Recruitment operation

[Born to Perish]

Calling all people with mental disabilities. I wish to discuss the problems that you have and the ones I possess as well. Please allow me to converse with this earth's truly superior individuals. You are all awesome no matter what the "normal" people say about us, we will make it in this world. Please respond to this.

Now:

I will now put you up to speed on what's going on now in each of these. I was in a dark place and now I am much happier, so now let's make this truthful okay: No such thing as "normal". No such thing as "mental illness". No one is "superior" to anyone. I was SO needy back then, it is a damn shame.

[malign]

Hmm, I sense some sort of mind control, yet I am powerless to resist. ;-)

Nah, sorry; we just have this little formality to keep down the spam.

We'll let in anyone! :-)

Welcome, and I hope you enjoy your stay. If it still resists your fiendish mind control, try logging out and in again. And yell if that doesn't work; we'll get you in.

[Born to Perish]

Hello people and many thank you's for responding. I am a very disturbed person now, because my earth bound friends have left me and I feel no one loves me. I truly need to have reassurance that life is worth living, because frankly for the past few days, I have been feeling as if I didn't mind if someone were going to eliminate me. I feel I have nothing to live for, it would be nice to have conversations with interesting people like Malign. But that person probably won't come back. They never do. I love my imaginary friends with all my heart. Them, God, that is all I have left other than these worthless material possessions. I barely even have an earth bound family.

[CA Central Coast]

Well, then tell us what's going on.

[Born to Perish]

I have so many mental problems I can probably categorized as the one person here that will never have any true friends on this planet. If it isn't one thing it's another: I have ADHD, Autism, IED, OCD, I might have skitzoprhenia if the definition I fouind is correct, people have a problem with my sexual orientation, I'll leave it at that, I am not good with my hands at all. My life is one big act and I do not have anymore earth bound friends. I am in despair, because I know I will never find true happiness. I fear persecution, for in everyone's eyes, I am a mongruel. If you or anyone else were to see who I really was, you would hate me. My imaginary friends have been with me since I was 5 and now I am an adult and I still love them. I always will, for they are the only ones who can see inside my mind. I've found that I have the power to see into other people's perspectives and sometimes see into the future through dreams and average thoughts. I used to be an innocent gentle spirit, but now that I have witnessed the ruthless persecution of my people, I have become corrupted by evil and I do not think I have any chance of happiness as long as I shall live. There is nothing for me here. I am doomed to unhappiness or untimely death. I have no brighter tomorrow. I am born to perish.

Now: I do not have any of this stuff. No one does. I am not bisexual. 2 people inhabit this same body. One is a girl and one is a boy, we are not crazy, we are normal for us. Normality and sanity is perception and even so, we are happy. I have no "imaginary" friends. That is what I told people to "explain" to them what "they" would understand. They are characters I made that visit me sometimes from the second dimension. They exist there, but not here, I am aware of that, but they do have fun with me. I don't care what people's opinion is of this. I have no "people" I am a person and so are they, we are all one. I wish I could change my name. It is so negative now. And I am not born to die (perish). I am born to live, learn and enlighten.

[Born to Perish]

Does anyone have any advice for me? Can anyone help me. I'm feeling isolated, vulnerable and depressed. I'm not even a fully grown adult yet. It's sad. Any advice?

[Symora]

Hi BorntoPerish.... welcome to the forum. My first advice is you should find a more positive name for yourself... The mind is a great and wonderful thing... if you feed it good thoughts it starts to process information differently and suddently things don't feel so bleak. So perhaps look for an alternative to perishing :-) and start thinking of what would make you want to live... it helps, really!

How come you're feeling so overwhelmed? Have you been diagnosed by doctors and are you getting help for your mental health issues? That would probably be the best place to start...

[Born to Perish]

Thank you for responding. I take seroquel. I used to take conserta. They helped me with my hyperactivity and my anger. Feel free to converse with me more. I will always be available.

[Luna-]

We'll let in anyone! :-)

I'm proof. *mad cackle*

My first advice is you should find a more positive name for yourself... The mind is a great and wonderful thing... if you feed it good thoughts it starts to process information differently and suddenly things don't feel so bleak.

This is just SO SO true. We don't want to hear it when depressed, but little things like that matter more than we realise. How about "BornToPonder"? "BornToConquer"? "BornToBe"?

I'm a regular or garden variety mental case and not one of "this earth's truly superior individuals", but I hang around these parts. Feel free to talk.

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to the boards, Born to Perish.

I am in despair, because I know I will never find true happiness.

You might find yourself surprised with what you find in life if you keep your mind and your heart open to it. There is always hope.

