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My small penis is really started to affect my life


Nic77

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16 hours ago, YOTH said:

 It's male pride, if we were ok with it we'd be out getting cucked and fucked without any fight left in us. But if everyone on the planet had a 3" cock and women had smaller pussies (or w/e it would take for me to be considered huge) how would I perceive my myself and my size? Surely then it's not totally hardwired, if I've been considered big my whole life. It's just a brick wall. My life has been dictated by my average cock and tiny flaccid size.

I've done this thought experiment before and while this would lessen the competitive aspect of the anxiety, women's experiments with dildos would inevitably reveal the goldilocks dimensions (for most women) to still be what they are in this reality, and that lost opportunity to make myself feel good by possessing and utilizing those dimensions would still depress me.

Speaking of thought experiments, here's why I put no value in therapy or coping mechanisms. These are tools you implement in your headspace, and our abstract feelings about things, even our deep, primal beliefs and values, can to a certain extent be manipulated and rearranged into a custom, positive perspective that can help us to ward off dark thoughts. But confronting the idea of being small and lesser does not even compare to the visceral experience of it, any more than seeing a bear on TV compares to seeing one in real life. I think about a potential partner moaning louder for the better sensations produced by a bigger dick, and I can get over it mostly. It hurts, but I can push it out of my mind.

But when you watch videos demonstrating the difference, and hear the difference through the walls - the extent to which actually being present for it enhances the anxiety cannot properly be described or understood by anyone who is not a man with a small penis. Get the most positive minded small man in the world in a room with his woman having sex with a larger man and enjoying that penis more, and the inferiority will feel like a physical violence in his mind. I guarantee it. Imagine having a condition that made you smell like literal shit constantly - you would never overcome this; being the smaller guy is like being the smells-like-shit guy. You will never like being that guy. You will always panic when you think about being that guy.

There would be one way to escape, but not through the route the smaller man would actually desire. You can play the philosopher and consider the grander meanings of life, study meditation, and value other things more than sex, especially you age and other hardships of life force your interest in it to wane; essentially, you can disconnect your sense of self from the desire for sexual power and instead value other things in life. You can flip this switch in your brain using positive thinking. I've "done" it before, but what I realized is that this only works if that solution is in line with your principles. I reneged on that method because I eventually realized that incorporating size and sexual performance into my ego is something that I like, something that I believe a man should be able to experience, and to forego it is trying to win by not playing, not by actually winning.

The solution I really want is not to increase the value of other things in life until they outweigh size anxiety, but to increase my size until I can experience sexuality in the way that I personally find it beautiful, and that includes the feeling of being proud of my penis and its size. Not being able to do that means I'll have just to suffer, but I'd rather do that than pretend I'm okay being small, because I'm not. I don't believe in being okay with being small. I reject the idea of therapy on principle. It is natural and even manageable that I hate my penis. I believe that the right thing to do is invent penis enlargement so we can experience sex the way we really want to deep down.

14 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

First @CNL  let me say you write extremely well.  

Let me ask you, strictly from the standpoint of logic, if what you say above, not just the quote but the whole statement,  is true then that every guy w a small penis would have to be quite unhappy and displeased about it to the extent that it affects their overall happiness about life because it is a hard wired mandate of evolution?  Am I missing something?  If so say so because I am not being adversarial just exercising the intellect here. 

I hope LaLa realizes that I understand exactly how she must have felt before. This issue is an onion within an onion. It takes an essay to explain one small part of it, and then another for each of the five questions that small part spawned.

Anyway, I addressed that question somewhat above. Debilitating size anxiety is not a given for any small man. You can find a partner who accepts your penis and have a healthy sexual relationship with them, to the point that you're only bothered by it every now and then. The sticking point for me is that you can never get it to go away entirely because you'll always wish you could have sex the way you really want to, and feel the enthusiasm for your own size that you really want to. It's no different than a circumcised man longing for the sensations that were sliced off with his foreskin at birth. You could never expect him to stop longing for that, though you could expect him to stop torturing himself over it.

