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[labrador]

Hi Allan. I'm lucky that I have a little bit of time now to further look into how to get some professional help that will fit into my work schedule. All of december we have been working 9 hour days so that we could have the week after christmas off, and I'm going to try to use this week to find some help.

[shanrucas]

Its so good to hear from you labrador, was wondering how you were doing, sounds like a heavy work schedule. Im glad you are going to seek someone to help you out, nothing wrong with that. I look at it this way, a professional can look at our situations from another perspective and that in itself can be helpful,, I wish you the best.

Shannon

[labrador]

On Thursday, the guy I alternate duties with at work, was having a bad day and his anger was affecting his work to the point where he was being dangerous to be around. After he almost brought a huge pile of pallets crashing down on top of me I told him that he needs to calm down and pay attention to what he is doing. I've tried to not voice my concerns or opinions to him as doing so in my last job didn't work out so well, but when something is affecting my safety I had to speak up. He took this very poorly and became confrontational, and started blaming me for his actions. I mention this because of the physical reaction I experienced when he got in my face. My heartrate started racing, I began to shake, and I had a strange sensation in my stomach, kind of like butterflies. I could tell that I was on the edge of something very bad so I walked away. At home I started to think about similar situations I've had and I realized that I've had the same physical reactions in nearly every confrontational situation I've had that I can remember. So how do I go about changing this? I know I can't possibly avoid every confrontation, and I know that i cannot be someone's doormat.

Any ideas?

[labrador]

Thanks Shannon. I tend to cocoon myself around this time of the year. Xmas doesn't bring me the joy it is supposed to and I don't have the connection with my family that I should have, so I usually just keep to myself. I do think of my family at this time of the year, but I can seldom bring myself to pick up the phone and call them. The times that I have, the conversations have been forced and with little substance, and they left me feeling worse than I was before, so I just avoid it now.

We had my wife's mom and little sister over for Xmas morning this year, something out of the ordinary. My mom-in-law is feeling out of sorts this year because she normally has a packed house for Xmas, but this year no one made the trip and it is hard for her. I told her if she were more like me then these small Christmas' wouldn't bother her so much. She just gave me one of those smiles that say " I love you but you don't know what you are talking about".

[Lindamomof7]

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[labrador]

Thanx for the lesson Linda! My normal reaction to situations like that is to stand my ground and give back what I'm getting. I'm not a fighter by nature, but on the few occasions where a confrontation has led to a physical fight, I have done alot of damage to the other person because I can't control myself when it gets that far. this usually does nothing to resolve the situation which is why i just walked away from it this time. Was it the right move? I'm not sure. If he got my message and pays more attention to what he is doing, then yes it was the right move, but if nothing changes and he still puts me in dangerous situations then maybe I should have pushed harder. I just know that I'm not ready emotionally to get into crap like this without it leading me to drugs. It is already hard enough to keep myself from using while dealing with my own personal demons, and adding someone else's shit to the pile only makes it harder.

The past couple of weeks has shown me that this job is not helping me with my attempt to quit using, and that I have to find something else in order to be successful. It's just too hard to stay clean while I watch my co-workers getting high all the time, I need to be in an environment where drugs are not part of the scenery. I also need something that challenges me mentally. Without that challenge I can't help feeling like I'm a failure and that feeling always leads me back to drugs.

[Lindamomof7]

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[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Labrador,

The reason you had those physical reactions to the concentration is that your "fight or flight" mechanisms were operation. The adrenaling was flowing and the blood was rushing to your extremeties to get you ready to fight or escape.

In my opinion, you made the right decision...you used good judgement. Having a physical fight solves nothing, the risk of getting hurt or hurting the other person is very high, the possibility of going to jail and facing a law suit is also very high. Its just not worth it. Even if you win the fight you lose.

Perhaps you can go to your boss and report the behavior of this person? Or, what about just letting it go? Or, perhaps there is some other course of action? Its a delicate situation.

Do you or the others have any ideas short of a physical fight?

Allan

[labrador]

Thanks Allan. Deep down inside i know I made the right decision when i walked away. I also know i made the right decision when I decided to voice my concerns to him regarding him creating a dangerous work environment. Reading about anger and anger management, I have learned that I cannot stop myself from feeling anger, but I can stop myself from acting inappropiately upon it.

As for "just letting it go"; that is something I truly wish I could do, not only in this situation, but in many others in my past as well. For some reason I carry stuff like this around with me forever and all it does is drag me down and leads me to drugs. I was watching a tv show called Shatner's Raw Nerve last night. William Shatner was talking to Kelsey Grammer about his fight with addiction and Kelsey said something that struck a chord with me. He summed up addiction as being the result of unresolved grief, that the drug use was like a pause button, a momentary pause from having to deal with the grief in the addict's life. this explanation makes alot of sense to me. So the question is; how do I get to the point where I can resolve all of the unresolved issues I have and finally rid myself of this tremendous weight I've been carrying around for thirty years?

[labrador]

I've been very restless having this week off from work so yesterday I decided I would surprise my wife and clean the living room. I ended up doing a little bit more. There isn't any drywall left now! It was something that i had intended on doing so it's not a bad thing. Two years ago i completely gutted our kitchen, re-did the insulation, wiring and plumbing, and put in new cabinets. In the process of that, i knocked out the wall between the kitchen and living room so that I could add more cabinets and relocate our dining area. this made the entire front half of my house into one big open space. I never got around to gutting the living room area ( the insulation and drywall in this house is terrible and needs to be replaced) and yesterday I realized that looking at this unfinished area was depressing so I decided to do something about it. Today I will pull out the old insulation, re-do the electrical; i want to add some outlets, put in new insulation, put up vapour barrier, and possibly get some new drywall up. This is good therapy for me. My mind stays focused on what i'm doing rather than the past when I'm doing stuff like this, plus I will be able to relax in what will essentially be a brand new living room when I'm finished.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Labrador,

What a great way to cope. That is terrific. I am not very good with hammer and nails. I seem to make things worse and, so, I greatly admire what you do and, believe me, that is a terric way to overcome boredam and many other negative feeling when there is too much liesure time.

Allan

[labrador]

Happy new year to everyone! I've never been one to make new year's resolutions. Something about it all just seems too forced to me. I have set some goals for this new year though. I want 2011 to be drug free, I want to find a new career, finish the inside of my house, and re-connect with my wife, who has stuck with me through all the crappy times.

It was interesting yesterday when i went into my old workplace to pick up drywall for the living room. The person there who gave me so much grief which led to my dismissal wouldn't even look at me, while others were more than happy to talk to me. I threw a "happy new year" in his direction but got nothing in return. Oh well, nothing i can do about it I guess, other than move on. It's time to leave the past in the past and get on with the present.