Jump to content
Mental Support Community

Is this therapist abuse?


Recommended Posts

Hi SoO,

Thanks for the reply. :(

I called the state today and got an update. I feel two years lighter! Ha. Just to know what is going on helps greatly.

The investigator and I talked for about 35 minutes. I think knowing what is happening will help the depression I've been going through; I'm not in the dark. I do feel *heard,* which in itself helps. As things stand now, I should hear more in about a month.

Yes, I've thought of doing something in the community or at least maybe taking a class at the community college. I work part-time, but a lot of that work I do mostly alone and much of the communication is via emails.

I was a loyal 28-year follower of and lay leader (many of those years) with The Way International, which many consider a "cult". I left in 2005 and ... well .... I'm still getting my sea legs, so to speak. Anyway, some of that experience (as well as some experiences in the *anti-Way* and *anti-cult* communities) has left me a bit timid when it comes to group involvement. I thought the project I was working on (with my ex-therapist) would be a safe place to help me work through some remaining issues. (He, of course, knew that.) But that whole thing turned out sour.

That said (as far as doing something in the community or something) I realize all is a balancing act and I don't have to be *sold-out* to be involved in something.

Also, I note you stated "social activity," which doesn't have to involve any sort of big commitment.

Thanks so much. I'm breathing much easier. I think I'll go think about something else now! Yay me!! [Yay us!! ;) ]

:cool:

~carol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest SomethingOrOther

Hi Carol,

that's good that you know they're looking into it now and thinking about something else now sounds like a good plan. :) I actually had to look up "the Way international", I'm not really a religious person, but now I see what you mean about there's social activities that require less commitment. A friend of mine takes a class on oriental dance now, because it's the only course that was late enough in the evening for her to visit :). I hope things look up for you.

S.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Carol and others. :)

I am going to move this thread to 'Pyschotherapy and Other Treatments' so we can keep the 'New Members Post Here' subforum free for new members. There will be a re-direct in place in the New Members forum so you can still find this thread if you look there. It will automatically redirect you to its new home.

Do continue. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks again SoO. And thank you Luna for moving the thread. *thumbsup*

I continue to feel much better, SoO. Of course I still think about the scenario every day. I'm examining how things ended up as they did and endeavoring to learn from the situation.

When I posted on 11/09, I was having a particularly tough day. I've been doing better ever since talking with the investigator.

I realize I initially posted (a few days after my ex-therapist sent me the verbally abusive emails) that the incident(s) were not therapist abuse because the verbal abuse didn't happen in a therapeutic setting. And I had considered myself a "previous client."

I'm going to recap events below, adding some details. Apologies for any repeat information.

I referred to myself as a "previous client" (from around October, 2009, until the time the therapist abruptly cut off communicatoon with me August 2nd) because I had "graduated" from therapy in September, 09. But, as stated in a previous post, I continued to need the therapist though we changed my sessions to "life coaching" instead of "therapy." (I think I stated that earlier too.)

I also was a participant in a Monday night phone support group for which I paid and of which the therapist was a facilitator.

I paid for my "life coaching" (which were at times therapy) and the support group meetings through the end of June, 2010.

It was in March, 2010, that I took on a role as a moderator on the therapist's online discussion forum.

In May, 2010, the therapist approached me about a non-profit he was thinking of forming. In late May or June, I decided to take him up on his offer of me volunteering as an "Creative Director" (like an editor-in-chief) for the still-formulating non-profit.

It was in mid-June that the therapist and I had a role reversal where I helped him through a mental health episode.

In July I became a Co-Administrator on the online discussion board. That position involved the same things I'd be doing as a Creative Director for the non-profit. In July I began to feel uncomfortable and let the therapist know that and that I missed the therapeutic relationship. Within a week of me sharing that with him and us discussing it (as well as discussing some of his challenges that he was going through), he sent me the two emails that sent me plummeting.

The day after he sent me the emails in which he cut off contact with me, he called my home and left a message on my home voice mail stating his assistant told him I had contacted her and wanted to talk to him (the therapist). He stated that he felt he was ready (emotionally) to talk and if I wanted to talk to call him on his cell.

I was out of town (from 7 AM until 2 AM the next day) the day that he called and left the message. I had taken the day off work due to his slice and hatchet from the day before. I went on a 15-mile hike with my young adult son on the Appalachian Trail.

I never contacted his assistant. I couldn't have. I was without a computer and without cell service.

I was totally bumfuzzled by the voice mail from my therapist since I had never contacted his assistant.

