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Proverbs31:28

Suddenly repulsed by food?

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I am not sure this is a "disorder" per se, but this looked like the best forum for my question.

I am, in medical terms, morbidly obese. 5'8", 200 pounds. I grew up being told I was "fat" and always believed I was. It was not until adulthood that I looked back at pictures of me as a child and teen and realized I was NOT fat. I was literally shocked by the photos because I have very vivid memories of myself as a fat kid.

After my second child, I started gaining weight. It was a slow increase at first but then took off with my depression. Mainly because I became an emotional eater and became mostly sedentary. I have been turning to food when I am sad, lonely, frustrated, angry, stressed- you name it! If it is an emotion, there is usually a food to help me deal with it!

However, there have been times when my depression is bad that I simply don't eat at all. I have no appetite and can go days without eating until I realize I am feeling weak and run down and will then force myself to eat something. This is where I am at right now. I have not eaten more than a few bites a day for the past week. I am getting that run down, weak feeling and realized today I needed to start eating. But, I can't. I physically cannot bring myself to eat. The thought of food- any kind- is absolutely repulsive to me. I stand in front of the cabinets and fridge and everything is so unappetizing to me. In fact, I literally feel like I am going to throw up if I eat anything.

I will admit that, in recent months, I have ocassionally "purged" after feeling sudden, extreme guilt after emotional eating. This guilt came out of nowhere. It happened again a few days ago. I ate a handful of chips and suddently felt so guilty and could not stand the thought of food being in my stomach so I ran to the bathroom and... Since then, I have not been able to bring myself to eat more than a few bites at a time and, now, nothing.

Does anyone know what causes a sudden aversion to foods? Is this part of the depression I am in right now, a symptom of my anxiety or something entirely different. I did not do this as a weight loss attempt, by any means, so please do not look to that as an explanation.

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I too, get like that.I use every emotion to eat too, and there is alway's a battle within my head if I try to fight it. I know that I suffer as what I like to call the "deep depression" and that is what you are experiencing. I couldn't and didn't want to eat and because of what I was going through at the time, I wasn't even thinking about food(if only it could be like that on a normal basis!) and I lost weight without even trying. I too, felt sick to my stomach. But the good that came out of that for me, was because I was not obsessing over food and my weight, I was able to feel the feelings i was feeling at the time, and deal with them in a proper manner. I began journalling, in which I use to do all the time, but gave up on it. It felt good to let it all out. Eating from emotions tends to numb the pain and bring on guilt,shame and all kinds of crappy feelings. I wrote all kinds of letters to people on why I was angry with them or I wrote my kids to apologize for everything that I thought I was doing wrong in life. And I prayed like crazy and took whatever small amount of relief that I had, and ran with it. I don't know exactly what your situation is but I am sure there is chaos there and a need to just escape...that is what the food unfortunately does for us. I wish I could say that I still do this to get me out of all my problems,but lately, I haven't. I have been doing it all wrong...feeling sad,eat...feeling lonely(I'm always am),eat...feeling pretty good, i deserve to eat!...feeling fat,try not to eat but it backfires everytime. So, I understand but I really don't have many answers. Everything is alway's harder then it seems, but maybe one day, there will be a time when life doesn't revolve around food. I have alway's loved eating food, but I started growing up and it became a monster instead.

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Well, whatever causes it, it is getting worse. I tried to make myself eat a few bites at dinner tonight and felt so disgusted by the taste and feel of food in my mouth. I started feeling like everything was sitting in my throat waiting to be thrown back up. So, I quit eating. Its better than dealing with whatever this crappy feeling is. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on the 5th. Hopefully, he will have answers. Just don't know if I can go without eating that long? Guess I'll see.

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