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Was average and had SPS, but now smaller after a peyronies injury.

Oh, the irony.

 

Hello everyone,

I found this forum a couple of weeks ago and read a bit then.  I'm active on Reddit and read r/smalldickproblems, but I don't post there  much at all due to not being under 4.5" in length.  

I've had small penis syndrome since the age of 16.  Before that, I only felt that my balls were kinda small from seeing my a couple of neighbors naked.   At 16 though, I was in a sexual relationship for the first time.  She was my first love.  She had a large vulva and very elastic vagina.  I wished that my average penis were bigger to fill her up more.  It bothered me a lot.

 

I hadn't seen much porn by then.  Probably just 1 video, but I read a lot of penthouse letters.  I LOVED reading about penetration.  I was absolutely fascinated with it.  I began to really like it when a woman was challenged a bit by the cock or toy penetrating her, and she had to stretch.  While dating my first love I started to explore penetrating my rear.  I wished that I had a vagina of my own, and I wished that I had my girlfriend with me to explore much more often.  So, I kept doing insertions on myself.

Now, I'm saying all this to explain how my sexuality formed (not to troll ! ) .  I became drawn to large penetrations and also began to hate my penis size.   At 17 I finally began to get on the internet.  I soon found info about extenders, pumps, and a book on penis enlargement by a guy named Gary Griffin ( I think).  Penis Enlargement Facts and Phallacies.

I became obsessed with enlargement.  I couldn't stick to a routine longer than 2 months.  I thought that I was starting to see results, but I question that now.  I definitely did get harder erections with a modest pump/jelq routine, but that's about it.  I couldn't stick to it for months on end.  It took so much time.  I tried enlargement routines on and off through my 20's, then less so in my 30's.  

I had one longterm relationship at the age of 23 for a year, then couldn't get into one until I was 29.  Then from 29 till my mid 30's I was in an LTR.  

My penis all this time was 6.75"  bone pressed length x 5.25" midshaft girth.  I was definitely not satisfied, but I knew that I was probably at the 60th percentile on size, statistically.   My non bone-pressed was 6 to 6.2" on a good day when I was lean.

Yes, I say was.  At 34 I got a peyronies injury by dry humping.  She had always turned me on so much.  We didn't have condoms on hand, so I kept my pants on.  I regret it so much.   I lost about a half inch in each measurement.  My length and foreshaft, especially.  I now measure about 6.2" bone pressed, but just under 5" non bone-pressed.  I gained a little bit of body fat (not a lot, really) and combined with the peyronies my penis is now an inch  shorter.  It seems even more at times because at 80 to 90% erect my penis is much smaller than it used to be with that same level of erection.  It takes a very full on erection to get past 4.5", it seems.  My foreshaft girth is now 4.5".  Sex feels different to me too now.

 

It has been so difficult to handle this mentally.  I've been to counselling, but it was more for overall relationship stuff.  The councilor hasn't asked much about it.  He's a guy.

My longterm relationship ended a year and a half later.  The peyronies didn't cause it, but it definitely didn't help.  I didn't want to have sex as often.  It weighed heavy on me.

Last year I had a couple of dates and 3 sex partners, this is since that longterm relationship ended.  Nothing stuck.  They were weekend romps.  Then, just 2 weeks ago one of them contacted me.  She was newly single and wanted a date.  We had a date Friday the 9th, then again last night.  Both nights I had trouble maintaining an erection.  It was quite hard before I went down on her, but after I went down it was just a half erection.  The first Friday night I was able to get it hard after penetrating her, but then I came in 5 to 8 mins.  She seemed barely disappointed.  I went down on her to get her off.  We went to sleep.  We had better sex that following morning.  It wasn't easy to get fully hard, but I got it done.

This weekend was a repeat, but worse.  I couldn't get more than 80% hard last night.  My cock fell out of her a lot, including when she was getting close to orgasm with her vibe on her clit.  She said she wanted to quit, that she was cramping and maybe starting her period.  We went to sleep.

This morning she realized that she was not starting her period, so we started again.  I got mostly hard, then went down on her.  I lost the erection, but worse.....  after she nearly reached orgasm, she stopped me.  She said that she was "too much in her head".  That was probably true.   She didn't want to continue sex after that.  I asked if it was thoughts about her breakup.  She said, "yes, and other things".  She then started saying that we needed to get up and out of bed.  I made us breakfast.  It was very difficult to keep my composure.  At the end of breakfast I asked if she thought we'd be intimate again in the future.  She said that she wasn't sure.  Then paused, and went on to say, "I'm sorry I lead you on".   We had a few nights of heavy caressing and major arousal without sex before these last two weekends.  She was really digging me before being more sexual with me.  I feel like she was disappointed in my size and hardness.  Basically some combination of the two.

She is very sexually liberated and mostly dates women.  Her last breakup was with a guy though.  I was expecting that she'd be very up for playing with my toys or being very satisfied by finishing with oral, but no.....  now I think she expects more from a guy when she is having sex with a guy.  She uses toys with women, so maybe she just wants flesh and blood penis with a guy......and damn sure wants a hard one. 

Well, I'm struggling.  I'm 38 and never married.  I don't want kids, but I would love to share a home with a woman.   This woman that quit me in the middle of sex had a lot of common interest with me.  We were unusually well matched with our eccentric interests and friends group, to boot.

I'm really hurting emotionally about my penis now even more so than I was for the last 2 years.  I have even wondered what it would be like to cut it off.  My last longterm partner now lives with a trans male that uses a strapon on her.  If I didn't have a penis I could more easily wear a strapon......  is what runs through my mind.   I think of the movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch that I've yet to see.  It was recommended to me by my last GF.

I'm really broken hearted about my penis.  I needed to vent AND tell the story about how it all started.  Thank you for reading all of this.

 

 

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On 2/17/2018 at 9:13 PM, itsSmaller said:

She was really digging me before being more sexual with me.  I feel like she was disappointed in my size and hardness.  Basically some combination of the two.

I doubt it man. And I think the reason no one has really responded to this post is because your size (over 6 inches?) is not small even in the least bit. A lot of guys (such as myself) would kill to be at 5, let alone 6 inches. I can tell that you are suffering, but at the same time, you're over 6 inches so the cynical/rude part of me wants to tell you to get out of your own head and try to get you to imagine being 4 inches or under.

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@PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero but as he said, he's not 6" anymore. I know what you're saying, PDX. But this a mental battle we all suffer from in the small to average range. It crawls into your head like a tick and eats away at your identity. You're one of the guys able to get out of your own head, I have a lot of respect and admiration for you. But you wouldn't say 'get out of your own head' to someone suffering from depression or metal illness, it's the same thing I reckon. If @itsSmaller is reaching out, he's in pain and in the same boat as anyone who suffers from our thing. You'd be better sharing your story, it's inspiring, even if the wheels ended up falling off your current relationship, it's a method well worth sharing with people and anyone struggling atm. I'm no try to be a preachy prick or anything, but we're all brothers in this. 

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Thanks YOTH, and thank you too PDX.  I don't want to cause other people frustration.  I really am struggling and going through pain.  My non bone-pressed is 5 on a really good day, and my semi erections are smaller after the peyronies injury.

YOTH, I told her about my injury.  She didn't say much.  Once when I mentioned it in bed after sex she asked, "how did it happen again"?  Other than that she never commented when I told the story.  She just listened.

I think the relationship is done, but we never called it anything special.  We partied together at 6 parties last year and got closer and closer till we had a fling last year.  I couldn't get fully hard, but enough to penetrate.  She came with oral before trying intercourse.   These past two weekends were dinner dates, then sleeping over at my place.

I've built a small house that I haven't completed and it is messier than it should be.  I think that factored in.....and she probably had another interesting opportunity open up with someone else around Valentines Day.  That day is treacherous!

 

I really would like to be a part of the community here.  I walk on eggshells at r/smalldickproblems because it isn't a syndrome inclusive community.

