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The most important thing for a man to give a woman is sovereignty. Women aren't objects or possessions, and using head games to keep our loved ones where we want them is narcissistic and cruel. Having said that, this is how I think now after I did some honest work on myself. I was a mess when I was younger, didn't have control over my own emotions so tried to fill the void by controlling my partners emotions instead. It's extremely unhealthy but I recognise myself in some of the descriptions of your ex. It's perfectly ok to have compassion and you clearly love him as a person if nothing else. But nobody is more important that you here, you have a fragile peace of mind that doesn't need rattling on a daily basis. As somebody who suffered abuse as a child myself, we have to put ourselves at the forefront of our minds. I'm sure you'll know what to do when you ask the part of your mind that answers sanely. Good luck, nobody deserves to be in turmoil every day of their lives. 

Edited by YOTH
PS Your picture doesn't work

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