I am happy 85 percent of the time

[Sea182018]

Hello,  as my post says I am succesful 85 percent of the time,  it’s that 15 percent that leads me to websites like this.  First off,  hats off to all of you.  No one but you understand what men go through on a daily basis and to have a place to vent is great.   

About me:  I am not “small” I am 5.75 and 4.5 girth.  My insecurity has always been my girth.   The only person I want to please is my wife and I found a good one, she is not superficial.  She has told me multiple times there is nothing wrong with my “equipment” but on the flip side,  she can’t hardly ever  achieve an orgasm without the help of a vibrator.  For years  and years I struggled with my own image of myself thinking I was small and some girls that were superficial made fun of me for my size.  I tried everything ,  pumps, jelqs,  pills until I realized that none of them truly worked.  Having an awesome wife as I do made me realize that it’s ok,  and I just have to be better in other areas to please her.  

As all of you know  if you don’t have a big member you spend countless hours finding out how to get one or wishing you did.  It literally can ruin your life.  It makes you self conscious,  jealous of everything,  and sometimes controlling and narcissistic.  I have overcome a lot of these but it is a life long daily struggle.   

These are things that I have noticed that make it hard for men to live today.  Society has placed an emphasis on huge dicks.  It’s in the movies,  it’s on tv,  it’s on billboards,  hell I even saw size matters on a uhaul box the other day.  Combine that with social media and you have daily constant reminders of how you are nothing if you don’t have a big  one.  It’s also hard to deal with women.  Most will say that size doesn’t matter but they truly don’t understand what it means for a man to be less than average. 

I am lucky.  I met a woman who loves me for who I am and even though I am way better than I was years ago I still have my weak moments.  I have learned how to use my member to please her with positions that hit her spot.   I used to be offended by vibrators  but now I embrace them for her pleasure.  I use my fingers which are smaller than my unit to give her the best orgasms she has had.  Even with those positive things sometimes it is still hard.  Let’s face it.  For a woman,  a big dick will always feel better than a small one,  you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out, size does matter,  especially girth, and even with all the hard work and studying I do to please my wife how I can,  there is still that one or two times a month where i am sure she just wants it hard with a member that fills her up and I can’t provide that for her.  She has said comments like deeper and harder and I just can’t do it....   Sometimes we are called selfish but it’s not for us,  it’s because we want to please them and feel we can’t sometimes.    Guys who are well endowed have less pressure because they know they can do whatever they want and girls will come to them,  we have to work 10 times harder and still fail.  Anyways I’ve been a lurker to this site for a while and I had an episode recently that frustrated me Enough to post this so thanks for reading it.  

Some of the things that help me get through this are:  

i don’t watch porn anymore.  I learned some good things  from porn but those are professionals and just like pro athletes, I’m not as good as them so I don’t try anymore.  

I take vitamins,  eat healthy and work out.  I try to give my wife a sexy looking body that will turn her on.  

I listen to her.  If she says there is noting wrong with me I believe her.  Also if she says she needs a vibrator I don’t look at it as a knock on me , I look at it as just a way to help her achieve what she wants. 

Most importantly .  I tell myself that god gave me this body for a reason,  I don’t know why but he doesn’t make mistakes,  so there is a reason I am who I am and I will live it to the fullest 

your posts have helped me and I hope that this one helps you.  

[LostBoy]

Hello and thanks for the post.

You and I are similar in the fact that I also have a great wife, we use vibrators, and about 85% of the time I am ok.

I also had issues with using a vibrator to begin with (even though it was my idea). We had been married a few years and I thought that I might have been doing okay in bed before then but realized quickly, when using the toy, that I had never seen my wife have an orgasm before. This realization that we had dated and even been married for a while before she had an orgasm really hurt me to begin with but I have now accepted the fact that she needs extra assistance that I am unable to give to reach a climax.

I also have ups and downs I'm my emotions regarding my small penis. Sometimes it doesn't cross my mind and other times I'm obsessed with it.

Welcome to the community!

