recently this cloud has fallen over me..

[William2]

i stay in my room all day. All year. I never talk to anybody when i leave school, when i am at school, i always somehow manage to fuck up whatever i do, i can try to be funny, end up with just being ennoying instead..

at first when i talk to people, they like me and we become friends, but slowly if you spend more than 1hour with me, i feel they dont like me much anymore.

im 15, shower often, dress properly, but i do only wear sweatpants and normal clothes. Everyone knows me as the geek who never leaves his room and people dont know more than that. 

my dad does not like me either, i can feel it. my mom and dad are divorced, But they share one thing. Always if they CAN avoid having me join activities, family time, stuff like that. It does not make it better that on school. 

i have some supposed "friends" They arent really my friends. ive figured, on school it may seem like im ight. But when everyone leaves school, NO ONE wants to have anything todo with me.

Ive always been the guy who wasn't really a part of my grade, at first i found some friends in 10th, when i was in 8th but, however they left. some of they stayed because they were only 9th graders but left when i HAD to start 10th, 10th grade is WACK. Because i only was with 10th when i was in 8th, i never got any friends in my grade. just sat there. Eating left to goto 10th grade friends, i was known as that for 2 years, If 10th left for workdays, id just sit where we used to sit. just wait. intil they come back. 

But when i got to 10th i had no friends and since id isolated me from everyone in my grade. i was fucked. I had no friends. I got some in my 10C im in 10A, only because i had to work on a group project with them in a class that shared all 10th grades together, you could choose "Spanish, German or work at a groccery store." in the start in the 10th year, so i choose groccery store so they did." i dont feel like they like me and would rather get rid of me.

It sucks to exist, i wish i could goto sleep and stop existing. i was i wasnt born. 

When i grow im gona move away. Stop existing. get a husky, get a good pc. And work online. Exersize in my house and all. Buy alot of grocceries when i have too. Never leave unless grocceries and walking husky. 

 

Help?... what is this kinda stuff?

[LaLa]

Hi, William, welcome!

I'm sorry for my late reply.

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone, unloved, and confused  . You're at a difficult age and things, including making friends, get often better in time.

You mentioned you did have friends before, so you're definitely not a person that everyone would like to avoid! Consider what a small "sample" of all people your classmates are! If there isn't anyone that "fits" with you as a friend, it doesn't mean you won't find friends later (if you don't decide not to try anymore). It's a bit similar to finding love. 

It seems you are somehow different from your classmates. Are there any differences that come in mind, except for having such uncaring parents and not going out?

Being "different" doesn't mean being worse or weird. It's just more difficult to form relationships.

21 hours ago, William2 said:

what is this kinda stuff?

Do you know about hikikomori? I recommend to you reading about it, for instance here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori

https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-23182523

21 hours ago, William2 said:

Help?.

There's something I think you really should try: Psychotherapy. Or, at least, consulting with a school counselor. Does your school have one?

In any case, feel free to share more with us. I hope communicating on this forum will be somehow helpful to you (despite the usual lack of activity here these days).

Good luck and take care!

[William2]

On 12/4/2019 at 5:43 PM, LaLa said:

--snip--

Also i failed to mention, that my parents were cool once, but slowly, became more stressed and slowly from 7th+ stopped caring about me gradually at all, they seem nice on messages, includes heart emojis but when you get there just alot dissapointment and screaming at me 😕 i get a false type of "we love you" from them, i can feel it. If i leave them, they laught have fun and having good time. However if i join again, everyones silent, and it becomes awkward. 😕 Before 7th grade, i thought "man my parents are the coolest" after 9th it became "why do my parents dont give a single damn about me" Like, i ask my dad to help me install led's on my room that i got for LAST years christmas, i asked him 70? since last christmas if he could help me because he wount let me do it bacause "ill break it"

 

so i just drew the conclusion "Ok. People dont like me, ill just stay in my room" 

[LaLa]

I see that your experiences with your parents and classmates have been bad lately.   Is it possible that your parents have their own issues and aren't able to be good / cool parents anymore? It's possibly a chalenge for them to raise a teenager, they aren't good at it and you conclude it is your fault, which is typical for children with "bad" parents of any kind. 

I understand that the conclusion that "people don't like me, so I isolate myself from them to avoid being hurt by their behaviour, rejection, ..." has a logic. I see you want to protect yourself. But by isolating themselves, people lose the chance to find other people, those who really like them. You're too young to make such a decision that could spoil all your life. When you'll go to a new school or find a job, you'll meet new people and it would be better to be prepared to be open to friendships, not to withdraw, expecting rejection. 

What do you think?