially by not drinking)

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Bars are a great place to hook up as a non drinker. Just drink double tonics or something and pay for her drinks, if she asks why you're not drinking just say you're on tonics because you hit it hard last night and you have work in the morning or something, also gives you an excuse to bail in the morning if you go back to her place. Hotels are great because women by themselves are looking to hook up and they'll have a room. But who the fuck knows? It's having the charisma to do all that in the end, websites are probably easier overall.  

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I'm not the type of guy to buy drinks for a woman to try to get her drunk, or to buy her a drink because she wants a guy to give her a free night out and then she fucks off on her own at the end of the night. I don't fall for that sort of shit.

You have to have good social skills for that sort of thing, and while my social skills are not all that bad, I'm not the type of person who goes out of my way to try to do stuff like talk to random women in bars. It's different if it's online and we've agreed to a date, that I can cope with.

Can't help but feeling as though we're hijacking someone else's thread here.

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Female opinion/input weighing in here...first and foremost, I need to first say that EVERY VAGINA IS DIFFERENT, as are the women (and their preferences) attached to said vaginas. .Johnw, I can understand why you 'had a meltdown' over your size, because you say you have experienced mockery and ridicule. In the interest of blunt honesty, I say fuck (figuratively, of course) the assholes you are hanging out with, because they ARE NOT your friends if they continue to do this while knowing it is bothersome to you. Speak up and let them know this behavior is unacceptable, and if it continues then you need to find better friends because these guys are just mean and hurtful assholes. You deserve to be treated with compassion and respect. That right there will be the first step in improving your overall happiness. (I'm hoping that these people just made an offhand joke about your size once, you laughed it off in an attempt to not let them know it really bothered you, and now they think its OK because they've not been told differently.)

Now moving on... Yep, dick size matters in sex. AND so do A FUCKING LOT of other things. Not gonna patronize you and say "use your hands, mouth, etc...(but those ARE great, just saying, lol) But in my handful of partners, the one I stuck with and married WAS NOT the biggest I had been with, he was the one who took the time to learn ME.  Honestly, for me (and I know I'm not the only one) big dicks aren't all that. Powerhouse 8000, I can understand your plight too. Huge cocks can feel like a battering ram on a sensitive vagina. It hurts, and that's not enjoyable for  either partner. The thing is, you gotta find the right girl for you and YOUR unique dick. Wanna know what women LOVE during sex/foreplay? A guy who will ASK and LISTEN TO what they like and feels good. And I don't mean shit like "Does my cock feel good, baby?" during the middle of sex. Corny, and definitely not a turn-on for me or most girls  I know. (And yes, we discuss this, just like guys discuss girls. Its just a fact of life.)  ASK HER where she is most sensitive. Pay attention to her reactions. Watch for her eyes suddenly rolling back, her mouth dropping open unexpectedly, or her hips lifting off the bed. These are great nonverbal clues that she's feeling good and you're bringing her pleasure. Move that dick around and try different stuff. Lots of women will not speak up and simply fake it or lie because they are too worried that if they say something they will hurt your feelings/ego. Because honestly, we know this is a VERY touchy subject for men, ESPECIALLY those who already feel inadequate. Let her know that you are willing to listen, experiment, and learn what gets her off. Because THAT is what will keep her satisfied and coming back for more. Some girls like doggy style because the penis rubs along the back wall upon entry, and also leaves the clit open for finger stimulation at the same time. Some like reverse cowgirl for the same reason. My preference (and honestly, the ONLY way I can orgasm during penetration sex) is to be on top, forward or reverse. You ever notice how when a chick rides you, she will swivel her hips? That's no accident, guys. Not only does it give a woman a sense of empowerment to be on top, but it also allows her to control where the friction goes and how intense it is. Because here's a little known secret... Lots of women don't even know how to get their own orgasm during penetration sex. But if they're on top, and something feels good, they WILL keep doing it until they cum. Vaginas are sensitive!! Sometimes, it will feel awesome until the friction gets too intense, then it just becomes uncomfortable. Letting her be on top allows her to change tactics if that happens. You on top/in control... Notsomuch. And you telling her when shes making you feel good will spur her on too. Something else... Some of my most intense orgasms have occurred during what my husband refers to as me "tip fucking" or "head fucking" him. Taking only his head/very tip in, sooo slowly, then bringing it out just as slow and dragging it up to my clit, then again slowly back in, just the very tip. FUCKING LOVE that shit. I will come hard and fast every. single. time. So length is not as big of a deal as guys think, if the movement is on point.  (This particular technique is great for big OR small issues, BUT because the head of the penis is generally more sensitive it can be more difficult to maintain stamina/hold back orgasm for the man). Think about it... If she cums when you finger her,  then as long as your dick is close to the same size as your finger it IS doable (with practice and trial and error).  Ever hear the phrase "Its not the size of the wave, its the motion of the ocean"? NOT A LIE. Another fuckawesome thing is to penetrate her as far as you can, and then both partners alternately (or simultaneouasly) squeeze the genital muscles... without moving in or out. This feels SO GOOD, because there is the constant internal pressure combined with intermittent pleasure pulses when squeezing. I personally think it to be almost painfully enjoyable to see how long you can both stand this particular locked position, before your bodies start to wiggle for friction without your consent... And trust me, you WILL start to wiggle. Try having a friendly contest too see who can stay still and pulse the longest, and who caves and starts moving first.  It's even more difficult for me to stay still if my husband is kissing my lips gently with his tongue, (almost simulating eating my pussy, but on my mouth.) Or sucking/pinching my nipples while we are locked still. Mouth lips and pussy lips have connected nerves, just like nipples and pussy lips. Thats why "making out" turns a girl on. And don't forget that some women NEED clitoral stimulation to orgasm. No matter how big/small/thick you are, it won't matter if you ignore her clit. And some women have a clit so sensitive that if you barely touch it during sex it hurts like a painful stabbing.  Learn HER body and pleasure points. Consider vibrators...a lot have a ring of rotating ball bearings at the 5"-6" point. That's because the vagina is super sensitive at the opening, and not  as much all the way deep inside. And most vaginas average 5"-6" deep before you hit the cervical wall, which can be painful for some girls.  Rotate and/or wiggle your hips at full penetration to stimulate that opening. COMMUNICATE with each other, people are not mind-readers!! All that being said, If you're too embarrassed or insecure to ask and then accept/alter if something isn't feeling good for her, then your sex life isn't going to improve no matter what until you get past that. Hope this insight was at least minimally helpful. If not, hopefully it was at least a  little entertaining, lol.