[YOTH]

Funny thing about orgasms is that some women don't have them at all without vibrators. Some women can easily, others need mechanical assistance regardless of penis size. Also I suppose it's down to what gets you off. If it's a big cock, then power to you. But if you enjoy s&m then I guess it's less relevant. I do ok in the grand scheme of things. I usually get her off once through penetration and once again using the vibrator as I take a bit longer to spill the beans so to speak (although there were dark days a few years back when I'd sabotage anything good with my mind before it got started). But I don't personally have anything against toys, they can be fun and different. And I've learned that most women like small butt plugs, so if she's in to that, a smaller penis is potentially advantageous. 

[PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero]

On 3/5/2018 at 7:32 PM, Sea182018 said:

For a woman,  a big dick will always feel better than a small one,  you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out, size does matter,  especially girth

That's not always true. While I agree that it is true in a good majority (80 percent maybe), some women don't need to be fully filled in order to cum and prefer (or require) clitoral simulation to get off.

[2thin2win]

@sea - i am the exact same size as you and married and feel the same way about my wife.  What kind of got me down and confirmed my thoughts was that about a month ago I had sex with my wife at 5.2" girth and she had an orgasm within a couple of minutes, granted it was after i gave her a valentines day full body massage and she was already way in the mood.  It was different than her normal clitoral orgasms, seemed a lot stronger. I don't know if she has ever had one from just  sex before that night, at least with me.  So now I only have sex with her with about 4.8" girth and she likes it but it takes longer than 5.2".  we went on a cruise the last four days and a couple times in the AM,  i went in at my natural 4.5" girth and it seemed like she barely felt me. I get frustrated sometimes to think that if i was normal, things would be better for her. I, like you workout daily so at least I can give her a decent visual. 

You know the thing is, is that  many of my friends' wives do not like to have sex with their husbands. Many of my friends complain about that all the time. I can't imagine ALL of them are small so it has to be something else that makes them tick. I think i'm lucky in that regard as my wife always willingly has sex with me and will initiate if it goes past maybe 5 or 6 days. 

Also, you mentioned you jelqed and it didn't work. I could swear that it worked for me on week 7, but nothing after that. How long did you do it for? 

[Sea182018]

2 hours ago, PDXsUnHungAndUnsungHero said:

That's not always true. While I agree that it is true in a good majority (80 percent maybe), some women don't need to be fully filled in order to cum and prefer (or require) clitoral simulation to get off.

I agree I wasn’t referring to freakishly big ones like 8 9 inches 

I was kind of referring to an average girth vs a small one 

[Sea182018]

1 hour ago, 2thin2win said:

@sea - i am the exact same size as you and married and feel the same way about my wife.  What kind of got me down and confirmed my thoughts was that about a month ago I had sex with my wife at 5.2" girth and she had an orgasm within a couple of minutes, granted it was after i gave her a valentines day full body massage and she was already way in the mood.  It was different than her normal clitoral orgasms, seemed a lot stronger. I don't know if she has ever had one from just  sex before that night, at least with me.  So now I only have sex with her with about 4.8" girth and she likes it but it takes longer than 5.2".  we went on a cruise the last four days and a couple times in the AM,  i went in at my natural 4.5" girth and it seemed like she barely felt me. I get frustrated sometimes to think that if i was normal, things would be better for her. I, like you workout daily so at least I can give her a decent visual. 

You know the thing is, is that  many of my friends' wives do not like to have sex with their husbands. Many of my friends complain about that all the time. I can't imagine ALL of them are small so it has to be something else that makes them tick. I think i'm lucky in that regard as my wife always willingly has sex with me and will initiate if it goes past maybe 5 or 6 days. 

Also, you mentioned you jelqed and it didn't work. I could swear that it worked for me on week 7, but nothing after that. How long did you do it for? 

