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If @LaLa deactivates one account, won't the posts remain without a poster name attached?  That's how it works other places.  I wanted to make it clear who was behind both sets of posts.

I had forgotten about the smallguy account when I fairly recently returned to posting here at Mental. . ., but then found it again and accessed it again.  When I found it, I didn't have the discipline to stop using it and used it sporadically.

Too paranoid:  Yeah, I understand "fucking with" alright, but you think they would really program the ad to pop to people just to fuck with some guys?  Triggering could hurt their sales.  After watching the ad I doubt if I will buy Old Spice again.  I was triggered to think back to when I started using Old Spice in High School or even earlier.  I've used Old Spice ever since, but will think twice when I reach for another dispenser of under arm.

Little doubt that the old  "Old Spice means quality said the captain to the bos'n" grabbed me at a time when my self awareness was low and I wanted the faux masculinity of "Old Spice."   Are you old enough to remember this?  Old Spice Ship That Sailed the Ocean

 

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I found this video to be quite intetesting, however not entirely correct.  I've found on many occasions to have switched positions many times up and down the said hierarchy ladder, from beta to omega, even in one day, but never alpha. In one day,  I can see myself go from being a beta at work to an omega when I go home and have to deal with my wife.  But generally over time, well before I got married, I would waffle around these levels.  But, if it had to pick one, I'd be a delta.  Lately, I just want to be left alone when I'm not working, therefore omega. Get some booze in me, I'll go up the confidence ladder.

I know a good looking guy when I see one.  My wife is a very attractive 46 year old Asian woman, and the guys that she has had affairs with, all white guys, have been more attractive than myself.  Not model attractive, but on the other end if the bell curve.  Let's say I resemble George Costanza more than Richard Gere.  Yes, I married up for sure.  At least my kids are attractive.

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Vox says in one of his videos that men can be in different points of the hierarchy in different settings.  

Your success in work and business would seem to make you an example of that.  Your more technical field might make it possible to lead without much "male display."

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55 minutes ago, Toosmallforcomfort said:

I don't like to over think things because rumination of non-concrete ideology tends to lead me to bad decisions.

This is what I’ve never understood. Guys come here and inevitably make some variation of this statement, yet anywhere outside this forum this stuff is taken for granted. Debating/discussing it in analytical detail would seem ludicrous. 

As for hierarchical fluidity, that happens all the time in nature...at some point the alpha male is challenged and overtaken by a younger, stronger, better usurper. It doesn’t change for humans, just becomes more complex. In developing nations and economically distressed places, all a man has is his body. That’s his only socio-economic capital. Portfolios and investments protected by a mountain of abstract legalisms wielded by an army of attorneys means zero. Nothing. 

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23 minutes ago, KlingBro said:

Guys come here and inevitably make some variation of this statement, yet anywhere outside this forum this stuff is taken for granted.

Perhaps, I have not given up yet and too naive to accept that status. Perhaps, there are many men like me out there. Yes, I know where I stand on the penis envy/atrractiveness scale of life and the handicaps they can manifest, I am a witness and a sufferer.  With all due respect, you should consider that some of us newcomers to this forum are seeking guidance, positivity, maybe even a way out. Not someone who would just fold up his tent.  I might be ranting for the wrong team.

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There is no tangible hierarchy anymore, we exist in closed units and don't rely on large groups for safety. In this day and age you can exist quite happily outside of our animalist nature in a self contained world. If you still feel the urge to compete, then fine and if you want to compete in a net wide dick measuring competition, then have at it, its your funeral. But I refuse to feel inferior to anyone, even when I'm wishing for a bigger dick I'm not looking at anyone bigger than me as higher in the pecking order. 

I am and always will be king dick of my world. I come first and everybody else either gets my attention respectfully or they can go fuck themselves. Its not easy to accept my body every minute of every day, but I'm not wasting copious amounts of time and energy proving to myself that I'm a worthless pos and unworthy of love. If everyone in here was truly honest we'd admit that we're just scared. We've been hurt a lot and it's a terrifying thought that getting hurt like that could happen again, it's PTSPSD.

