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Small Penis AND Gay?

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My reply isn't really a reply at all, I just wanted to write stuff down somewhere.

I'm have and have been a relationship over the last few months....

Mostly I'm a catcher (bottom) rather than a pitcher (top) as I have a relatively small dick (about 5 inches) and generally in my experience gay guys are more obsessed with cock size than anyone so I find it hard to catch a break. On Valentines day last year I hooked up with this younger guy who was adamant that he's a catcher (bottom) so I have to be pitcher (top) and we had some fun but I felt, as usual, quite lacking in my performance. I didn't really expect a repeat as it so rarely happens for me but to my surprise there were multiple repeats and we were developing a decent relationship largely due to the fact we got on so well and could always make each other laugh. 

There's always a doubt in my mind that they will want and will look for a bigger penis so to some extent I am cautious when it comes to relationships and remain guarded enough to expect the worst. I started to feel comfortable enough to laugh with him if he made reference to my small dick; he wasn't being mean I just don't think normal people really think it might be a painful subject and really liked him. I think I was/am in love with him. The part about me being guarded always meant I was always kinda negative when it came to talking about our hopes for the future, I think at some point he thought we did have one but events and possibly me were not encouraging. 

Anyway, one day he asked if I would describe ourselves as boyfriends, I said kinda, or really good friends with benefits. In retrospect that was a mistake. So fast forward and we have sex less often then he starts chatting to some other guy on facebook and told me last week that the previous evening he had made out with this guy at a party, that he really liked him, and that he had an 8 inch dick and that we couldn't sleep together anymore but he hoped we would remain friends.

Maybe it would have happened anyway but I can't help but feel that my lack of confidence int he relationship (stemming from SPS) and/or actually not being big enough have killed another chance for me to find happiness. Funnily enough the SPS is much diminished in a relationship for me but it a;ways stays there. I wish it wasn't so hard to find someone who genuinely doesn't mind the smaller dick so I can be rid of this. Anyway a thoroughly miserable Christmas, largely by my own hand. I hate feeling sad but I am at least grateful for the few months of happiness I've had but 2016 can fuck right off. 

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21 hours ago, Lukaz said:

My reply isn't really a reply at all, I just wanted to write stuff down somewhere.

I'm have and have been a relationship over the last few months....

Mostly I'm a catcher (bottom) rather than a pitcher (top) as I have a relatively small dick (about 5 inches) and generally in my experience gay guys are more obsessed with cock size than anyone so I find it hard to catch a break. On Valentines day last year I hooked up with this younger guy who was adamant that he's a catcher (bottom) so I have to be pitcher (top) and we had some fun but I felt, as usual, quite lacking in my performance. I didn't really expect a repeat as it so rarely happens for me but to my surprise there were multiple repeats and we were developing a decent relationship largely due to the fact we got on so well and could always make each other laugh. 

There's always a doubt in my mind that they will want and will look for a bigger penis so to some extent I am cautious when it comes to relationships and remain guarded enough to expect the worst. I started to feel comfortable enough to laugh with him if he made reference to my small dick; he wasn't being mean I just don't think normal people really think it might be a painful subject and really liked him. I think I was/am in love with him. The part about me being guarded always meant I was always kinda negative when it came to talking about our hopes for the future, I think at some point he thought we did have one but events and possibly me were not encouraging. 

Anyway, one day he asked if I would describe ourselves as boyfriends, I said kinda, or really good friends with benefits. In retrospect that was a mistake. So fast forward and we have sex less often then he starts chatting to some other guy on facebook and told me last week that the previous evening he had made out with this guy at a party, that he really liked him, and that he had an 8 inch dick and that we couldn't sleep together anymore but he hoped we would remain friends.

Maybe it would have happened anyway but I can't help but feel that my lack of confidence int he relationship (stemming from SPS) and/or actually not being big enough have killed another chance for me to find happiness. Funnily enough the SPS is much diminished in a relationship for me but it a;ways stays there. I wish it wasn't so hard to find someone who genuinely doesn't mind the smaller dick so I can be rid of this. Anyway a thoroughly miserable Christmas, largely by my own hand. I hate feeling sad but I am at least grateful for the few months of happiness I've had but 2016 can fuck right off. 

