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Edit update: brother's penis / size obsession

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Feeling small found its way in my head since puberty. One particular way was there from the start. Was anyone else obsessed with the size of their brothers penis? I did everything i could to see his soft and hard and kept trying even after i saw it.  Or is this just me? This created a huge amount of guilt and contributed to my depression and shame, even issues with questioning my sexuality. Seeing him and seeing him and seeing he was nearly identical hard just made me feel worse that he seemed fine with it. It kept feeding sexual fetishes and kinks I wanted no part of but could.not escape. No matter how much i knew it was wrong and not important I could not get it out of my head. Even as a middle aged man it comes back and I feel ashamed. Being small effected a lot of my life and obsessions like this always kept it in the front of my mind. Bringing new waves of guilt and shame. Just one more way I seemed never to escape the thought everyone was bigger then me. My desperate need to compare with out showing off was/is overwhelming at times. 

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try having a brother who is twice the size of you and all his girlfriends always telling me about it....that's what I got to grow up with. I obviously got the asian side and him the white side. Life just suck like that sometimes. 

but at the end of the day, my wife is a lot prettier than his, I make almost a $100k more than him and he always tells me he wishes he was more like me. Guys....grass is not always greener on the other side.

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13 hours ago, 2thin2win said:

try having a brother who is twice the size of you and all his girlfriends always telling me about it....that's what I got to grow up with. I obviously got the asian side and him the white side. Life just suck like that sometimes. 

but at the end of the day, my wife is a lot prettier than his, I make almost a $100k more than him and he always tells me he wishes he was more like me. Guys....grass is not always greener on the other side.

Geez, how much do you make?

And I don't know that white guys have that much better reputation in this whole thing than Asian guys. My girlfriend is Asian, though, so i'm wary of what this combination is going to do for my kids when I have them. 

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2 hours ago, lifelongvirgin said:

I never had any interest in how big my brothers are or any other guy for that matter. I do know my dad was well endowed because my mom would mention it to her friends.

How do you feel about being smaller than your dad? At least your mom probably doesn't think you're small though. 

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My mom died a few years ago but she was the first person to make a joke about me being small although this was when I was very young maybe 11 or 12 so I don't think she could have even known my size as an adult especially my erect size. She did tell her friend I was small. I know this because her friend made a comment to me once when I was about 16 /17. My mom must have told her because she had certainly never seen it.

Apart from that my mom never said anything about it. It wasn't the kind of thing that got discussed.

The fact that my dad was bigger than me never effected me in any way.

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18 hours ago, lifelongvirgin said:

I never had any interest in how big my brothers are or any other guy for that matter. I do know my dad was well endowed because my mom would mention it to her friends.

Sorry. How does that work?

you being small(I assume you are since you are here) and your dad being well endowed.

I don't like to speak ill of the dead, but would be utterly ashamed to be the parent who had made a joke about my offspring's lack of size.

 

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Well a lot of people assume penis size is hereditary but I've never believed that.

As far as my mom joking about my size, I really don't think women understand how much this stuff effects some guys. She didn't do it to be mean or to have the effect it did. She just didn't know. I never harbored any ill will against her for saying it. If she knew and did it out of spite then it would be a different story.

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6 hours ago, lifelongvirgin said:

Well a lot of people assume penis size is hereditary but I've never believed that.

As far as my mom joking about my size, I really don't think women understand how much this stuff effects some guys. She didn't do it to be mean or to have the effect it did. She just didn't know. I never harbored any ill will against her for saying it. If she knew and did it out of spite then it would be a different story.

I am going to anti-thesis your arguments:

1. How can it not be hereditary? That would mean it had to be environmental i.e you be exposed to something during your body's development that caused it to be small

2. How can they not know it to be hurtful? statistically they have all went to school where there was at least one guy with a small penis.
And everybody knows this guy has a small penis as it were. This guy is seldom the outgoing type who likes to talk about his lack of size. For purely social experiences they should know. Of course this calls for them to not be completely oblivious interpretating human emotion/reactions.

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1. Not necessarily environmental. Some things just happen. Tall or normal height parents can produce a small person what we used to call midgets. I've read that penis size and other physical traits can be determined by the level of testosterone in the fetus. Maybe other factors during pregnancy can cause it.

2. You have to remember my mom grew up in a different era. I highly doubt talk of penis size was common when she was growing up. Plus not all guys with small penises are quiet and reserved.

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Those are good points. I do however not like the "some things just happen", being a man of science.
I agree there can be a lot of factors and a degree of variation, but from well endowed to small just doesn't sound right.

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