Cannot deal with SPS anymore. My situation is desperate.

[Wayless]

11 hours ago, Shrimp Fried Life said:

She said many times she wrote the song because a guy she was in a relationship with broke up with her. Can't imagine why he would do that.

She wanted the world to know that he has a small dick. " I'm gonna tell the world your rubbish in bed now and that your small in the game"

Small in the game doesn't necessarily relate small penis, but I couldn't view the videos and were "private" on U-Tube.  What does that mean?

Her song words seem to indicate premature orgasm.  Anyway, it doesn't make any sense to resent a break-up when supposedly it was you that didn't like the sex.

[Wayless]

9 hours ago, CircusLeavesTown said:

is that aimed at me?

Don't think so. . .looked to me like aimed properly at Lily Allen.  Regardless what she was referring to she was acting low life.

[CircusLeavesTown]

7 hours ago, uptight outasight said:

Small in the game doesn't necessarily relate small penis, but I couldn't view the videos and were "private" on U-Tube.  What does that mean?

Her song words seem to indicate premature orgasm.  Anyway, it doesn't make any sense to resent a break-up when supposedly it was you that didn't like the sex.

https://www.reddit.com/r/smalldickproblems/comments/anb3gq/lily_allen_singer_on_small_dicks/

 

It's about size dude. In this thread they're discussing a video which has now been deleted. It was called something like "Lily Allen supports male suicide" and it was a compilation of her introducing the song. She would talk to the men in the crowd saying "I hope none of you have small dicks" and then the women in the crowd would laugh/cheer

[CircusLeavesTown]

7 hours ago, uptight outasight said:

Small in the game doesn't necessarily relate small penis, but I couldn't view the videos and were "private" on U-Tube.  What does that mean?

Her song words seem to indicate premature orgasm.  Anyway, it doesn't make any sense to resent a break-up when supposedly it was you that didn't like the sex.

https://airenpetalbert.wordpress.com/2017/01/15/forget-taylor-swift-lily-allen-is-the-real-queen-of-ex-shaming/

 

and check out this wonderful article which CELEBRATES the fact that she body shames. The "author" quotes three or four different songs which are clearly about it.

"If you’re like the woman in this song who cares about her sexual pleasure, you go girl." and " Shots fired. And in case you’re not satisfied with the small-penis-shaming that happened over there, here’s more..." are all quotes from this wonderful "author." It's shit like this that makes me want to give up and say goodbye.

 

[Toosmallforcomfort]

Okay so she is a hypocrite. I thought liberals were all about acceptance of everyone and everything and sexual orientation and no matter what you look like and what you feel. But time and time again it shows me that certain hypocrite liberals will only support or disparage things that are good for them, personally. These songs are all about going in the gray zone of social acceptance , creating controversy and giving her more attention then what is typically deemed necessary in the music Realm. This isn't uncommon, this is been done before numerous times in the music industry and continues to this day. Push the envelope and stir the Beast. She happened to stumble upon something that we in this forum find unnerving, unacceptable and quite honestly hurtful. You don't have to tell me I'm fat, I'm fat. You don't have to tell me I'm small, I'm small. You don't have to tell me I'm short, I'm short. Although I know it's human nature to bully and feel Superior at the expense of other weaker individuals, but it does not mean that we have to do it. We are greater than Apes. If I wrote a song and plastered it on YouTube about large, loose vaginas, I would lose my job, my family, and God knows how many other things. But it's free speech and no matter how hurtful it is, there's not much we can do about it except complain about it and not listen.

[Victimorthecrime]

No. 

[LaLa]

6 hours ago, CircusLeavesTown said:

It's shit like this that makes me want to give up and say goodbye.

 

 Perhaps it would help to realize that by reacting like that to the shit they do, you would give them (to people you cannot respect, people who you may just loath) too much power over you. I know it's very hard and painful (although cannot fully imagine how, not being in the same situation), but you still can stay alive and 'learn to' lead a better life (thanks to therapy, mainly), despite all those terrible, stupid, ignorant, and even wicked people.

[CircusLeavesTown]

1 hour ago, LaLa said:

 Perhaps it would help to realize that by reacting like that to the shit they do, you would give them (to people you cannot respect, people who you may just loath) too much power over you. I know it's very hard and painful (although cannot fully imagine how, not being in the same situation), but you still can stay alive and 'learn to' lead a better life (thanks to therapy, mainly), despite all those terrible, stupid, ignorant, and even wicked people.

But this is the norm of society. Nothing I can do will possibly change that. I just don't think I belong here.

