Would'nt ya know it

[Sherzade]

Eventually it will Happen & I will have to Make The Most of My Own Life.

I really hope you can find the strength to take good care of yourself. It is so very hard, but the truth is that we are separate people and at some point in our lives we have to take responsibility for ourselves.

It took me a long time to be able to separate from my brother and accept that i couldn't save him. He had to accept my help and support, which he didn't. Rejection after rejection and i was just a witness of his own destruction. My role was to watch him die slowly and that was what i didn't want to see. He could not not accept my help, his doctors' help, my mum's help... and he died. But i know that there was nothing else i could have done to save him. We can't save other people. We can only offer our support, help and love. If they don't accept it, for whatever reason... unfortunately there isn't, in my experience, nothing we can do about it.

Please take care of you, think of you. You are certainly cared about in this forum and that is because people here are good people, but also because YOU are a good and loving. And strong. You can do it. Life is made of moments. Of 'temporarities'. One at the time. Enjoy the now for now.

[58corvette]

Thanx Sherzade. And again my Condolences to you & your family.

I wish I had the Answers for Both my Son & I. Right now I simply dont. But a few days ago brought me Face to Face with what is coming & I did'nt react well to it at all. Both as a Father & a Person.

In the meantime as you said; Enjoy the Now for Now. So for Now I will just enjoy the Fact that we are Both still Here & this Situation is Temporary.

Taking Responsibility for Myself & Getting back on my own feet is still a work in progress. In many ways I have'nt been a Good Role Model for my Son. When it comes down to my own Survival; Hopefully I can make the right choice that allows both of us to Continue with Hope & a Decent Future.

Again; In the Meantime I am Thankful & Appreciative that I have this Site to Vent & People such as yourself that Care, Listen & try your very best to Help.

The Very Best To You.

Sincerely; Jim

[mscat]

Hang in there Jim ! Take care of yourself first and foremost. Then you will be stronger in dealing with your son. I have read most of the resposes to you , and it seems like you do have support in this community.

I really want the best for you, and your life will straighten out. You have and are continuing the best way you know how. your brave and strong. I believe in you.

[Lindamomof7]

....................

[58corvette]

Thank You for your continued Support & encouragement. I see so many people here who are Hurting & Struggling themselves.

Close to Two years ago now when my Son & I initually got back together. We made a Pact that we would stick together & "Make it" no matter what. His Addiction & My Mental Issues have definitely put that to the Test. I guess I was'nt aware just how Bad is Addiction really was & Is. My Own Serious Mental Issues began with the Loss of my Older Brother when I was a Teenager in the 70's So Many Years Ago.

My Older brother had many Issues Himself & he was Quite Wild. The Sad thing was he was just getting his Own Life together when he Died in that tragic Accident. With my own Dad working so much & being the Strong Silent Type; My Older Brother was my Father Figure & Idol in many ways.

So for a few years I was Lost. Then I found a Woman in my Life; Got Married & had my Son. His own Birth & Life brought back so Much Hope & Dreams back into my Own Life. His Middle name is after my Older Brother. He looks a lot like him & has some of my Older Brother's traits & qualities. Quite the Handsom Man & good with the ladies.

Years back (8yrs. now) when my Nephew Died from Suicide it had a big Impact on my Son. My Nephew was 30yrs. Old. My Son has mnetioned a few times to me he dont think he will make it to 30yrs. That Scares the Heck out of me. Anyway I guess with my Own Divorce & other Factors I have again Lost much of my Own Hope & Dreams.

Just by Writing this right now I can see how so much of this is tying itself together in what is Happening Right Now & Why with my Son & I. We both have to let go of quite a few things. And Live our Own Lives & be our Own People. I can see that now. I can also see & understand why we continue to be so Tied Together & Hold out our own Hope for each other.

He means so much to me & I to him. But I do know we just arent helping each other enough in Positive ways. He is Sleeping Right Now; so I dont want to Disturb him. But Man I need to let him know to Please live his Own Life & dont feel any Burden in Regards to My Brother; His Cousin or His Mom & I's Divorce.

He is way more Lost than his younger Twin Sister & Brother. Both of them have tried in their own way to help Him. More recently Both of us for that matter. They both keep telling me to Let go & start looking out for Myself.

