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emed27

Coming to terms with having a 4.5 inch penis. Feeling suicidal. How do I cope?

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If you guys remember me, I’m the guy that has posted here before talking about having a “4.7” inch penis. But to be completely honest with u guys and even to myself, I’m only 4.7 on a good day. Meaning I have to have a really strong erection to be that size. For the most part I’m 4.5, as in 4 and a half. I realized that today as I spent about 15 minutes with a ruler next to my penis obsessively measuring it. I have finally come to terms that I have a 4 and a half inch penis and realized that I use the “.7” as a security blanket to make myself feel a little bit better. It doesn’t help that my penis is only 1 inch or maybe even a little bit less when completely flaccid. It even goes inside and disappears if I bend over or sit down when completely soft to just a little piece of wrinkled foreskin (sorry for the nasty visual).

This emotionally kills like crazy. It consumes my mind, self esteem and mood 24/7 , 7 days a week. There’s not one minute that passes that I’m not thinking about having a tiny penis. It’s this gut wrenching physically painful torture I can feel from inside my chest and stomach that even makes me feel like throwing up sometimes. I know that may sound like I’m over reacting but it’s the truth and I just can’t help how I feel. If you remember reading my other posts you know that I also suffer from severe mental health issues along with sexual dysfunction that already cause extreme distress, this “tiny penis” issue doesn’t help. Everyday I’m envious at the guys at work or on instagram who I’m almost positive have an at LEAST statistically average penis size and don’t have to worry about this. I’m constantly thinking about the fact that I can never date or have casual hook ups or cool one night stands like people my age are having without being rediculed if not in my face than behind my back. I feel worthless, like less of a man. I’m not a man. Not with my 1 inch penis. I don’t think I can go on with this unbearable pain of feeling inadequate any more. That along with all these other issues I have to deal with is too much for me to take. I have a 4 and a half inch penis. There. I said it again. It’s not “4.7” or just a “couple millimeters shy of 5”, it’s four and a freakin half. This kills me. I don’t know how I or any one can live a normal and truly happy life with this condition. I just don’t see it happening. I feel extremely depressed and suicidal everyday and I don’t know what to do. I’m slowly giving up. 

I’m sorry for acting like a drama queen. I don’t even know why I wrote this. Just felt the long need to vent I suppose. Sorry for the long rant, just don’t know what to do or how to cope with this pain.

 

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I'm not hear to make you feel better although I wish I could. I'm  just hear to tell you that you are among friends and men with very similar issues. Your size is larger than many of us but I know that is no solace for you. I don't consider you small but that is all a matter of opinion and yours is the only opinion that matters when it comes to your self perception.

We're all hear to support each others veting. I have done a lo of venting over the past couple of weeks so I "get it". Vent all you want.

I will also tel you that sex should not be off the table for you. I am smaller and to my knowledge have never been laughed at in the bedroom. It may take a lot of extra effort to satisfy a woman but if you put in the effort then the size will be less of an issue. This I promise.

As for the other mental issues. Since I don't have the details I really don't want to comment but I will say that you are likely not alone in this category either.

I wish you the best and I recommend trying to find something positive to focus on. Be well.

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I just wanna die. I feel nothing but this tremendous amount of grief everyday. No happiness. I don’t think I’ve ever even experienced that emotion. I’m tired of pretending like every is ok. It’s emotionally exhausting. I’ll turn 25 next month and I’m dreading it. It’s another year of youth wasted with grief and depression. No one understands. I’m sure no one will even respond to this. I’m just done. 

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@emed27I sincerely suggest you try and find help. Unfortunately I am very limited in what assistance that I can give bu there are hotlines to reach out to for immediate assistance.

like I said before, I'm not going to imagine what you are going through because I know very little of your personal struggles but I can say with confidence that you are not alone in these battles.

@IrmaJean has contacts that you can reach out to immediately and I recommend using them. 

The rest of us will support you however we can but the more details you can provide concerning what you're going through the better we can try and assist or at least let you know if we have similar struggles.

this forum is built upon men who are all struggling with something and the more we open up to each other the more we can help.

I'm thinking of you and praying for you during this difficult time.