But yet another can of worms is opened here: how exactly do you measure pain? What does it mean for the overall happiness of your life to be affected? I no longer have debilitating size anxiety that follows me 24/7 and gives me suicidal thoughts - that was a storm that passed, and that most small men probably can, not by therapy or positive thinking but because we each only have so much energy to give something, whether negative or positive. I'm just numb to it now. I would compare my struggles with size to my sexual frustration.

Every time I see even a moderately attractive woman I feel this raw, jealous pang in my chest that ruins my appetite and attitude for about 30 seconds, and then I move on with my life. I'm so used to it at this point that it doesn't really bother me, and yet, paradoxically, I would probably give my life savings to be relieved of that feeling. It reminds me of when I still lived with my parents and would be told to do things like a child, knowing that I had to because if I was kicked out I had no options. That pang of embarrassment and humiliation eventually becomes too much for most teenagers and young adults, and many of them will do whatever it takes to escape it. Again, that pang only lasts for a few seconds - it's not even comparable to a bad papercut physically. And yet because it conflicts with our principles it feels much more damaging.

Every time I masturbate or have any sexual thought at all, that pang sounds in my chest. I remember that I am jealous of women's sexual power, and of well endowed men's sexual power. I remember that I am afraid of any potential partner having been with a larger man, and that that fear is just as bad as having actually been cucked. I remember that no matter how good I became at sex with a small penis, which could be good enough to be amazing and give orgasms, I would never be able to have sex the way I want to have sex.

I remember a post on reddit once, of a woman saying that you can make men who send dick pics uncomfortable by sending them back a picture of an even larger dick, and this insight was upvoted and heralded. How infuriating, that women wield this kind of power - that how I feel about my dick is biologically tied to the whims of an entity other than myself, not because of the entity itself but because of the body they possess. How fucking humiliating that I'll never be able to wrench that power from them by just having a dick that is objectively impressive and flipping them the bird. I don't even like that I need a woman to satisfy my sexual needs - I am all about defining my own self image and not caring what people think, but I can't because sexually satisfying women influences how I feel about myself, and so women are like a parent whose house I can never move out of. I do despise them because I need them. It's not right to need another human that way. It's a "flaw" in our biology, contrary to happiness that we desire women to the extent that we do, a straight up bad idea. If I could redesign us I would change that absolutely.

All of these negative emotions and many more swirl for just a split second every time I have a sexual thought. It's so brief and manageable at this point that I'm actually proud of how well I can resist these thoughts. I don't consider it a huge obstacle in my life anymore; if I found a woman who liked my penis I would learn to please her and be happy and just push aside these thoughts for the mere hours sex comprises per month, as YOTH pointed out (although let's not pretend that the results of sex don't echo and influence our bodies and minds up until the next time it occurs; you may only work 8 hours a day, but having a job influences how you feel about yourself 24 hours a day; it's more than just the length of time). And yet still, because of my principles, I would sacrifice everything to be larger, even though I've essentially "solved" the problem as much as it can be solved and don't experience any debilitating amount of pain over it anymore.

It leaves you in this weird purgatory where you're not agonizing over it anymore, and so it doesn't feel right to say that your overall happiness has been affected by it, and yet you're acutely aware of the gargantuan sacrifices you'd make to resolve the problem with enlargement, and so it also doesn't feel right to say your overall happiness hasn't been affected. It's just this nagging intuition that your life isn't what you want it to be, hence the comparison to gender dysphoria. It feels by turns like everything and nothing. You can't rate the "wrongness" or the pain of the feeling out of ten, and it's intensity fluctuates too much to be rated even if you could. The rating is wtf/10. It's "this just isn't right..." out of ten.

Like my when my father was injected with a medicine that he was allergic to in the hospital. He wasn't in intense pain, but something just felt off, and he knew he was dying, so he just calmly told the nurses something was wrong, after which they promptly went nuts and corrected their mistake. He wasn't writhing on the bed, but he knew something was seriously wrong and needed it changed fucking now.

