Jump to content
Mental Support Community
Toosmallforcomfort

Now divorcing after wife had multiple affairs over my SPS

Recommended Posts

On 11/13/2019 at 2:17 AM, YOTH said:

My rant wasn't aimed at you btw, lala.

I didn't tak eit personally, but thank you for mentioning it. :)

I know Tom did speak up and was dismissed :( . I meant not just some individuals occasionally talking about their problems, but many people, explaining these issues as clearly as many of you do here.

On 11/13/2019 at 2:17 AM, YOTH said:

but don't be fooled, the health 'care' professionals know all about SPS or phallic psychosis (as it should be called) and they ignore it and dismiss it regardless of evidence or first hand testimonies.

I had no idea :( . At the same time, I think this still means they do not know, because they don't really understand; if they did, they would have a very different opinion, approach, and reaction.

On 11/13/2019 at 2:17 AM, YOTH said:

I think it's a path that would require transparency and honesty rather than anonymity.

Yes, I agree. :( 

BTW, I once (2 years ago?) e-mailed somewhere (I don't want to mention where, because I don't want to "spoil their image" / "shame them") - to "some" people who make popular YouTube videos about psychology - and I sent them a link to this SPS forum and asked them if they would make a video about this subject. I didn't get any answer. :(  At the same time, I don't think such a video would make a big difference, but still... They probably just didn't know what exactly to say about it, how to present it.

(Just BTW:

On 11/13/2019 at 2:17 AM, YOTH said:

I know you're a good person

Thank you; I'm glad I give / create such impression. I guess I'm not "too bad" nor "bad in general", yes. But I'd like to be better (kinder, more sensible, ...) in so many ways... :( Never mind. Sorry for not resisting the "urge" to mention it.)

Take care, everyone.

Edited by LaLa
I forgot an Oxford comma! :-O

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/5/2019 at 8:14 PM, Under5 said:

She is a mean spirited human being to say such things.  You are entitled to enjoy your sexuality too.  What has she done to enhance your sexual satisfaction?  
 

Your size is not the ‚Äúproblem‚ÄĚ. ¬†She seems so self-absorbed that she is incapable of sexual intimacy and wants only physical rubbing or friction. ¬†That‚Äôs boring as hell being with a woman like that.

As I go back and take a look at the responses I find yours quite interesting. Her verbally abuse over the years over sexual and other things in general made me lose my confidence which is what you seem to exude in your posts. While I'm not the most sexually experienced person in the world, and she is much more experienced, there was very little input in regards to how I could improve her and our sexual experience. Instead, she wanted to seek others which I had a problem with. I look back now seeing that we were not good for each other in part of her mean-spirited nature for reasons other than sex and the fact that I stayed with her and subsequently lost my confidence. This loss of confidence fed into her disdain towards me, spiraled downhill and the marriage failed. 

Divorce is looming and she wants to cash out. I just want this over so I can move on with my life and perhaps gain the confidence that you have.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Same old story. Cheating rat gets to have her cake and eat it. Hopefully she doesn't get a penny, she doesn't deserve a thing. If this had been the other way around you'd be sleeping in your car while she waved at you from the window of the house you paid for. Poor, poor cheating, deceitful women, such a hard life they have to endure. 

I'm in such a shitty mood tonight ūüėĄ

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/21/2019 at 7:12 PM, YOTH said:

If this had been the other way around you'd be sleeping in your car while she waved at you from the window of the house you paid for. Poor, poor cheating, deceitful women, such a hard life they have to endure.

If you press women like this on why they do it or if they feel any remorse for the man, they will inevitably blame society/patriarchy/marriage for making them feel obligated to stay in the marriage. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/14/2019 at 3:21 PM, Klingsor said:

One of Freud's disciples, Wilhelm Reich, carried Freud's theoretical work to its practical conclusions. I'm composing a book about Reich's work. The incel phenomena is a large part of this, the objective being the establishment of something comparable to what Reich called "sex-economy". The Malthusian debates/dilemma is a red-herring. The famous line from 1984 about "abolishing the orgasm" is along the same vein. This was never the ultimate intent. A paradigm shift is occurring. I conceive a moment in the future when collective sex will be mandatory, a civic duty. Not collective in the sense of orgiastic, but collective in that the act itself is coordinated, hallowed and performs a function comparable to religious ritual, with the same type of compulsory obligation, in order to condense or harness what Reich termed "orgone energy" for practical uses. 

Shout-out to my friend Resolute for introducing me to "biocentrism", the modern conception of Reich's ideas, which are in their turn a systematized idolization of Life: 

https://www.wired.com/2007/03/will-biology-solve-the-universe/

 

By co-incidence, i have just lately started reading Reichian psychology books. 

