am I a pedophile?

[paula]

Hi Scared

Just read through my reply to you and realised that the second to last paragraph is supposed to say adult female and not adult child.

Silly me!

Paula

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

Edited May 20, 2009 by scared

[paula]

Hi Scared

Took you long enough to reply, didn't it! Was my last post that interesting to digest, or was you like me, confused at what I meant?

Does masturbating to Pedophilia images in your head, make you a Pedophile or not? Erm....... I wouldn't say so, but I'm not a Psychiatrist/Psychologist am I.

you know what you've got to do? Well let me tell you!

You've got to stop thinking these Horrid thoughts, yeah! Get them right out of your head for good! It's not normal! But are any of us? No, seriously! You've got to try and dismiss these thoughts as soon as they enter your head. Keep saying to yourself, this is wrong for me to have these thoughts! Say it over and over again, until your mind starts to accept that these are wrong thoughts.

It will work you know! But you've got to believe that these thoughts are wrong. If you don't believe that these thoughs are wrong, then how do you expect people like me to try and help you!

Let me ask you something yeah! Let's say, you have a daughter. Your daughter is playing in front of where you live. She's playing happily, not causing anyone, any harm. Then, all of a sudden she comes running in to you crying. Breaking her little heart out. You ask her what is wrong? She replies by saying, 'that a man has just opened his pants and asked her to touch his Penis'. Your fatherly instincts tells you to hurry outside, to find this man before he dissappears. As you are looking for this man, all you are thinking is, 'I'll kill him!

You don't stop outside your house, no! Your like a bull in a china shop. You try to run in all directions. Even stopping strangers on your way and asking them if they have seen this man? Your only problem is, you don't even know what this man looks like? Because, after what your daughter told you, you were that vexed and angry! That all you wanted to do was, to find and kill this man, for doing this to your daughter.

My point is: What you are saying, that your feeling, is not natural. Consider yourself being that child's father. What would you do? I know what I'd do! I'd castrate him! Just think!

Paula.:eek:

[scared]

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Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[scared]

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Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[paula]

Will av to stop this you know, We'll have people talking. Do you realise that there's only been me and you, to carry on this tag!

Explain to me, how kid's can get sexual gratification from a Pedophile? You've got that wrong! It's the pedophile that gets sexual gratification, not the child. The child is frightened to death!

So your telling me that you wouldn't be bothered if someone came up to your daughter and asked to be fondled in a sexual way. By means of, lets say masturbating.

There is no way on this earth that you would allow that! If you did, then there is something seriously wrong with you. Pedophile, Pervert, You want your head testing!

Seriously! What you have just explained in your post is OBSCURE! You are definitely IMMEDICABLE! I just can't believe what I'm seeing here. Your not real! You can't be, to allow a complete stranger to confront your daughter in a sexual manner! Not to mention that your daughter is only five at the time, What is this!

Nah! I don't believe you? I can't believe you would even allow something like that? I'll tell you what, Your gonna come back to reality with such a bang! you won't know what's hit you! The way your carrying on! Believe me!

You don't live in the U.K by any chance! Wouldn't like to think that there's people like you roaming the streets, that's for sure!

Well you've left me gob smacked!

Paula

[Natalie]

Hi-

This is surely an interesting conversation that is going on here and I'd like to put in my 2 cents.

Scared- you seem very invested in teasing out or parsing the definition of pedophile down into a very black and white definition. You also seem very invested in using this parsed definition as the reason for claiming that you do not fit the label. Sometimes, the definitions for diagnoses don't exactly fit human beings... human beings are messy and sometimes don't mold nicely to the labels we create for them.

So, for instance, a person who is depressed might not fit the exact diagnostic criteria for major depression. However, if they are troubled and concerned about their feelings, thoughts, and actions, then that is worthy of getting help. We could have a long philosophical conversation about the labeling of mental illnesses and whether that is right or wrong. However, I think that would only create more confusing and parsing for you. What it boils down to is what is going on with you.

The fact that you spend so much time thinking about, worrying about and dealing with these thoughts is enough reason to seek out help from a therapist. This is impairing your daily life and functioning. It also seems to be causing you significant distress, so that is another reason to seek help. Also, if you have the potential to harm someone else if you lose control, especially a child, I would see that as another reason to seek help.

As far as the question "are you" or "aren't you" a pedophile.... Most people do not have these thoughts repeatedly to the point that they cause distress, worry, anxiety, and interfere with functioning. So, I think that you do indeed have a problem. The exact name of the problem is not as important as the nature of the problem (i.e., the thoughts and behaviors). If it would make it easier to admit that you have a problem, we could come up with a different label for it if that would help you. How about sexual obsessions? Obsessions are repeated thoughts about something that you cannot stop, will not go away, and are intensely disturbing.

One of the best ways to cope with disturbing thoughts and behaviors is to see a psychotherapist. Simply telling yourself not to think about something, or to think of something different is not likely to work. However, a good therapist can help you get a handle on how to change these thoughts. That being said, a therapist is NOT A MIND READER. So, you must be willing to tell him or her what those thoughts are that are bothering you before he or she can help you work on them.