I (timidly, for a few different reasons) called him back the next day and left a message on his cell letting him that I didn't contact his assistant. I then got choked up (with tears) while leaving the voice mail while stating that I was open to talking, that it'd be good to end on a more positive note.

I never heard back.

That (strange) voice mail he left me, and then him never getting back with me after I returned his call, just added to the damage.

So all that (plus some other information), mixed with my emotional and mental after effects is why I ended up filing the complaint.

While I was compiling the information for the complaint, he wrote a (now) ex-client about parts of what happened between he and I. The (now) ex-client and I were/are friends and had been in the support group together, the support group from which I had simply disappeared. Naturally, she wanted to know why I had dropped from the support group and what had happened. I finally (in late August or early September) began to tell her some of it. Via email (while she was still his client), she mentioned to the therapist what I had shared with her. He wrote her back 10+ days later (when she decided to no longer be his client), at the very least, twisting the events of his and my break. (My psychologist also has that email.)

Sooo....I share all that to simply fill in some more blanks, for anyone interested. (I understand if anyone isn't interested. :) ) The whole scenario became quite messy. It took a bit of time for the picture to become more clear to me and to my psychologist.

I have little desire to rake the therapist over the coals. But, I do want him to know the damage all this had on me with the hope that it never happens to someone else in his care.

Thanks again for letting me share. I'll keep dropping in.

Cheers all around,

~carol :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

PS: Thanks for looking up The Way, SoO. I appreciate the interest. BTW, I'm no longer religious either. I recently read where lady referred to herself as a "menopausal agnostic." I think I'm adopting that label for now. :)

(I just read in another thread where you are in process of earning a phd in something? Haven't read enough to figure out what the something is. Go get 'em!! And big congrats.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest SomethingOrOther

I would be an always agnostic, then. AA, no that doesn't work, need to find a better term. :)

It's a science phd that's stressing me out a little at the moment.

I think that's a great opportunity for your former therapist to learn keeping his relationships adequate, though I doubt he's going to see it that way. ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 months later...

Hi again,

I have gone public with the name of the therapist and that I have filed a complaint on him.

If anyone is interested, following is a link. Within the post linked below are more links.

Thank you,

~carol

****************

From my main blog: Link to Carol's blog.

Edited by hangingaround
Links edited; see following explanation
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hangingaround (Carol),

As a former moderator of an online forum, you should be aware of how difficult a position you just placed this forum in.

On the one hand, we want to support you in feeling better about what happened to you. On the other hand, using us to publish his name puts us in the position where it appears that our organization attacks his. Certainly, if he were to file suit against you, we would end up embroiled in that, as well.

The way I see it, you have every right to withdraw your endorsement(s) of this person, in every venue where you made them, in the past. This isn't one of those venues, however. Not only that, but you made this move without waiting for a resolution to your complaint with the state, which is, after all, the proper place to have the matter adjudicated. It also struck me, as a side issue, that you gave his full name repeatedly, but not yours. Not that I would feel better knowing your name, but the disparity concerned me.

I have left a link to your blog, from which interested parties can still find all the information that you posted. I have no problem allowing you to speak about this, but to your own benefit and risk, not that of our forum.

Mark L. (malign)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Mark.

Understood. My apologies. I didn't think about that aspect of putting this board in any sort of legal dilemma.

I am simply trying to be upfront. And I am concerned about my former therapist's public solicitation for funds and his continuing to practice therapy. I have informed the state of NY that I have gone public with my retraction, giving them a link to my blog post.

(Edited here to take off my full name which I had added. Thanks.)

If you deem it proper to delete my previous post, I understand that as well.

Cheers,

~carol

Edited by hangingaround
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest ASchwartz

Hello Carol,

I agree with what Malign has said and I would add that you may have put yourself at risk by publishing this therapist's name of the web. I hope not but I fear that you could have opened yourself to a law suit for demanation of character or some such. I don't know, I am not a lawyer but I do wonder why you did that and if you thought about potential consequences. Let me add that here is another example of a therapist acting inappropriately by stepping out of professional bounds.

Can you tell us more about yourself?

Allan

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Carol,

I would have done the deletion, if I felt it necessary.

I don't. I understand your strong feelings in the matter, and I understand, under the circumstances, that you wouldn't want people to think that you stood behind him. I also understand, after your experience with cults and other conspiracies of silence, that you would want to be open. Honestly, that's why I left the link to your blog, so that people can decide for themselves whether they want to know his name.

Most of all, I hope you find your own peace, with all this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Carol,

I agree with what Malign has said and I would add that you may have put yourself at risk by publishing this therapist's name of the web. I hope not but I fear that you could have opened yourself to a law suit for demanation of character or some such. I don't know, I am not a lawyer but I do wonder why you did that and if you thought about potential consequences. Let me add that here is another example of a therapist acting inappropriately by stepping out of professional bounds.

Can you tell us more about yourself?

Allan

Hi Allan,

Thanks for the reply.

One reason I went public is because my ex-therapist has begun actively soliciting funds for his newly formed non-profit. It is a long story. I have not done anything (to my knowledge) as far as defaming my ex-therapist. I did think about that aspect before I came forward.

I appreciate your questions and concern.

As far as a bit about me. Here is something posted on my main blog.

http://tossandripple.blogspot.com/p/bit-about-me.html

Following are links to my other blogs:

Poetry: http://parchmentanthology.blogspot.com/

A 1982-83 journal transcription: http://soulfeet.wordpress.com/

A memoir in progress: http://exgreasespotter.wordpress.com/about-this-blog/

Again, if you or the mods feel my postings are inappropriate on this thread/board, I understand.

Thanks again,

~carol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey again Allan,

I've thought about your question, as far as sharing a bit more about myself. And I'm not sure what to share.

A few thoughts were to share what prompted me to yesterday link to and from and post what I did here and in the way I did, but that seems...hmm... tiresome - I think would be the word.

If I had more time and energy on my hands, I'd respond more than the few times I have on others' posts on the discussion board. And life is going to get more busy for me beginning next week....in a good way. Yay! I'm acquiring a pet sitting and dog walking service. It will be some of my best therapy yet. ;)

This board was very helpful right after the events with my therapist...and it was helpful again yesterday. From my little experiences on this board, the moderators have been awesome in their catching my faux pas. :o

The posting here yesterday and then the responses of Malign and yourself helped pull me back in....so to speak. Helped to again ground me. I could try to expound more on that later if you'd like. Perhaps I'll write about it at some point in my scribblings on my blog. If I do that, depending on the timing and circumstances, I would most likely use pseudonyms as I've done in much of my public memoir pieces.

Thanks again all around.

To life,

~carol :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey hangingaround

I'd like to offer a different view just to be controversial because I understand where Allan, Malign et al are coming from. I think what you did took balls! (if you'll pardon the MCP reference)

Conceivably you have put yourself at risk for a defamation suit but yiu did it regardless possibly protecting others from being harmed by the same person. I would imagine this forum is fairly well protected legally (given the nature of the forum itself!!) ito indemnities etc and your actions would perhaps not pose such a huge threat but then again they may well be cited as a matter of procedure as co-defendents.

I also understand that you are feeling justifiably very enraged and very helpless - being harmed by a person that you trusted by virtue of his fiduciary position must be very painful.

You did what you felt was right, you followed your conscience (so few do these days), you were brave and although it might not please everyone - I say hell life's too short - good on you!!!!

****

Edited by hatemeds
crappy english
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi hatemeds,

Thanks for the comment. I'm not sure how to reply...and maybe no reply is needed. Yet, I do have quite a few thoughts that ramble through my head and emotions that gurgle through my heart due to your response. (And I had to google MCP. :) No pardoning needed, but thank you.)

Suffice it to say, that at this point in my life, I'd almost rather die than allow myself to be silenced. And then the question comes...how does one define being silenced? Perhaps the answer is different for different people.

I may have already stated the following somewhere in this thread: When I was battling with the decision of whether or not to file the complaint, I didn't like myself if I filed it and I didn't like myself if I didn't file it. The same came up in the past couple weeks about bringing my retraction forward. I had to make a decision that I could live with......if that makes any sense at all.

I confess I'm still learning. You'd think someone my age would know by now how, when, where, etc. to speak up. But I still struggle...and maybe always will. That said, I do much better than I used to...and I often feel the fear and do it anyway...within reason, hopefully.

I think of that John Mayer song "

....even if your hands are shaking...."

And a poem comes to mind. The name of it is Reasons about what can happen when people are silenced (perceived or otherwise) for too long. I've posted more about the poem here.

To life,

~carol

Reasons

silence

of nonexistence

deafens

I despise it with a passion

hush

of hypocrisy

murders

I pray I never bow again

If left unchecked they breed a rage

unjustified

to the blind audience

rage

unchecked leads to

violence

And the dazed, nescient crowd wonders

"How?"

"Why?"

silence

there's more than meets

the ear

7/03/07

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest ASchwartz

Hi Carol,

I agree with you about not being silenced. However, how we express things is enormously important. Depending on how things are phrased or what information is offered, determines whether or not other people can hear you. Remember, the point of not being silenced has to do with being heard. But, if too much information is given or given in the wrong way, you will not be heard.

