Girl of My Dreams

[cqbrenner]

I am really having a tough time with this and I thought i should reach out for advice.
 

So I have been dating my current gf for a little over a year. She knows about my small size and it has never been an issue for her. I am grateful that she didn't mind that I am small and at first, I was so happy to have finally found someone. To be completely honest, she is a great girl, but there are many things that I feel like I am not completely attracted to her. Apart of me feels like I am settling and it's not a good feeling to have. Now I feel like I am being the shallow one even though I have dated so many shallow girls that made fun of my size. This sucks and I feel horrible. Apart of me feels like I can do better, but then I remind myself that I am under 3 inches and I can't probably do better. And that is on my mind a lot.

 

So to continue on. A girl that I have had a crush on for a really long time, we recently started to talk. I am not cheating on my gf and I will never do that. But apart of me keeps thinking that I have a great choice with this girl if I were to break up with my gf and pursue this girl. But then I think that this girl might not like my size. The heart break of ending my current relationship to get into another one where she may have an issue with my size will break me. But at the same time, why can't I go after the girl of my dreams? Why can't I have what every other guy that has a normal size penis get? Why can't I be that happy?

 

Sorry I am probably rambling on now. I just don't know what to do.

 

Thank you all for your time.

 

[YOTH]

Just mention penis size to the girl of your dreams. Tell her about a friend who is a lovely guy, he's dating a model but he's self conscious about his size. She says how big, you say 3 inches and see how she reacts. You'll know sharpish whether she's worth the leap of faith. I've had these thoughts before, but it's only outside beauty that I'm attracted to anymore (there are limits obviously) it's the fact that they've accepted me for who I am, it'd be a crying shame not to return the favour accepting her physical shortcomings. 

[Victimorthecrime]

10 hours ago, cqbrenner said:

A girl that I have had a crush on for a really long time, we recently started to talk.

Just because she is talking to you does not mean she wants to be your girlfriend.  And even if she does then there is the size issue.  I would stick w the first gal but that's easy for me to say.  Good luck 🍀 

[cqbrenner]

14 minutes ago, Victimorthecrime said:

Just because she is talking to you does not mean she wants to be your girlfriend.  And even if she does then there is the size issue.  I would stick w the first gal but that's easy for me to say.  Good luck 🍀 

There has been strong hints that she wants to date me. I am not 100% certain, but some of the things she says or the way she acts around me leads me to believe that she would like to date if I wasn't with my current gf. But I get what your are saying, my size is the only thing holding me back and it sucks.

[Victimorthecrime]

@cqbrenner oh ok.  Sounds like you really like the new girl. I suppose you could roll the dice so long as you are mindful of the risk.  There have been guys here 6" and think they are so small so depending on just what your actual size is, it may be less risky than you think.  Let us know what you decide and how it turns out.  

[cqbrenner]

3 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

@cqbrenner oh ok.  Sounds like you really like the new girl. I suppose you could roll the dice so long as you are mindful of the risk.  There have been guys here 6" and think they are so small so depending on just what your actual size is, it may be less risky than you think.  Let us know what you decide and how it turns out.  

I am 2" soft and just under 4" hard.

[LostBoy]

This is a risk regardless of your cock size so you have to decide if it's a risk worth taking. She could end up not liking you for 1,000 other reasons aside from your dick.

You have a known and an unknown and you're decision is based on a physical feeling of lust (prettier, has a better body, etc...) for the unknown since it sounds like you really just started talking to her.

I'm just on the outside looking in but it almost sounds like you're basing your feelings about this new girl on her physical attributes while hoping she doesn't judge you on yours.

Again, just my impression from the cheap seats.

[Victimorthecrime]

@cqbrenner - it's a dilemma.  If your linguistic skills are such that you could get a read on the new girl's size preferences through conversation that would be ideal.

[Griz]

So, when I was married, my buddy and I used to go for wing Wednesday every week. We had been going for a while and then he mentioned that a friend of his was coming with us, which I said fine, it ended up being a really good looking girl. And because I had a wife, I didn’t care and just talked to her normally. We got along great. We talked mostly instant of her and then buddy. The next day at work, he said that she had told him that if I didn’t have a wife that she would totally go on a date with me. She loved how normal I was. 

I tell that story because could it have been that subconsciously you knew you have a great girl with you right now, so therefore you could actually be yourself around her? I had never been good with chicks that I had liked before, but because I wasn’t thinking about trying to impress her, I didn’t care. 