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@itsSmaller I know what you're saying, it's daft that there's a cut off point for suffering over size issues, but anyone is welcome here. I think, if you're in pain because of this and looking for a place to feel at home, this is the place. There are sub-sub-sub genres of SPS, but there are no cornered markets on pain and suffering. On a happier note, where are you from roughly, USA? 

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Thanks Griz.  I'm glad to hear from another syndrome person.

I flop back and forth between wanting to enlarge my penis, and then somewhat embracing it.

 

I was a very active member at thundersplace for years, a non profit penis enlargement forum.  My view of my penis has been quite a roller coaster ride, especially having had this peyronies injury.

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4 minutes ago, Griz said:

Yeah man, I hear ya @itsSmaller, I go through days where I really like my penis, then others I wish I had a different or bigger one 

I've honestly never "liked" my penis although I don't really blame him. He's the one that got the short end of the straw.

He does what I ask and is usually quite attentive and responsive to my needs. He's never failed to perform, when called upon, and he's been a good companion when I am feeling down. I even think he's quite handsome and aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Unfortunately, though, he just doesn't fit in well with the rest of the body

which he is attached.

It would be like having a head (the one on my shoulders) that was half the size that it is now. It would look really really strange compared to the rest of my body and this is my struggle.

Being 6'2" tall, weighing 205 lbs with broad shoulders, large hands, and size 12 shoes and having a 2.6" penis just looks odd.

 

On 2/17/2018 at 11:13 PM, itsSmaller said:

I soon found info about extenders, pumps, and a book on penis enlargement by a guy named Gary Griffin ( I think).  Penis Enlargement Facts and Phallacies.

I became obsessed with enlargement.

Hello @itsSmaller, I definitely am sorry to hear about your medical condition. I had to read up on it because I was not that familiar but it sounds like, aside from the size and shape changes in the penis, that it could potentially be quite painful. I know that you indicated that the scar tissue came from dry-humping but have you considered the possibility that it came from any extenders or pumps you might have been using? I have never really used any of these but I could imagine that being too aggressive with one of those tools could potentially cause scar tissue to form over time.

I'm also sorry to hear about your most recent female issues. While I don't know the whole story, it is possible that her issues with intimacy may have nothing to do with your penis but I understand that the situation and circumstances could make it feel like is does anyway. Hopefully things will improve for you and rest assured you have a good group of people on this site in which to share your problems and solicit feedback. Even if you just need to vent, we are willing to listen.

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16 minutes ago, lostboy1 said:

 

 

Hello @itsSmaller, I definitely am sorry to hear about your medical condition. I had to read up on it because I was not that familiar but it sounds like, aside from the size and shape changes in the penis, that it could potentially be quite painful. I know that you indicated that the scar tissue came from dry-humping but have you considered the possibility that it came from any extenders or pumps you might have been using? I have never really used any of these but I could imagine that being too aggressive with one of those tools could potentially cause scar tissue to form over time.

 

Actually, I hadn't used an extender in 8 years, before that injury.  A pump, it had probably been a year.  I An extender with the noose type can cause nerve damage, and pumping can cause a thrombose vein, but peyronies is unlikely with those tools, I think.  

 

I know the exact dry humping scenario.  The I nearly came in my pants.  The pain from the pressure of my cock being smashed in my pants felt good , in that moment.  The two "plaques" are exactly where I applied lots of pressure from her pubis too.    Caucasian men over the age of 35 are more likely than younger men or other races to get peyronies.  I was 34 at the time.  A physician's assistant that I went on a date with a year after the injury told me that men with peyronies sometimes have hands that tighten up with age.  Basically, I may have connective tissue that is more susceptible to injury or tightening, maybe.

 

Thanks for listening, yes, big time!  I'm really frustrated about dating.  I've had a very hard time, in my opinion.  I know other guys have it worse, but I'm still very frustrated with how women are rarely attracted to me.  I think it is due to my height (5' 7" ),   my preference for simple living (homesteading), and that I work outdoors when most of the people in my social circles are white collar.  I'm not into movies, TV, or more common types of music.      I feel too eccentric on top of not being an Adonis (yet still not ungly).  Yep, I'm 38 and I've never lived with a woman, have never been engaged.

