Split personality!

[paula]

I am wondering whether medication can have any affect on your personality or moods? Only... since taking medication (nearly 3yrs) my son informs me that he has had to put up with a lot, with my mood swings and change of personality. To me though, I feel just the same as I already have done for years. It is proving very difficult for me as I haven't a clue what he is on about?

Any help would be appreciated!

[David O]

Hi Paula,

Your son is right-- sort of. Some medications can have a dramatic effect on mood while others can make one lethargic and tired. Still, others can increase irritability and decrease frustration tolerance. Some can give you vertigo, while others keep you in a state of nausea or give you stomach aches which make it hard to focus and concentrate or even do simple things like care for one's family.

For example, if you look at Lithium, which is heavily prescribed for Bipolar Disorder, the side effects can be fatigue and weakness, restlessness, stiffness and blurred vision. And these are only 4-5 of the >20 different ones people can get. These side effects can alter one's basic personality in that they now have to focus on the side effects too.

We can also look at the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil), which have much milder side effects and see that weight gain can be a part of the side effects, so can a lowered libido. These can make one irritable, and feel unattractive, which in turn can alter problem solving and how one approaches the world.

the medications don't per see alter the basic personality, but they do often burden it in a way that doesn't allow it fully express itself.

Paula, talk to you son and ask what he sees that has changed. Be on the lookout for these changes and in this self monitoring, you can become aware of your influence on him; thereby, preventing some of the changes he's seeing if they are hurtful or bothersome. I always think it's one thing to have an illness or condition and then another to have to struggle thru the medication issues and how everyone is affected in the end.

Good luck and i hope this gelps,

David

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Paula,

I suspect that it is not the medications your son is talking about but all the personality and mood problems, including depression and anger, that you experience. It's a matter of putting the correct Emphaaasisss on the right syllllaaable.

Allan:)

[David O]

Hi Paula,

Allan raises an interesting point, one I didn't pursue since I've not read your previous posts or threads and he was able to see it at another level. I was wondering though, and this may partially go to the root of Allan's focus-- your Avatar is graceful and manifests a gentle spirit, your signature speaks strongly to your individuality and strength, your writings are large, bold and colored differently than that of others.

Aaaaaaaand, you have an Angel of Death drawing with the words Waiting for Death attached... what does this all mean to you or what would you have us think when we saw this? I ask b/c so much of what you say is very positive and kind spirited, and then I also see this other side that is attached to your words to others.

Just wondering,

David

[paula]

Hi Allan & David

Thank you for explaining some of the personality problems that is affected with medication.

My son says that I have a problem? You see... I have OCD as well. I am always cleaning my house and everything has to be spick and span, at all times. If I see any finger marks or any sort of marks on any part of the furniture, mirrors, stainless steel, windows, anything, I have to clean no matter what the time of day is.

Regarding my personality, erm... my son says it is a split personality like a jekyl & hyde. One minute he says I'm reasonable and the next he says I'm picking and tells me to give my head a wobble! I feel nothing has changed while we can be having a conversation but... he said that my voice changes tone and I start raising my voice? I cannot see/hear any different. He also says that I am pecking his head all the time to move stuff regarding my OCD.

Aaaaaaaand, you have an Angel of Death drawing with the words Waiting for Death attached... what does this all mean to you or what would you have us think when we saw this? I ask b/c so much of what you say is very positive and kind spirited, and then I also see this other side that is attached to your words to others.

The Angel of Death, with the words waiting for death attached, has meant a lot to me in the last months. Because I have been soooo depressed of late, the words waiting for death have been very appropriate! I have tried to take my own life Three times in the last Three months and the last time only being a week and a half ago. life sometimes, doesn't seem worth while. I understand I have got my son to live for but... at times when I'm trying to take my own life, it's as if I am having a blackout. I can never remember fully when I do these things. I see my Psychiatrist next month and will question him about this.

your signature speaks strongly to your individuality and strength, your writings are large, bold and colored differently than that of others.

My writings are large, bold and colored because I am Dyslexic. My signature , I like because it is different and I like to be different than anyone else.

I hope I haven't bored you too much!

[SweetSue]

Hey Paula,

Sorry to hear your feeling so low lately. I hope the p/doc can help you when you next see him.

For what its worth, I like the fact that your uniqueness (is that even a word) shines through, and that you express yourself so well .

Hope you feel better soon

take care

Jj

[paula]

Thank you Jj for your considerate words, they mean a lot!

[mscat]

hi paula,

I'd love it , if you could come to my place and clean? u see , I am physically in a lot of pain , and the place is a wreck, just needs TLC . I hate a messy home ;(

too bad your not closer. I have been told I see things only in black and white .Moods shift dramatically . YES . I remember the BPD diagnoses , that once was in question for you ? Could this be a part of that ? I honestly ask , you to reflect on the possibility .

I hAve a little girl voice at times, esp. if u were to talk to me over the phone. U would believe I was a young girl. I can come accross as this young girl , who is in need of help. Or as a sexy, manipulative , girl over the phone to a man , who is well , "hard up " I joke that I would be great at earning a lot of money as a telephone sex "girl "just because men , a lot of men find it attractive , to talk to a young girl over the phone. Right , At 41 years old and nearly 300 lbs , I can fool a man ? YES , easily . How disgusting .

Anyway, I struggle with idenity issues all the time. I can quickly change into anthing I think that will fit in to the crowd, or be appeasing .

I am lost in a sea of idenities , trying to figure out who I ought to be today ?