How did you know you were 5.2 the one time and 4.5 others.  Were you measuring it before in a different room or something? If I am really in the mood,  and I have a big hardon,  I think I am closer to 5,  it makes a big difference.  But usually for our routine sex I never get that hard. I have looked into natural supplements to try and help with that, but haven’t taken any yet.    Also,  many of my wives friends tell Her that they have sex way less than us.  I don’t think size has anything to do with it.  In fact if any of them are bigger those wives might not be up for it more than once or twice a month.   Which leads us back to you and mes original problem where there is that one time when they need more and we can’t do it.   I’m getting way better,  it’s amazing how much half an inch (which is really all I would want) make a difference in life 

Also,  one thing I have learned is that as women move through their cycles,  their cervix moves as well,  certain times during the month they might require more and certain times less.  I have tried to figure that out to “know what I’m up against”. If it’s one of those times I try to give her an orgasm before sex so at least she has one and then it feels good for both of us after and I feel less pressure 

[Iopotos]

I do not know if there are any official numbers, but there truly, really are women who do not orgasm from intercourse. Just ask a few random women (well... perhaps not "on the street"-random) if they enter anything into their vagina while masturbating.

If this was true:

On 6.3.2018 at 4:32 AM, Sea182018 said:

 For a woman,  a big dick will always feel better than a small one,  you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out, size does matter,  especially girth

then every women would use something big to put into her vagina while masturbating, right? But that is not the case!

And I bet you actually know that, but somehow you (and some other people with a similar problem) just don''t want to let go of this concept. You are projecting a completely different problem onto female sexuality. I think the real problem is hidden here:

On 6.3.2018 at 4:32 AM, Sea182018 said:

Most will say that size doesn’t matter but they truly don’t understand what it means for a man to be less than average. 

It is you who is not satisfied. You miss something in the way you have sex and it has nothing to do with the pleasure you bring your wife.

Perhaps it really is that you can't let go of the idea that women need to "feel full" (which, by the way, can never happen since every vagina is bigger than a penis). Perhaps you are fixated on the idea to "fill something". I have no idea what it is. But please do not add to the wrong and ridiculous ideas that already complicate sexual pleasure for women.

[Sea182018]

54 minutes ago, Iopotos said:

I do not know if there are any official numbers, but there truly, really are women who do not orgasm from intercourse. Just ask a few random women (well... perhaps not "on the street"-random) if they enter anything into their vagina while masturbating.

If this was true:

then every women would use something big to put into her vagina while masturbating, right? But that is not the case!

And I bet you actually know that, but somehow you (and some other people with a similar problem) just don''t want to let go of this concept. You are projecting a completely different problem onto female sexuality. I think the real problem is hidden here:

It is you who is not satisfied. You miss something in the way you have sex and it has nothing to do with the pleasure you bring your wife.

Perhaps it really is that you can't let go of the idea that women need to "feel full" (which, by the way, can never happen since every vagina is bigger than a penis). Perhaps you are fixated on the idea to "fill something". I have no idea what it is. But please do not add to the wrong and ridiculous ideas that already complicate sexual pleasure for women.

Hey,  well said.  That’s why you join forums like this once in a while to get strength and to get called out for something.  You are probably spot on as to how I feel,  now the hard part is working through it to conquer it.  

My original post said that often people like us have other issues like trust,  being controlling, etc. it’s all part of the plan to overcome 

thanks for the post 

 

[2thin2win]

@Sea182018   yeah, after we do it she usually goes to the bathroom and one time my thing felt large so i measured it even though it was half soft by the time I did. and it was 5.2". I don't think it's healthy to be that though so i do it on special occasions only.   As far as natural supplements, L-arginine works well for me, so much that i stopped taking cialis. I'm slowly starting to think that we are both wrong and our wives don't need to or want to be "filled up" or get something we can't give; i think they just want us and how we are. Last night i tried to put this bigger dildo in her  and she didn't want it,  she pushed it out and she grabbed me and put me in.  in fact in the last 6 months or so, she's been having orgasms without anything but me.  I am slowly starting to creep up to 4.7" so maybe that's it, or something else. Shit, another .25" and i'll be normal....yeah. But normal is more for myself, not necessarily for my wife if that makes any sense.

[2thin2win]

I didn't read lopotos post before posting mine. I read it now and it makes a lot of sense. in fact, it's spot on correct. good job lopotos and thanks for your contribution.

