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CircusLeavesTown

Cannot deal with SPS anymore. My situation is desperate.

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Every day of my life is a struggle, but lately I genuinely don't know how much longer I carry on living. I'm 30 and my SPS affects my life in every way imaginable...from my nonexistent self esteem and confidence, to the choice of clothing I buy.

When I was 16 I had my first girlfriend. We both said we wanted to lose our virginity together. We had a few foreplay sessions but she broke up with me within 2 months. I later found out that she cheated on me and lost her virginity with someone else, and that she was telling all her friends about my size. Ever since this, my confidence is below zero and I've tried a couple of times to be intimate with women but I find it impossible to achieve an erection infront of a woman because of crippling anxiety. One of the women actually commented on my size straight away, which did not help.

It's got so bad that even if I THINK about sex, I get major panic attacks, my breathing becomes uncontrollable and I rock back and forth, like a stereotypical mental patient.

I associate with all the symptoms of SPS and I actually had a breakdown while reading it. The only symptom I can't relate to (anymore) is anger towards women. I used to be, but not anymore. I don't blame people for their preferences. However, I'm angry with society and with the world we live in. Body shaming in 2020 is unacceptable, except if you're shaming small penises, in which case it's actually encouraged. Phrases like "big dick energy" confirm this. Or the fact that it's okay to assume that an abuser or murderer has a small penis.

Lily Allen writes songs about guys with small penises and how disgusting we are. She's a liberal icon.. which I find mind blowing.

I'm not looking for sympathy. I just need to vent because there's no one I can talk to about this. 

The way I'm feeling tonight, I can see me checking myself into hospital just so I won't be alone and tempted to kill myself. 

I've actually recently discovered cuddle therapy. It's not illegal or taboo.. literally just two consenting people cuddling for 1 or 2 hours. The positive I took from this is that it's made me realise that maybe I don't want or need sex. Cuddling is all I need at this point. But maybe it's unrealistic to hope for a relationship with no sex involved?

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Hello, @CircusLeavesTown (what a creative screen-name :) ), welcome!

I'm glad you decide to vent and share your struggles with us (mainly instead of doing something bad to yourself!). I hope communicating with some people suffering from the same issues here will help you in some ways. 

How are you feeling now? Did you decide to check yourself into hospital? I'm relieved to hear that you're thinking this way - searching for help instead of acting impetuously...

Your situation, mainly that

3 hours ago, CircusLeavesTown said:

even if I THINK about sex, I get major panic attacks, my breathing becomes uncontrollable and I rock back and forth

shows you'd need a good psychotherapist. There's no shame in seeking professional help. It may be difficult to find the right person (a good 'fit'), but it's definitely worth the searching.

I totally agree with you that society is outrageously horrible in this regard (and many others, BTW); this kind of "jokes" and attitudes is mind-bogglingly shameful.

I admire that you don't blame nor hate women as such, in general, despite the painful experiences that you had with some.

Cuddle therapy is wonderful!! It's great that you've discovered it :) .

3 hours ago, CircusLeavesTown said:

But maybe it's unrealistic to hope for a relationship with no sex involved?

As you may know, there are asexual people and they do want relationships. I'm sure there's a dating website for asexuals; you can try that. I don't know how they would see the fact that you were not born asexual, just started to have issues around sex, but I suppose some of them wouldn't mind. But I don't think that it would be a permanent solution (although, who knows; in case you'd find "the right person", you might want to live with her in an asexual relationship. Moreover, I've read that some of them make love with their partner = they don't mind, just don't need / want / seek it.)

Anyway, therapy would be the best option in my opinion. What do you think?

Take care!

 

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Thanks a lot for your thoughtful reply! My name is actually a reference to the album "..and the Circus Leaves Town" by the rock band Kyuss. The reason I chose this name is because that album has not one but two songs relating to small penises and the struggles they cause. "One Inch Man" and "Size Queen." The music is pretty rocking and cathartic to listen to. Even if you take these songs out of their catalogue they're still one of my favourite acts.

I didn't check into hospital. My dad actually phoned me to ask if I was okay, which is quite unusual, and for the first time in my life I actually spoke about this aloud with someone. He was very sympthetic, I could tell he really felt bad. Anyway, we've agreed that I probably need therapy, like you said. My only concern though, I once had therapy for social anxiety (I didn't tell them about this problem.) and the therapist. I was telling her how my boss makes me nervous and she said something like "he probably has a really small dick." I walked out of the session and reported her straight away. I didn't hear anything back but this experience has put me off therapy as well :( even therapists make fun of small dicks... wow. Unreal. That didn't help me either and probably set me back a few years

 

 

 

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I'm so glad you talked to your dad and he's been supportive! :) 

I can see that such an experience in therapy can be pretty traumatizing and doesn't help with trying it again. :( 

Just to offer a different perspective (which doesn't apologize what she said!!!): She didn't "make fun of" small size. As I interpret this comment: She knows that "small" men tend to feel inadequate (which is, unfortunately, true) and some of them compensate it - as many people do when they feel inadequate and insecure - by behaving like jerks, self-aggrandizing, ... I don't know if this is indeed true about "small" men, but it's, unfortunately, a cliché. This is probably known as the most painful way of low self-esteem, so people use it as a default example for a reason why someone would want to compensate his low self-esteem by some "bad behaviour / attitudes".