[itsSmaller]

Your title caught my eye.  I got involved with a woman that I REALLY like at the beginning of this month.  We were at lots of parties last year and ended up caressing each other lots, but it always ended there.    The, about 3 weeks ago she asked me for a date.  She slept over after 2 dates.  She has since dropped me, and just wants to be friends.

I feel like it is due to my penis and that my house isn't complete/clean enough.   I have a peyronies injury and struggle getting erections and I lost some size- girth and length.  

It really hurts since she has so many common interest with me and that has been very difficult to find.

 

I agree with the suggestion of dancing around the topic of penis size, indirectly, to see what she thinks.

 

I feel like I'm in a conundrum.  I can be picky about a woman's level of fitness, yet I definitely could be physically critiqued for my height and stature.  I've mostly stayed quite fit, but still.   I also fear that I may have to compromise as I'm now 38.   It's a tough choice.  I've been with women that were good for me, but that I wasn't attracted to a lot.  I think this is how this last woman viewed me, and she cut the ties.  She knows I'm compatible in a lot of ways......but.....

[Griz]

I feel the same way @itsSmaller, when I was married, my wife was a smoke show, all my friends couldn’t believe i got her to even go out with me, and marry me. But we have since divorced and the gf I’m with now, she’s great for me, but the level of attraction I had with my ex wife just isn’t there. She’s a good looking girl, don’t get me wrong, but I have now found myself to be more picky when I see women that I am physically attracted to. Most of my friends say a girl is hot and I’m like “meh” 

[PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero]

Wow, this post has struck very close to heart and I am almost in the exact situation. So as most of you guys know, I have been dating this girl for the last few months. Although we recently had some struggles, we got through it (mostly because we both missed being with eachother, especially me. Like, I literally cannot wait till this weekend when I get to see her again (which will be the first time in over a month). To be honest, we are both unsure of what our relationship is at this point. It's somewhere between Friends with Benefits and what we had which was an official (Facebook verified, which was important to her) relationship. After the honeymoon period, I realized that she is not intelligent or particularly mature at all. She doesn't have very similar tastes (or good tastes) in anything really. If she didn't have the kindest heart and didn't love me the way she did, and wasn't always the first to text me good morning, and (very importantly) if she didn't fuck me and suck me to my heart's content despite my shortcummings (which, like I said, cannot wait till this weekend lol), there is no way I would want to be with her.

So now enter this girl who is in my class. She is way more attractive. Way younger (almost too younger, she is 18 and I am 28 and I would had never considered the possibility of us being together if she hadn't told me how she prefers older guys and has had relationships with two different guys that where 38 when she was 18 (and I am thinking she may had been underage for at least one of the, she had to be). But most of all, and what I would require from a girl to be considered "the one" is her intelligence/wit. She is smart, funny, and most of all she is super duper mature for her age. Let me just directly quote something she told me in one of our Facebook conversations about her own generation: "But you can't forget that technology grew at such a rapid pace that have become so fascinated by it that they become so obsessed with other people's lives that aren't even relevant to them, they forget to enjoy the moments happening. Also, we get caught up in trying to broadcast our lives, quickly becoming the 'Look At Me' generation, we forget to appreciate the company sitting right in front of us." - Like seriously? That was such a turn on. My current girlfriend wouldn't even understand/comprehend what she and I were talking about in that conversation.

This girl is sexy (like smoking hot), funny, intelligent, and I would love to be with her. Based on the looks she gave me the first couple weeks in class, the fact that she specifically told me about her experiences with older guys and once asked me why I once said in class how I didn't think I could be with a girl a decade younger than me, and then now we talk frequently on Facebook messenger, I feel like I could possibly be with her. However, I feel like she would not accept me for my size based on little snippits of things she has said in class. She once told me that every guy is at least somewhat gay because, say we were watching porn and "if the guy clearly isn't doing it for her, wouldn't you want to see a bigger dick?" I think she quickly realized she had turned me off after I quickly said "first of all, size doesn't matter and second of all, no that's stupid". Another little thing I caught was an ol' "once you go black you never go back" joke and a Facebook post saying the difference between this one thing and this other thing is that the one thing hits the spot everytime (referring to G spot). She is half Asian (but looks white, like you wouldn't be able to tell) so you think she would be more suited for smaller ones but so far, I am not getting that idea.

Anyways, here I have this girl that loves me, cherishes me, misses me, and most importantly accepts my size and says she loves it and has no problems with it but is overweight (even more so than me), not intelligent, and immature. And then you got the younger girl who is smoking hot, funny, intelligent, interesting, but has the capacity to hurt me or reject me. I'm in quite the situation. I just can't wait to clear my mind (and be reminded of what I would be missing if I did fuck everything up by trying to move up in the rankings so to say) over a weekend of intense fucking and love making with my baby (who, I know could never hurt me like I fear this 18 year old girl could because I know in my heart that she is not "the one"). But despite that, and like I have told her, she will always be my baby and I will always love and care for her (or care about how she is doing) because she took my pseudovirginity and has been the best thing that has happened to me in quite a while (such a confidence booster to know that I am good at fingering/oral and can get girls off regardless of my size). I can't wait to do just that this weekend!

[YOTH]

@PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero I know this shouldn't be the case, and if it wasn't for size it wouldn't be the case, but I guarantee you'll get more from acceptance in the long run than you will from things in common. Who gives a shit what we have in common, that's what friends are for imo. My missus doesn't like about 80% of the shit I enjoy. And although we're probably roughly the same intelligence wise (both mathstarded) we disagree and are fundamentally different personality wise. I'm loud and sometimes a tad obnoxious and she's quiet and timid to an extent. It works because we're not 'made for eachother' and we have to just remember the world we live in. If you have someone who dotes on you and completely sees beyond the physical, then she's the one, despite lacking intelligence. It's overrated anyway, and wherever way we slice this shit pie, most women will cheat on smaller men. I'd have killed for my missus in my teens/early 20's. To be accepted and loved is so fucking sweet. If you want a decent conversation, talk to friends, talk to the half Asian chick, just keep it mutual and get the best of both worlds. You're living like a king my friend, don't chase a dream that doesn't exist, instead enjoy a reality that a mere few months ago you'd have killed to be in the running for. 

[2thin2win]

@unsung  your post hit home. this was my experience, back in the day and may not necessarily be yours:  I remember dating a not so bright girl back when I was in my early 20's.  I mean i've dated several not so bright girls but one  stood out and was unbearable.  She just didn't grasp the simplest concepts in life and did not understand anything about the real world; it was amazing how this girl even got along in life.    As time passed (only dated for 3 months), I really didn't look forward to seeing her at all cause it meant I had to listen to her talk and everything she said was just weird. It became dreadful to see the girl after the newness wore off. Needless to say we broke up; I pulled a douche move back then, but I was young at the time.

In time, you'll see that a girl's acceptance of your size will NOT be a reason to hold on to her. It may be a very tiny part of the equation, but in no way will you be in a long term relationship with someone that you can't talk to, or hold a decent conversation with. To me, holding a decent conversation trumps most anything else a girl has to offer.  I talk to my wife every night for about an hour after we get the kids down. I couldn't imagine doing that with someone I didn't want to listen to; it would be constant dread.  But again that's me, maybe not you. 

The age thing won't matter with the new girl. My wife just turned 19 when I met her and I was 28 so I don't believe age is really a factor (Although i'm starting to wrinkle and she still looks like a teenager; i don't like that too much. i attached our pic from last year so you see what i mean and where you will be heading with this 18 yr old). However, some of the things the new girl said that you posted are red flags to me.  My wife would never have said those things that you mentioned in your post; she just doesn't talk like that.  This girl sounds like all the other girls who made fun of me.  The Asian part has nothing to do with it. These Asians now days are nothing like my mom (she was born in China) and old style Asians.. In this new age, a lot of them are wild, rebellious and promiscuous....even more so than white woman.  I'm seeing my asian girl neighbor grow up and she hides her black boyfriend down the street and meets him to go out; her parents are divorcing over it. 

My advice for what it's worth: don't let size interfere with anything you do in life. You already know that it doesn't matter as you are experiencing that right now. If a girl throws shade on you cause of it, you are way better off to not have her in your life. Go date and have fun. There will be lots more girls in your life before you settle down. 

 

 

[YOTH]

As much as I agree with @2thin2win your relationship is new. I dated a girl I didn't find attractive for a long time in my teens, it was pretty horrific and a means to an end, but she was really smart and a straight A student. But the whole thing has a way of sorting itself out. If you're truly unhappy, follow your dreams, but I still advise erring on the side of caution. You know yourself that the grass isn't greener, it just isn't. Following your dream girl either ends up like @2thin2win or you end up alone going through the whole nightmare again. It's taxing, it takes a bit of you with it. Most men without our thing have a rough time, but it's not crazy to say that we go through this process magnified 1000 times. Who knows, maybe being with you will rub off on her and she'll mature in your company. 

[Iopotos]

Please, leave your girlfriend.

She deserves better than someone who thinks and talks like that about her. You think she won't notice? Think again. You think she can't "comprehend" what you are actually thinking about her? You can still break her heart. You would be gone immediately, the moment you would be sure you had a chance with someone you think is "better". That means you do not love her, you just use her. She is not your ticket to a relationship.

The same goes to everyone else who is in a similar "situation". Don't treat other people like that! Just because it is harder for you to have  a relationship (for whatever reason), does not mean you are entitled to not being honest.

Talk to your wives/girlfriends. Tell them how you feel. See if they are settling too and then you can both decide together (!) if you still want to stay with each other. Nobody is perfect and relationships like that can work. But you need to be true and honest with your feelings and you need to have respect for your partner.

[PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero]

I do love her. She has been the best thing to happen to me for a while. She is a beautiful person. One of my friendgirls told me to "buy a flesh light" (assuming she was nothing more to me than a "wet hole" as she put it) to which I said "but a flesh light can't hold you and wish you good morning". I know our thing is simple, we cuddle and fuck and treat eachother well (most of the time as you will see lol) and think about eachother. We both know we are not compatible long term, (even though I have a feeling she wishes we were). Since I wrote that last post, I have gotten closer to her and further from the 18 year old. Looking back at that post, it is crazy to think I was that interested in the 18 year old to begin with. She might be way more physically attractive and intelligent, but she lacks kindness and compassion. If I don't message her, I never hear from her whereas with the girl I am with now, it's quite the opposite.

If anyone has seen one of my favorite shows Rick and Morty , you can see how intelligence often comes with rudeness/meanness (like with Rick). I mean, back when we were fighting and she was ignoring my texts, I literally said this to her: "I know you and I know society and you are going to be hurt and alone and you are going to sorely regret burning our bridge for no fucking reason. Nobody is going to want a poor, immature, unintelligent, out of shape, dramatic, recovering addict, welfare pregnancy waiting to happen. But I fucking did." I mean Jesus Christ, and that was just one of the mean things I said to her that night. She has never insulted me let alone insult me like that. What she did do recently was bring up her ex and say that she only wanted him and not me and that she didn't want to spend the weekend with me like we had planned (which I found out from her later when she apologized were lies) and then she ghosted me. Like she has never used my small dick against me in an argument or fight which I am really glad for because you guys can clearly see what little respect I have for her and if she were to use my small dick against me, I would lose all of the remaining respect I have for her. Especially if she was like "I fake it during sex (which I actually do believe, and I don't know why she does that since I am able to get her off using my fingers and mouth so like, there's no need for her to do that, she knows that I am just relieved that I can get her off so easily and so frequently without needing toys or anything like that). Actually, a worst thing for her to say would be like "I hate your dick, I can't even feel it all when you fuck me." Like if she said that, it would be so damaging that I don't think I could ever forgive her or see her as a kind person ever again. Especially since she has body issues of her own (her breasts are slightly scarred and uneven from plastic surgery to counter a skin condition. She had never taken her shirt off during sex before she was with me so like, she knows what it's like). I'm just so glad she hasn't pulled that shit. I'm curious what you guys with wives or girlfriends would do if yours brought it up to hurt you (or if they have in the past and how you handled it.)

I am really glad I am writing all of this out and thinking about this because it has made me realize that although she has tried to hurt me before, it was more her just trying to make me jealous and making it seem like she didn't need me, I think they were just defensive measures honestly. I am beginning to see just how fragile she is and just how much she loves me. And also, how crazy it is that she would still want to be with me even after the things I have said to her (which, I would like to officially state were responses to shit she started. I would never say mean things to her or hurt her feelings for no reason, I am not a shitty person).

Aww my baby I can't wait to see her again. See people, I truly do love her. I suppose a beautiful heart that can accept a small dicked boy like me trumps a beautiful body/intellect that can't every time. I am glad I can see that now before it's too late.

[LaLa]

19 minutes ago, PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero said:

I literally said this to her: "I know you and I know society and you are going to be hurt and alone and you are going to sorely regret burning our bridge for no fucking reason. Nobody is going to want a poor, immature, unintelligent, out of shape, dramatic, recovering addict, welfare pregnancy waiting to happen. But I fucking did."

and

19 minutes ago, PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero said:

I would never say mean things to her or hurt her feelings for no reason,

seem like quite a contradiction to me. You would object that you had got "a reason" when you had said that to her, but... it's a matter of opinions and personal taste / limits / habits - to me, "being angry because she doesn't return your texts" is not a reason to say something so hurtful (even when you have also much worse thing to say and decide not to say those). I know; who am I to criticise you and to tell you what respect and decent treatment "should" look like? Just take it as an opinion.

I also think it's good that you've realized that what she said is probably part of a defense mechanism etc., but... I wouldn't presume that "too often", because if she keeps repeating some things, they might either be true or the (need for her) defence mechanism should be addressed.

BTW; she doesn't need to fake it. I know; there's no way to know (and it's absolutely not something to ask about!!! - but I suppose you're well aware of it  ), but I only want you to know that it's not at all true that if "you're small", she "cannot feel you enough, and thus can only fake it". One even doesn't need to "physically feel your presence on some "right" spot", it's to a great extent a matter of "mind" (desire and imagination), not so much "body". Yes, many man say many women told them they were "not enough" in this sense, but it's BS; it was only because they (the women) believed too much in the necessity of size and weren't willing to (perhaps only due to ignorance of the possibility) "enjoy it" as it might have been enjoyed. Anyway, in your case, I don't know why she would rather pretend than tell you she prefers "the other ways"; just to make you feel confident? (Well, perhaps, but... it doesn't seem very probable that she wouldn't get "anything" from it. "At least", she probably likes you more when you're more confident  .)

[YOTH]

It's funny some of the mean shit I've said to my missus, but she's never said anything about my dick. To be fair, I've never really talked about her physically, provided you don't count saying I was sick of her not doing her hair on her days off. She looks like Napoleon Dynamite before she straightens her hair and it was annoying me. She's so pretty, but the hair thing made her look like a seagull had made a nest on her head in the night lol. I mean, I blow dry my bloody beard more than she does her hair. And I do all her grooming, I cut her nails, I shave her legs, so it's not like I'm nit picking (I'd probably end up doing that too if she got nits lol). But I love her with all my heart. It's nice being two monkeys looking after eachother in our brick trees. But sometimes, even when we love eachother, we say mean stuff. Nothing an apology can't fix. I like saying I'm sorry for stuff and holding my hands up. I hate always having to be right, it's tiring. 

[PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero]

7 hours ago, LaLa said:

"being angry because she doesn't return your texts" is not a reason to say something so hurtful

It was so much more than that. You have no idea. She purposely fucked up everything just because she wanted to play games/cause drama and I assume get me to beg her to stay with me or something (I have no idea why exactly she did the things she did). But she hurt me. She lied. She nearly cheated on me. She promised me she was done with her ex and then she goes and hangs out with him, and one of her best friends messages me telling me she said "don't judge me but I think I am going to break up with him". Like, come on, I'm not in high school, I am not going to say such things just because of a girl ghosting me like wtf.

7 hours ago, LaLa said:

. One even doesn't need to "physically feel your presence on some "right" spot", it's to a great extent a matter of "mind" (desire and imagination), not so much "body".

Oh how I wish this was true. I mean, I am not saying it's not, it's just a very complex thing that differs in every unique situation.

7 hours ago, LaLa said:

she probably likes you more when you're more confident  .)

Fortunately when we are having sex, she is on top (me being on top just doesn't really work, perhaps it will when we both lose some weight this summer or something) and I am not even thinking about "is this good for her?" while it is happening because 1) she is in control first of all 2) I know it isn't (good for her) but she acts like it is regardless. I even chuckle and say things like "sure, baby" when she is saying pleasure things or mentions she is going to cum. Normally by the time I have sex with her she has gotten off numerous times from my fingers/mouth. And 3) I haven't had a lot of sex, so I am just kind of enjoying the moment (which can be anywhere from 30 seconds to 10 minutes depending on a lot of factors) and not getting in my own head. As you guys know, I have not had a lot of sex so sex still blows my mind (so to say) and speaking of blowing...that blows my mind too lol.

[PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero]

5 hours ago, YOTH said:

but she's never said anything about my dick.

That;s good to hear YOTH. What if she did say something horrible in the heat of an intense fight? It would most likely be in response to something, so she would say something like "yeah, well your dick is ________ but you don't hear me complaining about that." What would you do/think/say/feel?