You're either you're own best friend or you're own worst enemy, one or the other at all times. We're governed by love or fear and I choose love, for myself. I'd hate to see another talented, clever, creative and decent human being, flushed down the toilet of life because of this shit. I'm releasing some balloons next week for one of those guys, one of us. We're worth more than mind fodder to a self inflicted prosecution case against ourselves. 

I think I'm gonna have to quit coming in again, fucking place is bad for the soul 

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3 hours ago, Toosmallforcomfort said:

I have a feeling there is a correlative hierarchy for the female sex. And perhaps, compatibility that would likely to be more successful for long term relationships. I don't like to over think things because rumination of non-concrete ideology tends to lead me to bad decisions.

Whatever I have said here, I would not want to disparage this idea.

I had a far greater handicapped existence, beyond having a small penis, due to a very late and glacially slow puberty coupled with strong parental demands for success.  My misadventures, often fueled by alcohol, should not be an argument against success with females for the lesser endowed both genitally and hormonally.  In the Vox(ian) hierarchy, the productive deltas can lead sensible full lives if they find a suitable compatible woman.

Someone who is a successful Vox(ian) beta at work need can recover from omega sexual status.

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9 hours ago, YOTH said:

There is no tangible hierarchy anymore, we exist in closed units and don't rely on large groups for safety. In this day and age you can exist quite happily outside of our animalist nature in a self contained world. If you still feel the urge to compete, then fine and if you want to compete in a net wide dick measuring competition, then have at it, its your funeral. But I refuse to feel inferior to anyone, even when I'm wishing for a bigger dick I'm not looking at anyone bigger than me as higher in the pecking order. 

I am and always will be king dick of my world. I come first and everybody else either gets my attention respectfully or they can go fuck themselves. Its not easy to accept my body every minute of every day, but I'm not wasting copious amounts of time and energy proving to myself that I'm a worthless pos and unworthy of love. If everyone in here was truly honest we'd admit that we're just scared. We've been hurt a lot and it's a terrifying thought that getting hurt like that could happen again, it's PTSPSD.

You're either you're own best friend or you're own worst enemy, one or the other at all times. We're governed by love or fear and I choose love, for myself. I'd hate to see another talented, clever, creative and decent human being, flushed down the toilet of life because of this shit. I'm releasing some balloons next week for one of those guys, one of us. We're worth more than mind fodder to a self inflicted prosecution case against ourselves. 

I think I'm gonna have to quit coming in again, fucking place is bad for the soul 

Especially, if you can find a compatible partner, who has also matured into a compatible self-contained world and is stable, not still going through changes, I think you are right and you seem to have achieved  this.  However, many people, such as myself, were driven by up-bringing to compete in the hierarchical world even though crippled mentally and physically.  In retirement I am finally happy in my own world though not very secure because of my life of failures and disasters.

Most of the female partners I dealt with were either hiding their betabux(ing)" of me or sincerely in a state of flux regarding their mental state and life path.  They quickly grew out of the bad place that made their relationship with me make sense and meet their temporary lowly needs.  The only chance for such relationships to have become stable was if I had been able to change rapidly to a compatible position as they changed.  I suspect this could have been possible in some cases if I had started supplementing testosterone at 30 or earlier instead of 55 years of age.  But, that was my case.

In describing some of these relationships I am probably still rationalizing and evading the truth to some extent, but at the time I had little or no clue.  Because I was an intellectual or thinker type, I was stuck in rationalizations that seemed air tight at the time.  In my mind I was fantasizing and rationalaizing myself to be a Vox(ian) Alpha or Beta when I was probably a gama or delta in most situations and maybe an omega with "healthy women".  Instead of seeing myself as I was (as women did), I would project negatives on people around me.  Like my father, but not as successfully, I would try to reject the alphas and betas around me as "immoral."  Women, I saw as needing help to recover from the abuse and exploitation of the immoral alphas and betas.  My failure to be a big success with women, I wrote off as specific cowardly failures to assert my self when I had opportunities.  That was the extent of my self-criticism.  I didn't realize that I failed to act on opportunities because subconsciously I got negative signals from the woman rejecting me already as not man enough for her.  