I was immediately impressed by the possibility I don't have the "full orgasm" Reich advocated, just erection and ejaculation.   My lack of success in sex with women may have more to do with the fact I didn't find it much more enjoyable than masturbation, especially once the thrill of "finally doing it" passed, than my small penis and inferiority feeling in regard to men (sps). 

In all honesty, I've never really enjoyed sex much, but felt it was duty I wasn't fulfilling well. 

Chicken or the egg?  Did I fail to enjoy sex much because, contrary to expectation, women didn't have much response to my small penis or was their response limited because I wasn't enthused?  

     Did Reich ever analyze the issue of a small penis in sex?  

     Did Reich claim orgasm has to be mutual for orgasm to be complete and serve its "bio-energy" purpose?

     I noted that one of his modern followers (Baker I think) claimed full penetration of the end of the vagina was necessary for full female orgasm.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/5/2019 at 2:30 PM, Toosmallforcomfort said:

When we were dating, I learned she had several bfs before me, and was engaged for 3 years, which at first I thought put me at a disadvantage knowing my lack of sexual prowess.  But, I continued on.  I was well accepted by her brother, my friend and co-medical student at the time, and her parents.  They were not happy with her previous bfs, and my overwhelming acceptance(into a first generation Vietnamese family) I believed pressured her in to accepting me, despite of my sexual shortcomings which I know she knew of before we tied the knot. So we got married, despite my uncertainty of long term success. And the rest is history. 

I have been told by very sexually active women that it is absurd to select a mate for sexual compatibility based on anything but comparison with dozens of experimental partners.

Those of us assigned a low male/sexual status, usually beginning with other men in the locker room, generally take the opposite approach, ie. want to "make it work" with the 1st or 2nd woman that goes to bed with us!

One of the Reichian authors I read recently, seemed to agree with the "active women" I described above.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, TheDane said:

@Klingsor read it.

did Reich really make a reference to the Beatles - cum together ?

still, interesting. only tonight I learned about Reich and did some reading about him.

Reich was imprisoned by the American Police State for his orgone theories and claims not approved by the FDA and Medical Establishment and then died soon after before the Beetles Band was formed.  The Beetles covertly referenced a number of controversial thinkers in their songs and album covers and certainly may have been influenced by Reich.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Klingsor said:

@lbaker

 

Unpacking all of this, you realize the only distinction Riech makes here is the attitude taken by the male toward the sex act itself - the "orgastically impotent" are the disturbed, neurotic "phallic-narcissists" who view the act as a demonstration of their own erective potency, to be admired BY OTHER MALES. In this case, he draws the connection between this attitude and latent homosexuality/homoeroticism. This is discussed at greater length in his book "The Mass Psychology of Fascism". The orgastically potent males, on the other hand, are those who submit mentally and psychically to the act itself with a willing woman. Nowhere is it stated that genital functioning is dispensable or inconsequential, it is only the attitude taken by the male that he is discussing because this plays a critical part of his "orgasm theory". 

In discussing orgastic potency and coitus itself, Reich explicitly states:

  1. "erective and ejaculative potency are INDISPENSABLE PRECONDITIONS"
  2. The "orgastically potent" male desires to PENETRATE (but not sadistically)
  3. Orgastic excitation consists in the male desiring to penetrate deeply and is concentrated on the POSTERIOR portions of the vaginal canal
  4. Slower and synchronized friction enhances excitation for the woman (i.e. "motion of the ocean" - slower means a bigger dick)
  5. Orgasm is greatest in intensity when the man and woman "cum together" (cue The Beatles)
  6. When the partner's characteristics (dick size obviously included) are at variance with the other partner's fantasy, orgastic potency suffers

Broadly speaking, the distinction between the two types of male attitudes taken toward the act itself correspond to the distinctions between "left and right" politically speaking. This is why I have repeated over and over that nobody cares about us. In both cases, it is "potency" that is sought and envied. "Erective potency" obviously includes the idea of power expressed most blatantly in terms of size, which is how Reich characterizes the neurotic males; this has been my contention about the proverbial "locker room" experiences. All that matter is "can you make her cum, bro". Get two men arguing or bitching at one another, and the first insults to be hurled before the fists are insults about each other's sexual prowess, every single time. It is universal. 

In another chapter in the book quoted, he lists out numerous questions that were posed to him after his theories began to be publicly known - several of them are along the lines of "what does a man do if he cannot make the woman orgasm" and similar questions. Reich did not pose an answer to these questions, merely listed them as an illustration of the ramifications of widespread acceptance of his theories and the complications to be faced by the future "sex-economy". In this world, we are disabled, dysfunctional males. 

There's so much to be said on this topic, but what's the point. We are lepers separate from the rest of functioning society. As an added comment to further emphasize this - visit any incel community, and the topic of penis size provokes intense commentary and gay bashing and "it's just a meme bro". Why is that? Food for thought for anyone capable of it. They do have a great vocabulary though....as they commonly say the only options are "cope or rope". You either accept and cope with the fact that you are sexually inferior or kill yourself. 

There's no point in discussing this, I usually delete my shit, but at least I get the benefit of providing proof from 100 years ago that Klingsor isn't batshit or misconstruing my own experiences. 

Why delete?  Even wrongly interpretted experience is educational.

Which of the 2 male attitudes are associated with right and left respectively?  I assume you mean Erectile Potency vs.Orgiastic Potency.  But, you quote the stereotypical male devoted to erectile potency as being obsessively concerned for provoking female orgasm.  Contradiction?  Is such a male, generally sadistically inclined, really capable of helping a woman to true Reichian Orgiastic Potency?  Is the sadistic male just fantasizing female orgasm, maybe confusing vaginal orgasm with her reaction to his domination and even infliction of vaginal/cervical pain?

In a Reichian book by Charles Konia, MID I read recently, Right and Left were claimed to be determined by the style of character "armor" developed to deal with lack of full orgiastic release of the orgone.  Right wingers were said to hold the undischarged energy in their muscles while Left-wingers hold it in their minds via defensive ideas.  "Muscular" armor vs. "ocular" armor.

In my view, modern INCELS seem totally off base in the sense of blaming and demonizing women instead of accepting their own deficits and inadequate compensations.

Reichians DO NOT appear to view society as MOSTLY FUNCTIONING, but, on the contrary, severely impaired due to orgiastic impotence, INCLUDING MOST OF THOSE actively engaged in sex.  Thus, Reichians might consider those with small penises handicapped, but not  "lepers separate from the rest of functioning society."

In my case, as I have already stated, I failed to strive for finding a partner with whom orgiastic potency could be achieved.  Instead, I tried to compete in the Erectile Potency crowd with little or no success.  I must have gotten something out of the Reich's FUNCTION OF ORGASM, which I read decades ago, because I excused to myself and others not being able to perform more than once per session on having a powerful, complete orgasm.  Of course, I was lying.

I was generally depressed at the lack of perceived reaction from the woman.  Also, as I said before, my pleasure was on a par with masturbation and the fantasy less satisfying.  Yeah, I'd have to say I even had a mild feeling of disgust.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In reading the Reichian books I noted that Reichians oppose limiting age appropriate sexual experimentation and play.

Suddenly, I remembered my father sternly demanding that I keep my hands above the blankets when I was very young, possibly pre-school.

Clearly, he wanted to prevent me from playing with my genitals.  I don't think, if memory serves, he was all that successful, but I was very affected emotionally and can still feel it.

I can't help but wonder if that powerful injunction may have limited the growth of my penis and slowed my puberty (which was glacially slow).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

BTW:  Seems to me that psychoanalysis of the Freudian, Jungian, Reichian and Adlerian types are almost banned at the modern university.

Instead of analyzing personality and behavior as reaction formations in the context of genetic endowment and environment, people are now advised to simply look deeply into their feelings and experiences and accept one or more of the 100 or more genders and sexual orientations that seem to fit.

Evil to submit sexual orientation and personality to analysis.  Insulting and unjustified.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/21/2019 at 12:52 PM, Toosmallforcomfort said:

As I go back and take a look at the responses I find yours quite interesting. Her verbally abuse over the years over sexual and other things in general made me lose my confidence which is what you seem to exude in your posts. While I'm not the most sexually experienced person in the world, and she is much more experienced, there was very little input in regards to how I could improve her and our sexual experience. Instead, she wanted to seek others which I had a problem with. I look back now seeing that we were not good for each other in part of her mean-spirited nature for reasons other than sex and the fact that I stayed with her and subsequently lost my confidence. This loss of confidence fed into her disdain towards me, spiraled downhill and the marriage failed. 

Divorce is looming and she wants to cash out. I just want this over so I can move on with my life and perhaps gain the confidence that you have.

There are some people who really are small and in your marriage, it’s sure the fuck not you.  Small people see the world through a narrow and bitter lens.  Internal frustrations and disappointments cause these type of people to attack and humiliate others.  These types of people are miserable and often are self-hating so they attack others.  I don’t know if this is your wife or not, but it may be.

No one can take your happiness and contentment from you unless you allow them to do so over time.  I have no idea what kind of person you are but I am certain that your penis size is the least important thing about you.