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You're not alone @emed27 we're all here for you and our lives mirror yours. I'm being stalked in work by a manager who is trying to see my penis. If he sees me go into the toilet he follows me in. People are actual lunatics and I have to just be ok with it? I was feeling suicidal recently too, it kept piling on the pressure and I couldn't stand it. I might be 5.5, but like you said, that's best case scenario with a strong erection. I rock out at about 5 for the most part, 5.2 - 5.3 - 5.1? It depends. Life is tough and I was 25 when I met my gf, so don't give up. I have two amazing kids now and I'd have called you crazy if you'd said I'd ever have kids before I met her. I was ALONE, it was truly depressing. But you're 25, you're young and my life or a life similar to it is just round the corner for you. You have to step out of your own way, take leaps of faith, be brave, love yourself despite our 'shortcomings' and trust in life always surprising us. I hope you realise how much we genuinly give a shit, out there they mightn't, but we do. You're loved and respected here, we'll never give up on you, don't give up on yourself. 

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@lostboy1  so you want more details about my misery right? Ok. Since I’ve been 17 years old I’ve suffered from a rare sexual dysfunction called “sexual anhedonia,”which is a rare condition in which people feel No pleasure from an orgasm. Which killed me when that happened because before that I was addicted to masterbating my pain away. I know literally ejaculate and feel no pleasure from it.im also don’t get aroused anymore: I feel like I’m an asexual now. Nothing turns me on anymore and I hate it! Before I was full blow gay and I’ve accepted it now I don’t feel any form of sexual attraction towards anyone. That alone has cause great distress since it happened.ALSO, I’m a Virgin with an std that i gave to myself. There was a point in my life where i was d desperate and determined to feel sexual pleasure somehow someway so i started to atemp masterbating my anal area in my desperate attempt. Well by doing that, i apparently gave my self the Hpv virus: it was the worst feeling in the world when my doctor looked at me and said well this is a life long virus that you will have for the rest of your life , so i would just be responsible and tell potiontial parters before u engage o sex: my heart dropped cuz i was literally a Virgin when she told me that. Never had oral, or especially anal. Doesn’t make Any sense : 

oh and let’s not forget about my list of mental illness. I struggle with SEVERE DEPRESSION AND ocd and anxiety. And adhd. I’m also obese. At 5’7 I weigh 215 lbs. and I’m extremely unattractive. And to top everything off I have a tiny 1 inch penis. How’s that for a miserable life?

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@YOTH  Thank you so much for your words man. Means a lots. I have a question for you. How did your wife react when she saw your penis for the first time? How did other partners react? Did she laugh, look disappointed or make a comment? Being that I’m only like half an inch smaller than you Im sure I’ll probably get a similar reaction. And be honest please, I could handle it. Believe it or not the very few people who have seen it have told me that I’m not small and I’m “average” when I ask them. But I’m sure they’re only lying to make me feel better or to prevent things from being awkward. What gives me anxiety and depression is the reputation that will most likely come about after I expose my self to someone. People talk. Especially after a hook up. I’m sure someone will tell all their friends or maybe even tell me once I pull it out that I have a small penis and that will just kill me. I just feel less of a man because of my size you know? It just sucks.

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@emed27 thanks for the additional information. No doubt you have some struggles but rest assured everyone on here has struggles of some sort so you are among friends. I'm also sorry to hear about your sexual anhedonia. I hope you have seen a doctor and they are attempting to treat it. The little I know about it, increased dopamine levels can help so I hope your actively looking for medical assistance.

I have also never heard of anyone giving themselves an STD. I'm not saying it isn't possible, just that I have never heard of such a thing. The disease has to originate somewhere and unless you were born with it, I'm guessing you contracted it somewhere. The good news (if there is such a thing with an STD) is HPV is extremely common (70% of US adults have some form of HPV). It is so common, in fact, that most sexually active people will get some form of HPV in their lifetime. i know misery may not love company but i'm just trying to put this into perspective for you.

I hope that you are also seeking treatment for your other mental issues. My wife has severe depression and this has definitely taken its toll on her but she has found the right medication combination and is doing much better at this moment. There are treatments out there that can help you!

As for the SPS and your concerns about your size and someone seeing you. I am less than 1" flaccid and only 3.6" erect. I have had many sexual partners in my life (in my younger years) and none have laughed at me. I'm sure some have talked about my size but fortunately it has never gotten back to me. I am now married and have been for many years. There are women out there who are not "size queens" and who will love you as a person first and you two have to work through the sexual part together to see what makes both happy. Instead of focusing on "hook ups" I would recommend focusing on a relationship. A 'hook up" is about one thing only and that is the sex while a relationship is more focused on each other. In a relationship the sex is important but it only comes secondary to the romantic "love" that two people feel for each other. If a 3.6" guy doesn't get laughed at then the chances are very good that you will never get laughed at either.

