No confidence with women at all

[a_mess]

Where are all the women who supposidly don't care what a guy has in his pants????? Not that it matters i don't believe a word any of you say anyway....almost ever single chick I came across from the time i was 14 till even now I'm 34 now did nothing but dump all over me over something that isn't my fault...I didn't have an actual girlfriend until i was 23 and that was a nightmare cause alls she did was bust my stones about it...but of course i stayed and put up with her lies and cheatin cause i felt i had to cause i felt so alone for so long... I feel like i'm gonna be alone forever cause i can't trust anything women say at all...if i'm attracted to a girl i cant talk to her at all... or if i know shes into me i almost have a panic attack and freeze and sweat...i can't convince myself that i'm worth bein with at all...can someone please tell me honestly, is 5 1/2" good enough for a women??? I'm lettin beautiful girls get away with out sayin a word to em cause i'm scared to death its gonna happen again...i'm so sick of bein thought of a gay or whatever else these idiots say....i'm always bein told i'm a hot catch by a close friend who is like the sister i never had and that size isnt important to most women but i'm convinced she is just sayin that so she doesnt completely crush me...there has to be somebody out there that will love me for me and not have a disappointed look on her face when she sees it for the first time...thank god i'm good with my tongue cause thats all i got....wow the sun is comin up...any positive comments would be really appriciated

Edited August 14, 2010 by a_mess

[spiritual_emergency]

I read a post here not long ago from a fellow who felt very happy to end up in bed with a woman. Apparently, he had some concerns similar to your own in regard to the size of his penis but he also seemed to gain some insight from his partner's admission that she was concerned about the size of her breasts. The interesting thing is that he didn't seem the least bit concerned with her breast size.

We do seem to live in a culture that pushes a message that everything must be "SUPERSIZED" in order to satisfy. It's but one more cultural message we receive that implies that who we are will not be good enough.

thank god i'm good with my tongue cause thats all i got

It's my understanding that many women do not reach orgasm through intercourse however a surprising number of men seem to believe that they do or will. It may be that your perceived inadequacy will actually work to your advantage. All other things being equal, if a woman had to choose between a partner who cannot give her an orgasm and one who can, I suspect she'd choose the one who can.

[Glosoli]

If the women you've met are THAT concerned with how you rate in size, they're clearly not worth your time!

I have had several tearful confessions from boyfriends past that they're embarrassed because of their 'smallness'. When in reality, they're perfectly average in every way.

Not all women are going to reject you based on what you've described.

The hard part, of course, is FINDING the gals who aren't so shallow.

Just don't isolate yourself away from girls because of your fear. You'll always find people who won't accept you, in friendship, or in sexual relations. All that means is they weren't worth your time anyway!

I hope you're okay, and that you'll find the courage to keep on trying!

[a_mess]

Thank you both for the reassurance that I shouldn't feel completely hopeless. It would be great if i could actually get to sleep at night without tossin and turnin cause i'm kickin myself for lettin another women go by without makin a move...i guess i'm just sick of treatin a women right and gettin dumped on anyway...meanwhile mr giant cock can get away with bein a complete asshole...if thats the way all women want it then they can have it but i'm no longer the guy with the shoulder to cry on....no way not anymore...if that is what is important to you then don't come to me when he fuckin everything with a hole just cause he can...ok time to stop thinkin about all this cause I can't change anything anyway

[Recluse]

I am in a similar place to you. I am 27, never had a girlfriend and only been with hookers due to my size. I have done a lot of research about this as I want to overcome my situation but based on my research I have realized this is not possible. I have lots of opportunities with women as I am socially acceptable and I am good looking and fit. Based on being too small for them I have chosen to become more of a hermit socially to avoid the embarrassment of having one flirt with me at a social situation.

Basically what I have learned from my research is that 5-7 inches in length is ok and a woman cannot really tell the difference in regards to length from 5-6 inches. The important measurement is girth. Basically the way to measure girth is to wrap a tape measurer around your dick. The average girth is about 4.8 inches around. The average range is from 4.5-5.5 inches around. 4.5 around is basically the minimum cutoff for women. Most women are ok with average. Average just seems small these days as a result of porn. If you are over 4.5 around you should be ok. You might run into the occasional size queen but you have nothing to be embarrassed about if that is your situation. Most women don't walk around with a tape measurer so they only notice smallness if it is below average.

If you are in my boat and have a girth below 4.5, mine being only 4 inches around, then you are fucked. There is no nice way to say it but the only way to deal with that situation is to find a way to manage the anger, hatred and misery that will result from that situation. I infrequently sleep with hookers due to my financial situation but that is something I am working towards improving so I can fuck them more often. As girth is the most important measurement for pleasing a woman, a lack of that is one of the worst situations that we as men can face. A guy with a 3 inch long dick that has more girth than me can please a woman better than me and I have over 5 and a half inches in length. Anyway, if you don't have girth issues, you are more than likely a victim of trash talking women who don't mean what they say and also the current perception of size in our society based on the porn industry. I don't mean to criticize porn as that is all I have to get off when I am broke so I appreciate that but the industry has led to abnormal size perceptions.

[lifeless existence]

can someone please tell me honestly, is 5 1/2" good enough for a women???

Not for most of them.

i'm convinced she is just sayin that so she doesnt completely crush me

Two possibilities. 1.You're right. Or 2. She may be among the extremely miniscule number of women who really don't care. My money is on #1. Either way, you (we) are s.o.l.

[IrmaJean]

Hello, a_mess. There are women out there who would appreciate you. I'm sorry that you have had some bad experiences in the past. There are caring women who would love being treated with kindness. You deserve to be loved as you are.

Confidence comes little by little as you have some success. The key is to keep trying. What do you like about yourself? Do you have any interests or hobbies? These are great topics of conversation which may hopefully put you more at ease with interactions.

I hope you will keep sharing your feelings with us, a_mess. Take care.

[flander]

The first post looked like something I would have written 10 years ago, except for the tongue part.

FWIW, a woman in her late 30s wrote the following a couple years ago on a band discussion board that I'm on:

skinny little dicks are only good for anal sex. It doesn't hurt so much with them, but really, don't bother. We're lying when we tell guys that size doesn't matter and we fake orgasms for the same reason.

[IrmaJean]

That woman's feelings do not represent every woman's feelings. Why focus on what is painful? Why not give more strength to a positive voice?

[a_mess]

Thank you IrmaJean, for everything you have said so far. You too glosoli. Both of you sound exactly like a very close friend of mine. She has a colorful way of puttin it..."if all she is interested in is a big dick then she is a whore that has been with way too many guys and she isn't worth your time anyway. Your probably wondering why then am I not with her...We discovered a couple of years ago that we would not mesh well together at all being in a romantic relationship...in other words we would rip eachothers heads off...she is very protective of me when it comes to women ridiculing me about it...she gets pissed...its a long story on how we met but I'm glad we did...and i'm glad her husband now understands and isn't jealous of the fact that we will be close friends until one of us passes...we have some things in common that c4 couldn't split apart

[a_mess]

ok what happened.....i just posted a thank you to IrmaJean and glosoli and it ended up postin somewhere else....:confused:

[a_mess]

oops maybe i should see what page it posted on first...anyway thanks again to those of you with positive things to say...you know who you are:)...almost time for true blood...and nobody out there give up no matter what it is that your dealing with...life is a challenge...meet that challenge head on

[Recluse]

Flander, I cannot tell you how many comments like that I have read from women. Many of the comments weren't as mean but were just matter of fact in the way they spoke of their dislike for skinny dicks. I have read many different discussions on many different websites in regards to girth and I have heard overwhelmingly that girth is the most important measurement and that length is not as important. any length between 5 and 7 is average and acceptable. If you are below 4.5 around in girth a women considers you skinny and inadequate. If I wanted to waste the time, I could probably post 50 quotes from women that corroborate what I am saying.

[flander]

That woman's feelings do not represent every woman's feelings. Why focus on what is painful? Why not give more strength to a positive voice?

In that particular case, she was responding to similar comments from other women. In my life, the "positive voice" is generally from a bullshit artist looking for another sucker to con.

[Aaron.X.C]

Wow thanks for being positive or even being helpful. He's in pain, and your not helping him at all <one or two words removed> not in the mood...

Not for most of them.

Two possibilities. 1.You're right. Or 2. She may be among the extremely miniscule number of women who really don't care. My money is on #1. Either way, you (we) are s.o.l.

The first post looked like something I would have written 10 years ago, except for the tongue part.

FWIW, a woman in her late 30s wrote the following a couple years ago on a band discussion board that I'm on:

Edited August 17, 2010 by malign
"Not in the mood" is a good time not to post, Aaron.

[IrmaJean]

In that particular case, she was responding to similar comments from other women. In my life, the "positive voice" is generally from a bullshit artist looking for another sucker to con.

Maybe you might open your mind up to the possibility of the positive voice being genuine? If you look only through a negative lens or make assumptions based on past experiences, you won't be able to see this. Maybe start out with giving the thought a chance. What do you think?

[malign]

I agree with Aaron, in principle, despite having had to modify how he said it: it's far too easy for this topic to generate "commiseration" posts that, in the end, aren't supportive, but instead simply confirm the poster's fears.

And I understand why, given that most of the guys suffering from this feel the same way. I wouldn't even try to "moderate" that; I know that no one is being deliberately unhelpful.

I guess I just thought I would point out the tendency, so that we could all talk about it:

a)To what extent do you guys feel that you're "helping" each other?

I understand the value of finding people who suffer in the same way we do; that happens in every forum on the site. However, in this case, could it simply be confirming you in the conclusions you've come to?

and,

b)Is there a possibility that some posts (some ways of saying these things) might actually be making people feel worse?

If so, what can we all, as a community, do about that?

[Fedup]

Where are all the women who supposidly don't care what a guy has in his pants????? Not that it matters i don't believe a word any of you say anyway....almost ever single chick I came across from the time i was 14 till even now I'm 34 now did nothing but dump all over me over something that isn't my fault...I didn't have an actual girlfriend until i was 23 and that was a nightmare cause alls she did was bust my stones about it...but of course i stayed and put up with her lies and cheatin cause i felt i had to cause i felt so alone for so long... I feel like i'm gonna be alone forever cause i can't trust anything women say at all...if i'm attracted to a girl i cant talk to her at all... or if i know shes into me i almost have a panic attack and freeze and sweat...i can't convince myself that i'm worth bein with at all...can someone please tell me honestly, is 5 1/2" good enough for a women??? I'm lettin beautiful girls get away with out sayin a word to em cause i'm scared to death its gonna happen again...i'm so sick of bein thought of a gay or whatever else these idiots say....i'm always bein told i'm a hot catch by a close friend who is like the sister i never had and that size isnt important to most women but i'm convinced she is just sayin that so she doesnt completely crush me...there has to be somebody out there that will love me for me and not have a disappointed look on her face when she sees it for the first time...thank god i'm good with my tongue cause thats all i got....wow the sun is comin up...any positive comments would be really appriciated

You're a similar size to me in fact I'm a tiny bit smaller in length and yes it has affected me in a similar way. I've made a few posts on the small penis syndrome forum you may be interested in. Recently had some sexual experience with a hot woman and my penis size did not put her off at all. If anything is putting her off it's my own lack of self confidence to be the lover I want to be. I haven't had much sexual experience but both people have wanted to see me again. My problem is I only have the confidence when I am really drunk and I become the tense timid guy you speak of when sober.

The last person I slept with was actually dumbfounded as to why I had never had regular sex before when I admitted it to her on 2nd time of seeing her. She kept saying she didn't understand why and she had seen my penis the week before. It must not have even crossed her mind. If I continue to be very tense and timid she will start to wonder and she'll start to believe there must be something wrong with me if I continue to believe it.

Skynight has it spot on it really is all about the confidence. It won't be easy, in fact it will be hard work but if you really want to live life to the full you have to do it. You have to retrain your mind. My next goal is to have intercourse sober. Such a simple task for most men and comes naturally but for us with the syndrome it's a very stressful experience. Your ex girl probably busted on your size because she knew how much it affected you and it was easy to gain power over you that way. Doesn't sound like a nice girl either way.

I'm only just starting to realise what I need to do to get over it myself. Maybe we can both get over it together?

[Fedup]

Also it won't be your penis the reason why chicks dump on you. It'll be how your concerns about your penis make you act in general. You'll probably be a walkover but women lose attraction for men they perceive as a "wussy". A case in point. I was out in town on Saturday night and some woman tried to steal my chair. I fought my corner and kept my chair without being nasty about it. She later told me she liked the way I didn't give the chair up.

I'm pretty sure I already have put one girl off through lack of self confidence this year before we even got to any sexual activity. The one I spoke about on this thread has definitely cooled on me after raving about me the first time. Penis size did not change, confidence levels did. The harsh reality is get confident or wallow in your own self pity for ever. It's up to the own individual person.