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On 10/30/2017 at 7:13 AM, I'm a Woman said:

Female opinion/input weighing in here...first and foremost, I need to first say that EVERY VAGINA IS DIFFERENT, as are the women (and their preferences) attached to said vaginas. .Johnw, I can understand why you 'had a meltdown' over your size, because you say you have experienced mockery and ridicule. In the interest of blunt honesty, I say fuck (figuratively, of course) the assholes you are hanging out with, because they ARE NOT your friends if they continue to do this while knowing it is bothersome to you. Speak up and let them know this behavior is unacceptable, and if it continues then you need to find better friends because these guys are just mean and hurtful assholes. You deserve to be treated with compassion and respect. That right there will be the first step in improving your overall happiness. (I'm hoping that these people just made an offhand joke about your size once, you laughed it off in an attempt to not let them know it really bothered you, and now they think its OK because they've not been told differently.)

Now moving on... Yep, dick size matters in sex. AND so do A FUCKING LOT of other things. Not gonna patronize you and say "use your hands, mouth, etc...(but those ARE great, just saying, lol) But in my handful of partners, the one I stuck with and married WAS NOT the biggest I had been with, he was the one who took the time to learn ME.  Honestly, for me (and I know I'm not the only one) big dicks aren't all that. Powerhouse 8000, I can understand your plight too. Huge cocks can feel like a battering ram on a sensitive vagina. It hurts, and that's not enjoyable for  either partner. The thing is, you gotta find the right girl for you and YOUR unique dick. Wanna know what women LOVE during sex/foreplay? A guy who will ASK and LISTEN TO what they like and feels good. And I don't mean shit like "Does my cock feel good, baby?" during the middle of sex. Corny, and definitely not a turn-on for me or most girls  I know. (And yes, we discuss this, just like guys discuss girls. Its just a fact of life.)  ASK HER where she is most sensitive. Pay attention to her reactions. Watch for her eyes suddenly rolling back, her mouth dropping open unexpectedly, or her hips lifting off the bed. These are great nonverbal clues that she's feeling good and you're bringing her pleasure. Move that dick around and try different stuff. Lots of women will not speak up and simply fake it or lie because they are too worried that if they say something they will hurt your feelings/ego. Because honestly, we know this is a VERY touchy subject for men, ESPECIALLY those who already feel inadequate. Let her know that you are willing to listen, experiment, and learn what gets her off. Because THAT is what will keep her satisfied and coming back for more. Some girls like doggy style because the penis rubs along the back wall upon entry, and also leaves the clit open for finger stimulation at the same time. Some like reverse cowgirl for the same reason. My preference (and honestly, the ONLY way I can orgasm during penetration sex) is to be on top, forward or reverse. You ever notice how when a chick rides you, she will swivel her hips? That's no accident, guys. Not only does it give a woman a sense of empowerment to be on top, but it also allows her to control where the friction goes and how intense it is. Because here's a little known secret... Lots of women don't even know how to get their own orgasm during penetration sex. But if they're on top, and something feels good, they WILL keep doing it until they cum. Vaginas are sensitive!! Sometimes, it will feel awesome until the friction gets too intense, then it just becomes uncomfortable. Letting her be on top allows her to change tactics if that happens. You on top/in control... Notsomuch. And you telling her when shes making you feel good will spur her on too. Something else... Some of my most intense orgasms have occurred during what my husband refers to as me "tip fucking" or "head fucking" him. Taking only his head/very tip in, sooo slowly, then bringing it out just as slow and dragging it up to my clit, then again slowly back in, just the very tip. FUCKING LOVE that shit. I will come hard and fast every. single. time. So length is not as big of a deal as guys think, if the movement is on point.  (This particular technique is great for big OR small issues, BUT because the head of the penis is generally more sensitive it can be more difficult to maintain stamina/hold back orgasm for the man). Think about it... If she cums when you finger her,  then as long as your dick is close to the same size as your finger it IS doable (with practice and trial and error).  Ever hear the phrase "Its not the size of the wave, its the motion of the ocean"? NOT A LIE. Another fuckawesome thing is to penetrate her as far as you can, and then both partners alternately (or simultaneouasly) squeeze the genital muscles... without moving in or out. This feels SO GOOD, because there is the constant internal pressure combined with intermittent pleasure pulses when squeezing. I personally think it to be almost painfully enjoyable to see how long you can both stand this particular locked position, before your bodies start to wiggle for friction without your consent... And trust me, you WILL start to wiggle. Try having a friendly contest too see who can stay still and pulse the longest, and who caves and starts moving first.  It's even more difficult for me to stay still if my husband is kissing my lips gently with his tongue, (almost simulating eating my pussy, but on my mouth.) Or sucking/pinching my nipples while we are locked still. Mouth lips and pussy lips have connected nerves, just like nipples and pussy lips. Thats why "making out" turns a girl on. And don't forget that some women NEED clitoral stimulation to orgasm. No matter how big/small/thick you are, it won't matter if you ignore her clit. And some women have a clit so sensitive that if you barely touch it during sex it hurts like a painful stabbing.  Learn HER body and pleasure points. Consider vibrators...a lot have a ring of rotating ball bearings at the 5"-6" point. That's because the vagina is super sensitive at the opening, and not  as much all the way deep inside. And most vaginas average 5"-6" deep before you hit the cervical wall, which can be painful for some girls.  Rotate and/or wiggle your hips at full penetration to stimulate that opening. COMMUNICATE with each other, people are not mind-readers!! All that being said, If you're too embarrassed or insecure to ask and then accept/alter if something isn't feeling good for her, then your sex life isn't going to improve no matter what until you get past that. Hope this insight was at least minimally helpful. If not, hopefully it was at least a  little entertaining, lol.

Thanks for your contribution. Female opinions are always appreciated, but in all honesty you're not telling me much I don't already know.

What we do know is that for a man, paying attention to a woman and addressing her desires and needs is much better than being a selfish lover because sex has to be a two-way thing. It should be for the enjoyment of both parties, not only for one.

I think in the current era, women are much more open about discussing sex and what they enjoy sexually than they have ever been.

In all honesty, I don't even think there's much shame attached to being a "slut" anymore for a woman. Certainly not like there was in the past.

As for cock size, I think it can make it difficult if your penis is too big but also if it is too small. We are all different.

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I don't have time to read every response to you johnw.  I did read your write up and you have a lot of things in common with how I feel about penis look, penis size and what a woman wants.  I've done a lot of reading blogs, researching, watched countless documentaries ('my penis and I' is a really good doc) and I am a bit more informed, but I am still a bit lost.  As you noted, there is no magical saying or sentence that will make you feel better, I totally agree.  All I can really say is that you're not alone.  I am dealing with 3 issues all at the same time, ED from type II diabetes, a wife that is somewhat frigid and a penis that I hate for size, look and performance.  Maybe some day we'll both have a break through.

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