Please, do understand that I consider it all terrible, I'm not excusing the therapist now society and the stereotypes! I just wanted to explain why it wasn't "a joke / attmpt at humor", just a perpetuation of a harmful stereotype.

Men suffering from SPS in psychotherapy, talking about their issues, would be good teachers to the the therapists' community, which obviously needs to have its eyes open about this topic. 

I wish you the best of luck in finding a good therapist!!!

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5 hours ago, LaLa said:

Please, do understand that I consider it all terrible, I'm not excusing the therapist now society and the stereotypes! I just wanted to explain why it wasn't "a joke / attmpt at humor", just a perpetuation of a harmful stereotype.

It wasn't a good move on her part considering one of the reasons I requested therapy was due to low self esteem. In my opinion she's not fit for the job and I hope she was fired. But I guess I'll never know.

She probably thought would react well but she just got death stares as I got up and walked out.

I'm actually having a consultation tomorrow with a male therapist. I've never been 100%^ open with my problems so I will do that tomorrow

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It has become increasingly obvious to me that us smaller guys are shamed not just for being small but for not being able to adjust to it.  There can be no doubt that small penis shaming is still acceptable to most of society as demonstrated by the popularity of small penis jokes.  We are not "to blame" though we need to learn better how to cope.

I haven't listened to Lily Allen yet, but many otherwise decent women hate men because they have been subjected to male standards of beauty, demeaned for imperfections, used and abused, and, often, subjected to "date rape" or at least manhandling.  They think they can "get back" at men by ridiculing their small penises wholesale, often not realizing there really are men with small penises that do not deserve their shaming and can be severely damaged by shaming.  Probably, men with large penises, being more sexually active, are the ones more likely to have committed real offenses against women so their small shaming is very off the mark..

Unless I have missed something, I don't think you have revealed what your actual penis size is.  I think recovery from shaming is quite different for those actually significantly below average like myself and those in the average or bigger range who happen to have been subjected to traumatizing shaming.  Many men do not realize that the average erection is only 5 inches.

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1 hour ago, Victimorthecrime said:

And yet I have trouble believing that. The 6” number got out there years ago & it’s what I accepted. And I sometimes wonder if that is low.  

1.  Based on my locker room experience I have trouble believing it also.

2.  Based on the few times I have men with erections I also have trouble believing it.

3.  Porn ditto, but we all know there is a tremendous selection bias there!

Selection bias, I think, tells the story.  Men around average and below actually tend to avoid aggressive recreational sex, locker rooms, and any venue where their erection might be displayed.  Active women are used to larger than average, too.  That 16% of men 6" or over do most of the recreational competitive fucking and a growing number of women, I think, share that 16%.

 

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2 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

So one interpretation might be that average doesn’t count for much. Might even be exclusionary. For example being of average height would exclude me from the NBA barring some other tremendous abilities.  

I think that you nailed it.  Yeah, rarely can a 6' man make it in the NBA.  But 6' is considerable taller than average in the population!

Very rarely!  Isaiah Thomas was a guard on the Detroit Pistons was an example.  Only 6'.  Now basketball guards are often 6'4 or more!  Kobie Bryant played guard at 6'6" I believe.

Of course, not all women are seeking top performance in the sexual sports arena.  Some prioritize stability and family.

But many of those in the hook up scene and dating apps apparently are!  Studies show a small % of the men registered in these apps actually have a significant amount of sex.  And us real duds don't even register!

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On 1/28/2020 at 12:56 PM, CircusLeavesTown said:

Every day of my life is a struggle, but lately I genuinely don't know how much longer I carry on living. I'm 30 and my SPS affects my life in every way imaginable...from my nonexistent self esteem and confidence, to the choice of clothing I buy.

When I was 16 I had my first girlfriend. We both said we wanted to lose our virginity together. We had a few foreplay sessions but she broke up with me within 2 months. I later found out that she cheated on me and lost her virginity with someone else, and that she was telling all her friends about my size. Ever since this, my confidence is below zero and I've tried a couple of times to be intimate with women but I find it impossible to achieve an erection infront of a woman because of crippling anxiety. One of the women actually commented on my size straight away, which did not help.

It's got so bad that even if I THINK about sex, I get major panic attacks, my breathing becomes uncontrollable and I rock back and forth, like a stereotypical mental patient.

I associate with all the symptoms of SPS and I actually had a breakdown while reading it. The only symptom I can't relate to (anymore) is anger towards women. I used to be, but not anymore. I don't blame people for their preferences. However, I'm angry with society and with the world we live in. Body shaming in 2020 is unacceptable, except if you're shaming small penises, in which case it's actually encouraged. Phrases like "big dick energy" confirm this. Or the fact that it's okay to assume that an abuser or murderer has a small penis.

