Can’t feel sexual pleasure. No sex drive. Depressed.

[emed27]

Since I’ve been 17 I believe i suffer from a condition known as “sexual anhedonia” which is where a person ejaculates but feels no pleasure from it. See, before that, I was a very lonely and depressed teenager. I started to develop some serious psychiatric problems, However, my orgasms were my way of escape. I was addicted to masterbating and thinking about sex. Then suddenly one night i was in the middle of masterbating and I noticed I was about to have a really intense orgasm. So right before I was about to ejaculate I squeezed my head together in order to lower the intensity of the orgasm because I didn’t want to have a heart attack and then all of a sudden BOOM, I ejaculated and felt absolutely no pleasure. I immediately knew there was something wrong. I thought I broke something in my brain and now have to live with pleasureless orgaasms. Anyway, ever since that night I no longer have a sex drive or have any type of sexual attraction. Porn doesn’t turn me on anymore, absolutely zero libido. And when I force myself to masterbate in hopes of feeling a euphoric relief, i feel nothing. I’m now 25 and ever since that night I’ve woken up every day with sever anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts because i no longer feel my orgasms or have a sexuality. I also noticed that I can no longer find pleasure in food. It’s almost like I broke the part of the brain that controls satisfaction. I’ve had an mri and it came out good. I just don’t know how to cope with this any longer. The one thing that relieved me from all pain (my orgasms) no longer functions. It’s been like this for the past 8 years. I hope everyday that it’s just all in my head but I know it isn’t. I just don’t know what to do.

[LostBoy]

It sounds like you sought medical support already but I would recommend continuing down that path. Between the psychological and medical support, one of the two should be able to help or at least clearly identify the problem.

I masturbated a lot as a teen and can't imagine what it would be like without that release. I wish you the very best in this tough journey.

[LaLa]

That sounds really frustrating and depressing, emed  . May I ask what physicians told you about the condition? How many of specialists have you seen? Perhaps there is someone who could have a better insight than others (not many doctors know enough (or at all) about rare conditions, unfortunately). Also (sorry that I don't remember it from other posts); have you been in psychotherapy and / or medicated for your depression? 

Also, is there still some that can make you feel at least a bit good? Like, for instance, music you like and / or a doing something good and important for someone else?

I hope this won't irritate you or make you feel misunderstood / 'dismissed', but there is a view on depression that says it exists to force us to think and change our lives for better (do you want some articles about it?). So from this point of view, you might interpret your symptoms as signs that you need to find new, "better" (more meaningful? more fulfilling?) sources of good feelings (not exactly pleasure which is, of course, the most intensive, but also the most elusive and short-lived). Perhaps once you find some contentment in your life, thanks to very different activities than before, you might even re-gain your ability to feel pleasure. (Think of it as an analogy to pain: When you take care about the injury, it may go away as its role has ended.) I know there's no certainty that it will work out this way, but isn't trying to get better (and hoping for change) a better option than succumb to despair? ... I know it's not easy at all, but... isn't it worth a try? And there surely are people (psychotherapists, ...?) who'd be able to support you and help...

In any case, I wish you the best of luck to get better!

[emed27]

@LaLa I actually self diagnosed myself from doing online searches of my symptoms and also I watched a show on tv where some guy had the same problem I had. According to the show this condition is also called “p.d.o.d” and it’s very rare with no cure. Only difference between me and the guy from the show was that he still had a sex drive. I don’t. I literally have no sexual response (although i can still get an erection through stimulation). You have no idea how much this hurts. It pisses me off because during the time it happened i was already going through some serious mental issues , but I always had hope things will get better. “I’m only 17” I would tell myself. And then BOOM! I had to deal with this issue. I don’t know what the point of living is anymore. I don’t have a sexual response , I can’t taste my food and I still suffer from severe psychiatric problems. The few doctors I’ve told this to have no idea what it is. I can’t live with this stress and anguish anymore.