Hi please help

[Katietrans]

Hi I have a long term mental health illness and depression from drugs and have recently been having thoughts about children. I think it has something to do with the abuse I had when I was a child that I've never spoken about, I'm also a cross dresser with a dream of becoming a women in the future.

I keep having these sexual thoughts but I know it's not me,  I think the drugs have wrecked my brain.

Please help

[LaLa]

Hi, Katietrans, welcome!

It's great that you've reached out and started at least a bit expressing your problems and concerns; it's an important first step.

Having such thoughts is very distressful to most people  . Are you already familiar with the condition? https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/culturally-speaking/201212/could-i-be-pedophile-the-worst-kind-ocd It seems you're not (yet?) having an OCD, but even if you already had it developed, it could be treated and you could get rid of it, surely even if it's, as you suspect, partially (/more or less) caused by drugs. In any case, I highly recommend you to find a good therapist. Seeing a psychiatrist would probably also be one of the first things to do, if you haven't already - but even if yes, then I presume you haven't told her/him about these thoughts so your potential OCD couldn't be evaluated and, if needed, treated (also) by a medicament.

Do you think that your is depression caused by your gender dysphoria? Do you feel supported by your family and / or friends in your struggle with mental illness and in your cross-dressing? Is there some LGBTQ center / organisation available for you to go to if you feel like speaking about this issue or meet similar people to learn how they've been coping?

Have you consulted a physician about the effects of drugs ("wrecked brain") and if yes, what's the result?

I wish you good luck and I'm looking forward to your answers and news!

Take care!