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@emed27 Funnily enough no partner I've ever been with has laughed. My gf would never do that, she's not like that at all. It would have crushed me if she'd laughed. But to be fair I'm ok in bedroom and seem to do what needs to be done across the board. Our sex life actually improved over the years as we experimented and grew together. I definitely got in my own head there a few times. If I struggled to keep it up I'd beat myself up for days, weeks even. But once I just took it all on the chin and was easy on myself it was ok and I stopped my ED. It's always been men that made me feel like shit, I've always let women off the hook with a lot of stuff because they don't fully understand men, but other men have drove me and still do drive me insane. I remember your story actually, it really sucks that that happened to you. But either way, we're here. 

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Emed, I would recommend start working out and taking fighting lessons, if your genetics allow it. Learn how to put a guy on the ground with minimum exertion to embarrass him in front of his friends, and then learn how to beat the living fuck out of him. If you have a temper, learn to channel it with proper control because it can give you an edge. Uncontrolled anger can land you in jail - 99% of these guys are toothless tigers who hide behind their big fucking mouths and high school witticism. For the ones that don't, you'll have the skills to meet them anytime, anywhere. Ignore the stupid women. 

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I've had my issues with anger, but fighting and violent impulses have never appealed to me. But i think @Klingsor has a point. I know two men (one a friend of sorts, one a family member) who channelled their anger and frustration into martial arts and came out the other side with more confidence, less anger, and undeniable sex appeal. They both have a presence to them, just knowing they could kick just about anyone's ass, and they take comfort in that. I don't think that would work for me, because i don't care whose ass i could kick. I care about who likes me, and who finds me atractive. I crave acceptance and want people to think i'm funny and nice to be around. And cute. But like i said, i have seen that this works for certain men.

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I measure in at about 4.5 thin inches myself and yes it consumes me as well.  Funny I have been married for the better part of 30 years and it's nice right?  Well my wife can be a real bitch and I know that if we ever split up, I would never be with another woman again.  I would be too embarrassed to even think about it.  I'd be too embarrassed to see a hooker.  My wife can behave however she likes and knows I will never leave her.  She has me over the ultimate barrel.  I just dream of being "Normal Small" and not "Totally Pathetic."

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I'm pretty much in the same position. When soft I'm 1 inch when hard 5 inches. When I sit down it goes inside me much like yours does. Throughout the year I am pretty good at keeping myself busy through work and volunteer activities. For some reason, though, starting around Thanksgiving all the way through New Year's I get hit with the depression bug. I guess it's seeing all these couples together during the holidays that gets me down because I know there's a good chance I'll probably never experience that. I usually get invited out for New Year's Eve by a couple and they even say they'll have a single friend coming as well and wink at me. I don't even bother because I feel like I'd be setting her up for disappointment. I even went to church not that long ago and as my luck would have it, the message was about how man was made to have a woman in his life and how he shouldn't be single. Then they did couples related activities with each other as I just sat there by myself. Even in church I have to get this crap thrown in my face. Once New Year's is over I'm usually pretty good.

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4.2 inches here. There was a time it truly killed me inside but over time it's consumed me less and less. By that I mean I no longer feel like ending my life because of it, but it still bothers me. 

The question that keeps popping in my head is why me? Why so short? Looking at my hard on in the mirror is torture, so too is masturbating. It feels so fucking tiny in my hands. I used to get so annoyed with my lack of size that I'd tug on it pretty hard out of frustration. 

Im going off on my own soon, leaving my parents house. My mother keeps talking about "when you start a family, when you start a family.." meanwhile  I don't even entertain approaching women anymore. The pain has caused far too much damage.

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@Obsolete and @Someday have you guys read @InLuvWspsMAN's thread? Long thread, but it might help you guys to read about a woman's perspective. the gist is that she's in love with this guy but he has shut down completely because of his sps. He might lose out on this opportunity with her (and she seems like a great catch based on her shares here) because he's scared of what she might (but doesn't) think about his penis. In other words, there are women out there you could be with who don't give a shit that you're small. But if you keep that attitude, you will indeed remain alone and depressed. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Btw, i am smaller than you both at 3.8" bone-pressed and married to a wonderful beautiful woman who loves me. Face your fears. You're worth it. Easier said than done, but all i can do for you is say stuff. The doing part is your job.