Maybe the Guilt & Responsibility I feel for both of us is a Major Factor in all this Mess. I did give all Three of my Kids their own Individual First names so they would'nt ever have to feel any sort of Burden with a Name & could be their Own Individual Selfs in Life.

I myself was Named after my Grandfather (who I adored); he himself commited suicide when I was 12yrs. Old. And my Uncle(my Dad's younger brother) who has been a Lifelong Alcholic & my Mom could not stand. Both of them were born under the Same Astrological Sign as me;as well as my Nephew who Commited Suicide. So ya all of that has had an impact on me also.

I need to Let Go of a Lot of This "Stuff" & Baggage. Just start Living My Own Life. Be myself & Who I am? And I need to make my Son aware of the Same. I live in to Much Fear & Isolation that's for Sure. At some Point I need to take responsibility for Myself. And so does My Son. Maybe I did many things for the Wrong Reasons? My Intention's were good. But im still Here & Hopefully I can still make things Right or Better for Both of us.

And yes My Son also needs to start Helping Himself & Taking responsibility for his Actions & His Own Life. I t Continues to be a Long Scary Road; That's for sure. Believe me I thought I was getting married & Having Children for all the right reasons.

A few Months back when I First came to this site; I told myself just hang on Jim; make it to Thanksgiving; Then Christmas; Then New Years. For yourself & your Kid's. Then the Super Bowl as something to Look Forward to.

That's all over now. And Money is running short. I have Medical Bills I cant pay for. I have a Vehicle that I dont have the Money to register or Smog. Taxes & the Taxman coming up. It's just that time of year for Many if not all of us; That Stress from thesethings starts to take over.

I know I have & must continue to Live for my Children & Myself. At some point I need to just have that Feeling & Know it's all worth it and yes I can make it on my Own. Especially Knowing that is a Major Factor in being able to be of any Help or good to my Own Children.

This Site & the people here have been of Great Help & Support for me. Much more Positive than Negative. If it helps me come to the Point of Self realization through My own Writing & Thoughts & the Help of others; than I have Gained Quite a bit.

Thanx for just letting me Continue to Ramble & Vent. I am Glad I found this Site; with so many others that I feel Confortable with & at least Human & Semi Normal. Not so Alone, Lost, An Outcast. That is part of what got me out of my Funk so many yrs. ago when I was a Teenager & early 20's. Group Therapy. When I realised I was'nt so Alone; & many People had the same or Worse Issues.

This has been Group Therapy for me. A Place where I dont feel so All Alone. I really wish I could Help So Many Others Here Right Now; Instead of writing & Rambling about my Own Issues. Maybe writing some of this I am? Maybe Not?

The Fear I feel right now; is ongoing. But if this helps me just for Today, that in itself Helps.

Thanx again Everyone just for Allowing me to Vent.

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

When you share who you are in such a deep way it always helps people with open minds. Life is a journey we all continue to grow and share our struggles together.

I read a story about a man that was in one of the death camps in WWII.

He managed to overcome those horrible odds with no hope in site by realizing the one thing he could control was his own peace of mind. Slowly he started to change and become at peace with the craziness all about him. Later he inspired all of those around him including some guards.

This story has helped me. I'm starting to get back to where I was. Finding peace in myself with the help of my faith. May it help you as well.

Anything I can do to help in more ways than emotional support please let me know. I say this and mean it as well. So many people use it as I wish you well now.. I mean I would like to help if I can. Just don't know how.

[58corvette]

That in itself is a very good point. These are people that Literally their own Lives are on the line on a Daily Basis. It makes me aware of just how much I should be thankful & how so many more People Endured much more Hardship.

A few days ago I watched a Program about POW's during World War 2. The Stalig Camps & the Great Escape. Very Tragic Stuff & Quite Different from what they Portrayed in the Movie with Steve McQueen in the 60's.

But an Inspiration regardless. Theyre were Survivors. And the Courage, Tenacity, Strength & Will to Survive of so many of these People is Tremendous.

It is a matter of coming to Terms & Peace with ourselves. And I will continue to try to get to that point again myself.

Thank You So Much.

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

One thing that the shows never mention he didn't do this right away it took him years and lots of hard work and mental conditioning to get to that state.

We are making progress together, we are on the right track

What we face is not easy, but look how far we have came!

