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Hi! I'm Alvin and I just had my 17th birthday on June 20th this year (2019). That day I woke up with full excitement because it is the last day of school before summer and my birthday at the same time. I was so hyped. Nothing went wrong during school time because my classmates were congratulating me by birthday punches. I was totally fine of nothing receiving any birthday presents because they themselves were valuable present to me. After school I went hangout with some of my classmates. They said they were going to pay for me through out the day and they will organize it for me. I had little expectation that I would get special treatment like a session where I can enjoy or a birthday cake for at least.

Here is where it all began. After the watching movie with them, they decided to take me to karaoke. Keep in mind, I am the only Vietnamese-Korean in that hangout and I do not know a lot of Vietnamese song because I prefer K-Pop and musics that are in English. I didn't know that they will take me to Vietnamese karaoke until I got there. I told them I don't know Vietnamese songs that they listen to and I wasn't going to sing alone because I'm not confident in Vietnamese. They said it will be fine. I listened to them and went in. Throughout that 1 hour of karaoke session, I haven't sang a single song at all while they were singing out loud, having a lot of fun to themselves. I sat in corner of them room all alone, isolated. I started to realize I'm not having any fun at MY BIRTHDAY. The more I thought about it, the more angrier I got until the point where I just stormed off to my home. As soon as I arrived home I started crying for the next 10 minutes. My tears wouldn't stop coming out and I couldn't stop myself. I have never cried like this ever since I studied my last day before moving to new school. And I am not a type of person who would cry easily. 

Am I having any mental issue like depression that I need to see psychiatrist? Is this just merely another emotion-driven issue? I wish I could get help to cope this because it is quite painful and I get a bit teary when I suddenly remember my 17th birthday.

Moreover, what are the next step to this event? Now thinking about those friends I've went with, are kind of 'fake friend' because they've only been talking to me when they needed help and went under the radar when I needed theirs. So, should I talk to them in person to sort this once and for all? Please help me. It isn't urgent but it has been distracting me a bit from my summer.

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Hello Alvin, sorry you didn't enjoy your birthday. There seems to be two parts to this - the actual day and the general behaviour of your friends.

About the day/choice of Vietnamese karaoke, it's difficult because they arranged it and said they were paying - though it was your present and they should have tried to find something that you could have enjoyed a lot too - but you have learned from it, if they suggest sorting out a treat for you like that ever again say 'ok, thanks, can I choose where?'

As to them being 'fake friends', I would say try and do new things and meet new people - so you are not reliant on this group, because a true friend, although they can be like gold dust, really would be there for you through the tough times.

I think your upset is perfectly understandable - you don't need to see a psychiatrist IMO. Also a birthday cake would not have been unreasonable, I'm a big fan of birthday cakes with candles myself...🎂 so here's a belated one for you!

 

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Sound advice from Uncle Vic 😎 Just thought you could invite them to K Pop or English karaoke, your favourites, make sure they know they will have to pay their share - everyone would probably enjoy that and who knows, they may get the message 😃 

The thing about groups is that there is a group mentality - everyone ends up going along even if some of them secretly can't stand Vietnamese karaoke, just to fit in with the herd. You just drew the short straw because you really could not fully understand the language, Alvin. Upsettingly, it ruined your special day - don't let it ruin this special summer.

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Things I've done as part of a group that I actually don't like but agreed to include -

Ice Skating

A hike in the pouring rain and cold

More than one night in a club like a black cave with a sticky floor and music I didn't like

Films that 'someone else' liked

Groups can be fun but they can also be unbelievably annoying 😁 It's all a compromise half the time.

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4 hours ago, jazz said:

More than one night in a club like a black cave with a sticky floor and music I didn't like

I'd like to hear more about that 😁

I recall one time as a boy a group of us entered an abandoned house, one that should have been condemned, and it was really dangerous in there and even the air was horrible to breath.  There were holes in floor and a person could have fallen through to the basement. Also the ceiling was caving in and could have killed us.

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@Victimorthecrime That's some top-tier advice right there. Thanks man! As soon as summer began I've turned down every single hangout request from those guys and started to work on my school stuffs like revision and summer work. I can't wait to reject them on helping their summer work at the last few days before school. They are procrastinators. I mentioned about them "needing" me. Yeah, the "need" is "lemme copy your hw" or "summarize this for me". Mamba Mentality: ON. 

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@jazz Yes. I've tried listening some Vietnamese musics so I can hang out with them.The hit songs (the type of song they like to sing) are mostly breakup songs or reminiscence of ex-lovers. Fuck me, I want exciting songs or at least love songs.  

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