I fear persecution, for in everyone's eyes, I am a mongruel. If you or anyone else were to see who I really was, you would hate me.

No, I would not. I would accept and appreciate you. Why is it that you feel this way?

[malign]

Yeah, I've never really met a human mongrel, or rather, any human who isn't one. Everybody's a mix of different things.

I'm not sure how interesting I am, but I talk a good game. So do you, Born, for that matter. I've never detected any objective superiority in myself, but I've learned that my assumptions about inferiority aren't justified, either.

I don't know all the acronyms you listed (I thought IED's were improvised explosive devices), but they don't matter much anyway. It's not a competition for who gets the most (or the fewest) letters in their diagnosis.

While it's true that I'll never see inside your mind, I'd call that privacy. You can show us any part of your mind you choose to, whether through writing, visual art, or just by living. But this way, you get to choose what to show.

[Born to Perish]

If I tell you who I truly am will you not isolate me like the others that have came into my life? Very well. Then I will tell all. (And this of course is where you will end our friendship): I am extremely sick, twisted and perverted, I mastrubate daily, I have imaginary friends, I am a psychopath, I have suicidal, homicidal, and genocidal thoughts. I can see into the perspectives of others. I am "the ultimate poser" so to speak, because I pretend to be normal. I am a very good actor. I like cartoon characters more than real people. I have no father, nor have I ever had one. For every racist present I'd like you to know I'm black, please don't hurt me. I have a different person I like to be everyday, I love to jump around like an oldschool cartoon character when I'm at home and out in public, I hear voices in my head, I laugh suddenly for absolutely no reason, I act out scenes from movies every second of everyday, and I accept people for who they are no matter what or who they are. I am in almost every minority group in existence and I once thought about killing my own family, because they lie to me and tell me to be myself, but they don't want me to be myself so they get me hyped up on medication, threaten to put me in a straight jacket if I cut myself again. And for the grand finale: I am bisexual. Once again please don't kill me. I fear persecution, but this in itself is emminent, that is why I have these suicidal, homicidal and genocidal thoughts, no one loves me except my imaginary friends. Upon prediction you guys will probably never come back to this page, kick me out of your community and try to kill me with the use of cruel and unusual punishment, simply because of who I am. This is no joke, I mean all of this with my heart. I will probably never get a response to this, so what's the point in asking. Regardless of what happens, I want you all to know that I love you all for who you are. Thank you for being my friend, even if it was only for a few seconds. If I continue to pretend to be someone I am not I will never be truly happy and if I try to be myself, I will be killed, so why should I even try to make a peaceful living? I don't want to bore you with this phrase: Born to Perish, I came up with this after I listened to to this song called Born to Die while simultaneously watching the ruthless murder of other black people in the old days. My friend told me he couldn't be my friend if I was bisexual and that he doesn't consider them "me" a person. He had been my friend for 13 years, and now he's gone forever. All of my other earth bound "friends" seem like they are gone to because they talk about bisexuals in a negative manner on a daily basis. Even my Mom isn't proud of me. My father is lucky he left. Who would want this burden. This is very depressing, but I need you to understand the undeniable truth : I can not be myself, I am truly born to die.

Now: I am not sick. Everyone is perverse though they choose not to admit it. I don't see my friends that way. I am not a psychopath. DEE DEE DEE! What the hell was I thinking? I feel emotions. I am so sorry about that. I no longer have those horrible thoughts thank god. Not a poser any more. I am normal. No such thing as normal though. How stupid was I to reveal my race? Who cares! I imitate funny stuff I see on TV. That is what the cartoon thing is about. I laugh because the stuff is funny, I do have a reason. I am not in every minority group! There are too many! I was NEVER in a straight jacket! What kind of bull shit! I am a man an have a woman that I am attracted to, on the inside of the same body as I do. I like girls she likes guys. That is the truth. I am not making excuses, because I really don't care any more. I am myself now and so is she. We are born to live.

[Symora]

I don't know what you have been though Born, but I get a sense it has not been easy for you - you appear to feel so much fear and insecurity. I'm sorry that the people around you have not been as supportive and open as you would have needed them to be...

There is nothing in you post that really shocks me or make me feel that I should hate you....:confused: I do get the feeling though that you may have mental health issues given what you say about voices and behaviours, have you been checked out for that? Otherwise lots of people are black, and-or bisexual, there is nothing to be ashamed of there - unfortunately there are still lots of prejudices out there and they can hurt, but I have seen none of that here...

Have you seen a doctor about your mental health issues Born? I think you need to talk to someone about all those troubling thoughts you are having, just to see if there may be medication or treatment that could be helpful....