When I didn't get those signals, from women with severe problems, ie. in a needy place psychologically or emotionally, I had no problem acting on those "opportunities."  Thus, I ended-up with women who needed help, were in flux, recovering, etc.  Often, women really were hurt or cruelly rejected by the alphas and betas, thus confirming my intellectual rationalizations of my "barely male" status in viewing alphas and betas as evil.

Of course, I was also open to exploitative women looking for "betabux".  Strange how they often, as I have described, noted right up front that I might be gay or other wise impaired, but I had no problem with that because they were interested in me.  I simply rejected their opinion on an intellectual basis, thinking they are just confusing "nice with weak" or some such, like it was up for intellectual debate!  Even when they increasingly treated me as a sexual submissive my rationalizations continued almost impossible to break.

I would hope my example would help others avoid similar mistakes, but there is great complexity in life such that one man's experience rarely can help another's.

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Shit, did I piss off, Kling? 😂 Sorry, dude. I just got swamped with the neg and couldn't take it anymore. Started to feel the overwhelming feeling of despair pouring out of my tablet, there's only so much of that shit I can bear when I'm tired. I'm not an intellectual or book smart by any stretch of the imagination, but I know what does and doesn't work. Sometimes I involuntarily throw a spanner in my own works, but I can't live like that long term. I'm always coming from a place of understanding and love and I just hate seeing the forum tilt one way too far without trying to mix it up. 

I just feel like smart men are fucking stupid sometimes, they can convince themselves of anything. There are millions of men out there suffering with this shit and it feels like a waste of talent to lock ourselves in an echo chamber of misery. This place either brings us together in support or reinforces our separation from the rest of the world as rejects. If I pissed anyone off I apologise. 

 

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6 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

I’m not saying this place necessarily but just that it is supposed to help to talk about your problems but I find it usually makes mine worse.   

I think it depends on the person and it depends on what that person is experiencing. It does help me to talk and write about my problems/challenges. I read some new research recently, though, about trauma and how bringing things out in the open may not be helpful to some. I think listen to your needs and try to be aware of what helps and what doesn't.

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28 minutes ago, YOTH said:

I just feel like smart men are fucking stupid sometimes, they can convince themselves of anything.

I think I was making the same point in my characteristic rationalized intellectual way.  "Smart" is pretty delusional if what I said has merit.  What might look like smart is often actually delusional rationalization of dumb defense mechanisms.

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2 hours ago, lbaker said:

I think I was making the same point in my characteristic rationalized intellectual way.  "Smart" is pretty delusional if what I said has merit.  What might look like smart is often actually delusional rationalization of dumb defense mechanisms.

You probably did, I'd be lying if I said I read every post you guys make back and forth, it's like open university sometimes and my adhd addled brain shuts down and goes looking for pretty colours lol. I think it just seems like a waste of talent and potential for change in the future, if we could all do something about 'our thing' .

Every dog has its day and I'd love for Kling and whoever else to write the book that changed societies mind about the abuse we endure. Even if just changes the world a little bit. 

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10 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

I’m not saying this place necessarily but just that it is supposed to help to talk about your problems but I find it usually makes mine worse.   

Misery likes company until it doesn't anymore.  I've shared my experiences, and I've learned others had similar, but different life experiences all with the common denominator of sexual inferiority.  I've been educated on psychosocial research and ideology that I never really contemplated before or knew it was studied in any great detail.  And I thank all of you for that.  But I have to believe, that what makes us different from the common ape is that we have freewill and a greater intellect that can overcome the physical inadequacies the lottery of life gave us.  I refuse to believe that we are destined by fate to be relegated to the bottom of the man barrel.  Although I respect others opinions and feelings to where they feel they stand in life's hierarchy, I do not necessarily identify myself to the same.  So, I apologize to Kling if I was insensitive directly towards him. Now that I think back, it was more directed to the Universe.  

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5 hours ago, Toosmallforcomfort said:

I refuse to believe 

That’s great and you’re certainly entitled to do so, but reality couldn’t care less whether you do or you don’t. No need to apologize to me, I realize this is meant to be a support group and that I don’t share the same mentality as everyone else here regarding what that specifically means. And I’m happy for those who can weave perception in such a way that life becomes a great gift, I really am. But unfortunately for me, in order to survive (which seems to be accepted as the most important priority of all human beings), I have to participate in the rat race and be immersed in the booger-picking, fart-smelling, nutsack-grabbing hoi polloi who would find these discussions ludicrous and comical, and who evaluate worth on a biological determinist basis. I do not have a pedigree of high IQ and socio-economic elites, the social connections of upper crust suburbia, professional respect and recognition, athletic abilities, investment portfolios, and all the other compensatory materials that form the foundation for this “wall of rainbows”.
 