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@CNL Dude, write a book. I mean it. A real book talking about the real issues, real mental health and the barriers we and society place between ourselves and normality or peace or happiness or w/e. I've been wanting to put one together for a while, a selection of stories from different men, different sizes, different parts of the world. Just to bring attention to this accepted villainisation < (is that even a word?) of small men from all walks of life as if only small men would commit atrocities (or just because they're your enemy it's ok to body shame). Trump springs to mind, but he's just the tip of the iceberg as this has been going on for years in myriad forms. I think a book would be useful. My girlfriend didn't understand at all, and I'd sheilded her from a lot of my insecurities and anger. But after Tom died and she realised how much this affects men, not as a faceless group of freaks, but as a real guy, a real human, who she'd met and liked (he was such a cool guy to talk to). She's a lot more understanding nowadays, and she is many things, but shallow isn't one of them, even less so now. I think brushing off a whole subsection of men with the "motion in the ocean" speil is not only harmful, but irresponsible from health care 'professionals'. Something needs to change. The levy needs to break. 

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I actually think comedy would be the best ambassador for us. If you don't lead with some self-deprecation people will pounce on the opportunity to subvert your message with ridicule, so you have to beat them to the punch. Also, comedy is the only medium in which I've ever encountered honesty about issues like this. Louis CK can get up on stage and do a bit about how some people really are just too ugly and undesirable to ever find someone and will likely die alone, and the audience will acknowledge the truth of it with laughter. Good luck ever getting that kind of honesty in a place like this. I could probably tell all of this shit to someone like Patrice O'Neal (if he were still alive) or Bill Burr, or a similar brutally honest comic, and get the response I think I'm looking for: "yeah man, you're right; you really are fucked you little dick faggot." *laughter*

Getting ribbed like that would be more healing than all of the advice on forums like this put together, because it would indicate understanding from an outsider, something I have failed to achieve here and on the small penis subreddit despite a novella's worth of posts. Comedians are honest and raw and will admit when something just fucking sucks, and because it's a lighthearted and anonymous atmosphere the audience will admit it too. If one were to ever emerge explaining everything I've tried to say while just pleading, with some sincerity, for everyone to stop shitting on us more than biology already has, I think that would make more of a difference than some book in an age where no one reads.

I'm aware that penis enlargement doesn't exist by the way, but it's far more helpful in any pursuit of knowledge to understand which variables cannot be changed and start from there. If we could get everyone to admit that using therapy or positive thinking to alter our desire to be bigger is actually much more difficult than inventing penis enlargement, however difficult that is, that would be a step in the right direction, because unanimous agreement on the fucking truth is always the right direction.

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I dunno, they already do little dick jokes, Bill Burr responded to a guy emailing him with a 5.5 and he said, "yeh, dude, you're small". Before Jim Jeffries became an insufferable lefty cunt (he was amazing once) he had a whole bit about girls taking the piss out of him for having a small dick with a funny comeback 👐. I'm not saying it doesn't work, but it won't help the majority. And you'll be lucky to find Louis CK saying anything these days. (Kind of wish he'd just denied that shit). And to be honest, the SJW feminist #MeToo bullshit has left Bill Burr telling jokes to a silent audience when mentioning women because they're all terrified, and they've even come or Norm Macdonald. All the comedians that could do what your saying have been castrated. Comedians are now apologising for jokes taken out of context just to avoid being socially lynched on social media. Maybe nobody will read the book, but comedy isn't gonna do shit either. Maybe a YouTube channel, Klingsor talked about that. And they've already done a full penis replacement for some veteran. They took the whole area from a dead guy, plumbed it in and attached it as one working unit (for lack of a better word). I'd say that's a good start. 

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We have to accept that this is mostly not about pleasure but about power.

When having a good sex life, a satisfied partner, a decent performance in bed (with our without workarounds to make it work) is not enough... something is wrong.