It ok to complain on the boards but without using a name, at least, that's my opinion.

What do you and others think about this?

Allan

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well the way I look at it is perhaps not conventional and I'm sure Allan is 100% correct where protocol is concerned - and where the forum is concerned.

How about you Carol? Do you feel trepidation in that you might have made yourself vulnerable in terms of a lawsuit?

If not - I say small mistake sister and dont dare lose sleep over it - you did what you thought was right at the time albeit guided by a fair amount of betrayal and resultant emotional upheaval. Would that we could all make cold clean rational decisions - but we dont - we're human - we sometimes act rashly when faced with strong emotions and sometimes we just have to bite the bullet and live with the consequences of what it means to be human!

So I repeat - if you can handle the consequences sister - then dont dare lose sleep over it okay! I for one support you!

****

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Carol,

I agree with you about not being silenced. However, how we express things is enormously important. Depending on how things are phrased or what information is offered, determines whether or not other people can hear you. Remember, the point of not being silenced has to do with being heard. But, if too much information is given or given in the wrong way, you will not be heard.

It ok to complain on the boards but without using a name, at least, that's my opinion.

What do you and others think about this?

Allan

Hi Allan,

I composed a response to your post yesterday morning, but am just now getting it posted. That response is below in green.

At this moment and throughout yesterday afternoon, I've felt emotionally sick to my stomach as I've learned more about my ex-therapist's recruitment for his org and knowing what I know of his mode of operation with myself (and others). That's all I'll say about that now. I just hope the state does a very thorough investigation of him, but I don't know if they will. Maybe in time the few others who have had similar dealings with him (though they were never clients) will come forward. But, like all of us, folks only have so much energy to spare.

So....here is what I wrote yesterday in response to your post above....

Good point Allen, about how something is phrased determines (at least in part) whether people can hear when we give voice.

I think it was inappropriate for me to post my ex-therapist's name on this board. I am not an active member here and the way I posted was for exposure, not necessarily for dialog. That is more like spam (and in this spam it was like a slam as well), things I try to avoid.

I am thankful for Mark's diligent moderation of my post and in doing so, helping me to traverse my reponse(s) to a conversation I had had not long before I posted here.

I don't think it is inappropriate to post my ex-therapist's name on a different board where I started a discussion on the topic. But even there, if the admin wanted to take down the thread, I'd understand. One difference there, is that the Admin knows me pretty well and much of the background from where I've come.

On another but similar note - I'm thinking about your statement that the purpose of not being silenced is to be heard. It's simply semantics, but what hit my thoughts was that the purpose is to give voice, to allow expression - that whether anyone hears or not is secondary. I thought of different ways I've given voice; ie: poetry, art, dance, etc. Those expressions also fall into not being silenced, yet I don't always share them with others. Who hears when I am alone and do such?

Then I thought, something always hears....because I'm never really all alone. One always has memories or nature or the air or perhaps spiritual realities...and other stuff.

Perhaps not being silenced is not the right terminology for such times. Perhaps giving voice and non-silencing are not quite the same thing.

But for the context of what we are discussing here, I think my main purpose was to be heard...by people.

Thanks again,

~carol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well the way I look at it is perhaps not conventional and I'm sure Allan is 100% correct where protocol is concerned - and where the forum is concerned.

How about you Carol? Do you feel trepidation in that you might have made yourself vulnerable in terms of a lawsuit?

If not - I say small mistake sister and dont dare lose sleep over it - you did what you thought was right at the time albeit guided by a fair amount of betrayal and resultant emotional upheaval. Would that we could all make cold clean rational decisions - but we dont - we're human - we sometimes act rashly when faced with strong emotions and sometimes we just have to bite the bullet and live with the consequences of what it means to be human!

So I repeat - if you can handle the consequences sister - then dont dare lose sleep over it okay! I for one support you!

****

Hi hatemeds,

I heartily agree with what you've written here. And I've told myself to not beat myself up in regard to my updating my post as I did here couple days ago. It's understandable why I did what I did. (Understandable doesn't always mean correct, of course. As I've stated, people do things for reasons.)

As far as do I feel trepidation for opening myself up to a possible lawsuit with the little bit (not even the tip of the iceberg, btw) I've stated about my ex-therapist? I've felt some "what if" he does that, but not trepidation. I've thought of the worst case scenarios as I've gone into all of this, even in the decision to file a complaint. At this point in my life, I can live with myself more peacefully by speaking up rather than not speaking up.