But I understand now that I’m unique in that respect and that most men do have that luxury to some degree. Sorry for being a wet turd everyone. I will DESIST now lol and confine my investigations to ThundersPlace and similar sites (where this bullshit isn’t debated) and maybe gain an extra inch of confidence. 
 

 

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6 hours ago, KlingBro said:

But I understand now that I’m unique in that respect and that most men do have that luxury to some degree. Sorry for being a wet turd everyone. I will DESIST now lol and confine my investigations to ThundersPlace and similar sites (where this bullshit isn’t debated) and maybe gain an extra inch of confidence. 

You can probably still find some of my old threads (under who knows what name) there at ThundersPlace.  I used to discuss this stuff there and though my thinking has evolved some since 2005 or so, it ran along the same lines.

BTW:  I came to the conclusion after intimate discussions, observing photos of penis enlargement progress from the apparently sincere at Thunders, the flexibility of penis connective tissue varies dramatically from man to man, ie. I don't stretch at all.   Further, some grow more connective tissue when stretched and others doen't.  I don't.

I think this is related to the fact that contortionists are born, not made though practice makes perfect.  UNLESS, said inflexibility of tendons, ligaments, and connective tissue is a symptom of dammed-up orgone energy as suggested by Wilhelm Reich.  Note:  Some videos of contortionists are really amazing.

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52 minutes ago, lbaker said:

I came to the conclusion after intimate discussions, observing photos of penis enlargement progress from the apparently sincere at Thunders, the flexibility of penis connective tissue varies dramatically from man to man, ie. I don't stretch at all.   Further, some grow more connective tissue when stretched and others doen't.  I don't.

Great, thanks for saving me the time LB. I’d bet the Crown Jewels I don’t either. Take care.

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7 hours ago, KlingBro said:

Great, thanks for saving me the time LB. I’d bet the Crown Jewels I don’t either. Take care.

Just to complete my hurried response of last night.  I did try jelquing, weights, and a stretching clamps.  Enthusiast were "absolutely sure" that I would, at the very least, be able to easily correct my "retraction" or "turtling" that categorizes me so brutally in the locker room (as NO ONE DENIED unlike at LPSG).  Nope.  Those who wanted to "help" criticized me unmercifully because I failed to try the fearsome "pump".  I would have tried that also except I didn't have privacy due to a marriage which felt would not be helped by showing such an obsession and had already faltered substantially.  PS:  Perhaps it is good that I didn't get too vigorous in my enlargement activities.  I have suffered rotator cuff tendon tears and other tendon injuries over my life.  Penile connective tissue, i do believe is, "made of the same stuff."

BTW:  Thunders was recommended to me by a couple women who both said inches could be gained as proven by some of their partners!  Before that, I assumed it was all a hoax.

Here is another bottom line:  Seemed that guys ALREADY LARGE or HUGE get the MOST RESULTS!  I saw no photo evidence of a ACTUALLY small guy going from say 4 to 5  or 3 to 5.  6" and above guys seemed to be able often to add an inch or two!  KlingBro:  Don't let me discourage you too much.  I haven't been to Thunders since 2005.  For all I know, perhaps there are improved technologies or better evidence of technologies actually working on the "small."  I wasn't sure Thunders even exists still.

I'm now serious about the Reichian perspective on this, however.  Do my connective tissues have a different chemical, micro-structural composition or is there a psychological energy phenomenon in my muscles, tendons and ligaments that keeps everything tense due to "anti-sexual" up-bringing as Reichians suggest--as I have mentioned before, my father was fiercely anti-sexual.   My political orientation, right-wing libertarian, according to current day Reichians, would indicate that I have muscular armor.  Left-wingers, according to these theorists, have "ocular" armor which somehow to Reichians means intellectual or ideological armor.  Do some folks have BOTH forms of armor?  Back in the day I was pretty ideological in a libertarian (sometimes considered left) sense.  Also, I have also been mostly "materialistic" in my thinking like Leftists as opposed to right-wingers who are "mystical" (God Fearing) in the current Reichian schema.  Perhaps I am "armored" from head to toe!