I would stop spinning my wheels with the question "am I" or "am I not?" You are expending tons of energy and time going back and forth about the issue, and it's not really getting you anywhere? I would focus my energy on finding a therapist you trust, and telling him or her about these thoughts.

To Paula-

Having children myself I understand your negative visceral reaction to what Scared is discussing. However, name calling is not likely to have a motivating effect, and may actually have the reverse effect of making Scared want to further run away from confronting his problem and avoid getting help. I understand that you are trying to point out that what he is experiencing is outside the norm... but attacking him isn't likely to get us very far.

[paula]

Sorry Natalie but you can understand where I'm coming from can't you? Scared is either a Pedophile or he Isn't? He can't be both, as he is trying to suggest.

I would also recommend that he See's someone professionally, who is equipped to deal with these issues. If you don't sacred. Then your going to be facing MAJOR problems!

You've got to put an end to this problem before it starts, by seeking help. I don't mean that you saying that you will seek help. I mean by you doing and getting help!

Paula x:eek:

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

Edited May 20, 2009 by scared

[paula]

I thought you was Dyslexic. I could see the signs. Why don't you use the spell checker like I do? It's a lot easier you know!

Back to your Pediphilliac Problem. When somebody says to me "what would you do if somebody did this to your son/daughter i think it wouldnt bother me that much, and i find that disturbing because i know why its wrong but my mind just dosent want to accept it

You implied, that you don't think that it would bother you that much. So as a matter of fact, what you are saying is: that you would allow it. Am I right or am I right?

Look! Your either a Pedophile or your not? Has none of Natalie's response registered? It's no good writing various post here saying you don't know if you are a Pedophile or not? Your at the wrong place mate! I know that you post for advice about your problem, but we've given all the advice that we can, me included. Your next step is to see a Psychiatrist/Psychologist.

I'm not trying to sound rude or anything, but I'm just trying to stay clear of trouble! I've already had my hand's slapped twice(so to speak) And I'm not in the habbit of letting it happen again. Before you ask, It was my own doing. Been a naughty girl! Enough said!

Paula:(

[Natalie]

Hi Paula and Scared-

Paula, I agree wholeheartedly with you, and don't want you to think that I disagree with your ideas... just thought the way you went about saying them might not be the best approach.

Scared... you need to seek out professional help... first, to get an accurate diagnosis, and second, to get some therapy to deal with these thoughts.

I cannot diagnose you properly with the limited information that we can get from interacting online. A clinician would use some standardized tests and questions and interview you in person in order to get a better handle on what is going on.

Are you willing to go see someone?

[scared]

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Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[paula]

If you have seeked help like you say you have, then why havn't they done anything for you? Is it because you havn't come clean and told them everything?

Scared, you've got to be upfront with them! I understand that it might be a bit embarrassing, but you've got to get to the ROOT of the problem! It's no good letting the cat half out of the bag, honestly! It's either ALL or NOTHING!

lOOK! I'm no dab hand at this, believe me. But hey, listen, all's I can do is listen. I can do that if that will help. You seem pretty up tight! Are you alright?

Going of Natalies post. It seemed like she may be able to point you in the right direction, I don't know? It's the impression I got anyway. I must be over a Million miles away from you. Me in the U.K and you in the States, But I'll always be here to listen, even if I can't lend a shoulder to cry on! Scared, I mean what I say. I'm not trying to rub you up the wrong way. Honestly!

This thing has realy got to you hasn't it? Look, think positive! You've not done anything wrong apart from a few nasty thoughts, but that hasn't got you anywhere has it?

Paula:(

[xaq75]

Hi scared

Your not a freak. There is a stigma thats attached to a sexual attraction to children that no doubt motivates a lot of people to keep quiet about their feelings and not just about children but many sexual interests that are not 'mainstream'. I sometimes find girls in thier early adolecence sexually attractive. I've talked about it before with a therapist, it was completely and utterly shame wrenchingly humiliating. She told me that it's not that unusual which shocked me. Just remember, the word 'freak' needs there to be something called 'normal', which doesn't exist. I'm afraid that we have been mislead our entire lives, often by our very own brains.

If you can't approach a medical professional then try a priest or reverand, someone like that. I think you've already taken steps by posting on this site. Talking about it will help you to grow out of whatever it is thats troubling you. Keeping it to yourself would only give it life and keep you from developing into who you want to be.

You can use this concern you have to motivate you to learn about children objectively and realise just how precious, fragile and awesome they are and to see the beauty they actually have instead of the sexualised perceptions that many have of them. Of coarse, it's often confusing when talking about teenagers as they are both children and adults. I havn;t read the entire thread so I don't know if your sole interest is with children or if you have an interest in adults too. If you don't have an interst in adults then you can learn to. It's all about attitudes and perspectives IMO.