[IrmaJean]

Still here, Born. Still listening. Still accepting you. I'm very sorry that friends and family haven't been supportive of you. Many times reactions such as these have more to do with those who are reacting and isn't really about you. Your skin color and sexual preferences are pieces of your puzzle and that makes you who you are. The very first thing I want to say is please stop being so cruel to yourself. This is painful. I hope that you will treat yourself with the kindness and respect that you deserve. I also wonder if you have ever seen a professional about the difficult feelings you have been experiencing. I'm sorry for your pain and hope that you feel better soon.

[smallstar]

hi

I ACCEPT YOU TOO, IF THAT MEANS ANYTHING AT ALL

[Born to Perish]

Thank you very much new friends and family. I have never felt accepted before, I am in disbelief, I feel so happy! Thank you! A few minutes ago earlier on this day, I was going to cut myself again in front of my Mom and her new husband, because when I told her I was going to she said "Do what you have to do to feel better, if you need to cut yourself then cut yourself." I was furious so I ran in my room, got Carlotta (my butcher knife) and I was going to do it again, but this time my family intervened. I was touched by their intervention. I misunderstood what my mom ment by what she said, she was just having a hard day and wasn't thinking about what she was saying. I also thought about jumping over the balcony today and plumetting to death. I almost lost faith in my heavenly father and I almost condemned myself. This is scary, but my family assured me that they cared about me and I finally revealed that I was bisexual to my mom's husband and he accepted me for who I was. It was literally the first time I had ever felt truly loved. Now I have other people who accept me for who I am too. I feel at home now! I am free to be me! It feels so good. Now I really feel like I am coming closer to being able to call my mother's husband my dad. He is the only man that has ever truly cared for me. Now I have found others that care about me as well. This is the greatest day of my life: February 11, 2010. I love you all with all my heart and if you ever have any problems just let me know. I am a nice person and a loving one. I have NEVER felt so loved and I have NEVER been happier. Thank you friends and FAMILY. Thank you.

Now: I NEVER cut myself. I wanted to in the past, but I didn't. It doesn't have a name any more. You know mostly I deluded myself into thinking I was like this, because of what the media said about people who had some similar behaviors that I had. I thought I was like that and the more medication they gave me, the more I believed it. NO ONE IS CRAZY. JUST HURT OR MISUNDERSTOOD. Do I need to keep repeating myself about the sexual thing? LAST TIME: I am not gay bisexual, straight or whatever, I am a person and so is the woman that lives in the body with me.

[Symora]

It sounds like a breakthrough day for you Born...that is so great, may tomorrow be just as good! It's important to appreciate the people who are there for us, to love them and treat them with consideration, because they are the ones who carry us through the rough patches. I'm so glad you have seen that in you stepdad...

[Born to Perish]

I take seroquel, though I am not taking it like I am supposed to. I wish to see a psychiatrist or psychologist to converse with them on these matters, but I don't have one yet, because times are tough and seroquel is extremely expensive for my family. 50 dollars per pill in some areas. Without insurance we wouldn't be able to afford this medicine, so we probably do not have money for a therapist yet, but when I get one I hope to make good friends with them and tell them all about the loving family that I have recently located. You guys are great!

[Symora]

Medication can be an issue and the costs can be so out there! It's important that you take the medication that you do have regularly though, otherwise you may not be able to control the chaotic behaviours and thoughts. It's hard on those around us when we are bungee jumping through different moods and states. The medication makes everything easier for everyone, if you can afford it of course. I'm lucky in that my employer offers a medical plan... it helped me so much when raising my kids...

Are you well enough and old enough to get a part-time job perhaps, to help out with the costs of your medication and to help your family out?

[Born to Perish]

My mom won't let me work, she says I have the rest of my life to do that.

[Symora]

Well, maybe she wants you to concentrate on your schooling. Have you discussed it together?

[Born to Perish]

Yes we have many times, she wants me to stay in school, but most importantly she wants me to be alive and that is what keeps me going.

[shye1]

Hi Born, I once read a quote that said "Happiness comes in through a door we didnt know we had left open" I think you just proved this to be true. I was touched by your story. You've been through a lot, some of which I can relate to. Are you creative at all? You seem to have a lot going on in your mind, I wonder what would happen if you were to create some art with it. Anyway, welcome to the community. I think we're an interesting bunch

[Born to Perish]

Yes I am creative as I have been told. I have many characters that I have created and I intend to become a good writer someday that can express my ideas in a positive manner and also I want something else good to watch on TV. I love my characters, they have been my friends for so long. I met my first when I was 5 his name is Tommy.

[Symora]

I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but I would like to hear about Tommy. How did Tommy come about and how has he been your friend over the years?