Why Am I Into This?

[Stoicbearz]

I'm a 31 year old male who, over the years, have heavily developed the need for a woman to rough me up sexually. I have this void always gets bigger after I have run of the mill sex with a woman. At first, its great because it's the first time having sex with that woman and every woman I meet, but if I keep on a routine with the same woman, it becomes like a chore. I find myself having to power through it. At many times, I'll be still be hard but I can't ejaculate.....and then the woman feels like there's something wrong with her. But when I have a female dominate me, and by dominate, I mean she just releases her sexual rage and prowess onto me. Most things are done like: Being tied up, whipped, gagged, slapped, scratched, verbally assaulted and humiliated, spit on, and even pegged. The truth of it is, I've only been pegged twice by two different women. The first one did it to me by surprise. She had me tied up and blind folded. You can imagine my reaction when her pink 7'' dildo took me by surprise. It felt weird and wrong at first but when my comfort zone expanded a bit more that night, it was the best orgasm I've ever had. Of course, I had to cover for the fact I was walking strange the next day. The second woman, wanted to do it but she had never tried it before and so it was more exploratory form for her. We tried it and it felt weird for her and so we just never did it again. The issue that i'm finding is that my carnal need to be ravaged and abused by women is having an affect on my potential for a serious relationship. Because let's be honest - there aren't a lot of women who want a serious relationship and at the same time, are turned on by sexually dominating their boyfriends. Most women want to be dominated and to me that doesn't fill that sexual void. Being dominant, it feels more like a chore and less blissful. But the other crux I'm looking at is, is why am I into this? Is because my horrible relationship with women over the years, with my mother being at the forefront of it all? Or maybe it has to do with being inappropriate groped by, not one, but by two of my teaches in middle school? Or is it my inadequacies that feel from the opposite sex? Who knows - maybe it's all of thee above. I'd love to know anyone thoughts on this. Thank you. 

[LaLa]

Hello, Stoicbearz, welcome!  

It seems you've already found a big part of the answer to your question, but it doesn't seem to help. Discovering the reasons of a preference or behaviour is important, but in most cases, some hard "work" needs to be done to change - or to accept - it. I'm not sure one can do it only on one's own (some people can, perhaps); psychotherapy can help a lot. Have you ever considered it? Can you go to therapy to address your issues?

I'm sorry I don't have actual insight; I'm not really familiar with this particular issue. I just know therapy could help you to understand your needs more and figure out if you can somehow modify them or how to meet them.

You might, perhaps, find some interesting insights about relationships in general on this website, not only in this 'chapter': https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/category/relationships/finding-love/

Good luck and take care!

[Wayless]

On 9/8/2019 at 11:14 PM, Stoicbearz said:

I'm a 31 year old male who, over the years, have heavily developed the need for a woman to rough me up sexually. I have this void always gets bigger after I have run of the mill sex with a woman. At first, its great because it's the first time having sex with that woman and every woman I meet, but if I keep on a routine with the same woman, it becomes like a chore. I find myself having to power through it. At many times, I'll be still be hard but I can't ejaculate.....and then the woman feels like there's something wrong with her. But when I have a female dominate me, and by dominate, I mean she just releases her sexual rage and prowess onto me. Most things are done like: Being tied up, whipped, gagged, slapped, scratched, verbally assaulted and humiliated, spit on, and even pegged. The truth of it is, I've only been pegged twice by two different women. The first one did it to me by surprise. She had me tied up and blind folded. You can imagine my reaction when her pink 7'' dildo took me by surprise. It felt weird and wrong at first but when my comfort zone expanded a bit more that night, it was the best orgasm I've ever had. Of course, I had to cover for the fact I was walking strange the next day. The second woman, wanted to do it but she had never tried it before and so it was more exploratory form for her. We tried it and it felt weird for her and so we just never did it again. The issue that i'm finding is that my carnal need to be ravaged and abused by women is having an affect on my potential for a serious relationship. Because let's be honest - there aren't a lot of women who want a serious relationship and at the same time, are turned on by sexually dominating their boyfriends. Most women want to be dominated and to me that doesn't fill that sexual void. Being dominant, it feels more like a chore and less blissful. But the other crux I'm looking at is, is why am I into this? Is because my horrible relationship with women over the years, with my mother being at the forefront of it all? Or maybe it has to do with being inappropriate groped by, not one, but by two of my teaches in middle school? Or is it my inadequacies that feel from the opposite sex? Who knows - maybe it's all of thee above. I'd love to know anyone thoughts on this. Thank you. 

Maybe my, possibly related experiences, can help in some way.

I've always felt less than successful in sex with women.  Due to sub par penis size, lack of aggressiveness or desire, lack of ability to repeat or whatever I've felt like I'm really not getting the job done.  Women would reinforce this feeling by starting to complain after a while and make suggestions about positions, etc. that don't work-out.

Several of these women have suggested I might like to be dominated or just started dominating by various methods.  Smothering by facesitting and discipline by riding crop while providing oral service were the most common.  At first I really enjoyed such things because the response of the woman in discharging vaginal fluids and achieving orgasm was so much superior to what I had seen in "vanilla" sex.  Also, the woman would generally beam pleasure through facial expressions when smothering or delivering a blow like I had never seen before.  Well, you get the idea.

I expected to become closer and more intimate, but the results were the opposite.   It became a real exercise in denial of my orgasm, abuse and disrespect.  I would have to back away quite disappointed.

 

[Wayless]

On 9/8/2019 at 11:14 PM, Stoicbearz said:

The second woman, wanted to do it but she had never tried it before and so it was more exploratory form for her. We tried it and it felt weird for her and so we just never did it again. The issue that i'm finding is that my carnal need to be ravaged and abused by women is having an affect on my potential for a serious relationship. Because let's be honest - there aren't a lot of women who want a serious relationship and at the same time, are turned on by sexually dominating their boyfriends. Most women want to be dominated and to me that doesn't fill that sexual void. 

Who knows percentages, but I have attracted a lot of dominant women.  This was due to unconscious signals from me most likely.  Many want a serious relationship with a less dominant or submissive man.  Some wanted to display their domination to others in social situations while other wanted it secret, bedroom only.  They all wanted to take it further than I was comfortable with after my initial compliance thinking we had something valuable and intimate going.