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1 hour ago, Lodz said:

But if you keep that attitude, you will indeed remain alone and depressed. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Btw, i am smaller than you both at 3.8" bone-pressed and married to a wonderful beautiful woman who loves me. Face your fears. You're worth it. Easier said than done, but all i can do for you is say stuff. The doing part is your job.

I completely agree. I'm 3.6" and married and have been for many years now. It is possible, you just have to sort through the size queens to find a woman who cares for you.

It sucks because chances are you will get shot down many times. Probably more often than not for a reason other than penis size.

I've had sex with many people in my single days and no one laughed at me (at least not in front of me). Some relationships lasted longer than others but I don't know of any that ended only because of my penis size.

It's hard, I get it. Hell I still don't like my wife to see me naked due to my little dick. You just have to get the ball rolling and look for relationships and not hookups. Hookups are all about sex and small guys are definitely at a disadvantage there but relationships are about love and friendship and a large cock is not required for either.

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6 hours ago, lostboy1 said:

(...) but relationships are about love and friendship (...)

It's interesting that this is exactly what relationships are about, and have been for many generations. It is documented that the notion of romantic love we share today hit Europe during the Romanticism Era in the 18th century. It took some time for it to be accepted into the mainstream too, probably around 1850 - 1900. 

 

Before this time, relationships were focused on the division of labour, and there was little to no emphasis on romance, friendship & this notion we call love. I wonder if we have strayed. The whole notion of these relationship pillars seem effeminate & emasculating. 

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13 hours ago, Small said:

It is documented that the notion of romantic love we share today hit Europe during the Romanticism Era in the 18th century. It took some time for it to be accepted into the mainstream too, probably around 1850 - 1900. 

I would agree that Romance went "mainstream" during this time but love has existed probably as long as man himself. Love between man and woman was discussed in the bible as well as by Plato and other philosophers. In my opinion, love is different than romance and one can be romantic without love and one can love without being romantic.

I love my parents, my children, and other family members and there is no romantic piece to that love.

Societies have changed many many times through history and depending on your level within society, you could be marrying for division of labor and for reproduction purposes, you could be marrying as a financial transaction, you could be marrying as a way to continue a noble bloodline, or you could be marrying because you feel a connection with the other person. This is even true today.

13 hours ago, Small said:

Before this time, relationships were focused on the division of labour, and there was little to no emphasis on romance, friendship & this notion we call love.

I agree that friendship and love were less important because it was all about survival, at that time, but today we do not need to be married or have a relationship for survival and while I do not believe in evolution, at its most basic definition,  I do believe that we adapt over time to what is needed to thrive in our lives. Today, to thrive, it requires less survival skills and more societal skills. Most of us are no longer "hunters and gatherers" and I doubt anyone on this forum has to protect themselves every night from the potential of predators sneaking in to your house to eat you.

Romance itself is a different topic but I believe love and friendship has always existed on some level and while at some points in history marriage came before the love and friendship it still occurred in many cases.

 

Wow, the sad thing here is that I am defending this "touchy feely" shit and I am personally further from that shit than most people. You guys bring out the softy in me apparently. :angry:

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On 11/17/2017 at 6:23 PM, emed27 said:

I just wanna die. I feel nothing but this tremendous amount of grief everyday. No happiness. I don’t think I’ve ever even experienced that emotion. I’m tired of pretending like every is ok. It’s emotionally exhausting. I’ll turn 25 next month and I’m dreading it. It’s another year of youth wasted with grief and depression. No one understands. I’m sure no one will even respond to this. I’m just done. 

Hey man, you're not alone. In fact, you're better off than me. I actually have never really measured (because why just disappoint myself) but I feel smaller than four inches. I mean, yeah I'm sure if I pulled the skin back as far as I could on a full erection I might measure four and a half, but that's not a fair measurement in my opinion. If I just measured without touching it, I would be surprised if I was over four. I suppose since I am now a member of this site, I should probably get the ol' ruler out so I can know what to tell you guys. But I am pretty sure of one thing and that is my girth is pretty pathetic. I am 28 years old (28 and a half now), and have had to turn down sex due to this SPS shit TWICE and both times to beautiful girls. So, I know that might not make you feel better, but as far as I know at least you won't be living with the regrets I am.

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