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Loser84

Suicidal but not depressed?

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I've been thinking about suicide for years, because of how pointless I feel life is especially my own. I don't know what happened but I can't feel emotions much anymore all I feel is like I want to cry sometimes and anger that's it. It's like I walk around like an empty shell all the time. I fake enthusiasm I fake being happy I fake caring. Nothing really moves me nothing interests me. Sometimes I wonder if I've lost my soul I and at times it's like I can't feel natural attraction or a connection with women. I've come to the conclusion that most people live to feel when you no longer can what's the point? I don't feel depressed I don't feel bored even just this constant emptiness  you may see me I think I'm a happy person but in reality I barely feel anything. Can anyone else relate?

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Hello,

I wonder if you'd say your condition could be called ahedonia:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia

I see that you think you're not depressed, but I'm not sure you know how many faces depression can have. I'm quite sure this is one of them. Depression is a very broad term and sometimes it doesn't look like what most people imagine or experience. 

It sounds like this emotion-less state wasn't triggered by anything in particular (that happened in your life), yet you might try to think again; sometimes we overlook a cause...

But it (if it's depression or not) may as well be happening without any external cause, just like depression. (One of many sources about this topic: http://www.allaboutdepression.com/cau_02.html) Such chemical imbalance in your brain can be corrected by the right medication. It typically takes time (weeks, months, ...) to find the right-one, but I think it's worth trying.

I can relate to the suicidal feeling, as well as to the conviction that "there's no point...". So I know it's hard to make decisions that could change one's live for better in such circumstances. But it's possible. "The point" would be trying to re-gain positive emotions which would then make it easier for you to have motivations to live and to search for and experience some meaning (of your life), some happiness, ... 

What would be the point of suicide? Getting rid of something unappealing (?). But staying alive and trying could bring, in future, some better, deeper "points" / meanings and worthwhile emotions.

What do you think?

Take care!

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