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You're right that the eccentricity could limit the interest from women. I'm not saying that there aren't women out there with your same lifestyle but they are definitely limited and more challenging to locate. While 5'7" isn't tall by any means I've definitely seen a lot of guys who are shorter.

While I think the homesteading aspect is really cool (I would do it in a heartbeat if my wife wouldn't divorce me) many women are not attracted to this lifestyle so that can be challenging. Just like everything in life, you have some choices to make, either give up some of the eccentricities for a more "normal" lifestyle where you would likely find a larger pool of available and interested females or continue on witht he lifestyle that you enjoy but recognize that you will have to search harder to find the right girl for you.

There isn't a "right" answer as each person has to determine what is best for them.

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Sorry, guys, I didn't mean to come off the way I did. Of course everyone is welcome here and honestly, if you think your penis is too small (which a vast majority of men most likely do) but more importantly if it gets into your head and makes you suffer, then you belong here and I am glad that this is such a welcoming site and believe me, even if the wheels had truly fallen off of my relationship (which they nearly did, before we both realized how much we need eachother so let's make love and be together and live in the moment despite not being compatible in the longterm or having similar personalities/interests), I would be so grateful for this site helping me lose my pseudovirginity.

Another thing is (and I don't know how) I missed that he had lost over an inch of size. That is rough. If I lost an inch of size, I would definitely be on suicide watch lol (although I am 4 inches and wasn't 6.75 like the original poster was). But then again, I am with a girl right now who doesn't care and would still love/accept me no matter what my size was because (fortunately) I can get her off (a lot) in many other ways so perhaps not.

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On 27/2/2018 at 6:19 PM, PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero said:

Oh and I just wanted to add that I think it's ridiculous that the small penis subreddit only accepts people under 4.5. 5 inches (although I would personally love to be 5 inches erect) still takes an enormous toll on a huge majority of men with that size.

I've reading this forum a bit and I'm wondering, do they refer to BP or NBP length? Because if it's NBP most people there is average or even above average.
 

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1 hour ago, RonaldU said:

I've reading this forum a bit and I'm wondering, do they refer to BP or NBP length? Because if it's NBP most people there is average or even above average.
 

Yep, I agree. I would give up my life savings for 4.5" non bone pressed.

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On 2/23/2018 at 4:29 PM, lostboy1 said:

You're right that the eccentricity could limit the interest from women. I'm not saying that there aren't women out there with your same lifestyle but they are definitely limited and more challenging to locate. While 5'7" isn't tall by any means I've definitely seen a lot of guys who are shorter.

While I think the homesteading aspect is really cool (I would do it in a heartbeat if my wife wouldn't divorce me) many women are not attracted to this lifestyle so that can be challenging. Just like everything in life, you have some choices to make, either give up some of the eccentricities for a more "normal" lifestyle where you would likely find a larger pool of available and interested females or continue on witht he lifestyle that you enjoy but recognize that you will have to search harder to find the right girl for you.

There isn't a "right" answer as each person has to determine what is best for them.

lostboy1, thanks for this reply.  It is very insightful.  That's how I feel.  My pool is narrowed by my lifestyle choices.  Since my interest straddle different cultures, it makes it tough.  For example, I'd like to take one of my horses to a small local english riding horse show.  Even though it is a small time show, most of the people there will be upper middle class and up.  So, even if women find me attractive physically when I'm well dressed, I usually see them go flat when they ask what I do for a living and I tell them that I'm a foreman for a high end landscaping company.

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On 2/18/2018 at 12:13 AM, itsSmaller said:

Was average and had SPS, but now smaller after a peyronies injury.

Oh, the irony.

 

Hello everyone,

I found this forum a couple of weeks ago and read a bit then.  I'm active on Reddit and read r/smalldickproblems, but I don't post there  much at all due to not being under 4.5" in length.  

I've had small penis syndrome since the age of 16.  Before that, I only felt that my balls were kinda small from seeing my a couple of neighbors naked.   At 16 though, I was in a sexual relationship for the first time.  She was my first love.  She had a large vulva and very elastic vagina.  I wished that my average penis were bigger to fill her up more.  It bothered me a lot.

 

I hadn't seen much porn by then.  Probably just 1 video, but I read a lot of penthouse letters.  I LOVED reading about penetration.  I was absolutely fascinated with it.  I began to really like it when a woman was challenged a bit by the cock or toy penetrating her, and she had to stretch.  While dating my first love I started to explore penetrating my rear.  I wished that I had a vagina of my own, and I wished that I had my girlfriend with me to explore much more often.  So, I kept doing insertions on myself.

Now, I'm saying all this to explain how my sexuality formed (not to troll ! ) .  I became drawn to large penetrations and also began to hate my penis size.   At 17 I finally began to get on the internet.  I soon found info about extenders, pumps, and a book on penis enlargement by a guy named Gary Griffin ( I think).  Penis Enlargement Facts and Phallacies.

I became obsessed with enlargement.  I couldn't stick to a routine longer than 2 months.  I thought that I was starting to see results, but I question that now.  I definitely did get harder erections with a modest pump/jelq routine, but that's about it.  I couldn't stick to it for months on end.  It took so much time.  I tried enlargement routines on and off through my 20's, then less so in my 30's.  

I had one longterm relationship at the age of 23 for a year, then couldn't get into one until I was 29.  Then from 29 till my mid 30's I was in an LTR.  

My penis all this time was 6.75"  bone pressed length x 5.25" midshaft girth.  I was definitely not satisfied, but I knew that I was probably at the 60th percentile on size, statistically.   My non bone-pressed was 6 to 6.2" on a good day when I was lean.

Yes, I say was.  At 34 I got a peyronies injury by dry humping.  She had always turned me on so much.  We didn't have condoms on hand, so I kept my pants on.  I regret it so much.   I lost about a half inch in each measurement.  My length and foreshaft, especially.  I now measure about 6.2" bone pressed, but just under 5" non bone-pressed.  I gained a little bit of body fat (not a lot, really) and combined with the peyronies my penis is now an inch  shorter.  It seems even more at times because at 80 to 90% erect my penis is much smaller than it used to be with that same level of erection.  It takes a very full on erection to get past 4.5", it seems.  My foreshaft girth is now 4.5".  Sex feels different to me too now.

 

It has been so difficult to handle this mentally.  I've been to counselling, but it was more for overall relationship stuff.  The councilor hasn't asked much about it.  He's a guy.

My longterm relationship ended a year and a half later.  The peyronies didn't cause it, but it definitely didn't help.  I didn't want to have sex as often.  It weighed heavy on me.

Last year I had a couple of dates and 3 sex partners, this is since that longterm relationship ended.  Nothing stuck.  They were weekend romps.  Then, just 2 weeks ago one of them contacted me.  She was newly single and wanted a date.  We had a date Friday the 9th, then again last night.  Both nights I had trouble maintaining an erection.  It was quite hard before I went down on her, but after I went down it was just a half erection.  The first Friday night I was able to get it hard after penetrating her, but then I came in 5 to 8 mins.  She seemed barely disappointed.  I went down on her to get her off.  We went to sleep.  We had better sex that following morning.  It wasn't easy to get fully hard, but I got it done.

This weekend was a repeat, but worse.  I couldn't get more than 80% hard last night.  My cock fell out of her a lot, including when she was getting close to orgasm with her vibe on her clit.  She said she wanted to quit, that she was cramping and maybe starting her period.  We went to sleep.

This morning she realized that she was not starting her period, so we started again.  I got mostly hard, then went down on her.  I lost the erection, but worse.....  after she nearly reached orgasm, she stopped me.  She said that she was "too much in her head".  That was probably true.   She didn't want to continue sex after that.  I asked if it was thoughts about her breakup.  She said, "yes, and other things".  She then started saying that we needed to get up and out of bed.  I made us breakfast.  It was very difficult to keep my composure.  At the end of breakfast I asked if she thought we'd be intimate again in the future.  She said that she wasn't sure.  Then paused, and went on to say, "I'm sorry I lead you on".   We had a few nights of heavy caressing and major arousal without sex before these last two weekends.  She was really digging me before being more sexual with me.  I feel like she was disappointed in my size and hardness.  Basically some combination of the two.