Engage in positive things for yourself.  Rebuild your confidence.   Fuck self-hatred.  The universe is a wonderful place the fact that we even exist as conscious human beings is a miracle.  Don’t let anyone else waste your life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Great post, @Under5! I agree with everything except for

12 hours ago, Under5 said:

The universe is a wonderful place the fact that we even exist as conscious human beings is a miracle.

;)

...but I think it's the right (or rather: helpful) thing to think (about the universe etc.), so I don't object to the sentence being there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/5/2019 at 2:02 PM, Toosmallforcomfort said:

(Update:

I'm not looking for sympathy on this forum, but rather a place to share and vent.  I told her (my soon to be ex wife) about my long term SPS as a cause of our relationship downfall.  We have not discussed any of this before today. This is what I'm currently going through and have the emails to prove it.

After email communication today from my soon to be ex wife (yes, you should read my original post to gain full perspective),  she has told me that she could understand how I was jealous of her "adequately hung affairs" and she was "never impressed with me",  and that "Luckily, those years are in my rear view mirror now".  I asked for clarification, "What has never impressed you?".  She replied, "your small penis", " I mean it's small stature is one thing, but you didn't have any skills and that was my life for 17 years(we were married for 15) and you wonder why I'm bitter?"

Yes, gentlemen, I kid you not.  Be careful who you marry/have relationships with.  There are very, very mean women out there.   I married one and had two kids with her.  Crazy.

 

It's a stereotype, but in most of the world's cultures marriage is for economics and family status.  You are a doctor.  Her previous probably did not meet her family's status standards and/or, maybe, exposed her sexual appetite they couldn't accept.  Apparently, your wife was in rebellion to her family--a big issue in the stereotypical Asian family.

Even in the West where more "modern" ideas are "supposed" to dominate, they often do not.  Women out for sexual satisfaction are considered immoral by status conscious families.  As I said earlier, men with perceived genital deficits such as me and yourself are too anxious to make things work and not prepared for a lot of experimentation.  I think more experimentation is required for the "small" to find a compatible sexual partner also, compounding the problem.

Interesting that your wife didn't seem to make any effort to instruct you to make you more satisfying in bed.  Apparently, she wanted another type from the get go.-

I ended-up trying to "make it work" with women who had been abused by fathers and/or previous partners.  Not my intention, but that is what happened.  They were the ones I attracted.   They really were in love with me at first because I was so supportive and understanding, listening and bringing them out of depression, dispair, etc., even putting them on career paths.

Only later did the attention turn to my issues.  Then, they started to notice I didn't qualify for what they wanted in a man.  They noticed I wasn't the world beater they had imagined and not able to "learn" to perform sexually up to their standards. . . .    Well, I could go on and on.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
27 minutes ago, lbaker said:
Interesting that your wife didn't seem to make any effort to instruct you to make you more satisfying in bed.  Apparently, she wanted another type from the get go.-

The type I ended-up with did.  Basically, they guided me to oral service and even femdom smbd, rejecting my penis, after abortive efforts to train me.  It was clear they were used to better.  I'll let it rest there.

Suffice it to say, you might not have been too happy with her "instructing" you, either. 

Personally, I have serious doubt about the SPS "diagnosis" which puts the "blame" on the under endowed.  In my mind, under endowment is a real handicap, not a delusion.  It can be overcome, but bad experiences and traumas inflicted by the phallocracy makes it objectively difficult.  No accident that the SPS "diagnosis" makes you feel bad about, not only your under endowment, but your failure to deal with it in an optimum fashion.

Basically, I think you are probably incorrect to "blame" your SPS.  Yes, I reject current psychological standards which don't even differentiate between the actually small and the clearly delusionally small.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/21/2019 at 4:35 PM, TheDane said:

@Toosmallforcomfort

Please don't tell me that she is walking away from your
marriage with big bag of money?

I seem to recall that you are a doctor, and for some reason western societies has decided to pay them extremely well.
 

Yes, she will receive half of everything gain during our married, even my business assets.  Florida is a no fault state which means the spouse can be a saint, serial adulterer, or a decompensated alcoholic and the state will split the marital assets equally.

Don't get me started why doctors should be paid well.... That's for another forum.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/21/2019 at 9:12 PM, Klingsor said:

If you press women like this on why they do it or if they feel any remorse for the man, they will inevitably blame society/patriarchy/marriage for making them feel obligated to stay in the marriage. 

I wonder about this myself.  She wanted out, or at least enjoy other men 5 years ago when she asked for a open marriage, then had 3 affairs in the next four years.  If she was that unhappy with her sex life, or the lack of feeling excitement or newness, and/or feeling like her ovarian clock is running out of time, why wouldn't she just divorce me.  I asked her that and she said it was complicated.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...