[58corvette]

That in itself is a very good point. These are people that Literally their own Lives are on the line on a Daily Basis. It makes me aware of just how much I should be thankful & how so many more People Endured much more Hardship.

A few days ago I watched a Program about POW's during World War 2. The Stalig Camps & the Great Escape. Very Tragic Stuff & Quite Different from what they Portrayed in the Movie with Steve McQueen in the 60's.

But an Inspiration regardless. Theyre were Survivors. And the Courage, Tenacity, Strength & Will to Survive of so many of these People is Tremendous.

It is a matter of coming to Terms & Peace with ourselves. And I will continue to try to get to that point again myself.

Thank You So Much.

Sincerely; Jim

[Lindamomof7]

...............

[randomperson]

Yes it was from a book It was an excerpt quoted from another book though, so I only got a partial picture I am sure. Right now though anything I can use to help me get back on the right path is a good thing.

[Lindamomof7]

I wish I knew the name of the book. I loaned it to someone It was very interesting to read what he, the psychiatrist, went through physically and emotionally and his will to survive the horrible place of the concentration camps.

Does anyone else recall this book? maybe Allan?

[Luna-]

It sounds like Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl who was a pdoc. He died just recently. Amazing man. This quote is attributed to him: "As long as we have a Why to live, we can bear with almost any How."

[58corvette]

This Thread has helped me let out a few Concerns, Emotions & Self Realizations. My Son's Mom is suddenly (a bit late) back in the picture? Any how better Late than Never for Him at least.

If that sounds a bit sarcasstic, speculative, questionable & angry it probably is. Seems like it took him getting down to the point of no return & me Emotionally & Financially Drained before she stepped in.

This after I asked for Assistance with him on a few Levels almost a year ago now. It never had to get to this point for either of us. But from past experience with her & my Marriage I guess I should'nt be suprised.

Naive again & left High & Dry. I will Learn (Maybe) someday? I know the Truth again & my Conscience is ok at the moment. It just Sickens me a bit when someone tries to look like the good person & hero again after almost 2 yrs. of this "Stuff" with him.

I think that's that part that annoys me most; About people who Look out & care about themselves First. That's fine unless it affects someone else in a Negative Manner. Then it is flat out Selfeshness & Destructive.

It is a part of my Son & his Mom I do not care for. And maybe I was blindsided again. The part that will always be the Hardest for me is when it's your own family. That Trust Factor.

I should have seen it coming & I did'nt. But we will see how this all plays out in the next few weeks. I know I really should not be writing a lot of this. But again if it Helps me or Any One Else in any way Possible; GOOD.

[58corvette]

This Thread has helped me let out a few Concerns, Emotions & Self Realizations. My Son's Mom is suddenly (a bit late) back in the picture? Any how better Late than Never for Him at least.

If that sounds a bit sarcasstic, speculative, questionable & angry it probably is. Seems like it took him getting down to the point of no return & me Emotionally & Financially Drained before she stepped in.

This after I asked for Assistance with him on a few Levels almost a year ago now. It never had to get to this point for either of us. But from past experience with her, Courts, & my Marriage I guess I should'nt be suprised.

Naive again & left High & Dry. I will Learn (Maybe) someday? I know the Truth again & my Conscience is ok at the moment. It just Sickens me a bit when someone tries to look like the good person & hero again after almost 2 yrs. of this "Stuff" with him.

I think that's that part that annoys me most; About people who Look out & care about themselves First. That's fine unless it affects someone else in a Negative Manner. Then it is flat out Selfeshness & Destructive.

It is a part of my Son & his Mom I do not care for. And maybe I was blindsided again. The part that will always be the Hardest for me is when it's your own family. That Trust Factor.

I should have seen it coming & I did'nt. But we will see how this all plays out in the next few weeks. I know I really should not be writing a lot of this. But again if it Helps me or Any One Else in any way Possible; GOOD.

[randomperson]

That is one thing that bugs me as well. Yet it is something the American culture thrives off of the whole 'me first' attitude.

The attitude "I know you have done this and this and this.. but that was the past.. what have you done for me today?" lol

Your son knows who has been there for him.

If she is helping that is good. I'm just sorry she has not been there for you both all along.

[Lindamomof7]

..................

[58corvette]

It is sad about our Culture; Especially when it comes to Love, Family & Trust.