Yeh, that sounds like a pisser. It's difficult when the guard you put up to defend yourself from getting hurt actually hurts you worse than taking a chance. Why don't you go find this guy and tell him what you think? Tell him why you said what you said and see what he says. He might have been hurt that you didn't see yourself as a couple, which is understandable if that's what he was looking for. If you just lay it on the line with him, and maybe if he breaks up with the new guy he'll give you a ring and you can start to set up a good foundation for a serious relationship. Good luck, brother. ☮

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On 28/12/2016 at 10:08 PM, YahwehOrTheHighway said:

Yeh, that sounds like a pisser. It's difficult when the guard you put up to defend yourself from getting hurt actually hurts you worse than taking a chance. Why don't you go find this guy and tell him what you think? Tell him why you said what you said and see what he says. He might have been hurt that you didn't see yourself as a couple, which is understandable if that's what he was looking for. If you just lay it on the line with him, and maybe if he breaks up with the new guy he'll give you a ring and you can start to set up a good foundation for a serious relationship. Good luck, brother. ☮

Yeah it is a pisser for sure, setting up a self fulfilling prophesy. Sometimes we really can be our own worst enemy. I was feeling really down about this despite the probability that the whole thing was doomed from the outset if for no other reason than the age difference. When I wrote the first post I had that gaping wound in my chest which took my breath away a wound I've only had a few times before; well that's what heartbreak feels like to me anyway... 

I don't really in believe in going back; once things are broken it's very hard to fix unless significant time has passed but I thought he deserved to know the truth anyway so took your advice and spoke to him (perhaps with a secret desire for him to throw himself into my arms lol). We both cried and hugged a great deal, he said he had thought I didn't love him that I didn't give him hope for the future (so my defences did help kill it), that he had loved me once and it's nothing to do with the dick (he'd prefer larger but it was fine) but continued to say that his feelings had died and shifted and that he no longer loved me in that way. The last part of the sentence was a relief, finally honesty and closure with lessons learned for the importance of communication in any future endeavours. At least now I know I did push him away and he knows that I did love him but I'm too damned insecure to show it so really this whole thing wasn't his fault at all. I think we will remain friends both without any illusion that it will ever be anything more. 

 

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On 31/12/2016 at 2:24 PM, Lukaz said:

Yeah it is a pisser for sure, setting up a self fulfilling prophesy. Sometimes we really can be our own worst enemy. I was feeling really down about this despite the probability that the whole hithing was doomed from the outset if for no other reason than the age difference. When I wrote the first post I had that gaping wound in my chest which took my breath away a wound I've only had a few times before; well that's what heartbreak feels like to me anyway... 

I don't really in believe in going back; once things are broken it's very hard to fix unless significant time has passed but I thought he deserved to know the truth anyway so took your advice and spoke to him (perhaps with a secret desire for him to throw himself into my arms lol). We both cried and hugged a great deal, he said he had thought I didn't love him that I didn't give him hope for the future (so my defences did help kill it), that he had loved me once and it's nothing to do with the dick (he'd prefer larger but it was fine) but continued to say that his feelings had died and shifted and that he no longer loved me in that way. The last part of the sentence was a relief, finally honesty and closure with lessons learned for the importance of communication in any future endeavours. At least now I know I did push him away and he knows that I did love him but I'm too damned insecure to show it so really this whole thing wasn't his fault at all. I think we will remain friends both without any illusion that it will ever be anything more. 

 

I'm really glad you got to resolve it, sometimes that's all we need to move on with a positive mindset. And it shows that you're not someone unworthy of love. Infatuation is worn like clothes, but love comes from within. Hopefully in the future you'll see this scenario coming a mile off and you'll be ready to respond accordingly. I wish you all the luck in the world finding the right guy. Take it easy, brother ☮

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On 17/02/2017 at 0:05 PM, Napwayne said:

Try being black and small (a little over five inches, small tight balls). The shit is just humiliating over and over and over. So hard to be taken seriously once pants are down.

I know what you mean, sounds like a carbon copy of my cock. Life ain't plain sailing that's for sure. Does being black add to your anxiety because of the old stereotypes? To be fair, porn has created an unrealistic normality for us all now I think. 

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On 2/17/2017 at 8:05 PM, Napwayne said:

Try being black and small (a little over five inches, small tight balls). The shit is just humiliating over and over and over. So hard to be taken seriously once pants are down.

Are you tall and muscular? I m Asian and you know the stereo type about us. Most of south-east asian average height is about 160cm and weigh about 55kg so a penis size of 4" - 5" is quite proportionate. That's why it is very hard to insult Asian with small dick slurs because they know they are proportion. But for me, I m 175cm tall and over 100kg with a dick size of 2.5"!!!!  If this is gods' practical jokes then FxxK him! Most small dicks guys here become transgender women (Ladyboy - a derogatory term), they might not be gay. Most of them (straight ones) are in relationship with beautiful lesbian or bisexual women. That's what I m thinking of doing. 

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Hello there you all!  I'm very happy to have found this page because NOW I'm not ALONE!  I'm 57, Gay, and small  penis also. BOY!  can I ever talk!   please accept me into your group . Because I cant wait to start talking. 