[LaLa]

14 hours ago, CircusLeavesTown said:

But this is the norm of society. Nothing I can do will possibly change that.

Yes, it's very improbable that you alone could change this stereotype. But you still can change your life, your wellbeing, in some ways. Isn't it a bit like accepting some kind of disability and learning to live with it? I know that in this case, it's the society that is (mentally and intellectually) "disabled", not you, but you're still stigmatized by some like some disabled or ill people used to be or still are.  

14 hours ago, CircusLeavesTown said:

I just don't think I belong here.

The only "place / group" you don't "belong to" is the group of so called "well-endowed" men, that's all. You are much more than one part of your body!!! And you already feel that cuddling (and emotional intimacy) is more important at the moment and that it's very satisfying!

One of the biggest challenges probably is to learn to appreciate and enjoy all your actual 'gifts', all possibilities you actually have, instead of focusing on what you miss. I'm sure it sounds impossible now. But it's not one big change, it's a lot of small steps. You can start by finding a good therapist. BTW, I would tell to that new therapist, during the very first session, about the terrible experience with the first-one. That would be a good start, a good way to test him / her...

Becoming OK with yourself is not only good for your mental health, but also very important for increasing your chances of a nice romantic relationship. (So when I say "don't focus on what you miss and accept reality", I don't mean that you should accept the idea (/fear) of not ever having a partner!! It's only about your body and its perception by stupid people.)

Edited February 4, 2020 by LaLa

[Wayless]

22 hours ago, CircusLeavesTown said:

https://www.reddit.com/r/smalldickproblems/comments/anb3gq/lily_allen_singer_on_small_dicks/

It's about size dude. In this thread they're discussing a video which has now been deleted. It was called something like "Lily Allen supports male suicide" and it was a compilation of her introducing the song. She would talk to the men in the crowd saying "I hope none of you have small dicks" and then the women in the crowd would laugh/cheer

Sorry if I seemed to arguing with you.  I just like to confirm for certain charges like this.  Yes, her commentary before and around songs proves you are right.  However, the words in the songs aren't explicit.  I still don't get for sure what she means when she talks about the wet spot in the middle of the bed.

If women want to be assertive about their own pleasure and need big cocks, fine.  Not necessary to blame and shame the small guy who tried.  Just go find the guy you want.  OH!  But big buys have their pick!  I see!  She got stuck with a small.  Poor girl.

[Wayless]

40 minutes ago, LaLa said:

Yes, it's very improbable that you alone could change this stereotype. But you still can change your life, your wellbeing, in some ways. Isn't it a bit like accepting some kind of disability and learning to live with it? I know that in this case, it's the society that is (mentally and intellectually) "disabled", not you, but you're still stigmatized by some like some disabled or ill people used to be or still are.  

The only "place / group" you don't "belong to" is the group of so called "well-endowed" men, that's all. You are much more than one part of your body!!! And you already feel that cuddling (and emotional intimacy) is more important at the moment and that it's very satisfying!

One of the biggest challenges probably is to learn to appreciate and enjoy all your actual 'gifts', all possibilities you actually have, instead of focusing on what you miss. I'm sure it sounds impossible now. But it's not one big change, it's a lot of small steps. You can start by finding a good therapist. BTW, I would tell to that new therapist, during the very first session, about the terrible experience with the first-one. That would be a good start, a good way to test him / her...

Becoming OK with yourself is not only good for your mental health, but also very important for increasing your chances of a nice romantic relationship. (So when I say "don't focus on what you miss and accept reality", I don't mean that you should accept the idea (/fear) of not ever having a partner!! It's only about your body and its perception by stupid people.)

It is not a stereotype we are fighting.  It is small penis shamers:  real nasty people composing a very large per cent of the population!  We need to work toward sanctioning them.

Realizing that we are not at fault for our small genital equipment means we MUST BLAME the shamers for the damage they do!

[CircusLeavesTown]

7 hours ago, LaLa said:

Isn't it a bit like accepting some kind of disability and learning to live with it? I know that in this case, it's the society that is (mentally and intellectually) "disabled", not you, but you're still stigmatized by some like some disabled or ill people used to be or still are.

That's a good point and I do agree, however I can't help but view it as a disability on my end as well. Trying to be positive though, we would say to physically or mentally disabled or handicapped people that they have nothing to feel shame for right? They didn't choose their situation. I guess the same could apply here, and I ought to treat myself with that same compassion.

6 hours ago, LaLa said:

The only "place / group" you don't "belong to" is the group of so called "well-endowed" men, that's all.

I feel like it's a lot more groups than that I don't belong to. Confident people, sexually active people, etc..

