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ASPDADHDETC

Anti social personality

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I am new to the sight but new was diagnosed early on (4) with severe adhd and conduct disorder, odd etc. 

Recently I have been learning more about spectrums of different disorders and I am certain I have ASPD but I obviously can't discuss this openly due to where my life is at and it would out me as faking all my relationships currently, anyway. I was on facebook and they have a group their but it doesnt look like an ASPD group it looks like a bunch of goths trying to show off to one another and I am not stupid, I understand my actions are observed and others wouldnt understand. 

I am hoping there is a group or several in here that I can connect with like minded people to learn more about us without the fear of destroying our facades we have worked so hard to build and maintain. 

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Hello and welcome! :) 

I'm afraid there probably currently are not other people with ASPD among the active members of this forum. But I don't think it's a reason for you not to stay, at least for some time, to chat with us about these issues. You can discuss everything related to ASPD (or other issues) openly here and I hope you can find some useful insights.

To start: Would you like to describe how this discovery about yourself makes you feel? What do you think it changes for you?

BTW, your post reminded me of this professor - perhaps you already know about him and his story:

https://bigthink.com/videos/discovering-ones-hidden-psychopathy (-there is a short video where he explains it)

(or here you can read about it:

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jun/03/how-i-discovered-i-have-the-brain-of-a-psychopath

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/the-neuroscientist-who-discovered-he-was-a-psychopath-180947814/?no-ist)

I know ASPD is not equal to psychopathy, but I wonder if you can relate to some of what he describes there. Perhaps his coping with the news (like what he describes at the end of the video) could somewhat help you. Also, this, from the second text mentioned, stands out:

"Of course, there’s also a third ingredient, in addition to genetics and environment: free will. “Since finding all this out and looking into it, I’ve made an effort to try to change my behavior,” Fallon says. “I’ve more consciously been doing things that are considered ‘the right thing to do,’ and thinking more about other people’s feelings.”

But he added, “At the same time, I’m not doing this because I’m suddenly nice, I’m doing it because of pride—because I want to show to everyone and myself that I can pull it off.”"

What do you think about this approach?

17 hours ago, ASPDADHDETC said:

it would out me as faking all my relationships

How would you describe the importance of your relationships to you? And why would you care if people would think you're "faking" them?

(Also, this reminds me of what the prof also said in the video: When he started to behave more nicely to his wife and then he explained why, she said she didn't mind his reasons, she just liked that he was nicer and that was important to her.)

Take care!

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I am pretty sure I was either born this way or it was brought on by Trauma. I only changed my behaviour due to the looming consequences and how that could interfere in my life. 
That was the day my child was born. I feel for my child and it wasnt until that day that I understood unconditional love... or at least what i see it as. 
I am not upset by the news in the slighest, It has been suggested since a VERY young age that this is who I am but only recently am I interested in connecting with others to share experiences. 

Relationships take work and unless there is something in it for me I am not interested at all. I make people feel amazing and have perfected my art by 13. as i age and my looks fade it's morphing into other ways of control and leverage but if I out myself as faking it would break the illusion I have created, and all of my relationships are useful to me , It is easy to find new relationships but it seems absurd to destroy one to come out to someone I dont respect anyway

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Thanks for the explications!

3 hours ago, ASPDADHDETC said:

I only changed my behaviour due to the looming consequences [...]

I don't understand what the "change of behaviour" refers to here; would you like to elaborate?

3 hours ago, ASPDADHDETC said:

I feel for my child and it wasnt until that day that I understood unconditional love... or at least what i see it as. 

I think it's very similar for many people, although it's difficult to compare based on short 'description'. Anyway, this shows you're not incapable of caring and unconditional love, which already seems to make you different from (all or most?? I'm not sure) people with ASPD.

3 hours ago, ASPDADHDETC said:

only recently am I interested in connecting with others to share experiences

So it seems you've changed, so you're not just focused on your child, also other relationships are (positively, of course) affected!

3 hours ago, ASPDADHDETC said:

if I out myself as faking it would break the illusion I have created, and all of my relationships are useful to me , It is easy to find new relationships but it seems absurd to destroy one to come out to someone I dont respect anyway

I don't know why would you out yourself. Where does the idea even come from and why do you consider it?

(If you think I suggested it; I didn't: I only pointed out at the fact that even if a psychopath outed himself, his life wasn't negatively affected, so you don't have to live with the fear that "if they only knew, they would all reject me" or so. That doesn't mean you should out yourself.)

However, now that you are aware of this all, you can make better decisions about your behaviour and your mental wellbeing. For instance, you could go into psychotherapy to process the childhood trauma; that could help you in unpredictable ways...

BTW, have you take a look at the professor's story I posted and if yes, what you make of it?

Take care.

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