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Endlessnight

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I seem to have gone back to where I was before I started taking my meds. I feel numb and cold inside, and detached from everyone and everything, and it's not like it's just one day or two, I have been like this for a few weeks now. I hate being this way but don't know what to do about it. It feels as though i'm not present in my body. I am so lost. I wish someone could help me.

Edited by Endlessnight

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But you're not the same, M.: you know the difference now.

You get to choose whether to accept it, or try something else.

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Art? Nature? Meditation?

Honestly, I don't know. What works for you is very likely to be different than what worked for me.

But really, giving up is similar to suicide: there's always something else to try first. ;-)

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I barely have the will or energy to write on here, as it is i'm forcing myself to because I don't want to be this way. Getting up in the morning has become a chore, doing anything has become a chore. I wish there were some line I could untie which would let me drift away into nothingness.

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Maybe the line you need to untie is the one that anchors you to "I can't".

I do know how hard it is to fight that feeling that drags at a person. Medication can help, and I hope you try to get yours adjusted or changed.

But with or without medication, in the end it's your own determination that gets you to do anything at all, whether that's getting out of bed or winning a marathon.

A lot of us are pulling for you, M.

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If you drifted off into nothingness, the world would be a lesser place.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down, Endless. :rolleyes: Is there anything you can do to get your medications checked and possibly changed?

You've said that you don't want to feel this way. That means you want to feel better. Can you think of one thing you can do that gives you a moment of pleasure?

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Hi finding. :o I amended my post above (oh yes, I'm The Great Amender) to include a link to the post I wrote about Zentangle under "Recommended".

Sorry to hijack your thread, EN, back to you.

Edited by Luna-

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Hi guys. I took your advice and went to see my pdoc. He said I should double my daily meds dosage for a month and see how it goes, so i'm going to start doing that tonight. I feel a little better already, just having done something because the doc didn't just brush me off, he told me that depression sometimes can get worse for a while, and that at those times I should double my daily dosage. I asked him about the meds losing their effect over time and he told me that doesn't happen....:confused:

Thanks for hanging in there with me everyone.

P.S.

"The Great Amender" made me smile Luna.

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Hi Katey. Thank you so much for your post. You have given me some very good advice.

For one, I think I will write down what I feel about certain people that were or are in my life. Although i've written some things here I haven't told everything. Maybe I will write it like a conversation between me and whoever i'm addressing. If I do it like that then maybe some of the "unresolved issues" I have might be resolved. And if they are resolved, then perhaps I will be able to move on from there rather than being stuck in the bitterness and regret and anger that I feel.

I do see good in other people. Despite everything I always have. I don't know why I can see it in others but not in myself. I too talk negatively to myself, calling myself names. I know I shouldn't, and I think i'm getting a little better at catching myself doing it and so stopping it. I would really like to be able to see any good points I might have, but I don't see any. I'm so used to thinking i'm useless, no good, impossible to get along with, worthless, etc etc.

About my name, you are right. I used to love the nights. I would write my poetry, and dream. I stopped doing that a long time ago though. Stopped dreaming, I wish I could stop wanting.

Thank you again Katey, for your kind words and advice. I appreciate them very much. Take care.

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I do see good in other people. Despite everything I always have. I don't know why I can see it in others but not in myself. I too talk negatively to myself, calling myself names. I know I shouldn't, and I think i'm getting a little better at catching myself doing it and so stopping it. I would really like to be able to see any good points I might have, but I don't see any. I'm so used to thinking i'm useless, no good, impossible to get along with, worthless, etc etc.

About my name, you are right. I used to love the nights. I would write my poetry, and dream. I stopped doing that a long time ago though. Stopped dreaming, I wish I could stop wanting.

Endless, I believe that one can't recognize a positive trait in another unless one first has that trait themselves. How does one see compassion in another without having an understanding of compassion from within? Katey has very wisely and (very quickly, I might add) seen in you what so many of the rest of us have also seen. That you are a gentle, kind and caring person. Is it frightening in some way to allow yourself your own goodness? It's still hard for me to accept in myself sometimes, too. What I do now when I'm on here is to let all of my positive qualities "fill me up" while I'm offering support to others. This way, I give back to myself too. Maybe there can be a way for you to do this as well. It could be doing anything really, anything that allows you to get in touch with yourself and your own needs.

What is it that you are wanting for? I'm sorry things are so tough right now.

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Is it frightening in some way to allow yourself your own goodness?

Maybe it is frightening. I know it's hard for me to accept I have any good in me.

What I do now when I'm on here is to let all of my positive qualities "fill me up" while I'm offering support to others. This way, I give back to myself too.

IrmaJean, you are such a kind and compassionate person and I admire you so much. I wish I could be like you.

FMW, I deleted a post I wrote yesterday. I was remembering the 15 year old girl I was, the girl that was so excited about traveling to another country. That girl found herself in a nightmare from which she couldn't wake up, and it is hard,and it hurts to remember how much pain she was in.

Edited by Endlessnight

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Maybe it is your young self that you are missing, Endless. You need her. you need her energy, her playfullness, her curiosity, her wonder. Would telling more about her help you connect to her? I understand that tragic things happened to shut down her expression and development. You could talk about those things if you need help facing them so you two can reunite. Or you could just talk about her and where she might be right now...

I wish you well, E.

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Finding,

Maybe it is your young self that you are missing, Endless. You need her. you need her energy, her playfullness, her curiosity, her wonder. Would telling more about her help you connect to her?

after I read your post I realised that you are right. I do miss her.

I miss her innocence, her faith, her love for life, and, despite everything, the trust she had in the goodness of people.

She was such a wonderful person, I miss her so much. I dont know if writing what happened to her would help or not. I wish I knew how to be that girl again.

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