I said I'm not angry with women, which is true, but on the whole I feel totally distant or disconnected to them in a way because I know there's a 99.99% chance they'll stop viewing me as a human being with feelings if they ever saw me naked. That being said, 50% of the music I listen to is by female artists and I read books by female authors etc, so I'm far from anti women or anything like that. And when I'm with my female cuddle therapist I have 100% trust in her. I think you were on to something when you mentioned asexual relationships, because my distrust with women is all sex related. Take that out of the equation and I think I'll be ready for a relationship, once I start to like myself more.  I also agree that therapy is a good idea for me.. at least to deal with my panic attacks which, at their worst, can be triggered by something as trivial as seeing a happy couple walking together down the street 😕

 

7 hours ago, LaLa said:

(So when I say "don't focus on what you miss and accept reality", I don't mean that you should accept the idea (/fear) of not ever having a partner!! It's only about your body and its perception by stupid people.)

I knew what you meant

I appreciate your thoughtful and productive answers by the way. It's quite comforting to know there's someone out there who totally sees through the societal crap and actually see guys like us as humans with value. Unique individuals just like everyone else. You're providing light to people who really need it, like a candle in an endless, dark hallway. You don't have to put your time and energy into this so I want you to know that I appreciate it, even if I've seemed stubborn or unappreciative

 

[CircusLeavesTown]

7 hours ago, uptight outasight said:

Sorry if I seemed to arguing with you. 

You're all good bro, I know you weren't trying to argue. It's hard to believe how much of a nasty person Lily Allen is but.. sad but true I'm afraid. I think the songs are generally about him being a bad person I guess.. but she thinks it's okay to body shame to get revenge. And then go on to body shame ALL under endowed men

Check this out

http://www.pmlive.com/pharma_intelligence/Case_study_Savethemale_1317350

Some male suicide awareness thing, "It gained social media support from celebrities including Stephen Fry, Ricky Gervais and Lily Allen."

HAHAHAHAHA. The irony is incredible. Shameless c***

7 hours ago, uptight outasight said:

If women want to be assertive about their own pleasure and need big cocks, fine.  Not necessary to blame and shame the small guy who tried.

Yeah I don't have issues with the fact that people have preferences. I think most of us would agree with that. But I don't see why people need to advertise the fact/shame other people

 

7 hours ago, uptight outasight said:

It is not a stereotype we are fighting.  It is small penis shamers:  real nasty people composing a very large per cent of the population!  We need to work toward sanctioning them.

Realizing that we are not at fault for our small genital equipment means we MUST BLAME the shamers for the damage they do!

I 100% agree. The problem is though, if you call anyone out, you'll just get penis shamed. I think this requires a seismic shift in thinking that probably won't occur in my lifetime

[LaLa]

45 minutes ago, CircusLeavesTown said:

even if I've seemed stubborn or unappreciative

Thank you for your appreciative comment; I'm really glad you've found some comfort in my words :). But don't worry about seeming stubborn (nor unappreciative). It's good to explain your views, experiences and emotions, to correct my wrong impressions or hasty assumptions.

[Wayless]

11 hours ago, CircusLeavesTown said:

I 100% agree. The problem is though, if you call anyone out, you'll just get penis shamed. I think this requires a seismic shift in thinking that probably won't occur in my lifetime

Yes, 100% correct.  

On the other hand, I'm old enough to remember when it was socially acceptable, nay encouraged, to shame Black people at every opportunity.  Also, disabled people were treated much worse, often dismissed as cripples, etc.  Things can change, but you are right, I don't know how.

Here is the best construction I can put on women who dismiss and/or shame guys with small penises.  I gather (and I have done it myself) that small dick guys tend to try to hang on to women they get involved with by laying on guilt trips (moral pressure), controlling, etc. because they know consciously or unconsciously that the woman isn't sexually satisfied.  Women resent this.  Women eventually rebel against this and lash-out, especially since the advent of feminism.

Then, at the same time, the small dick guy might come to believe the woman's lack of sexual response is her fault, ie. "she is frigid" and start to cheat wanting to find-out if other women are more responsive (or, forbid the thought) the problem really is HIM!  I was guilty of exactly this in my first marriage to a virgin.  

So, women getting out of relationships like I describe above can become quite angry.  "I put up with his little dick all that time and then he cheated claiming I was the problem!"

A complication, of course, is that dick size might not be the actual problem in all or even most cases.  It might be premature ejaculation, lack of communication, rigidity in sexual practice, lack of libido, whatever. . .  I think male lack of libido is much bigger problem than often admitted.  Women want to feel wanted.  They also want guys who can do it "all night long".  Well, realistically, can do it more than once before falling asleep.