The incidents between me and my ex-therapist (not to mention the other things I have learned regarding what appears to be a pattern of his behavior), makes for a bizarre and twisted scenario and I have been beyond generous in keeping my mouth shut. That generosity is quickly fading; but, I don't want to act rashly and do something that would end in a legal battle.

Today, I could easily act rashly, but instead I'm taking deep breaths and reminding myself that I am doing all that I can do at this point.

Self-blame is huge in abuse, as anyone who has lived it knows. It's one of my biggest battles. (carol sheds tears...)

I probably ought to shut up now and pull out my emotional/cognitive tool box.

As my manner is, I want to apologize for sounding so needy...but I won't. We all have needs; it's human.

Thanks again,

~carol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...

Hi again....

I noticed on my blog stats that I had a visit to my blog recently from this board. So I thought I'd post an update. Plus, an update may serve anyone else who has experienced therapy abuse and is looking into filing a complaint.

Much has happened since I last posted here in April, 2011. I'll give a very shortened version.

I came forward on my blog with more of my experiences with my ex-therapist beginning in May, 2011. In late June/early July, 2011, someone else contacted me regarding their experiences with my ex-therapist and also concerned about my ex-therapist's extreme online behavior.That someone was a colleague of my ex-therapist; they were not a client.

Another person, a previous client, contacted me the summer of 2011 asking my opinion if they should or should not go back to my ex-therapist. (That person had previously terminated therapy with my ex-therapist.)

In late August, my ex-therapist posted a smear containing lies about myself and others on his professional non-profit site and on Facebook, including other people's Facebook pages. (His non-profit was set up for people who had experienced abuse in cults and toxic relationships.)

In his smear posts, my ex-therapist threatened and lied about me, my psychologist, the Office of Professional Discipline investigator, about two people that stood up for me after his postings (I was backpacking at the time and had no computer access), and others. Among the lies was that I had sexually propositioned him multiple times and invited him to meet me in a hotel room. I never ever propositioned that man in any way shape or form. A feeding frenzy of sorts then took place on his Facebook page targeting myself and another person (a social worker with a PhD) who had stood up for me online. My ex-therapist had included one of my online photos with his posts about me. He included an online photo of the doctor in social work on the posts about her.

Needless to say I was in shock after returning from my backpack trip and reading my ex-therapist's posts. I never imagined he would outright lie about me and others. In hindsight though, I was able to piece together other lies he had told. I was stunned.

I wrote a public response to his allegations and posted it on my blog. (link)

I spoke with the state investigator in the aftermath. The proposed charges from the state were then sent to a state administrative law prosecutor.

Shortly thereafter (in Sepmtember, 2011) people on the ex-therapist's non-profit staff and board of directors confronted his online actions and language (which contained the "f" word a lot and lots of profanity). My ex-therapist then turned on his staff and board. Most resigned at that point. The non-profit site went completely offline as of January, 2012. All the Facebook posts are also no longer on public view and I assume have been deleted. My ex-therapist has endeavored to erase his misdeeds and (except? on LinkedIn?) to distance himself from the a name of the previous non-profit.

Within a few weeks (in September, 2011) my ex-therapist ran, skipping the state and went to live with his girlfriend that he had met on FB in June, 2011. He left no forwarding address and it took the state months to locate an address to send him the charges via certified mail. He has completely ignored the state.

In December, 2011, a previous ex-client came forward to me in private. They too had experienced similar to me ... and even worse (except that my ex-therapist never publicly smeared that person).

My ex-therapist has a new circle of people in the new state to which he moved. He married his FB girlfriend in April, 2012. (He had separated from his 2nd wife around February (?), 2011, and his divorce with her was final around December, 2011.) He has taken on a stage name and (according to his Twitter account) is (among other things) a wanna be stand-up comic. He states he is no longer doing therapy. However, he is still listed on LinkedIn as a therapist. [My ex-therapist had also changed his physical appearance toward the end of 2010, after I had filed my complaint. He looks like a different person. ]

The state is continuing to pursue the case and (I hope) all this is wrapped up soon.

An anonymous copy of my complaint is on my blog. (link)

So, that's the update, for anyone who may be interested.

Thank you,

~Carol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...

For anyone who may have interest in this case, the state made its ruling in January, 2014.

The state updated its website last week with the ruling.

The therapist was found guilty of professional misconduct; including negligence, incompetence, on more than one occasion, and unprofessional conduct. His license was revoked.

That information can be found here: Link (last name is Knapp)

Another social worker, who was aware of and ended up involved with the case, posted a blog regarding the case here: Link

Thanks,

~Carol.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...