Am I stuck maybe in the oral and anal stages in wihich Reich believed common?  Is my full body tension and intellectual defense mechanisms the "muscular/ocular armor" that Reichians postulate and claim they have proven to exist?

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Today I was outside doing yardwork. I've lived at this location for 2 years and never met my neighbors. One of my neighbors saw me outside and ambled over to introduce himself; retired, middle-class, mid-60's I would guess. We shake hands, small talk....blah blah bullshit bullshit....until he finally gets around to asking what he wants to know, "Yeah I used to see you coming and going every day but then the last couple months I thought maybe you went to nights or something." Explain I'm between jobs. Ok. Of course it turns out that this fellow is connected by blood with the management at a client** I used to work with 6 years ago at a previous job, asks for my resume. Ostensibly to help. Then he has to tell me about his successful son, son-in-law, grandsons, etc. I don't know why these old retired bastards feel the need to do this. Bear in mind that my horrid work history is directly related to all the shit I post about on here...confidence, small dick, masculine identity.

So we're standing next to the road, and another guy stops beside us in his vehicle. He's another local man who knows the neighbor. Probably early-70's, blue-collar, owns a local blue-collar business. So the three of us stand there and shoot the shit for a while (mainly they talk and I just stand there with a rake in my hand like a fucking moron because that's how these interactions go with me). Well the old guy who stopped gets ready to leave, but as he's leaving he tells a similar version of this joke:

A young couple left their wedding reception, arriving at the hotel for the first night of their honeymoon.

They cracked the champagne and began undressing.

When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife said, "Your toes look all mangled and funny." " I had tolio as a child," the husband replied.

"You mean polio? " she asked. "No, the disease only affected my toes." The bride was satisfied with this, and they continued undressing.

When the groom took off his pants, his bride exclaimed, "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!" "As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.

"You mean measles?" she asked. " No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."

The new bride was satisfied with this answer. As the undressing continued,her husband removed his undies.

"Let me guess, " the wife said. "Smallcox?"

Now let me make this clear for anyone who can't read - I have never met or clapped eyes on these men before today. This is the obligatory dirty joke male bonding thing. It could've been one about fat women, whores, etc. But it had to be this one. No I am not saying that I think the guy knew I had a small cock. I'm simply stating another fact in support of what I've argued here for years. Sure it's funny, but what do you do when your entire life is fucked up because you are literally the punchline of this joke?

I don't really give a fuck if anyone believes this or not. I won't delete this because it illustrates perfectly the vicious circle I have tried to describe between male dominated work environments, confidence, marriage, success at a career, and cock size and how it's all interconnected and one vicious circle. Maybe it's a cultural thing. I don't know. I live in oil country and this is the petrochemical industry I'm talking about. But I think the "it's just culture" argument is horseshit. How can I relate so well to this scene written by an Italian from Queens if it's cultural?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAReS2JnJ18

** This guy is related to an individual I was forced to go golfing with at the local country club one time. During this golf trip, I was teamed up with this individual and two others, all middle-upper managers at a large manufacturing firm. I don't remember the full context of the conversation now, but I distinctly and clearly remember two of them at one point discussing some guy who worked at the country club and one described him in these exact words, "oh yeah the stud with the little pecker". I took that to mean he had a ripped physique to compensate for a small dick. I chugged bourbon and pretended I didn't hear it, although I was mortified. That was right around the time I joined this forum.

Of course, I'll be told that I'm taking it all too seriously, that none of this matters as long as a woman wasn't saying it. Which doesn't make one iota of fucking sense to me whatsoever. And yes, I know these feminist harpies can be vicious as hell. But they are one half of the same coin. If you are weak male with no confidence, on social skills, no ability to get laid you will never succeed at any type of meaningful career. No matter how smart you are. You will never make the "bro" connections that are essential for getting ahead.

Anyway, people are free to dissect it any way they want or laugh and belittle it. I don't give a fuck. But I won't delete it. It never fucking ends.

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