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William

Penises didn't grow due to losing my testicles at early age

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Hello, William, welcome! :)

Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings about the way your condition influenced your life, or about "anything" else you'd like to 'talk' here about.

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On 11/28/2019 at 5:34 PM, Toosmallforcomfort said:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/660741

I was exposed to one pediatric patient during my training with anorchia, born without testicles. He was undergoing treatment with hormone replacement.  Not sure how old are you.

I would imagine that testosterone hormone treatment should have commenced immediately for William after loss of testicles and then at various levels at various ages.  I think penis growth could be achieved and breast development avoided.  I would be interested in hearing more about what medical treatment William received, if any, and how he has coped with the apparently lower testosterone levels that lead to breasts and a small penis.

Testosterone supplementation is very interesting to me because of my experiences.  As TooSmallforComfort is a Dr. and might have an interesting opinion, I'll try to summarize briefly:  I wonder, now that bio-identical hormones are available, would they have been used in my case?  Or, I we supposed to accept how "we feel" for political correctness?

First, I had many markers for low testosterone as an infant, pre-schooler and, then, grade schooler.  I was very painfully shy, developed a stammer, never displayed normal exuberant boyish aggressive play behavior, refused to play with boys unless forced, played with girls, even "wanted to be a girl" at one point as a kindergartner and had no natural combativeness.  Teachers, relatives and parents all thought "something was wrong with me."  I achieved some adjustment finally around 6th & 7th grade in response to pressure from parents and teachers but had very high near crippling anxiety.  Then, all was lost when puberty was delayed several years and, then, proceeded only glacially.  My genitals were very thin tiny and retracted which I noticed as a pre-schooler at backyard pool parties I was forced to attend.

What was the cause?  I have come to the conclusion that due to my mother's abuse of amphetamines during pregnancy (which she shamefully admitted as the suspected cause of my unusual characteristics), I did not receive the appropriate testosterone during the specified periods of fetal development.  I have read that amphetamines apparently are testosterone antagonists, blocking the action of testosterone on receptors.  Maybe whatever determines the production of testosterone later was somehow affected also by the early in uterine dearth of T.  I won't recount, again, my struggle with puberty and sex throughout life.

When the internet was young and testosterone hadn't been (absurdly) declared a narcotic yet in the USA, I purchased some and dosed myself at about 55 years of age.  I was shocked at the immediate mental difference it made.  The remnants of my stammer and anxiety all but disappeared.  After a few months of that, I had myself tested under the premise that I was suffering low T due to age.  Sure enough, I was below scale at 170 on a 200 to 900 scale of total T and correspondingly low on "free T".  (Note the tremendous "normal" range of testosterone level! --  Explaining the dramatic differences in displayed male masculinity for men?).  Too late to make much of life difference, but I'm a lot more comfortable in my skin with my prescription for testosterone supplementation via skin patch which is very expensive and discouraged by the FDA.  Fortunately, my insurance covers it.  I'm forced to listen to all kinds of scare stories about T supplementation, before my prescription can be renewed.

I suspect that the focus of men on their penis size as defining their place in the male status hierarchy {phallocracy) may be a substitute mental symbol for differences in testosterone level, not exactly related to penis size.   Certainly, very sexually active women, though acknowledging they run into mostly larger than average dicks, admit they experience smaller men occasionally who show no signs of sps inferiority feelings and surprisingly effective in bed.  So, some men with high testosterone may be perceived sexually adequate to women in spite of presenting a substantially small penis.  On the other hand, such men may be even more frustrated as they are aggressive and active and, thus, more likely to experience rejection for bing small.  How would I know?

Everyone preaches "confidence".  You need to develop confidence to be successful sexually.  Yeah, but "confidence" is based on likelihood of good outcome.  Without good recreational sex outcomes, how do you get "confident?" 

Actually, in my estimation, what people are referring to as "confidence" is REALLY hormonal adequacy.  High testosterone men are aggressive and proceed without much anxiety regardless of outcome.  They are over-confident naturally and women (and gay men?) appreciate that! 

PS.  I tried the gonadotropin mentioned in TooSmallforComfort's link.  It was great, but I couldn't get a Dr. to prescribe it.  Obviously, it would be great to stimulate your own testicles to secrete more T rather than supplement.  Supplementation can cause testicles to atrophy.  I have avoided atrophy so far by taking off my patch at night, CONTRARY to INSTRUCTIONS!  That allows testicles to function during the time of their natural highest activity.  My testicles continue to be small and retracting, but not smaller as far as I can detect.

