Jump to content
Mental Support Community

John Cleese

Recommended Posts

Someone sent this to me and I couldn't stop laughing...I love John Cleese. I hope noone finds this offensive, but if they do i will remove it.


Threat Levels Raised - from the BBC - Read by John Cleese

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed"to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised

its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday, as usual; the only threats they are worried about are NATO and the European Commission pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready

to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be all right, Mate." Three more escalation levels

remain: "Crikey,!" "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend," and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level...

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Being of Scottish/British descent, this sure explains a lot. Pre-separation, my repressed Brit side prevailed. Now, I'm at the highest Scottish alert level:):eek: Thanks for the laugh, EN.

Oh, and the adversary is Irish. Well, there is a history of violence with this mix.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

HA HA HA HA! Good one, DM, thanks for posting it. It had a hint of Deja vu, I think I recall seeing it about half a century ago. Now, why can't I keep THOSE memories top of mind instead of the unhelpful ones?:D

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

I watched some more MP videos yesterday and chose these to share:

Monty Python - How To Do It - I think that this might be seen also in the context of some kind of "self-help books" and some kind of advises people sometimes give (maybe including me :o)

Monty Python - Vocational Guidance Counsellor

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now