[a_mess]

I'm with ya Fedup...I think i've waited long enough...its time to just deal with the fact that i have a beautiful women starin me right in the face, smiling at me with a flirty wave and just say enough is enough and go get it...i mean its plainly obvious she isnt gonna say no so what the hell...and if she does say something well i guess its her lose

[a_mess]

And one more thing sounds familar to me Fedup...I to had a women be surprised the i wasn't bein a manwhore as she put it....she actually figured me to have been with at least 20 to 30 women before her....when actually the number was more like 3...I am really starting to think that all these women arent just sayin i'm fine so they don't hurt me....goddam it i think its about time i picked up my balls and just asked the next girl i'm attracted to out....the hell with it

[flander]

Maybe you might open your mind up to the possibility of the positive voice being genuine? If you look only through a negative lens or make assumptions based on past experiences, you won't be able to see this. Maybe start out with giving the thought a chance. What do you think?

I think I'd be setting myself up for another downfall. Besides, I need to focus on the needs of my family and not get distracted by some lying gold digger.

Wow thanks for being positive or even being helpful. He's in pain, and your not helping him at all <one or two words removed> not in the mood...

I hate it when people lie to me in an attempt to help me feel better. I won't do it to others. I'd rather be honest.

[a_mess]

I think I'd be setting myself up for another downfall. Besides, I need to focus on the needs of my family and not get distracted by some lying gold digger.

I hate it when people lie to me in an attempt to help me feel better. I won't do it to others. I'd rather be honest.

Flander I was in the same mind set all day today...then it dawned on me...i have a close female friend, platonic but really close cause of other things we have in common...but anyway she is aware of my problem i have with my penis due to ridicule from girls in my teens thru my mid 20's... and today i was really strugglin to get a grasp on my self worth cause i really want to ask this beautiful woman out who has been makin it very clear she wants my attention and my friend kept tellin me that i'm average...that i have nothing to worry about...that all those girls in the past missed out on a great guy who really knows how to treat a woman...and of course i kept sayin back "of course your gonna say that you dont want to hurt me as i wouldn't think about hurting you in any way"...and on and on and on...until finally she started to get upset and i said why are you mad...and she was like "damn it listen to me...you are one of my best friends and i love you and goddam it i wouldn't ever tell you to do something that would hurt you...now please listen to me...you deserve a beautiful women...now the next time you see her and she starts flirtin with you flirt back and before walk away ask her out for coffee...it doesnt have to be dinner...coffee is a lot less pressure for you and possibly her to"....now she kept sayin more but all the rest has the same meaning as what i just wrote...now what dawned on me is...I really believe now that most women just want a man to love them...you know cuddle and shit like that...which to be perfectly honest with you i love to cuddle with a great smelling soft skinned woman...not afraid to admit it at all...I think she tried to show me how most women view a relationship if i'm not mistaken...ladies??? am I wrong or is that what you're trying to tell us guys when you say size doesn't matter or a relationship is so much more than sex??? Most of you just want someone to love and love you back and the size of our penises is truely not that important to a majority of you right???...I'm almost positive i'm right about that cause i know i'm without a doubt she wouldn't put me in a position to get hurt..ever...it would be so nice if i could get my mind set back to when i was barely 14 tryin to hook up with a 21 year old without a care in the world...she denied me cause of my age...which i'm positive about cause i know she didn't know my measurements...but i would call her up at work...met her at the mall where she worked...had the full moustache goin pretty early that's how i got her number at work to begin with...shortly after that is when girls turned brutal on me...I hope i wake up in the morning with this same attitude...cause even though women have caused me a lot of pain...bein with a woman is just about the best thing in the world...whether its walkin on the beach at night or cuddlin while watchin a movie or whatever else you can possibly think of...its all better when you have a woman to turn to and smile....Flander i hope reading this will help you see things differently....and Fedup...i'm right with ya...if i'm not in this same mood when i wake up i'm gonna read my own post just as a reminder...yup, time to stop wallowin in my own self pity

[Fedup]

You'll find you'll be constantly reminding yourself but as long as you do bother to remind yourself and not slip back into old thoughts than that is a good thing. Just remember if you keep repeating the thought processes that got you into this position, you'll remain in the same position. Won't happen overnight but it will eventually.

Just go for it with this girl and don't doubt yourself. A positive experience will accelerate your process. It was my positive experience which was the catalyst for me to change.

Setting a goal would be good. E.G. Challenge yourself to be confident enough to spend a weeks holiday at a nudist beach by end of 2011.

[a_mess]

I plan on stayin positive fedup but there is no way in hell lol i'm goin to a nudist beach....that's kinda like dancing...there isn't enough alcohol on the planet to get me to do it