I think it's mostly because of us, men. True many women care about size and speak about it, but the overall importance it has for them it's way less than for us, that's why they are so "cruel" sometimes, because they think they are talking about something with minor importance. 

But for men, I don't know if because of porn or what, sex has a strong component of dominance and even violence. Many of us want the girl to be shocked and afraid when she see our penis, terrified in some way, to say "It's too big I can't take that", to put it in and feel she's struggling to take it  and even feeling pain, and then "surrendering" to that huge tool destroying her pussy and having a brutal orgasm and so on... well, what we mostly see on porn. That's what we really want in sex, and that's why size is never enough. That's why porn is full of big dicks when the logic says it should be full of average - small ones so the consumer feels good about his size, that's why there is fisting and extreme penetrations...

It also works between us, penis size is an indicator about the capacity of each one to submit a female... or another males if you are gay, a "bottom" has that submisive role anyway. Shows who's an alfa, a fucker, and who's not.

It's sad, but I think it's purely like this. The farther you are from this vision of sex, less problems you will have on this size department.

 

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22 hours ago, RonaldU said:

We have to accept that this is mostly not about pleasure but about power.


It's sad, but I think it's purely like this. The farther you are from this vision of sex, less problems you will have on this size department.

 

I actually don't want super large dimensions that skirt the line between pleasure and pain. Too many women complain about that, and say they prefer enough girth to feel "full," but not uncomfortably stretched. It has nothing to do with violence for me, and honestly, after having experimented with anal play myself, the idea of having a dick that a girl has to struggle to take in those scenarios you're describing just sounds tedious and inconvenient. I don't know about anyone else here, but I am not chasing that caricature of great sex at all.

I agree that it's entirely about power though. I think the idea of non-PIV sexual activities is very appealing and even "pure," because it's removed from my insecurities. You can separate your dick from the idea of sexual power and just view intercourse as a source of physical bonding and pleasure, not as an affirmation of your identity, but to me there's nothing hopeful or helpful about that at all. The pleasure of sex is enhanced by the feeling of sexual power, and the fulfillment of the dominant/submissive roles.

That's like telling a woman to not use her words or body language to accentuate her submissiveness (or whatever mentality she prefers) during sex - she can, but if that's her natural tendency it's going to make the sex much less satisfying. My natural tendency is to take pride in the dimensions of my dick and feel dominant for possessing it. Trying to stop myself from wanting that is about as exciting as jerking off without a mental image. It becomes completely mechanical and boring. The psychological part is where 99 percent of the enjoyment comes from.

Again, that's a solution by way of giving up the thing you actually want. "Winning" by not playing, or playing a different game you never really wanted to play. It's a trans person just giving up on surgery and continuing to have sex in a body they don't want.

 

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On 10/1/2018 at 1:17 PM, YOTH said:

I dunno, they already do little dick jokes, Bill Burr responded to a guy emailing him with a 5.5 and he said, "yeh, dude, you're small". Before Jim Jeffries became an insufferable lefty cunt (he was amazing once) he had a whole bit about girls taking the piss out of him for having a small dick with a funny comeback 👐. I'm not saying it doesn't work, but it won't help the majority. And you'll be lucky to find Louis CK saying anything these days. (Kind of wish he'd just denied that shit). And to be honest, the SJW feminist #MeToo bullshit has left Bill Burr telling jokes to a silent audience when mentioning women because they're all terrified, and they've even come or Norm Macdonald. All the comedians that could do what your saying have been castrated. Comedians are now apologising for jokes taken out of context just to avoid being socially lynched on social media. Maybe nobody will read the book, but comedy isn't gonna do shit either. Maybe a YouTube channel, Klingsor talked about that. And they've already done a full penis replacement for some veteran. They took the whole area from a dead guy, plumbed it in and attached it as one working unit (for lack of a better word). I'd say that's a good start. 