She is very sexually liberated and mostly dates women.  Her last breakup was with a guy though.  I was expecting that she'd be very up for playing with my toys or being very satisfied by finishing with oral, but no.....  now I think she expects more from a guy when she is having sex with a guy.  She uses toys with women, so maybe she just wants flesh and blood penis with a guy......and damn sure wants a hard one. 

Well, I'm struggling.  I'm 38 and never married.  I don't want kids, but I would love to share a home with a woman.   This woman that quit me in the middle of sex had a lot of common interest with me.  We were unusually well matched with our eccentric interests and friends group, to boot.

I'm really hurting emotionally about my penis now even more so than I was for the last 2 years.  I have even wondered what it would be like to cut it off.  My last longterm partner now lives with a trans male that uses a strapon on her.  If I didn't have a penis I could more easily wear a strapon......  is what runs through my mind.   I think of the movie Hedwig and the Angry Inch that I've yet to see.  It was recommended to me by my last GF.

I'm really broken hearted about my penis.  I needed to vent AND tell the story about how it all started.  Thank you for reading all of this.

 

 

Hi @itsSmaller, welcome to the forum. For proper disclosure, I am a straight woman and found this site because my BF has issues with his size that caused issues in our relationship. It has caused a lot of insecurities on his end. But, I’ve completely accepted him. I came here not understanding this issue and the men in here have been so knowledgeable and supportive. I’ve learned a lot here.

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your experience. My BF has had a difficult time with this, but we are slowly working through this together. 

I just wanted to lend you some support and say that I am so sorry that you’ve experience this. I don’t think I can offer much advice since I am a woman, but I’ll be happy to offer your any support or advice if you need it. All the best.

-BM

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On 3/5/2018 at 10:28 AM, BellaMeilan said:

Hi @itsSmaller, welcome to the forum. For proper disclosure, I am a straight woman and found this site because my BF has issues with his size that caused issues in our relationship. It has caused a lot of insecurities on his end. But, I’ve completely accepted him. I came here not understanding this issue and the men in here have been so knowledgeable and supportive. I’ve learned a lot here.

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your experience. My BF has had a difficult time with this, but we are slowly working through this together. 

I just wanted to lend you some support and say that I am so sorry that you’ve experience this. I don’t think I can offer much advice since I am a woman, but I’ll be happy to offer your any support or advice if you need it. All the best.

-BM

Thank you Bella.  I really appreciate that.  Some days are better than others.  I had a lot of performance anxiety with that last woman that I dated.  I've always had some, but the last time it narrowed my vision a bit during sex, metaphorically, and had a negative impact.       Today has been a sad day of wishing that last partner would have been helpful.

Your boyfriend is very fortunate to have someone that listens to him and has stayed with him and has been helping him.  I think that is rare.  Kudos to the two of you for having lots of radical honesty.

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I'm having a particularly sad night and stewing in feelings of inadequacy.  I've stayed up online way too late trying to cover the anxiety and lonliness with distraction.  I have to wake for work in 3.5 hours. 

Each year I do this to myself a little less and get to sleep a little earlier, but it still happens.  I try to cover emotional pain with immediate gratification from the internet.

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Hello @itsSmaller, I don't think that you are alone with seeking out immediate gratification from the internet. I think a lot of us small guys do it and frankly a lot of guys, in general, do it. We seek out visual fantasies in order forget our real struggles.

I'm not saying that it's healthy (just normal) and I'm very glad to hear that you are doing it less and less as the years go by. I am the same in that regard.

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Thanks lostboy.  I'm not sure how much of my reduction in Internet binges is due to increased self control, lower testosterone with aging, or that now I "sometimes" feel resentment when I see sexual pics.     Last night was more spent on YouTube rather than r/sex, but I jumped around.

Tonight will be different mostly because I'm wore out.

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