Would just like to know what people think I guess.

[Calla]

I shouldn't make such a fuss really. Sorry. Its not that I want to be told things I want to hear, I just want people to understand or say I'm not completely mad. Well I don't know what I want to hear to be honest. I just don't take criticism well as I feel I've had enough this lifetime. I'm a bit of an idiot.

[IrmaJean]

Feeling understood is pretty important to me, too, so I can relate to that. I want people to know who I am. this helps us to feel valued and known.

One way to lessen criticism right way would be to stop judging yourself. You're doing your best, as all of us do.

How have you been feeling today?

[Calla]

I'm feeling kinda bad to be honest. And sort of wishing I had never said anything

People get very angry about the subject because they see it as silly vanity. Anyone I've tried to talk to about in real life gets annoyed with me. So I don't bother now. And I have to say if ever I see stories about peolpe with disfigurements (as we do a lot now with face transplants) I sob with shame. They are getting on with their lives and I feel so awful. But it doesn't stop it.

As for getting professional help, even Allan won't touch me with a bargepole and talks about me like I'm not in the same room (no offence Allan) And trust me no NHS doctor is going to be available where I live to talk about this. I can't really stop because the thoughts just invade, creep up.

I'm feeling quite annoyed about things on here to as I am seemingly always to blame. If someone is making someone feel worse on here and the whole point is to feel better is there something wrong with asking them to stop? would a therapist really talk to me like that? And before anyone says "we are not professional" what I mean is if we are here to help each other are those sorts of words helpful. "Its all in your head" maybe strictly speaking true but it's not what you say to someone surely. "Your depression is all in your head, pull your socks up" Anyway time to let that drop.

I also have a terrible headache which is not helping

[Calla]

I have mentioned it quite a few times. As I said these things get lost. And no one really responded before so I didn't mention it again. I guess it's a bit "specialised". But i have had several people say they feel the same. Thats why I thought a topic on here would be appropriate. But maybe there aren't enough people.

I guess it'smy problem and not up to the people here to do anything. I just can't talk to people who can see my face right now.

[Calla]

Thats not quite true of course...I did mention it again but only after a bad episode!

[Calla]

I think maybe I should let the subject drop on the forum and go and hide in the blogs again? In my experience this subject does provoke a strong reaction. As I say people think it's shallow and there are more important things to worry about. Maybe I am so used to an angry reaction that I assume a lot responses are like that.

And because it's a hard subject to understand I guess there isn't much anyone can say. So I can perhaps vent a lot of it on the blogs and if anyone wants to pop along then great

[Calla]

Yes thats a good point. I guess because I have been a bit consumed by it and done research I assume other people have heard of it. Some people shorten Bipolar disorder to BD I think, Or is it just BP....see I guess thats something most people would know if it effects them. So I see the point and can see how that would get lost.

[Calla]

I was just being lazy I guess not writing it out. I only put it in feedback to ask if there was somewhere it could go.

For example there is a SPS topic. But I can't really see where any other physical issue go. So I thought if I asked in feedback someone may tell me where or even create a new topic. But as I say I guess there has to be enough people for that.

I've had a few people thank me for saying something as they feel they can't speak about it. Thats another reason I feel defensive about it I guess. People should feel comfortable.

[IrmaJean]

Maybe I am so used to an angry reaction that I assume a lot responses are like that.

I wanted to point this out to you, Calla, as an insight that might be worth considering.

I could always move the BDD thread to a different place on the boards if you'd like me to. Perhaps General Support? Just let me know.

[Calla]

I do recognise that. But I would also like to ask that people wouldn't always blame me. As I have said before I think very carefully before I reply to someone in pain and do not always get the same courtesy.

Yes thank you. Perhaps general support is the best place. Having said that as I am clearly not behaving appropriately I will retire to my blog so the thread can just disappear.