[YOTH]

I think the main problem here is for the most part overlooked. That is that we want other men to think we're big. We could be lousy in bed (all the gear, no idea) and we'd still be for the most part happy because other men would see our swinging dick in the showers and we'd get that superficial respect that we crave so much. Lopotos is right about female masturbation, although they do use dildos etc they mostly do it themselves by rubbing their clit. I think it's more about how we're perceived as total man. 

[Sea182018]

I agree with your post but sometimes it’s hard for men to get over this.  Think about how society in general constantly reminds men that they have to be huge.  Tv shows, movies,  bill boards,  radio commercials,  porn.  All say one thing , size matters.  It is a huge hurtle to overcome mentally.   

[LostBoy]

8 hours ago, Sea182018 said:

Think about how society in general constantly reminds men that they have to be huge.  Tv shows, movies,  bill boards,  radio commercials,  porn.  All say one thing , size matters.

This is one of my main triggers. I know that I hear at least one statement per week on TV, and probably more, regarding "size matters" or something to that affect.

I just don't understand why we're constantly bombarded with this. In addition, females are hearing this as well and I believe that after hearing the exact same message continuously for a long period of time people become conditioned to believing it's true.

It's a form of propaganda that is not much different than that performed by Nazis. I truly hope that I do not offend anyone by this comparison but if you give me a chance to explain you'll see how true it really is.

This is an explanation out of Mein Kampf, written by Hitler, regarding propaganda.

"The receptive powers of the masses are very restricted, and their understanding is feeble. On the other hand, they quickly forget. Such being the case, all effective propaganda must be confined to a few bare essentials and those must be expressed as far as possible in stereotyped formulas. These slogans should be persistently repeated until the very last individual has come to grasp the idea that has been put forward. (...) Every change that is made in the subject of a propagandist message must always emphasize the same conclusion. The leading slogan must of course be illustrated in many ways and from several angles, but in the end one must always return to the assertion of the same formula."

I truly believe that the constant reminder that "size matters", in it's many different forms is propaganda. I don't know why it's being used to adapt our thinking, maybe to give males insecurity or maybe to drive females to being unsatisfied, maybe both? I also don't know who would be behind such a plot (maybe it's become self-fulfilling over time).

All I know is there has to be something to it or behind it. Otherwise why would we hear it continuously?

[YOTH]

Reminds me of The Edward Bernays quote on propaganda:

The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. ...We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of. This is a logical result of the way in which our democratic society is organized. Vast numbers of human beings must cooperate in this manner if they are to live together as a smoothly functioning society.(I guess when we're constantly worried about appearance or obsessed with how perfect we are we're not a problem for the powers that be. Emasculated men aren't about to form an army to overthrow the government) ...In almost every act of our daily lives, whether in the sphere of politics or business, in our social conduct or our ethical thinking, we are dominated by the relatively small number of persons...who understand the mental processes and social patterns of the masses. It is they who pull the wires which control the public mind. 

Apparently Heinrich Himmler was an avid reader of Bernays work and used a lot of it to push the Nazi propaganda machine. Definitely works keeping the vast majority of men feeling less than, like verbal castration. And we're all buying it and pointing fingers at the smaller guy. 

 

[Sea182018]

Also this is something else I was thinking about the other day.  The problem we face in our minds is made worse by the fact that we can’t change our body like women can.  

If women don’t like their breasts they can go get implants which have come a long way,  women (and men) can get Lipo or nose jobs or tummy tucks etc.........  but there is one body part for men that can’t be changed and we all know what it is.  Sure there is surgery but if you look at results it’s way more dangerous and often leads to a worse situation.  For those that want girth it ends up looking horrible, and all the pills pumps and stretches in the world usually don’t work at all and can lead to injury.  

So well endowed men and women who aren’t happy with other body issues can just go change them,  whereas men who are smaller can’t change it and are left to just deal with it while constantly being told that size matters.  

When women (or men) make fun of someone for being small,  they have no idea how they might be tormenting that person,  literally ruining his life.  

I often wonder why there is not some doctor out there that has discovered a way to enlarge safely.  Has that person not come out for fear of embarrassment because of how society views this topic?  Why is breast enlargement considered so normal and penis enlargement held to secrecy on the Internet with scams and false hopes?  