Lily Allen writes songs about guys with small penises and how disgusting we are. She's a liberal icon.. which I find mind blowing.

I'm not looking for sympathy. I just need to vent because there's no one I can talk to about this. 

The way I'm feeling tonight, I can see me checking myself into hospital just so I won't be alone and tempted to kill myself. 

I've actually recently discovered cuddle therapy. It's not illegal or taboo.. literally just two consenting people cuddling for 1 or 2 hours. The positive I took from this is that it's made me realise that maybe I don't want or need sex. Cuddling is all I need at this point. But maybe it's unrealistic to hope for a relationship with no sex involved?

Were you circumsiced  after birth ? Repetitive masturbating at young age ? 

 

On 1/28/2020 at 5:21 PM, CircusLeavesTown said:

Thanks a lot for your thoughtful reply! My name is actually a reference to the album "..and the Circus Leaves Town" by the rock band Kyuss. The reason I chose this name is because that album has not one but two songs relating to small penises and the struggles they cause. "One Inch Man" and "Size Queen." The music is pretty rocking and cathartic to listen to. Even if you take these songs out of their catalogue they're still one of my favourite acts.

I didn't check into hospital. My dad actually phoned me to ask if I was okay, which is quite unusual, and for the first time in my life I actually spoke about this aloud with someone. He was very sympthetic, I could tell he really felt bad. Anyway, we've agreed that I probably need therapy, like you said. My only concern though, I once had therapy for social anxiety (I didn't tell them about this problem.) and the therapist. I was telling her how my boss makes me nervous and she said something like "he probably has a really small dick." I walked out of the session and reported her straight away. I didn't hear anything back but this experience has put me off therapy as well :( even therapists make fun of small dicks... wow. Unreal. That didn't help me either and probably set me back a few years

 

 

 

Stop wasting your $ money on therapist . Live for what makes you happy ! I'm a year older than you . Undeveloped also . I know how you feel inside . Take a trip to Bangkok plenty girls $ no money no honey . Even though they tell me to kill myself their words mean nothing to me ! Be strong 💪 work is more important . God won't forgive you for taking you your life ! 

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8 hours ago, myfault said:

Anyone  been on thunder palace ?

I used to go there, probably a decade ago.

After trying some techniques touted by men not asking for payments, and seemingly sincere with apparently well documented results, decided enlargement techniques work only for some.  I'm definitely not included in the "some."

Probably, connective tissues vary from man to man.  As proven by "contortionists" some people can stretch their ligaments and tendons to amazing feats.  Probably the same for the complex penile connective tissue, the fascia, if memory serves.  Contortionists are born, not made, though they can improve.

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14 hours ago, uptight outasight said:

But many of those in the hook up scene and dating apps apparently are!  Studies show a small % of the men registered in these apps actually have a significant amount of sex.  And us real duds don't even register!

Here's a thought:  Sperm are "competitive" and studies claim to show they not only race to get to the egg first which would be expected, but are equipped with chemical warfare to battle alien sperm from other men.

For this to have evolved, group sex must have been common "in the cave".  Perhaps pairing was not a thing among cave people or early hunting and gathering groups.  Maybe sex orgies were common.  So, by deep nature, women may be attuned to comparing the sexual performance of men including size and developing preferences if given the opportunity which more and more is the case as our culture evolves.  Modern feminism also encourages women to demand sexual satisfaction for themselves instead of just "serving the man's needs" as was more typical in patriarchal society.

Smaller guys can't deposit as deep, but may have developed chemical warfare sperm to compete.  I have noted that guys into group sex now-a-days, often mention "sloppy seconds."  No, I have no direct experience though I have been invited to such activities by women.  I've also been ridiculed for not being "up to it."  I'd have to be really drunk!

 

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23 hours ago, uptight outasight said:

I read Lily Allen's alleged small dick lyrics.  Actually, it didn't seem clear that was the upshot of her lyrics.  Selfishness of a partner seemed to be the point.

She said many times she wrote the song because a guy she was in a relationship with broke up with her. Can't imagine why he would do that.

She wanted the world to know that he has a small dick. " I'm gonna tell the world your rubbish in bed now and that your small in the game"

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On 2/1/2020 at 11:38 PM, uptight outasight said:

I read Lily Allen's alleged small dick lyrics.  Actually, it didn't seem clear that was the upshot of her lyrics.  Selfishness of a partner seemed to be the point.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-x6np3ArOBQ

 I wish you were right. This is tough to watch for me

edit I can't find the original video, which is a compilation of her introducing that song and shes absolutely ruthless

https://www.reddit.com/r/smalldickproblems/comments/anb3gq/lily_allen_singer_on_small_dicks/

On 2/1/2020 at 1:01 PM, uptight outasight said:

Probably, men with large penises, being more sexually active, are the ones more likely to have committed real offenses against women so their small shaming is very off the mark..

The most true sentence ever spoken

Since you asked about my size I'm 5" hard but with poor girth. No women has seen me hard since the first one, and its 2" soft so I'm too self conscious to try anything with a woman

Edited by CircusLeavesTown

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