Why would SJWs have a problem with someone trying to defend another marginalized group? People do tend to not like it when you call out the hypocrisy, because they feel "accused" of something, which is why I think you can't approach it too seriously. Society just finds small penises too comical for anything that seriously addresses the issue to last 2 days without becoming a meme. As far as garnering empathy I agree a youtube channel or a book might work, but that's not really I'm talking about.

I want a comedian less to take society to task for shitting on us, and more to just talk about how shitty this really is without getting bombarded by a bunch of worthless advice. "Look, women, imagine that 80 percent of the other women in this world have super-vaginas that secrete a chemical that doubles the sensitivity of the penis, and makes sex objectively better with them than with you. Do you know how shitty that would make you feel? Do you understand that every guy with even an average dick has to deal with this feeling, with knowing you probably got plowed by some bigger guy and will always remember that as, in a purely physical sense, the best sex you ever had? Could you all just acknowledge how much that sucks for us please, just because empathy naturally makes us feel a little better when something sucks and you can't do anything about it? Don't you get pissed when men try to come up with reasons it doesn't suck that bad to have a period? Just fucking agree that it sucks please." Whatever type of communicator can deliver this message or create this scenario, that's what I want.

I chose comedy because I want to see this discussion take place in popular culture, in an arena that's not sectioned off for sensitive issues and political correctness. Take it too seriously, and the response could easily be "oh jeez, now we gotta use kid gloves for the guys with little dicks? Oh my god the world is so PC now wtf" - an idiot. You could curb some of that by making fun of yourself a little.

Anyway, I've never been on this forum for advice. I want, just once, to feel like a woman has understood how shitty this feeling is, and to look just as helpless and distraught by the lack of any real solution as we are, because that would be the only proof of their understanding. I want them to suffer that, just because human beings naturally want other humans to understand them. Every woman that tries to convince us we take size too seriously is a woman who has no fucking idea what this feels like, and I hate all of them for it. It's like they're saying they could be in our position and do a better job. No bitch, you couldn't. Within thirty seconds you'd be stumped just like us.

The only impulse that keeps me posting here is pedantry. My posts seem emotional, but it's the same energy you apply to correcting typos. I know what size anxiety feels like and what causes it, and everyone just gets it so fucking wrong. It's like reading an article that uses the wrong "your" over and over and over again. Can one woman get it right just once please? Just so my eye can stop twitching? Jesus Christ.

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You should join our whatsapp group. It's a laugh over there, not as serious as this graveyard of emotions. We talk about it, but we talk about all sorts of other stuff too, normal day to day shit. This place is ok for a vent, I should know, I've used it often enough, but the whatsapp is just normal lads with one really shitty thing in common.

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On 10/4/2018 at 1:24 PM, CNL said:

I actually don't want super large dimensions that skirt the line between pleasure and pain. Too many women complain about that, and say they prefer enough girth to feel "full," but not uncomfortably stretched. It has nothing to do with violence for me, and honestly, after having experimented with anal play myself, the idea of having a dick that a girl has to struggle to take in those scenarios you're describing just sounds tedious and inconvenient. I don't know about anyone else here, but I am not chasing that caricature of great sex at all.

Well, I was exagerating to make a point :)

What I meant is we all desire not to satisfy, but in some way to impress.

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On 10/4/2018 at 12:31 PM, YOTH said:

You should join our whatsapp group. It's a laugh over there, not as serious as this graveyard of emotions. We talk about it, but we talk about all sorts of other stuff too, normal day to day shit. This place is ok for a vent, I should know, I've used it often enough, but the whatsapp is just normal lads with one really shitty thing in common.

Can you tell me more about the WhatsApp group?

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On 8/24/2018 at 2:28 AM, IrmaJean said:

I have read about some recent studies that have shown transexuals to have brains more similar to the gender they identify with rather than the gender they were born with. 

I wonder if SPS might be more similar to body dsymorphia? There seems to be an obsessive, anxious, and depressive component that often is present. 

I think you're about right there in some cases at least. 

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