Man that was a longer post than intended 

[YOTH]

@Sea182018 I've mentioned this before, but it's still crazy to me that they're actually preparing to attach the human head of a man with a wasting body to a healthy donor body of a dead guy. How in God's name is that a priority? Seriously, deal with the cock transplant first and then work up to the head. Surely it's easier to graft a dead gangsters big black cock onto me than it is to get a whole new body? Lol

[Klingsor]

There is no conspiracy or conscious influence. It's just the zeitgeist of our time. Materialism. How many people do you know would flatly tell you, "if I can't see it, hear it, touch it, smell it, or taste it, then it doesn't exist." How many people here would say that? Unless a dick is particularly tasty or whistles jazz tunes or produces a wonderful aroma, what other basis of comparison would there be other than size? If we're just flesh and bones and heat and blood what other basis of comparison for relationships would there be besides the quality of the sex and the appearance of one's partner? Certainly sex sells and there is no shortage of individuals ready and able to capitalize on it. 

[Sea182018]

Now that’s some funny stuff right there 

[YOTH]

Now that'd be one impressive dick, tastes good and whistles jazz? Get it to whistle some Lil Mix and it might win the X-Factor. To think, my knob on tour. I'd end up getting coffees while my dick shags groupies in its trailer. Typical

[LostBoy]

@Klingsor_the_Capon, first off, my dick tastes like vanilla beans and smells like fine perfumes so women should be beating down my door.

In all seriousness though, I still think there is more to "size matters" than simply materialism. Skinny people are preferred so why not small dicks? I know that one could play the "big breast" card as rationalization for the materialism argument and even though there is some correlation I do not hear comments about big breasts being better on tv, movies, etc... On a weekly basis. I guess one could also argue that the "size matters" movement is similar to the "skinny" movement we're bombarded with in the media. The skinny movement is just more seen than said and I guess the big dick movement can't be "seen" as much so it has to be said.

I'm typically not a conspiracy theorist but I still believe there's more to it than materialism. It's too perfect of a tag line and it's too prominent, in my humble opinion, to come to existence without some formal structure behind it.

[Klingsor]

I've argued both points. Was curious what the reaction would be if I said it wasn't a conspiracy. At the end of the day the why doesn't matter very much. It is what it is what it isn't what it is what it ain't.

P.S. I once posted about 25 videos consisting of commercials, advertisements, etc. that I spent half a morning grabbing off YouTube and the Internet as proof of how pervasive it is, and my nemesis, RogerwotcherJ, debunked it saying it proved nothing. That you'll find what you search for. I'd love to see you debate him on this topic. 

P.P.S. This also demonstrates the total worthlessness of rational argument to prove anything. And statistics, especially statistics. Any fact can always be employed to produce a counter-argument. People are slaves to their beliefs. 

 

 

[Victimorthecrime]

8 hours ago, Klingsor_the_Capon said:

People are slaves to their beliefs.

Particularly when those beliefs are working for them.  

[LostBoy]

@Klingsor_the_Capon, I love that chart! I have actually seen it before but it perfectly explains why correlation does not mean causation in all cases. I personally enjoy and use statistics quite heavily in my work and as I have mentioned before, I even keep a spreadsheet on my penis size measurements in order to generate an adequate sample size for statistical purposes and to generate a more accurate standard deviation (yes, I know that I am not well)

11 hours ago, Klingsor_the_Capon said:

This also demonstrates the total worthlessness of rational argument to prove anything.

I am so logically minded that it drives me crazy to try and discuss something with an illogical person. I just can't even comprehend that mentality so it frustrates me to no end. I'm not saying they are wrong and I am right (even though I am normally right ), I'm just saying that it is mind numbing to argue with them because they have no rational basis behind their position, yet they still believe it is "right".

[Victimorthecrime]

"Correlation is not causation" is a sentence I learned in college statistics and remains one of my favorite expressions.  

What it is that is "logical" depends on the goal.  For example if I am painting a house and want to do a really good job what is logical to do will be vastly different than if I am painting and don't give a shit and just want to get paid and go home.  

I believe most misunderstandings arise from this, from people assuming the other person has the same goals as you.