i just need help

[idktheothers]

i have been waiting for a chat on the suicide prevention website for over an hour. i feel so worthless. so helpless. i am consumed by sadness and darkness. my grades are dropping. I'm making my parents' lives miserable. my dad has given up on me. all i am is a burden to them. everyone i know thinks im annoying. the only reason i haven't taken all my pills is because i'm scared of hurting my best friend but it's not like she can't get another friend, right? i just can't think of any reason to keep living that my brain won't immediately excuse. 

[IrmaJean]

I'm so sorry for your pain, idk. We are here and listening. I hope you are able to get through to the hotline and the person you speak with is supportive. Is there also someone there with you who you can reach out to? Depression can make thoughts so dark that it seems things can't get better, but there is always the possibility as long as you choose to stay alive. I hope you stay safe.

Care to you, idktheothers.

[m.allen]

How are you doing? Are you still feeling this way?

Like Irma said, these feelings can pass. It's very likely in the future that you'll look back on that moment and be glad you didn't end your life. Things can get so so much better for you. I guarantee not everyone thinks you're annoying. Your parents would be devastated and inevitably blame themselves, and you have a friend who cares for you too. You're not as easily replaceable as you might think, the pain of your death is something they would carry with them for a long time, possibly forever. But more than that, you will be selling yourself short on a full life and a chance at happiness. Trust me in that your perspective changes a lot as you get older. I would have resented that kind of statement when I was younger, but it's true. You will see that things you worried about now weren't the great things you made them out to be (I hope that doesn't sound like I'm belittling your problems, I just mean to say that perspectives change; especially from adolescence to adulthood) and things can get drastically better for you as you get older. School can be rough and young folks can be cruel. Fortunately, most people grow out of this and I think you could have a chance at a truly great life. As far as we know, it's the only life you've got and things can almost always get better and be worth living for.
Depression can warp everything into a pit of pointless despair though and if it's this that you're suffering from then I highly recommend seeking professional help in the form of a therapist or something. It's surprising what even just talk therapy and cbt can do for people, and (while I know people groan when I bring this up) eating well and exercising genuinely changes your mood and views on things. If you can get a gym membership (or do fitness blenders for free on youtube) and start doing that, it's surprising how good you will start to feel after you begin doing it every day. It's like stepping into the mind of a different person. It just takes that initial push to get yourself to do it. I find counting down from 5 in my head and moving on 1 works well. 5 4 3 2 1--> and I'm up and going to the gym.
Anyway, hope this helps you or someone else reading this.
All the best.

[Kev]

Idktheothers; Hey, I want to pipe into this conversation because I have bipolarism and I do get depressed a lot.  More so when I was young.  I have a daughter who also gets depressed and I had a conversation with her not to long ago.  I think I learn things with her that I probably would not learn by myself.  I want you to know that my daughter and I are what I term "thinkers". You may be a "thinker" too.  I bet you think about others and how they feel.  You resent those that don't think about your feelings.  I bet some situation you witness, you understand the deep inner workings and can see others "just don't get it".  You probably feel intellectually good and possibly understand things on a higher level than possibly others.  Why do I say this?.  It's because thinkers, like me and my daughter just know a lot and can see more than most people.  I really do believe that when you are a thinker, you are more in touch with the world, people, situations, problems, hurting situations, love and other things.  There is a stage in maturity where psychiatrists have determined that some people reach a spot where they are not only self-aware, but are meta-self-aware, meaning you are aware of why you feel this way, aware of the situation that got you there.  You might be one of those people that can quickly assess a situation and deliver the reasons quickly.  You might even be a good judge of character.  So you put all those feelings into the 'thinking pot' and then you hash out how you feel about it.  I feel that some people really don't get that deep into things but they are the type that don't see things quite the way you do.  |Or, maybe they just choose not to deal with it and move on, something my daughter and me can't do, we need to vent whether it's anger, sadness, feeling under rated or possibly happy too.  I told my daughter that because she is a thinker and she is very sensitive to things around her, that it's going to be a life long thing you will deal with and knowing you are a sensitive and a thinker that you should be PROUD of who you are.  If there was no thinkers in this world, it would be far to superficial.  But with thinkers, they bring topics, feelings, understanding, logic, sensitivity and other things out and allow others to see these things.  Unfortunately, thinkers can get depressed over things that are negative.  There are people taking Prozac today that are chemically trying push happiness on an otherwise normal situation that maybe sad.  Hey, I am not saying that there aren't people with genuine mental problems that do require a doctors attention.  I want to show you an example of thinkers in this world.  How may comedian's are manic depressives.  Lots.  I think it's because they are thinkers.  They think about things like "how is that situation funny", usually jokes that are the funniest are the ones that are the most truthful.  They are also are thinkers outside of being funny, maybe at home.  Jim Carry (one of my favorite comedians) is very depressed a lot.  But I think it's because he is a thinker, but doesn't realize it yet. So what I am saying?  It's that being sad can be hard to deal with, but hang in there.  If you are a thinker, think about how important you are!! We all are important in this world!!  I, for one, hope you do better, keep being a thinker and keep making the world a better place.