I'll read the whole thread sometime soon and perhaps make another post.

But you MUST STOP being negative about yourself.

[scared]

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Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[paula]

CALM DOWN! Get your act together! Your making the problem worst by thinking about it all the time. You need to get a life!

You've got to test yourself? Don't stay isolated! Look, if anything is going to happen, then it's going to happen? There's only you that know the answer to that.

Go out and take your mind of things for a while! If you do confront any children/adult men and you can feel any urges to your problem, then I suggest that you MOVE AWAY from them asap.

That will be the make it or break it, regarding this situation. You will know for sure whether you are a danger to children/male adults. Male adults can protect their selves but children can't.

Scared, you've got to promise me that if you do go out and come face to face with a child, whether it be male/female, and you can feel these urges, Promise me that you will not do anything to this child. Whether verbally/touch or any other forms of abuse. PROMISE ME SCARED!

Paula:eek:

[scared]

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Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[paula]

I think That I'm finally getting the picture.

Scared, to me you sound very insecure! There's more to this than your letting on. I can feel it in my bones?

Your still not up for, telling me the ROOT of the problem are you!

Listen, if you want to talk confidential, You can forward your messages to me by email, via this site. What I mean is, if you want to re-direct your post to me via email, then if you click on your C.P (control panel) it will direct your sent mail to my email address.

I'd give it to you now, but I don't want to put it in a post for all sundry to see if you get my drift.

Have a think about it and let me know?

Paula:rolleyes:

[scared]

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Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[paula]

Scared your not on your own, you know.

I'll tell you a bit of my life shall I?

To start of with, I was like you. Taking drugs I mean. I've took every drug apart from Smack! And that's because I grew up with it.

My Brother's a Smack Head. Has been for 30yrs. I remember sitting there while he injected. I was only young and knew no different! Because I was used to being around druggies, That's how I come to be one.

My brother and all his friend's would inject then go semi-conscious. Personally, I couldn't see the point of taking Smack, when all I saw was them falling asleep all the time.

I asked my brother what he gets out of falling asleep all the time? He explained, that it's the BUZZ! You get. The chilling feeling, the, I'm not arsed state.

He said to me one day, Paula don't knock it till you've tried it? I gave one look at him and thought NO THANKS! If that's how it gets you, then I'd rather not bother.

Going of the Smack though. What I can't understand is, why take a drug to make you come down (downer) I mean it's not like Whiz is it? Whiz is an upper. I was addicted to Whiz for nearly 22yrs. I loved it!

Sometimes I'd get some that was rocket fuel! Even the smell sent to on one! I used to do all my housework, and work. Because I'd been taking it for so long, I knew how much to take, so I could still eat, sleep.

To be honest, I think that is what has screwed my head up, good and proper. It affected my memory, was paranoid all the time, but I never got a come down of it. It was murder coming off it though. Felt I was doing cold turkey!

Not only that, my doctor had to keep a close eye on me. He informed me, that because I was on whiz for so long, that I could of had a stroke or my body could of shut down because of the withdraw ell symptoms and the lengh of time that I had been taken it.

Also, my heart could of stopped because it was used to the whiz and the adrenaline. By stopping it abruptly, would of caused to much of a shock to my heart.

I also loved taking ee's as well. I used to go out drinking and after downing an e, you was all loved up. with anyone! was a mellow drug.

Didn't really think much of the Chan though! Didn't get much of a buzz! Well they say it's a million air's whiz though don't they. No wonder, the price of it!

But look at me now. Straight as they come. have been for a couple of years now. I've finally come back to reality. Must admit though. I don't half miss em!

Paula:rolleyes:

[scared]

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Edited May 19, 2009 by scared

[paula]

Thanks Scared, I did wonder how you was?

You said that you are steering clear of the drug's, so as to get yourself clean. But then you carry on to say that you will re-use again when you get older, WHY?

Why go through the trouble of going cold turkey, when your going to use again in the future? I honestly can't see the logic in that! If your going to use in the future, then why come clean now? Because you're in College? Or because you're under a Psychologist, who will know from his experience, if you have been using?

Scared, your just defeating the object here! You either come clean and try not to use again, or you stay using and become a no hoper! Take your pick?You can't have both! To me it sound's like you want your cake and you also want to eat it. Am I right?

Apart from trying to kid yourself here, you're also wasting people's time! People's time and effort at trying to help you! If your not going to help yourself Scared, then how do you expect the help of other's? That's what you call PISS TAKING! I'm sorry Scared, but I don't agree with that!

Paula :mad:

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

Edited May 20, 2009 by scared

[Natalie]

Hi Scared-

Please continue on the track with your psychologist and don't give up because you might or might not doing something. Your work there right now should be focused on what you are or are not doing RIGHT NOW. You can worry about and plan for the future later on down the road, after you get a handle on what is going on currently.

[paula]

There you are Scared! You've got your answer! I won't bother replying again! When I do, it's not the right advice anyway? :eek: