Quest for my normal

[Hotspot]

Hey Shannon,

I saw your other post in aging don't feel comfortable posting there so, here I am. Think I mentioned to you and Linda that my wife is a retired social worker if not doesn't matter. Anyway, have been telling her about you both and of your struggle caring for your mother. She gave a few places that might be able to help you to help your mother better. She has a stack of various helpful links and places so, if these don't help can give more. These 3 are the top ones that came to her mind and are proven to assist. Like anything now a days there are applications, proof of need required if helpful worth doing.

These organization's help Nationally

1. MSF's Brighter Tomorrow Grants Program Provides a grant of up to $1000.00, per recipient, to improve quality of life by enhancing safety,self-sufficiency, comfort, or well-being.

http://www.msfocus.org/Brighter-Tomorrow-Grant.aspx

Applications are accepted from July 1 to October 1 of each year. I realize the next application acceptance time isn't until July however, they require several proofs of need etc It can take a little bit to get it all together.

Their requirments are 18+, not reciving any State aid. Recipient can have private insurance provided it isn't taking care of all Equipment/Medical Supplies, General, Home Modifications, Living Expenses

2. Patient Access Network Foundation

Helps pay the co-pays for medications your mother's insurance might already cover.

https://www.panfoundation.org/fundingapplication/whoqualify.php

3. Chronic Disease Fund

Also provides finacial assistance. Can't have State coverage of any kind.

http://www.gooddaysfromcdf.org/patients/process

What she tells me is most important in this situation is that most if not all these places help only people without any State aid. Those rejected by the State that clearly need help.

I might have screwed up some of the links if they don't work let me know. If you want other places let me know.

[Lindamomof7]

Hey Hotspot, Keep up the good work. And please tell your wife the same thing

You are humane human beings trying to care for children who are regarded as inhumane humane beings. Thats just terrible the reality of how our system cares for children...

And yes I have to keep my bedroom door locked but Peter knows how to jimmy the lock and one of these days he is going to get an eye full :eek:

I sure hope not though, like you said his boundary, sensory and processing issues are all off kilter and him being 14 I am very very careful of any red flags becuase I have a 12 and 10 yr daughters. And of course it doesn't help me with the age because it was this age and younger for me with childhood sexual abuse. So he is a big trigger for me....

I do know just the hugging, touching and kissing I do with my husband around the house which is rated "G" but he some how tries to repeat it with my husband. So it gives my husband the "creeps". My husband totally understands it but it still feels and looks weird. But of course that is who he is....

Hang in there (((HUGS)))

[JustTrying]

HOTSPOT.....

THANK GOD for people like you and your wife.... "we" all my Brothers and sisters grew up in foster care.... and you are sooo right... MOST do not care very much... Just a source of income.... I was Pretty Lucky.... My foster parents kept me from 9 mo until 12 ( then I went back to my mo mom.... BIG Mistake.... BUT anyway) And although they did make mistakes.... I KNOW they did it out of love.

The Social Workers??? SOME do care, some don't.... BUT they have a lot of kids that they have to find homes for and sometimes, it is in their mind better to place them in a so so home .... than a group home.....

I think the CHILDREN need to come FIRST.... they are our future.... Teachers and Social Workers have a hard job...

Keep up the good work and may God bless you and your family!

JT

[shanrucas]

Hotspots..Thank Mrs. Hotspot for me I am going to check out those sites as soon as I able to sit down and focus...right now I am so revved and dysphoric from My Aunt stopping by that I think I am going to have to wait till I settle down some...My mom was comfortable resting quietly and I was just going to sit down to relax and she pops in and out like a whirlwind and now mom is uncomortable again and she triggered me into such a mood...ugh.

Peter is so fortunate to have been "dumped" into your home...you and your wife are passionate caring people..I dread thinking of all the unfortunate children that are basically "dumped" back into a life of hell or back on the streets..and they wonder why children runaway..hmmm.

I am so glad to have you guys here, I am able to take big breaths after reading the supportive posts, and then press on...Thank you again, and again and again.

Shannon

[brodman]

Hotspot

Been readin your posts a few days now have to ask where the fuck were you and your wife when I was a kid? Foster homes caseworkers blow your right about workers treatin kids like boxs for storage they don't give a shit. Foster parents mostly only want the money why the caseworker keeps tellin yous about it figures you are gettin the money nothin more should be expected from them. I think you should keep the boy probably first people to give a fuck about him. Most collect the money doin nothin for the kids. What happened to the 18 year old they wanted you to kick out? You said your wife is a retired social worker was she one of these foster caseworkers? You got 5 kids now assumin then you aren't too old why is she retired? I hate shrinks most people in general your wife might be rare and could have helped a lot more.

[shanrucas]

You are so right brodman, people like Hotspot and his wife are rare. I hope they are able to help this boy and maybe he can begin to experience what it is like to feel safe. Perhaps one of the reasons Mrs. Hotspot's reasons to retire is that she felt she could do more good raising and providing a safe enviroment for these children, I don't know can't speak for them.

I'm sorry you did not have people like this in your life, I can't even begin to imagine what it is like to grow up not ever feeling safe or being loved.

Shannon

[Hotspot]

Linda, It must be very hard to have children to provide for all the while them being at ages that remind you of abusive upsetting times. Some triggers can be avoided but some can be so, in your face. I know what that is like more than I'd ever admit or get into at this site. Try to be understandingly kind to yourself. Also try to take comfort in knowing how you protect your kids in ways you weren't.

Hi Justtrying, My wife and I have had some kids that return to their biological parent(s) after being with us or in foster care for the majority of their lives. I have not encountered one time yet where it worked out beneficially for the child. You spent the majority of your childhood with 1 foster family thankfully a fairly decent one at that. I wish it could have worked out better being reunited with your mom.

I do think most of the caseworkers start out caring but are overwhelmed. Too many children, too many rules sadly it is the children that suffer from a failing system. The system requires a complete overhaul.

Shannon, take your time getting to the links. I have to say you are so, much more patient with this Aunt then I could ever be. Please stand up for yourself. You understand she doesn't visit often because of her illness. What about YOU? You are not well add in the time and stress taking care of your mother. The last thing you need is this Aunt swinging by for pop ins. Perhaps write her a note explaining both yours and your mother's needs. How the lack of support and pop in visits effect the both of you. Not trying to heap more on you. Sometimes though we have to be firm letting our boundaries and needs known.

Just for clarification Peter is Linda's son. The boy "dumped" in my home I like to think might have a chance now if he remains with us. Statistically speaking nationally foster children don't fair well. They either repeat the abuse cycle as adults, wind up homeless on drugs, in prison and dependent upon the welfare systems. It is beyond sad really.

Hi brodman, were you a foster child? As I mentioned above I think caseworkers do intend to be helpful. They have so, many limitations an abundance of children to care for that somewhere along the lines it goes haywire. My wife and I become angry discouraged all the time. We do our best within the confides of what we can. We became foster parents because we thought we could help. We had care and room we thought we could share. Neither my wife or I want this child to leave our home.

My wife is rare in many ways and I love her more than I could rightfully articulate. She maintains her LCSW license in the future she might like to return to work. She originally worked with families during the reunification process of children in the system. After years of feeling like she was banging her head against a wall of inadequate rules she moved on. She then worked with disabled adults. The more foster children we started taking in, it was obvious where her real passion was. (pretty much like Shannon explained)She loves being a mother. She loves helping children. Being a mother and foster parent gives her greater satisfaction in truly helping children. I really enjoy children and getting to be one again myself in a lot of ways.

We kept the 18yr old with us until he was ready to go out into the world. He was only a few months away from graduating HS. During HS he was part of a vocational program. Part of the day doing academics the other part spent at a vocational school learning culinary arts. Upon his HS graduation he also had completed his basic culinary certification. My wife and I helped him apply for financial aid and he remained living with us until the completion of his degree at a technical college. I think he was 21 or 22 when he was hired full time through his internship from school. He now lives on his own and works for a well known cruise ship company. He enjoys cooking, traveling. We get postcards, emails all the time. He visits a few times a year. Considering where he came from and what the county set him up for he has significantly defied the odds.

[shanrucas]

LOL...Hotspot and Linda sorry about my confusion regarding who Peter belongs to..evidence that my reading skills are slightly dysfunctional, have to read repeatedly before it sinks in.

Hotspot it is good to hear a success story regarding the 18 year old who was able to move on and get a wonderful education in a field he enjoys, all because you and your wife chose to be his main source of support. I applaud you. I hope that you are able to keep this boy, it would be terrible if he is just shipped off again.

I still don't know how to handle the aunt thing. I did tell her she needed to call first because there are days my mom isn't with it. It that it is very hard to "entertain". I think it just flew over her head though.

I will hopefully get a chance to check out those sites today. I will keep you posted, Im so glad that you and your wife are around, the information that you provided has been the best yet .

Shannon

[brodman]

hey hotspot and shanrucas

would have liked to reply to you guys more but I got told I dont write appropriately enough. Everyone else here is so perfect. I wasnt attackin anyone wasnt judegin anyone or their lifestyle. For a place that preaches freedom of expression and acceptance support of all the all is really pick and choose what a hypocritical waste of time. All because I curse sometimes hell theres cursing done in this very thread not done by me there is cursing in other threads not done by me either thats all ok. somewhere I missed getting my copy of rules that only apply to brodman

[IrmaJean]

Brodman, none of us are perfect. Sometimes the moderators may even miss an offensive post. If you find a post that you feel is offensive, you may report the post. That is one way that you can help us to keep the board as safe a place as possible for everyone. In the meantime you can also help by being mindful of others' feelings when you post.

I'm sorry you are feeling not accepted and supported here. Have you considered starting your own thread and telling us a bit more about yourself?

[Hotspot]

Brodman,

I don't know who told you that however, I can understand both positions. I am guilty of swearing but I try to not do so, especially here where I am chatting usually with two ladies. Once in a while something falls out. I don't really reread my posts before posting them to begin with. Later while reading replies I sometimes reread what I originally posted and think I could have left this out or wrote that better. I like to think it was taken in context and left at that.

That post you made to me could appear as a barrage of profanity by some, I didn't take it that way. Could you have worded things differently sure. I do think what you were thinking/feeling came out in the way you needed it to.

I've only been posting at this site a little while. I have read many posts that I've found offensive. I've wondered why certain topics are even allowed. This is supposed to be a site for adults however, and because of this I suppose the sometimes sickening topics, overly redundant variety is tolerated. Anyone can post almost anything just as everyone can choose to read or not. I don't venture out often, I usually look for posts from those I've become friendly with. Some other people's posts I like reading and others I ignore entirely. It's all a choice. The use of profanity is certainly not only done by you or myself.

No one is perfect and I think anyone that comes to this site should be supported. It isn't easy coming to a place like this to begin with. No one person can relate and support everyone either which to me is OK. With all of your profanity intertwined within your posts overly anal people I think can miss what you are attempting to express.

Anyway, I was wondering if you would respond to my reply and I still hope that you will. I saw some of your other postings with the Amish kid sorry I forget his name. What happened with him do you know? I liked reading that thread but have not seen it in the recent postings lately.

I've been posting in this thread Shannon started a while ago, I'm not even bipolar. She and Linda have been nice enough not to kick me out yet. Although this is all one entire website I don't feel comfortable in many of the other forums.

[Hotspot]

I have some new good developments regarding my new kid. I just got home from work a little while ago and need a nap before writing more. Hoping the day finds you all well.

Till later

[Lindamomof7]

Ok What did I miss with Brodman?

I know I have been involved with a few very angry reactive posts and exactly what you have said Hotspot, I don't agree with some of the topics but I just ignore them. As long as they stay clear of me, I stay clear of them. :cool:

If not, watch out!!! :eek:

Gees we don't have a small breast forum ???

Can't wait to hear about your new kid at the home Hotspot.

Shannon how are you? Brodman how are you?

Ok so for me, well I spent most of yesterday in the ER to make sure I didn't pass another clot. I see my therapist 3 times a week so we have alot of accountablity to each other during the week. Monday was fine, I felt good, focused and she even gave me home work and I didn't shove it back at her

But Tuesday came and I felt a little different and realized I wasn't processing, couldn't focus and couldn't recall alot. Not that I couldn't it's just that it was really hard. Harder then Monday and I couldn't do the homework. Then I realized when I vacuumed I was winded very easily and had to take frequent breaks and sit down. Then I felt more chest pains, headache, pains in my head and as it turned out my pressure was high and I take blood pressure meds.

So on to thursday and I walked in and my therapist saw I was flatter in mood and looked like I didn't feel well and through the session I was uncomfortable with pain so she sent me to my Dr to get checked and of course then off to ER becuase my blood level for clotting was too low which opens the door for clots.

So after all was said and done, home I went as I suspected and wonder why I keep going and getting a comparative CT scan. They don't know whats going on becuase I present as a very unusual patient all the time. Gees I felt the same yesterday as I felt when I had my huge deadly clots so who knows anymore...

Can't wait for the hematologist appt on the 27th hopefully he will have some interesting news for me...

Hope everyone is good.

[shanrucas]

Hi everyone,,brodman I don't mind if you reply, Im not easily offended and if find something offensive I just don't reply...Im not perfect either and maybe I have offended others, I know I have outside of this community, but I never had done so intentionally. If I was perfect, I wouldn't be reaching out to others in this community forums. Like Hotspot said, I started this thread a long time ago, I don't know how long a single thread is allowed to go, but I find honor that people feel safe posting on it. I have recieved so many good suggestions and help in this forum

Hotspot, well said! I can't wait to hear about the "new developements. I am happy that you feel comfortable posting here.

Linda, you are becoming an inspiration. It must be really difficult dealing with all you have to deal with. I too hope that the hemotologist is able to help. If not don't give up on the search. Have you found anyone that shares this rare condition? It would be interesting to see if there is anyone else out there that has this and see what they have to say. I wish I could be there to give you a proper hug and be supportive. You have been very supportive to me......you too Hotspot.

brodman, hope to get to know you better:)

Shannon

[Lindamomof7]

Thanks Shannon

I know my friends say I don't give myself enough credit. I try to but like all of us sometimes we just want to keep trying to improve ourselves or just be a good friend to all. So it can be hard to sometimes "practice what we preach" in the times we don't feel well mentally or physically.

I have learned so much in the last few days about APS (Antiphospholipid syndrome) a sister autoimmunity to Lupus and lucky me I have both!!! and when I read about it I say I have all the symptoms and why hasn't any of the Dr's put it all together???

It still baffles me and of course my Psychiatrist is very interested in all of this because it is not only a source of my mental illness but it also explains why I have a hard time with meds and why i had so many paralyzing scary siezure like attacks...And not to mention my cognitive issues that ended me up in the psych hospital all the time.

I know I am probably repeating myself about my stuff here but you know if one person reads this and that one person can maybe get the incentive to pursue what their insticts tell them and question their Dr's or do a little research on the computer and be knowlegable then it is all worth it to put my lifes history on the internet here.

I saw my Primary Dr yesterday and she is the one who diagnosed my PE's (pulmonary embolisms) back in July so when I went in the office it was nice to know she recognized the "trauma" I have been through and that she cautiousely is aware that I am a very high risk patient both mentally and physically and yet she is right there offering hope and support whenever I need it.

It is very comforting and helps ease my anxiety of all of this. And yet she told me how proud she was of me to have basically diagnosed myself because I did connect all the dots with my history of problems that she was unaware of especially all my miscarraiges and problem pregnancies which is a symptom of the APS.

So thanks again Shannon for the vote of confidence and I send it out to everyone reading this thread

Hey how was the website I sent you?

[shanrucas]

No problem Linda, thats why we are here, for moral support and right now you need all the support you can get. It must be difficult when it seems that your life is nothing but doctor visits , tests, poking and jabbing. You are more than that. you are a real down to earth person. Don't let those docs forget that. Its like you have a primary doc.. I feel lucky I found a good primay doc for my mom, he listens to everything and does his best to find a way to keep her comfortable and treats her like a person.

And thanks for the web site info, it has a ton of information on it. I haven't got through all of it yet..my attention span isn't at its greatest.

Shannon

[Hotspot]

I'm with Shannon hoping the Hematologist is able to help you Linda. I'm sorry you have to go through something incredibly difficult and scary.

I don't know how long a thread can go on however, I'd think it shouldn't matter. One long almost never ending post or a thousand smaller ones. Isn't it more important to be here for one another? I'm happy to be a part of this thread. I get a lot out of bouncing things back and forth in one place. Thank you for making me feel welcome here.

I don't begin threads mainly because I don't like having to constantly give a subject or title. Add in the fact that I have not done this much writing in decades. "Only want to talk" would appear endlessly as my topic titles.

OK, now for the new developments with my new kid. Finally got his birth certificate. He is not 13 almost 14 as originally told to us. He is 9 and will turn 10 in July. So, many things make more sense now. Huge difference between an almost 14 year old and a kid of 9. This is quite helpful for many reasons.

The really good news is that after 17-18 days with us he is starting to warm up a little more to my wife. I had to work last night into early this morning a 15 hour shift. I was very worried about how things would go without my being around. The last couple of times I needed to do a 15hr shift I had to return home because of issues he was having.

Not only did I not have to leave work early but he also asked my wife if she could make him a bath. She does this for one of our other kids all the time whose still afraid of showering. Not sure if it is the bubbles, the bath toys or what that enticed him but he wanted one too. Not only were neither of us expecting this request to be made of her.. but he also asked that she wait outside until he was finished. Considering he hardly speaks to her and usually runs away from her this was huge. Not only a great step for him but also in how my wife was feeling. She would never hurt anyone let alone a child. His being so, frightened by her really bothered her.

In the afternoon the 3 of us went to counseling. I had my session and then we had another mini family session. This kid has been so, traumatized that he blurts things out as if they were average expected happenings. Not sure how long it will be before I fall into my own pile of tears. Not a crier it's getting harder to control. Being tortured as he has, being dropped from one place to another, 18 foster homes and 2 residential schools in only 9 years. Neither my wife or I are surprised by the counselor telling us he strongly suspects the boy was also sexually abused. Not a shock really figuring the amount of physical abuse it's a lot for us to take in. My wife is dealing better with it than I am.

Trying to focus more on his nightmares because he is not getting proper rest. He looks exhausted all the time. He cries and screams not wanting to get into bed. This isn't a battle of him not wanting to sleep to stay up longer like most kids pull, he is petrified of sleeping. The counselor gave him homework to draw out his "bad guys" that he often refers to. I was even given my own drawing homework to do. His drawings are really upsetting. He still won't go into see the counselor alone. The counselor says this is fine in time he will. Truthfully I am not sure how much of him telling about his drawings I'm going to be able to sit through without reaction.

I wish I could be in a room with some of these monsters that hurt children.

[brodman]

hotspot,shanrucas,linda

thanks for wantin to include me in you guys chattin here. I get what your sayin hotspot still dont think 3 curses in a post should be tried to be made in to somethin bigger than it was. If the person chastizin me behind the scenes actually read my damn post it would be seen for what it was a compliment to you and your wife not anything else. don't wanna take way from you guys postins here will leave it at that. I might come back and join in later.

IrmaJean look at your box please

[Lindamomof7]

Hey Hotspot

That is a huge step forward that he is asking to take a bath and to have your wife help but keep a distance. I think that is wonderful and also a key in understanding that there is "hope" for him.

Yes being 9 is a heck of a lot more sense then being 14 and luckily he is not because the hormones haven't kicked in yet. Not sure why the age is not of his birth certificate but where the hell is the social worker with all of this?

I'm just thinking out loud here but maybe some of the residential homes or certain schools have an age restriction but you would think though that if anything they would want to keep him younger and with younger kids. Totally doesn't make sense....

Like I said Hotspot I totally understand you having to come home and take over the situation. My husband has to do it all the time for Peter. As soon as Peter walks in the door and he didn't see my husbands car he says "Where's Dad" and won't do anything till he gets home.

Something we have to deal with becuase it is getting so off balance as parents and its not healthy for Peter to not have to look, talk and deal with me.

We took Peter to my therapist and she met with him and because of Peter not always being able to verbally express himself properly, she wants to do sand play/tray therapy with her. There was this small table with a box of sand and a whole wall full of figurines, houses, etc and Peter's eyes lit up. This is used to help children help ease anxiety while expressing what they feel, fear or dont really understand themselves.

Hotspot can you ask and see if your therapist does this or know who does? I think that would help tremndousely :

http://www.therapist4me.com/Sandtray%20Therapy.htm

Although it was developed for children it is now being used for adults as well. For me, when I go to her office it is sitting right between us and I actually am afraid of it. Don't know why so we keep the top on it till the time is right...

So Hotspot how are YOU doing? Are you still experiencing lost time? I would still keep a handle of helping yourself I am understanding that so much now with my therapist. She says to me you have had 7 children, you have had some major triggers and basically the psyche just gets messed up. Don't know the technical term but basically life is wearing away at us and we need to get a handle back on it.

So please don't neglect your or your wifes needs. You have more pressure and more responsibility and although you are willing to take on the task, sometimes our minds don't always agree. So keep well...... (((HUGS)))

Oh and about this thread? I don't think there is a limit on a thread, hey if it works, it works.... Gee look at how many people are following along

[shanrucas]

Hotspot..I am so impressed what you have done for this boy, wow that is such big difference in age and I can't imagine why this social worker didn't do what you and wife have done in getting his birth certificate when they themselves were not sure. And to top it off by demanding he enroll in school as soon as possible at a age level of 14, talk about setting him up for failure. you and your wife have done right by him....but like Linda says it must be a lot of stress and pressure, so take care of yourself. If you need to find an a quiet place to cry do so, don't hold it in. I often go outside and cry and it releases some of the stress Im under and then I can return and help mom.

Well today I am stressing a bit,,really trying not to, but that guy I had mentioned before has been calling and chatting on the phone wants to come over today. I am not sure how I feel about that. I haven't quite found the balance in my moods yet, still on that quest. And then theres the fact that it is so hard to have company for any amount of time cause mom needs so much attention anymore. I think thats why I like posting here because I can stop and set this aside and attend to her and come back to it. Anyway I said it was ok that he drop by, so we will see how this goes.

[Lindamomof7]

Hi Shannon

Well my thoughts from over here is that if you are really not sure about commitment or fearful of abandonment from this guy then I would be very honest and upfront with him about your situation.

So right from the beginning you will know if it is worth putting some emotional trust in him. If he stays great then you can set the pace and the rules. If he goes so be it. Done, move on.

What do you think ?

[shanrucas]

Hi Linda, I think you are right..but I just needed to hear someone elses opinion on that, not sure about my judgement. I don't think at this point I have nothing to loose about being upfront. If he is the patent type he will understand, if not, oh well. I'd rather he know now that I have little to offer at this time. Mom takes up so much of my energy I don't need the stress of someone new wanting more than I can give right now. Thanks for the feedback.

How are you doing today, I woke up to a wonderful brief storm here, lots of loud thunder and lightening what a show.

Shannon

[Lindamomof7]

Hey Shannon

Not only your Mom you have to handle with him but yourself. Especially if what you need right now is instant knowlege of his intentions so you don't keep wondering.

Thats me though but I have a feeling that is you as well. No bullcrap with relationships at this point in our lives.

I'm ok I had lots of energy this morning changed sheets started cleaning some windows even. No big deal had the music on and got the kids revved up into cleaning mode then I got tired, my chest and on my back started hurting and I feel a little light headed. The severity comes and goes thats what the odd thing is.

I wonder if it is something to do with my heart or the vessels which also is another symptom of the APS. I want to go to Er but then again I know I have been there twice in the last month and I just feel it is a waste of time. The ER docs know shit about me... So I have to wait till Monday I guess but boy it seems life a long time till then....

So on the couch I am but one good thing, the kids are still cleaning

[shanrucas]

You hit the nail on the head with the relationship thing and how I feel about it. Well I guess I will find out, huh.

I can't believe how we seem to mirror each other without ever meeting face to face. I had energy this morning and did a lot of organizing, laundry and stuff like that, did windows last weekend. I'm taking a break on the couch.

Im glad you felt good this morning , but don't over do it...I know easier said then done. If it gets to bad, I hope you go to the ER. I know that there isn't much they can do, but if it gets to life threatening they are there and can notify your doc...Anyway, I tend to worry, but you know your body better than anyone.

I hope you have a relaxing and peaceful afternoon.

Shannon

[Hotspot]

Alright Brodman, come back when you want. The ladies here are quite nice and good listeners.

Shannon, what happened with your guy friend, did he come over?

Linda, if you start feeling a lot worse go to the ER even if it is the millionth time. They might not understand the entire picture of what's going on with you at least they could help with dangerous immediate needs.

I asked my counselor about the sand tray therapy and he was aware of it. He doesn't use it however, For the first 10 years of his practicing he worked mostly with children. The past 15 he has worked indirectly with children of his adult clients. He normally does not see anyone under 16. He originally offered to meet with our new kid to help my wife and I out. After meeting with him he offered to see him regularly which he has done now 5-6 times. 2 of our other boys unfortunately go to a clinic for counseling. It isn't as helpful for them as my counselor has been for our new addition.

My counselor shares an office building with 2 other counselors one of which is a child psychologist. Unfortunately it's a female. Although our new kid won't be seeing her, my counselor has been getting advisement regarding him from her. There is also a play therapy room which he is utilizing with the boy. I kind of like that room too and it has a large sandbox among many other items.

Finding out his true age like I mentioned above definitely makes a lot more sense out of things. The caseworker was supposed to send us his birth certificate she never did or it is floating in the mail somewhere. The counselor got the information from the hospital he had been in before being brought to us. Turns out he had an older brother which would have been 13. The psychiatrist from the hospital spoke with the counselor explaining that he had told his current caseworker about his age being down wrong. Some how she never made the corrections. She is new to the case still not an excuse. The kid has had 5 caseworkers already. My wife and I will not attempt to contact her again until January.

Over all I am not too sure how I am actually doing. I know my wife and counselor think I am doing better. I have not been losing time however, I never lost time while with my wife,kids or working to begin with. A great deal of my attention has been with this kid. Think I also mentioned the counselor hmm should really give him a name or something to make this easier.

Anyway, he thinks having the new kid is helping me. There are some issues of his that seem to run parallel to mine. I am not much of a talker which was getting in the way. Now though since having sessions with me and the kid drawing, playing games.. he thinks it's opening me up. I told him today that I am concerned about what my reaction might be while listening to him and the kid going over drawings, he told me he thinks it's all a good thing. Not sure what he meant by that. Maybe I needed play therapy to begin with. :D

Today should be nice, it was supposed to snow but hasn't. My wife is going ice skating, lunch, and the movies with our other kids and my parents. I will have counseling with the new kid along with several hours of it just being him and I before meeting up with everyone for dinner.

My wife would really like me to take him to this build a bear place. I can assemble and build pretty much anything not too sure of my bear building abilities. She went with the other kids last month. She thinks he would like it and it would keep him from taking the other kid's bears. I reminded her I don't know how to sew anything an she laughed. Hope there are bear building helpers otherwise might walk out of there with something resembling Frankenstein. :eek:

Have a good day.