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Sea182018

Small victory

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So I’m kind of new here, only a month or so and a couple posts but I’ve been a long time reader.  To recap my stats are 5.75 length and 4.5 girth not small and I have no issues with length but  My main concern has always been girth.  Last night my wife and I had sex and I was feeling more aroused than usual before.  We both were able to achieve orgasm ( her with the help of a vibrator which I don’t care)  afterwards she said something I have never heard in my life.   She said that I felt really thick this time.  It made me feel great.  After a minute my normal negative thoughts kicked in saying well if I was bigger she would feel that all the time but for once I was quickly able to remove those feelings and be positive that i received a rare compliment. 

Small victory but a lot more hard work ahead 

 

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Dude yes!! Stick with that!! I’ve always remembered any girl that had complimented my girth and/size. I have obsessed with being big enough for years. My now ex wife made a comment when she lied about how many guys she had slept with when we first started sleeping together. I try to think that she was being truthful even then. Lol

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Glad you were able to get a victory within yourself. Your girth is within the average I believe. 4.5 is a good girth. 

I have struggled with thinking I’m big enough since I was a teenager. And even knowing I am a good size(5.5 length and 5.5 girth). I get it dude. 

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I know it's a mental thing but I wish I was as big as either of you. Compared to me, you're both huge.

I'm really not trying to minimize your struggles because I know they're real. I just feel so inadequate I guess.

Sorry, I shouldn't even have mentioned my feelings because this thread is about you.

@Sea182018, I'm really glad you had a victory and hopefully it will continue for you.

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Hey man, @lostboy1, you aren’t minimizing anything. Always feel free to talk. Everyone here feels inadequate. For everyone there is the mental aspect of things, as you said. If you ever want to private talk, more then welcome to message me 😊 

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@lostboy1

If people with normal sized penises have a right to complain about their size complexes, you have a right to distinguish between an actual small penis and what is essentially a mental impairment on their part. I hope my comments aren't recieved harshly, but when I consider that the former group (just like the OP) candidly state they're not actually small - I'm sure I'm not pointing out anything unusual.

 

People like you (& myself) have actual physical impairments and this is why normal sized sps sufferers will never, ever, under any circumstance experience what we do. It is apples & oranges. We are not in the same boat we're not even in the same lake. So you have every right to draw this distinction. 

 

Not to beat this to death but imagine a an average looking girl who feels ugly. It would be one thing if she truly believed it, but if she's able to candidly admit she's average looking then it isn't even a belief! & compare her to a genuinely ugly girl. Their lives & limitations would be completely different. They don't even have the same disorder. One's grievance is born of a genuine physical shortcoming whilst the other is probably displacing something else or wants to be "very" pretty. When you consider that she's actually able to admit she's "average looking" then it's curious as to how deeply rooted & widely spread her mental/emotional grief is. I'll give you a clue - not very.

 

Again - I am not trying to say that even the average guys couldn't benefit from a little bit more cockage, but once they admit they are normal sized then I find it difficult to sympathise. That by definition isn't a delusion. It's not a belief. So it isn't deeply rooted. Thus it can't be widespread (mentally/emotionally). It's just a guy who wants more.

 

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I am really sorry if my post offended anyone.  I actually almost didn’t post it,  the reason I posted it is because this website has personally helped me,  people like you lostboy and small.    I realized that a lot of what I deal with is not actually size but mental,  selfishness,  greed,  and insecurity.  Maybe that why I was given what I have,  which is basically average or slightly below so that I can work on the more important issues that I have.  I can’t even begin to imagine what others feel like but I am also educating myself on that too,  listening to your stories and the strength you have had to have to overcome the issues has made me better.   

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No worries from me @Sea182018, I was not offended.

I don't want to speak for @Small but I don't think he was offended either. He was just trying to make a point regarding my comment.

In the end we can all learn from each other on here. Before joining I would have never considered that average size guys can have enough issues with their size to warrant joining a forum like this. Don't get me wrong, I imagine most guys would like larger dicks. But I would have never guessed it would be "bad" enough to spend time on a forum discussing it.

And there is a difference between what you and Griz suffer from and what Small and I suffer from. They may both be technically considered SPS but they are different. I dont know at what size it crosses over but I am at one extreme and you and Griz are at the other. Personally, if I was average in size (plus or minus 1SD) I really don't think that I would have enough of an issue to warrant being on here (I could be wrong but we'll never know). I actually did the opposite for many years. I attempted to convince myself that I really was average in size and I did everything in my power to prove that to myself (I was delusional in this regard).

It was only after I turned about 23 that it really hit me that I was small.

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6 hours ago, lostboy1 said:

It was only after I turned about 23 that it really hit me that I was small.

I have no reason why I feel sad after seeing this. I was always trying to avoid the problem that I am small too. Just lack of courage, and remain a bit of hope. I searched the Internet and was told that it is normal only if penis is above 8cm, which, however, is small on the other side.

I am 21 this year. In fact, I don't struggle to admit the smallness anymore. But I still don't have courage to begin any relationship even between guys. It risks a lot to expose your shortage to others. I fear my privacy would leak away and known to the public. (…)

Well, it seems weird to complain in this  victorious occasion. I feel sorry about it and congratulate the small victory you've made. I also appreciate a lot that you guys share your story with everybody else on this web. I learn a lot from your stories and regain some courage which I drained. 

Good dream.

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8 hours ago, lostboy1 said:

No worries from me @Sea182018, I was not offended.

I don't want to speak for @Small but I don't think he was offended either. He was just trying to make a point regarding my comment.

 

Thank you for clarifying my position here. I wasn't offended by the thread or series of posts. I just found the brief exchange the OP shared with Griz warranted a decisive response & as usual i had to be the bad guy. i do understand that the desire for a larger penis can be persistent in some normal sized guys & it warrants attention. They have every right to air their troubles regarding it.

 

Since most of the normal sized guys on here have taken the trouble to admit they are normal sized I simply wanted to return the favor & remind them that by doing this what they suffer from is not a 1) medical condition 2) a belief or 3) a delusion. It is in more shallow waters than that. I have no doubt that they are bothered by their size. I am not claiming otherwise. But i feel that in an attempt to welcome our counterparts with open arms we have muddied the well needed lines between us which add add perspective to our so called victories & defeats in everyday life.

 

I remember years ago sps was frequently compared to anorexia by one particular member. That none of the sufferers were ever fat beyond following a certain poundage of weight loss. But because they believed they were fat, it fuelled a whole host of delusions which caused more erratic & continuous starvation than in normal obese women. This its in the mind not the body narrative was subsequently pushed here. 

 

However, a fundamental & obligatory requirement to anorexia or any body dismorphic disorder is a firm unwavering belief in that they are physically inadequate (regardless of the nominal range in which they fit). Therapy is acutely aimed to challenge this belief & this can take years, with poor success rates & high relapse rates. 

 

But the difference between the good people of this sub-forum & legitimate BDD sufferers is that in most cases they don't even believe they have a small penis, since they declare this matter occasionally. With no belief of a physical shortcoming how can there be a meaningful delusion? There can't. And with no delusion we are left with weak & fragmented notions that they just need to be bigger. Now, for anyone who does suffer from that, you have a home here. Clearly you can't be likened to people who are dandy with their genital formation.

 

Anyway lostboy1, I hope I haven't waffled on here. I was just trying to stand up for you. I know you weren't being picked on but i did sense some frustration on your part which stems from this "equal misery" notion which is bullshit in my opinion. I am dearly sorry for hijacking the thread. Well done to the OP for feeling adequate with his wife.

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7 hours ago, 1997Henry said:

I have no reason why I feel sad after seeing this. I was always trying to avoid the problem that I am small too.

I knew that I was "smallish" but never really realized that I was tiny. I asked several girlfriends if I was small and most would say "______ was smaller". I now realize they were likely lying to make me feel better because statistically this wouldn't be possible. They all named one guy that was smaller. It seemed like a coincidence then and now I realize that it was just to keep from saying I was the smallest.

Around 23 I really got into male to male chats and after exchanging nude pictures with quite a few guys I had a sudden realization of how small I really was.

I guess it's a good thing I didn't know or realize it when I was younger or else I probably wouldn't have had sex. I would have been too ashamed.

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5 hours ago, Small said:

But the difference between the good people of this sub-forum & legitimate BDD sufferers is that in most cases they don't even believe they have a small penis, since they declare this matter occasionally. With no belief of a physical shortcoming how can there be a meaningful delusion? There can't. And with no delusion we are left with weak & fragmented notions that they just need to be bigger. 

Hi @Small, your logic is sound and I was actually thinking about BDD and anorexia as examples before you even mentioned it. Do you think that delusion has to be constant or can it ebb and flow over time? The reason I ask is that I know for a fact that I am small and I don't think anyone would argue with the measurements, but there have been times that I am perfectly fine and then there are times that it eats at my soul like a cancerous tumor. In the past few years it has been the latter more so than the former but I honestly had many years in between my "episodes"of SPS that even though I knew I was small it didn't really bother me at all.

Could "average" size people be the same way? They may recognize the fact that they are average and sometimes this may be of no concern but could their be times that something triggers them mentally and drives them to believe differently?

This is a somewhat interesting read and indicates that BDD could be either delusional or non-delusional. I suppose SPS could be as well since it is merely a form of BDD.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2809249/

I just wanted to discuss this more because I find it intriguing and have often wondered if there is a line that is being crossed from SPS into something else in some of these discussions. @Griz and @Sea182018, I'm not saying that this is the case with either of you and I apologize for hijacking this thread as well.

If you know you are average in size but just want to be bigger is it SPS or just envy/greed? If you are tiny, and you recognize this fact, then you are not delusional so does that exclude you from having SPS? If you are average yet always believe you are small, regardless of what the tape says, then you might be delusional so would this classify as SPS?

My personal opinion is that most if not all men want a bigger penis. This has been ingrained into our subconscious through propaganda in television, movies, radio, and magazines. Just because all men want a bigger penis does not mean that all men have SPS. I think SPS is that next level, regardless of your size, that either makes you obsess over your size, drives negative social situations due to your perceived size, or limits your ability to live "normally" due to your perceived size.

Personally, I fit all three categories to some extent (obsession is probably my strongest).

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@lostboy1

It's probably best you start up a new thread on Small Penis vs Small Penis Syndrome & we can discuss things there. I read some of the journal article & i find it very dubious as to how the findings were summarised. I don't have much more to add on the topic without getting technical & esoteric.

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On ‎3‎/‎25‎/‎2018 at 11:30 PM, Small said:

@lostboy1

If people with normal sized penises have a right to complain about their size complexes, you have a right to distinguish between an actual small penis and what is essentially a mental impairment on their part. I hope my comments aren't recieved harshly, but when I consider that the former group (just like the OP) candidly state they're not actually small - I'm sure I'm not pointing out anything unusual.

 

People like you (& myself) have actual physical impairments and this is why normal sized sps sufferers will never, ever, under any circumstance experience what we do. It is apples & oranges. We are not in the same boat we're not even in the same lake. So you have every right to draw this distinction. 

 

Not to beat this to death but imagine a an average looking girl who feels ugly. It would be one thing if she truly believed it, but if she's able to candidly admit she's average looking then it isn't even a belief! & compare her to a genuinely ugly girl. Their lives & limitations would be completely different. They don't even have the same disorder. One's grievance is born of a genuine physical shortcoming whilst the other is probably displacing something else or wants to be "very" pretty. When you consider that she's actually able to admit she's "average looking" then it's curious as to how deeply rooted & widely spread her mental/emotional grief is. I'll give you a clue - not very.

 

Again - I am not trying to say that even the average guys couldn't benefit from a little bit more cockage, but once they admit they are normal sized then I find it difficult to sympathise. That by definition isn't a delusion. It's not a belief. So it isn't deeply rooted. Thus it can't be widespread (mentally/emotionally). It's just a guy who wants more.

 

Excellent points.  Seems to me Small Penis Syndrome is when a guy cannot adjust with some equanimity to his significantly smaller than average penis.  Average according to science is 5.1 inches!  Body Dysmorphic Disorder is thinking your penis is small when it isn't.  I know my definitions are a little different than those of authorities.

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On ‎3‎/‎24‎/‎2018 at 8:56 PM, Sea182018 said:

She said that I felt really thick this time.  It made me feel great.  After a minute my normal negative thoughts kicked in saying well if I was bigger she would feel that all the time but for once I was quickly able to remove those feelings and be positive that i received a rare compliment. 

I've found that women often make comments they think are positive reinforcers for their partners, but actually have the opposite effect as they reveal a size consciousness they are normally loath to admit.

My first wife who had no personal knowledge of cock sizes prior to marriage, would often enjoy small penis humor, not realizing that I was small!

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I think a distinction that needs to be made is their acceptance of the fact that they are in truth average.

A lot of small penis issues has to do with believed perception, not reality.

 

In college I had a girlfriend who had been with one other guy before me....sort of. It got weird, we ended up being fraternity brothers, and we all ended up in the same bed most nights....

 

Let me get to it. She dated him for several months before he broke up with her. They were both virgins when they met. He had a proportionate 7 inch cock, but every time they went to have sex he'd go flaccid. She could stroke and suck him all day long and he would have this large very firm cock, but it would be jelly worm before he could get it south of her firm and perky breasts. He had length to stuff it in her with his fingers but it wouldn't get hard again until it was away from her pussy. She would suck him off and he'd give her oral to please her but fingers and tongues were the only thing they gave each other orgasms with. He felt aweful and broke up with her, even though he still loved her.

The next semester I come to campus and meet her at a party and we go back to her place and she thinks my little hard cock is amazing...because it was actually hard, and like him I had performed a lot of oral to begin this whole thing. Several weeks later very drunk one night she tells me about the only other guy, who was so much bigger then me but never had sex, but she use to get so turned on feeling and sucking his big cock, and it was better then mine in every way but actual sex. This wasn't a mean statement, it was a rowdy drunken half laughing conversation while we were sucking each other all over and rubbing and stroking.

To be honest I'm not sure how it happened, but about a week later I'm drunk, sitting naked on her bed with my little dick throbbing hard, she's in this sexy blue lingerie sitting on my lap and he's fully dressed standing in front of her and she's rubbing his inner thigh...and he's babbling about how much he loves her and needs her...and she's moaning about how she missed and loved sucking his cock as she undoes his pants...She was sucking his cock sitting on my lap when he asked if I was in her now, she looked up at him and softly said no, you'd know it if he was and then took his cock to the base as he gasped and said how would I know? She reached under and grabbed me and took me inside her and gave out a long low moan with his cock still in her mouth. He said you never made that sound with me, she moaned he doesn't have difficulty get in me...or staying in me....she was grinding on me like she never had before and sucking his cock with a hunger I had never seen. He asked if I was bigger and she said no, but he fills my pussy so much more then you ever did....and that was it, he never heard the no he just heard I filled her pussy so much more then he ever did. Not that night but after that night he would see me naked and hard while she was sucking his much larger cock...but he couldn't believe, he couldn't accept the notion that he had a bigger cock. I mean I knew I was small and he believed regardless of what his eyes told him that I had the bigger cock.  

The rest of that night, the rest of that year and several times the following year, I was nothing but a dildo for her. She fucked me wildly any time she had his cock in her mouth, and it was incredible sex, but it was just sex and her eyes and her body and her mouth were all making love to him while she fucked me. 

 

20 some years later, they are happily married with two kids (his but not by natural fertilization) and he still thinks of ME as the big cock she fucked when they broke up for a semester.

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