IMHO, it is a larger part of the borderline struggle. I can easily become lost as well as to who I am , what I shoul or should not be like , or behave .Depending on the people I am with , and their demands of me. Why I can change so easily ? I just can .

Do I really know who I am ? I think so? no probably not , I typically am disconnected from myself . feel nothing at all. This is the worst thing to me. I rather be able to feel something than nothing . Right? So pretending and shifting personality ought to be ok. It is how to cope with trauma. A way to survive .

anyone else notice these personality shifts?

[paula]

Hi mscat

I can relate to the part of personality where, you pretend to be as good as them! I have associates who... think there gods gift, think there better than me! Well let me tell you, I am as good as anyone. like my signature says: I am unique and special in my own way!

I can act all la-de-dah when I want. Especially with those who think there better than us, derrrrr!

[mscat]

Paula,

YEP! the worst thing is when it is half the family , who are this way. DAng , I can't stand it .

The bad thing about them is they do not even know me. Not me , myself, the true me. This is what is the most hurtful of all. The pretend games , and the ohhhh everything is wonderful and great. I am a bowl of sunshine Yeah right. I do what I can to advoid these family get to get hers.

I have a great example , check this out. Last year , the foster family thought it would be a amazing gift to send my son and I to Disneyland , YES, that is huge. I am not thinking that it was not a big deal. They gave us yearly passess , paid for the hotel too. That was last christmas.

UMmmm, nice gift , but to a parent suffering multiple mental illness, one being that she never leaves the safetly of her home> sends her into these attacks , where I can hardly breath, and I dissociate when around people badly . Now a gift to Disneyland :eek:

I talked to my father, he jumps down my throat , telling me it was for my son , lets me have it, making me feel shitty as well as extremely vulnerable.

I allowed the trip to occur last spring, and well it was unpleaseant, to say the least for me to cope, and I cried all the nights there.

This christmas, yep , the family is wanting to send us back . NOT good. Send a agraphobic to disney land , hip hip horrary :confused:

I cried when I saw the letter. SO much for the family knowing anything at all . Now , I have to put a stop to this. Most people would be thrilled to go on a trip like this. ME? I understand my limits, but then they are going to help me feel like the worse parent on earth , and yell at me , moreso because they have no clue .

DEpressed and upset . or am I just being terrible?

[paula]

No Cathy, your not being terrible and I can understand where your coming from!

You say that your family want to send you back this year and that they are doing this for your son? Forgive me but... what about you in all this? Where do you come in all this? Obviously, they are only thinking of your son and not you? They cannot be thinking of you if... they want to send you back to this horrid ordeal?

It is brilliant that they want your son to be happy but... what about you? You come as a package, you and your son! If one of you are not ready to venture into the outside world then, it's all or nothing!

Could your father not take him or any one of the family? I remember reading one of your post when you came back from Disney Land and how you hated it. The crowds and so forth! I would love to live near you but... I'm on the other side of the world in the UK. I would look after you and your son. I used to be a carer before my mental illness's took over my living normal. I just don't think like others, that's all?

I wish you all the best in the world and if I don't hear of you before, try and have a HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM ME! (((HUGS))) XXX :-)

[finding my way]

Heya paula!!!!!! :) Long time no see!!

I'm glad to see you back here, we have missed you.

[paula]

Thanks Finding, and a happy New Year to you too!

Even though I went out on New Years Eve and got bladdered, ratlegged, ratarsed, whatever!

You take care!

[mscat]

Paula,

that is the whole point. My family does not see it that way. Only my child matters to them . You are so right, last trip to Disneyland, was emotionally the worst experience ever for me. I am very close to being agraphobic , not leaving my home , ever. And when I do I been having bad panic attacks, well this has gotten worse since that awful trip . The crowds , noise , people, and YES people are so incredibly rude . I also had a verbal assult happen to me , by a large scary man ...

My point is this side of the family has no idea about me, what is happening , how much I can do or not do . ANd I feel so stuck . Because last time I tried to talk to them about it I was yelled at , at told it was for my SON. that is all they care about .

They never asked me , or nothing . I talked to my therapist about it already. He is going to send email to them on my behalf.

This is such a inpractical , gift, even though it is an amazing gift , it just does not work well on my mental health .

Gosh I feel weak because of this and ungrateful , which i should not . It is just that I honestly am unable to do this, I as of now have mobility problems . From the last SI incident , I struggle moving my arms , shoulders area , because of the stiffness and pain . In the next few months I have no idea how this will be.

Right now It is difficult physically with the limited movement. That on top with the fears , I do not see it happening. I feel awful for my son , who would love to go.

There is not anyone else who could take him. My parents are just going to have to understand that it is too much , and I can't beat myself up over it.

[paula]

mscat, I really feel for you, truly I do!

Does it not mean anything to them when you self abuse? What part of mental illness do they not understand? To me it sounds like they don't understand any of it or... are just playing plain ignorance?

At the end of the day... it is YOUR SON and not there's! You do your best and we all know that but... the best is not always the right answer as you have discovered.

You want to put your foot down and tell them that your not in the right frame of mind to be galavanting around Disney Land with your son and if they had a bit more consideration between them all, they would know that? This is all about you and your son, not about them, like there trying to act upon.

Lets face it Cathy, you've got enough to worry about with your own health without worrying about what the family are trying to organise.

I hope your family come to their senses and realise what all this is about.

Good Luck & I'm here any time you need to talk!

Take care!