Edited by floyd brownlee
Bad word. sorry

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On 1/3/2017 at 4:07 PM, YOTH said:

I'm really glad you got to resolve it, sometimes that's all we need to move on with a positive mindset. And it shows that you're not someone unworthy of love. Infatuation is worn like clothes, but love comes from within. Hopefully in the future you'll see this scenario coming a mile off and you'll be ready to respond accordingly. I wish you all the luck in the world finding the right guy. Take it easy, brother ☮

Thanks, I did end up getting back with him and we stayed together another two years but again it ended. At least time I can be thankful for the time I had, :) 

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On 1/8/2018 at 6:21 AM, GoingInsane said:

Are you tall and muscular? I m Asian and you know the stereo type about us. Most of south-east asian average height is about 160cm and weigh about 55kg so a penis size of 4" - 5" is quite proportionate. That's why it is very hard to insult Asian with small dick slurs because they know they are proportion. But for me, I m 175cm tall and over 100kg with a dick size of 2.5"!!!!  If this is gods' practical jokes then FxxK him! Most small dicks guys here become transgender women (Ladyboy - a derogatory term), they might not be gay. Most of them (straight ones) are in relationship with beautiful lesbian or bisexual women. That's what I m thinking of doing. 

How does that work?  Actually go through hormone treatment and surgery?  "Most?"  I've often thought I'm a submissive "male" lesbian.

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On 7/7/2019 at 10:23 PM, smallguy said:

How does that work?  Actually go through hormone treatment and surgery?  "Most?"  I've often thought I'm a submissive "male" lesbian.

I haven't post here for quite long. Very busy with new projects and also forgot password... Just learnt how to recover. 

Anyway, I have not done anything yet. I was still deciding when the new project landed on my desk and have been working hard and putting aside that thought. 

However, I have done some experimenting after my last post, I started watching porn again. I find myself liking the tranny porn most, straight porn and lesbian porn 2nd, and totally not into male gay porn. But the weirdest thing is I don't understand why I like tranny porn but not gay porn. Both have penis but 1 gets me real hard, the other I find it... disgusting to tell the truth. 

I m more confused than ever... 

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I’ve spent the last 48hrs planning my suicide after at least 13 years of this issue plaguing my mind. I have no confidence to go to a face to face therapist or speak to my GP. Humiliation that I never invited in and never asked for. It’s some consolation that there are others out there, I’m not sure why I’m posting but here I am.

 

It’s at least encouraging to see some of you manage to have some relationships. The only times I’ve managed to have sex are being black out drunk, and even then it’s been a rarity. Now heading into my 30s and I’m becoming weirder and weirder to my friends and family, having never been in a relationship yet outwardly a confident person. Friends are now pairing off and starting families as people do, and my bouts of depression are becoming more frequent and intense. For the first time I had to go home from work on Friday because I just sat at my desk with silent tears rolling down my face. For me that’s a sign this is now escalating. I’m not sure I’m okay with learning to cope with loneliness for the rest of my life, I don’t see the point. I cannot put myself through the humiliation of rejection (at least sober), some of you are very brave. 

If the choice I have ahead of me is either live a life of feeling like this for the next 30-40 years or ending it, I can’t help but think the latter is worth planning. What keeps you going??

- a sufferer.

 

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On 7/14/2019 at 4:12 AM, spsdownandout said:

I’ve spent the last 48hrs planning my suicide after at least 13 years of this issue plaguing my mind. I have no confidence to go to a face to face therapist or speak to my GP. Humiliation that I never invited in and never asked for. It’s some consolation that there are others out there, I’m not sure why I’m posting but here I am.

 

It’s at least encouraging to see some of you manage to have some relationships. The only times I’ve managed to have sex are being black out drunk, and even then it’s been a rarity. Now heading into my 30s and I’m becoming weirder and weirder to my friends and family, having never been in a relationship yet outwardly a confident person. Friends are now pairing off and starting families as people do, and my bouts of depression are becoming more frequent and intense. For the first time I had to go home from work on Friday because I just sat at my desk with silent tears rolling down my face. For me that’s a sign this is now escalating. I’m not sure I’m okay with learning to cope with loneliness for the rest of my life, I don’t see the point. I cannot put myself through the humiliation of rejection (at least sober), some of you are very brave. 

If the choice I have ahead of me is either live a life of feeling like this for the next 30-40 years or ending it, I can’t help but think the latter is worth planning. What keeps you going??

- a sufferer.

 

I don't have an answer but I do know that ending your life is not it. I m over 50 years old now and never give up searching. Even with my wife cheating on me and wondering if my 2 children are mine or not, I never give up. I did thought of it but I always believe there are better solution. There will be someone who will love me for who I m and not how big is my dick size or bank account! And if it mean I have to be gay/trans/bi/whatever to be happy, I will take it. 

Bro, in case you didn't know, I m asian and even if I have a big dick, all asian male have to live with the small dick stereotype from non-aisan and even from our own women! So your life cannot be worst than mine. 

Bro, don't give up, keep on fighting and keep on searching... 

Regards 

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