 

 

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29 minutes ago, lbaker said:

Certainly, very sexually active women, though acknowledging they run into mostly larger than average dicks, admit they experience smaller men occasionally who show no signs of sps inferiority feelings and surprisingly effective in bed.  So, some men with high testosterone may be perceived sexually adequate to women in spite of presenting a substantially small penis

I have said exactly this in the past w my story of an old friend Leonard. He had a small penis but very macho, a true tough guy, and always had some kind of girlfriend hanging around.  He looked like an Irish Klingon so certainly was no pretty boy either.  
 

@lbaker terrific post. What you Say about confidence is perfect. How do people not see that?  Yet there are scholars that miss the point. Confidence is proportional to probability of success and w women that hinges on testosterone. Biology IS destiny. 
 

Your story of growing up is remarkably similar to mine except I think the impact of Low T is even pronounced in your case. I suspect I was (and am) either on the low end of normal or just below it.  I think I compensated some when I was young by lifting weights.  

 

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BTW:  A subtle difference I noticed after I started to supplement T was a much higher tolerance for truth.  Prior to supplementing, I had a very rationalized view of my sexual performance.  After I started supplementing I became aware I couldn't make my wife orgasm through penetration, but only through oral service.  I should have known this before, but couldn't tolerate the thought.  Though I often got her "hot and juicy" during penetration it felt like I was stirring a giant pot of warm syrup with a little spoon and she never had contractions or other indications of orgasm.  Before, I chose to think she had an orgasm.  

On testosterone I simply and naturally asked her what she wanted when that hot instead of futilely stirring until I finally came only with difficult as there was no friction.  She said "give me head" which easily took her over the hump to spectacular orgasm.  This was great at first, but after a time I started to resent the one-sidedness of our sex and soon lost interest altogether.

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12 hours ago, lbaker said:

As TooSmallforComfort is a Dr. and might have an interesting opinion, I'll try to summarize briefly:  I wonder, now that bio-identical hormones are available, would they have been used in my case? 

Well, I'm a radiologist so my exposure and knowledge of this topic is limited.  But, I know this is a multibillion dollar industry for both men and women, especially after 50.  There are risks including increased risk of some cancers and a slew of other nagging side effects for some users.  It certainly won't make your penis larger.  However, for men, increased sexual stamina and desire are common results.

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1 hour ago, Toosmallforcomfort said:

Well, I'm a radiologist so my exposure and knowledge of this topic is limited.  But, I know this is a multibillion dollar industry for both men and women, especially after 50.  There are risks including increased risk of some cancers and a slew of other nagging side effects for some users.  It certainly won't make your penis larger.  However, for men, increased sexual stamina and desire are common results.

The Dr. who first diagnosed me and prescribed supplementation claimed the FDA purposely skews the data to show cancer risk by including those who supplement for sex, muscle building and sports performance to high or abnormal levels, often using substances other than bio-identicals.  He asked me how supplementing with bioidenticals to a low normal level could be a significant risk.  My current Dr., on the other hand, is almost hysterical that I ignore his warnings.

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@lbaker - I still follow bodybuilding & these guys die of heart attacks not cancer.  There is a YT channel “Nick’s Strength & Power” and he follows bodybuilding like nobody & I have never seen anything about cancer.  I am saying that to back up your idea that T is correlated w cancer in any significant way.

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25 minutes ago, Victimorthecrime said:

@lbaker - I still follow bodybuilding & these guys die of heart attacks not cancer.  There is a YT channel “Nick’s Strength & Power” and he follows bodybuilding like nobody & I have never seen anything about cancer.  I am saying that to back up your idea that T is correlated w cancer in any significant way.

Another point I should have made is that ESTROGEN is very definitely related to cancer.  Testosterone can aromatize (a chemical process) to estrogen.  Many experts claim this can be a problem.  There are drugs and supplements that prevent aromatization.  This is complicated and I am not prepared to discuss it in detail.  I've also read that excessive T or steroids can cause blood thickening that might be related to the heart attacks of body builders you mention.