That is why I am having such a hard time when People & some of my Own Family Members keep telling me; To Look out for Myself; "First" & that im no good to anyone else unless I do.

You know that's True; To a Point & it is so very often a Fine Line. And believe me in this case. She is only helping my Son as Long as She has Something to Gain(for Herself) from All of it. PERIOD.

As far as her being there for me At All. That Ended Years Ago. When she recieved Half my Pension that was all she cared about. Herself & $$$$ always comes first.

Her own Children have learned that (about her) slowly through the years. Sad because it has Affected their own Relationships & the People they end up with on a few fronts.

Anyway Random Thanx Again.

Sincerely; Jim

Linda; I was just getting ready to send this post when I saw your reply. With my ex I know it stems back from her own Childhood & her mistrust with Men. I paid & still am paying the Price for a lot of that "Hatrid & Mistrust". With my Son; who knows where all of this will lead?

[Lindamomof7]

I understand Jim, hang in there and continue keep trying to sort the puzzle out and then make your own picture!!! :-))

[randomperson]

I guess what the real important question is, do they perceive it that what they did was bad for someone else?Are people so ignorant they have not the faintest clue that they are hurting someone emotionally or physically?

I been around a lot of mean people sad part is most of them really don't know.. not deep down. Small % just don't care. Last part the world would be better off without them hate to say. Towards the end I got in a huge verbal fight with my stepfather. At the end of the fight I told him how I felt for what all he did to our family when I was growing up. Never did that before.

He seemed to shrug it off, in fact at first did a sarcastic apology. At the end he tried to turn his life around. Became a Christian. He talked to my mother said he forgot a lot of it, and didn't think it bothered me as much as it did. Lot of times they are just used to life being that way. They can't see the pain they cause because they are not feeling the damage.

One of the last things he did was a heartfelt apology. I respect that.

He was dying that day and I had a lot of mixed feelings.. it was rough.. I didn't know how to react so I was just quite.. feel a little bad I guess.

Well didn't want to go into such a long story about my life in your thread Jim. Still working on my rambling lol

Point is lots of times people just don't understand how much their actions effect others.

[Lindamomof7]

......................

[58corvette]

Thanx again Linda, Always; you know that!!!

Random, Your not Rambling whatsoever. The point you make & as it relates to your Own Life is well Taken & Recieved. I feel that tied in very well to this thread. THANK YOU :cool:

And im sure your stepfather realised you only had everyone's best interest at hand. Again I will say your a Good Man & a Gentleman.

[Lindamomof7]

yes Luna that was the book... Thanks

[58corvette]

Yesterday after my Son's Court Appearance he obviously showed signs of Relief & some Hope for himself. And in his own way, I guess showed a little Appreciation for me & the Advice & Support I have tried to give him.

Should he get his record cleared that will allow him to Drive within the Law. Of course with All his Work Tools Stolen it limits his Ability to get a Job & find work still. And the biggest Issue for all of this; Overcoming & Controlling his Addiction. Much of this will play itself out over the next few weeks as he seeks Counsil (For Court Issues) & what the Judge decides.

He even Mentioned to me that he Attempted to Reconcile with his Sister (My Twin) Daughter. Hopefully that also will Continue to be a Healing Process. That involves Time & Trust.

For me that gives me some Hope for him. I must Remain Cautiously Optimistic.

For Myself; The Daily Depression, Anxiety & Fears Remain. It is a Large Part of what brought me to this Site Initially & Remains.

RANDOM; Lastly I thought about what you said as I started this Post. About My Son Knowing I Have Been Here For Him. THANK YOU

And for MSCAT; KEN ; LINDA; SHANNON & OTHERS here Continued Encouragement, Understanding & Support.

Thank You All.

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

I am so glad to hear some good news is finally coming your way!

I know it has almost become my motto but it is because I have to tell myself this everyday sometimes every hour lol. It is all about not giving up taking those baby steps even when you feel like you can barely crawl.

Each day is different sometimes we have to take a few steps back in order not to fall.

The people in this community have come to mean a lot to me.

Thank you for your friendship and continued support!

Your son knows you love him.. and he knows you are there for him

He may not say it every day but not everyone communicates in the same way.

Like the movie Ghost where the woman says I love you and the guy goes 'ditto'

At the end the woman realized just how much she was loved.