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Why Am I Into This?

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I'm a 31 year old male who, over the years, have heavily developed the need for a woman to rough me up sexually. I have this void always gets bigger after I have run of the mill sex with a woman. At first, its great because it's the first time having sex with that woman and every woman I meet, but if I keep on a routine with the same woman, it becomes like a chore. I find myself having to power through it. At many times, I'll be still be hard but I can't ejaculate.....and then the woman feels like there's something wrong with her. But when I have a female dominate me, and by dominate, I mean she just releases her sexual rage and prowess onto me. Most things are done like: Being tied up, whipped, gagged, slapped, scratched, verbally assaulted and humiliated, spit on, and even pegged. The truth of it is, I've only been pegged twice by two different women. The first one did it to me by surprise. She had me tied up and blind folded. You can imagine my reaction when her pink 7'' dildo took me by surprise. It felt weird and wrong at first but when my comfort zone expanded a bit more that night, it was the best orgasm I've ever had. Of course, I had to cover for the fact I was walking strange the next day. The second woman, wanted to do it but she had never tried it before and so it was more exploratory form for her. We tried it and it felt weird for her and so we just never did it again. The issue that i'm finding is that my carnal need to be ravaged and abused by women is having an affect on my potential for a serious relationship. Because let's be honest - there aren't a lot of women who want a serious relationship and at the same time, are turned on by sexually dominating their boyfriends. Most women want to be dominated and to me that doesn't fill that sexual void. Being dominant, it feels more like a chore and less blissful. But the other crux I'm looking at is, is why am I into this? Is because my horrible relationship with women over the years, with my mother being at the forefront of it all? Or maybe it has to do with being inappropriate groped by, not one, but by two of my teaches in middle school? Or is it my inadequacies that feel from the opposite sex? Who knows - maybe it's all of thee above. I'd love to know anyone thoughts on this. Thank you. 

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Hello, Stoicbearz, welcome! :) 

It seems you've already found a big part of the answer to your question, but it doesn't seem to help. Discovering the reasons of a preference or behaviour is important, but in most cases, some hard "work" needs to be done to change - or to accept - it. I'm not sure one can do it only on one's own (some people can, perhaps); psychotherapy can help a lot. Have you ever considered it? Can you go to therapy to address your issues?

I'm sorry I don't have actual insight; I'm not really familiar with this particular issue. I just know therapy could help you to understand your needs more and figure out if you can somehow modify them or how to meet them.

You might, perhaps, find some interesting insights about relationships in general on this website, not only in this 'chapter': https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/category/relationships/finding-love/

Good luck and take care!

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