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Look up a guy named Rich Piana. World famous and admitted steroid heavy user. Died while wife was cutting hair. Autopsy found heart 3X normal size I believe.  
A legal supplement called DIM can lower estrogen, if anyone is interested in that.  
Some say testosterone production can be promoted by squatting, especially w a wide stance and by the horse stance: 

https://gethealthyu.com/exercise/horse-pose/

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@YOTH - good to hear from you & hope all is well. More trouble at the bridge I hear ☹️.  
Not familiar w Thomas Maw but will check him out. 
I used to be a workout lunatic but I am 57 and have slowed down but I still do what I can. I have a desk job so it’s important to get moving as much as possible.  
I was bullied as a child and that plus fear of being drafted got me lifting weights back in the 70s. I remember taking this Bob Hoffman’s protein powder and it drinking crushed up drywall lol 

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Too bad William hasn't returned.  I wish he would. 

I didn't mean to make the thread all about me, but open a discussion about how his problem might be improved or lived with.  Though my case was much less dire, I found that "blaming self" was the problem in trying to live with it. 

I could have lived with it much more easily if I had understood my limitations.

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On 11/29/2019 at 8:00 AM, Victimorthecrime said:

 terrific post. What you Say about confidence is perfect. How do people not see that?  Yet there are scholars that miss the point. Confidence is proportional to probability of success and w women that hinges on testosterone. 

Not exactly what I was saying.  With high testosterone (hormonal sufficiency), you don't need confidence in outcome.  You have the DRIVE to act without confidence and without significant anxiety of outcome.  Of course, to the extent you are successful, you ALSO get more and more confident.  

Some people preach "fake confidence" if you don't have it yet.  Then you will get it due to success.  Well, OK, if that is what you have to do, but it is not the same as being hormonally sufficient.  If you are faking it to impress the partner, you will have high anxiety.  The partner may notice that and you will have difficulties even if they don't notice it.

That's why I generally drank pretty heavy when approaching sex.  My anxiety was high because I was low T and had no confidence because of no substantial success.  Drinking, of course, introduces its own set of problems.  Alcohol is an anesthetic and reduces the feeling of anxiety.

Seems to me you need to find partners who can accept who you are.  Can successful faking be the road to real success?

 

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Confidence is like talent - you’re either born with it or you’re not. No amount of faking/practicing will convince people you have it. Dumb people easily grasp these basic realities. Their minds are not clogged with speculative bullshit so they see it as it is - hence meme culture.

If I could ask the genie for 3 wishes it would be to make me young, hung, and dumb. From what I’ve seen that’s the key to “living life”.

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Human sacrifice, primitive eugenics, tribal warfare had the advantage of isolating and killing individual males like me before their lives were allowed to putrefy. It was actually compassionate unlike the enslavement we live today. They knew such men were worthless to both themselves and the community.

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2 hours ago, Klingsor said:

Human sacrifice, primitive eugenics, tribal warfare had the advantage of isolating and killing individual males like me before their lives were allowed to putrefy. It was actually compassionate unlike the enslavement we live today. They knew such men were worthless to both themselves and the community.

No, you would stay back in the cave with me basket weaving making arrow heads.  The alphas and their betas had a place for the likes of you.

On the other hand, if they had had testosterone supplementation back then. . . .    Or, a few of us, if cunning enough, could become Witch Doctors.

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2 hours ago, Klingsor said:

Human sacrifice, primitive eugenics, tribal warfare had the advantage of isolating and killing individual males like me before their lives were allowed to putrefy. It was actually compassionate unlike the enslavement we live today. They knew such men were worthless to both themselves and the community.

I see where you are coming from, but you need to pull back from the brink.

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2 hours ago, Klingsor said:

hence meme culture.

I know what the word meme was supposed to mean:  memes are to culture (or social organism) as genes are to biological organisms.

I'm not sure what you mean by meme culture as I see all cultures as determined by memes which arise of time as people interact.

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41 minutes ago, lbaker said:

No, you would stay back in the cave with me basket weaving making arrow heads.  The alphas and their betas had a place for the likes of you.

Damn. Brutal. 

41 minutes ago, lbaker said:

Or, a few of us, if cunning enough, could become Witch Doctors.

Oh hell yes, forgot about that possibility. Like Fiver in Watership Down. Except casting spells and conjuring shit. 

37 minutes ago, lbaker said:

I'm not sure what you mean by meme culture

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_meme

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