 

[CircusLeavesTown]

12 hours ago, uptight outasight said:

I gather (and I have done it myself) that small dick guys tend to try to hang on to women they get involved with by laying on guilt trips (moral pressure), controlling, etc. because they know consciously or unconsciously that the woman isn't sexually satisfied.

That wasn't really the case in my only experience but I'm not saying you're wrong. In my case I remember just being happy to have a girlfriend, then when it ended I was really surprised and upset. Then when I found out she was shaming me to people I never recovered

[Wayless]

4 hours ago, CircusLeavesTown said:

That wasn't really the case in my only experience but I'm not saying you're wrong. In my case I remember just being happy to have a girlfriend, then when it ended I was really surprised and upset. Then when I found out she was shaming me to people I never recovered

That is the worse case.  I am fortunate it never happened with a woman I really cared about.  I was just as glad there was a reason to break it off with that one.  I can't help wonder why she kept coming back for unsatisfactory sex for as long as she did at the same time she was ridiculing me to others.

[CircusLeavesTown]

13 hours ago, uptight outasight said:

That is the worse case.  I am fortunate it never happened with a woman I really cared about.  I was just as glad there was a reason to break it off with that one.  I can't help wonder why she kept coming back for unsatisfactory sex for as long as she did at the same time she was ridiculing me to others.

Sorry to hear that man. Unfortunately stories like that don't fill me with much hope either, knowing that a woman can come back for sex and still shame you behind your back. I don't think I'll ever trust anyone enough to have sex with them!!

[Reality]

On 1/30/2020 at 4:54 PM, LaLa said:

I'm so glad you talked to your dad and he's been supportive!  

I can see that such an experience in therapy can be pretty traumatizing and doesn't help with trying it again.  

Just to offer a different perspective (which doesn't apologize what she said!!!): She didn't "make fun of" small size. As I interpret this comment: She knows that "small" men tend to feel inadequate (which is, unfortunately, true) and some of them compensate it - as many people do when they feel inadequate and insecure - by behaving like jerks, self-aggrandizing, ... I don't know if this is indeed true about "small" men, but it's, unfortunately, a cliché. This is probably known as the most painful way of low self-esteem, so people use it as a default example for a reason why someone would want to compensate his low self-esteem by some "bad behaviour / attitudes".

Please, do understand that I consider it all terrible, I'm not excusing the therapist now society and the stereotypes! I just wanted to explain why it wasn't "a joke / attmpt at humor", just a perpetuation of a harmful stereotype.

Men suffering from SPS in psychotherapy, talking about their issues, would be good teachers to the the therapists' community, which obviously needs to have its eyes open about this topic. 

I wish you the best of luck in finding a good therapist!!!

The problem I see in this comment is that the fact why she said it is pretty obvious (it didn't need further elaboration imo) and actually worse than just jokes. People are actually following through on what they joke about. This is not just trying to hurt others anymore. There was noone around she wanted to hurt. People with small penises are, even if unconsciously, actually and unironically considered worse human beings.

Her phrasing and way of thinking manifests that treating people like second class citizens is not the root of the problem and the penis is to blame. 

A therapist shouldn't just know better, she absolutely has to - to be even remotely qualified for her job. She has proven a severe lack of empathy and cognitive capacity. She is literally a threat to the life of her patients.

And your comment does still come off as if you would actually think the perspective you offered would be better (that is the only reason to post it), while it's actually not. 

In 2016, the mainstream media in germany suggested penis size as a factor in Adolf Hitlers actions, not realizing that literally everyone who makes penis "jokes" or w/e would be accountable for the holocaust if that's actually true (it was debunked shortly after - that means they didn't even double check it - they literally drew connections to Hitler without double checking and nobody cared the slightest). If the articles would've been true, the articles themselves would've promoted and provoked similar actions - cause obviously these articles caused more shaming and are shaming themselves. These people would be okay with causing a holocaust just to shame small penises. That's where we're at right now. It's sick. People don't care. "Intention" is irrelevant when everyone knows the consequences and they're just ignored. 

I know you try to be polite and helpful and I appreciate that, but this time I think you did more harm than good. I know you said you don't want to excuse her actions, but you still failed to address the problem in a way that shows you understood the problem and questioned the way people use it. You still say people feel inadequate because of their penis, which is mostly wrong, they feel inadequate because of the shaming. You say the penis would be used as an example for something that causes low self-esteem, which is wrong, because shaming and abuse is what causes low self-esteem. I obviously know what you mean, but in a forum like this you should know better than using these inaccurate phrases which manifest a harmful way of thinking.

And yes, you said they "tend to feel inadequate" instead of "because" and stuff, but in the context of the statement given, this is not better imho. 

And by the way, it's not hard to find multiple studies on this. People with low self-esteem seem to be far less judgemental and generally try to cheer others up because they know what it's like to fear being treated badly. High self-esteem causes the opposite, so if someone puts others down it's rather because of the big penis worship of society. At least that's what it looks like after my moderate amount of research. It doesn't matter anyway. The ones causing the insecurities are people like this therapist and her way of thinking and not small penises.

As I said, you didn't try to hurt anyone - quite the opposite actually, but I don't think your comment did any good this time, honestly.

I hope the feedback might help you to rethink some things and improve future answers :).

Cheers

 

 

[Reality]

Oh, and on a sidenote. I think it's weird how people say that someone with a fancy car for example (same goes for certain behaviours), would try to compensate for his penis. I'd like to know how this would be possible, because:

a) You would have to not only accept that society thinks your size makes you "lack" something, but rather be truly convinced by yourself that that's the case. In other words: You would have to think this way without ever being confronted with any shaming. 

You can't compensate for something unless this is true, otherwise you're compensating for the lack of acceptance from society.

This would probably apply at the point where intercourse gets anatomically impossible. 

b) Even if a) would apply, you cannot compensate for that with a car. Compensating something can only occur when the action helps you to improve that thing.

A fancy car doesn't help with the size of your genitals, but rather, again, with the lack of respect, status and acceptance in society that comes with it.

I know that people hate logic, but skipping the step between having a small penis and buying a fancy car (without just liking fancy cars) is the same as skipping the step between a girl behaving a certain way / wearing certain things and her suffering from rape-induced ptsd. It's victim blaming - unfortunately without all the protests, talkshows or hashtags.

[Klingsor]

.

[Klingsor]

.

[Klingsor]

3 hours ago, Reality said:

 be truly convinced by yourself that that's the case. In other words: You would have to think this way without ever being confronted with any shaming.

Explain to me then why there are men who post here who have girlfriends, in some cases numerous girlfriends, can make them orgasm, have self-admitted satisfying sex, and yet still have SPS?

[Reality]

29 minutes ago, Klingsor said:

Explain to me then why there are men who post here who have girlfriends, in some cases numerous girlfriends, can make them orgasm, have self-admitted satisfying sex, and yet still have SPS?

First off: when I say confronted with shaming, I'm talking about stuff like movies, news, music, celebraties, friends, social media, porn etc. 

Everyone was confronted with this at some point. Most even regularly, if not daily.

What I'm talking about here is that you would have to think this way, even if that stuff didn't exist. Noone knows what would happen then, because that reality doesn't exist, no matter how satisfactory your sex is. I assume however, that the ones who are anatomically able to have pleasurable sex would not have any problem in that imaginatory reality. Therefore, they don't compensate for their dicks, rather than how society treats it. The dick is objectively fine - society is at fault and we should call it that way, otherwise it's victim blaming.

Truth is: most who sincerely suffer from this don't lack anything anatomically. There is nothing to compensate for. What you have to compensate for is the irrational expectation towards that anatomy and the shaming that awaits you if you are deemed inadequate (it would even be enough to be deemed inadequate by yourself because that way any shaming that just targets "small" becomes a personal attack towards you) - which is completely seperate from any logic or statistical average. 

This is especially true if we're not even talking about actual compensation but rather desperate attempts to raise your status (money, discipline, muscels) rather than your dick size to a point where penetration becomes possible (cock sleeve, attempted surgery). 

Saying someone tries to compensate for his dick is societies way of shaming people for being (a)shamed. That's why I don't like this way of phrasing it.

 

[Under5]

In our patriarchal society, women have been denied their sexuality for so long.  Women who want and like sex are sluts.  Women who want multiple sexual partners are considered whores.

We are in a transition period where women can own their sexuality.   Some of that will manifest in superficial sexual episodes and commentary.  Women want to prove they enjoy sex and no one should judge them for it.  
 

One side effect of this otherwise positive change are crass comments about the size of men’s penises.  It’s almost like a payback and an attempt to grab their own sexuality.

Now, there are women who just really prefer big penises for PIV sex because it can hit deeper spots and stimulate more effectively.  I hope such women can have that.  Yet, men with small penises like me can actually pleasure a woman in multiple ways, orally, anally, and vaginally.  I think I’m good in bed because I accept my size and can and will do a variety of things so my partner is satisfied.  Plus, women can take all of me in their mouths which just always is awesome to experience.