soregretful Posted October 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2011 What's holding you back from proposing? (I challenge you to answer this question without referring to your obsession about the speedo stuff and etc... I know that's all there in your head. But can you find any other reasons?)One therapist gave me the idea that pedophilia was in my blood. That kind of sticks with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted October 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2011 What's holding you back from proposing? (I challenge you to answer this question without referring to your obsession about the speedo stuff and etc... I know that's all there in your head. But can you find any other reasons?)One therapist gave me the idea that pedophilia was in my blood. That kind of sticks with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted October 15, 2011 Report Share Posted October 15, 2011 Yes, not all therapists are good ones either....and from what I recall about this particular therapist, SR, was that he said a lot of uncalled for things about you.You know yourself better than anyone else, right? Trust yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted October 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2011 I know what I want to do and I feel like I am physiologically capable of having children. I just don't want to think about the websites anymore. They arentt illegal but they sure aren't wholesome. I would make a great dad but would not want to picture any of my kids in those stories. I know I could be intimate though...I just know it. That is something else the therapist told me is that I could have like a 5% chance of fathering kids and I did have some physiological surprises with the boys too that kinda scared me. So what does that all mean? Rest assured...I believe I can do what it takes to have a child with my girlfriend. Just want the hurt to fade away but not sure how to make it do that. I am thinking of ect. What does anyone feel about that. It was sissa's idea. I miss sissa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted October 17, 2011 Report Share Posted October 17, 2011 sr,my guess is that you have a way higher chance of being a father and a good one than five%becoming a parent can cure a lot of ills.allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted October 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2011 sr,my guess is that you have a way higher chance of being a father and a good one than five%becoming a parent can cure a lot of ills.allanJust want to find a way to not dwell on this. People have done worse and the people who made the sites feel no guilt...so why can't I? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted October 19, 2011 Report Share Posted October 19, 2011 SR,Just want to find a way to not dwell on this. People have done worse and the people who made the sites feel no guilt...so why can't I? An excellent question.Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted October 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2011 SR,An excellent question.AllanYeah but one with no apparent answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted October 21, 2011 Report Share Posted October 21, 2011 I want to remind you of my earlier suggestions that you use cognitive behavioral methods to distract yourself from these thoughts. Also, meditation and yoga help enormously.Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted October 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2011 I want to remind you of my earlier suggestions that you use cognitive behavioral methods to distract yourself from these thoughts. Also, meditation and yoga help enormously.AllanDistract? For how long? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted October 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2011 I think the key with CBT isn't just distraction, it's retraining your brain. By practicing diverting your thoughts elsewhere when the obessions are starting, you retrain your brain until it becomes much more natural to let go of the obession and focus on other things. It starts out as hard work, but it doesn't stay that way forever. It becomes easier. You develop new habits.Makes me kind of wish my cbt therapist didn't give up on me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted October 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2011 The cool thing is I think there's more than one CBT therapist out there....which makes finding one that doesn't suck a real possibility.Well, I don't know who would help. I just don't want website names on my mind all the time. People say "when the obsessions come", but really they are always there..they never leave during the day. Just not sure what kind of help I need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted October 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2011 Is it possible that I am letting other people tell me I am a pedophile? Ok.....I looked at kids in speedos. I always wanted one...whatever. so....you type in the URL for the site I saw pictures on and it says that this "pedophilic" site has been shut down. Since when is a little kid in a speedo pedophilic? I am ashamed of the story. What do I do to just feel better? I want my own kids...especially little boy. What do I do? I am screwed. I would not hurt a kid or even want to have sex with one. Is it possible I am feeling bad. Just becausd I am applying everyones definition of this site? I love kids. How do I forget? Or at least not think? I know who I am and I am a champion for children. I would be a great daddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted October 23, 2011 Report Share Posted October 23, 2011 I want to ask you a question, SR, and please know that I'm asking with care and respect for you.Are you worried about being a pedophile? No one here is suggesting you are...I am asking because you keep bringing it up. Is there a way you can look at what drives your fear? Is there some chance this focus on web sites keeps you from looking at your fears? Often times fears can be irrational...and not based on actual truths. Maybe thinking about this and discussing with your therapist can give you some much needed relief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted October 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2011 Inot afraid of being a pedophile. I just am kinda upset that people labeled the website I looked at as pedophilic. Yes...it had kids in speedos...I don't really think that itself is pedophilic. There is no way I am a pedophile....I love kids and am awesome with them. Pseud, these aren't obsessive thoughts that just pop up...they just never leave. I don't know how to break free from them.I am confident I can be intimate. Let's just say I have researched that a little. But I am just so ashamed I can't become happy. I don't want to try to be intimate thinking of these websites. It isn't cool. How did I mess up so badly?Also...I can't explain...I am afraid to not have those two boys in my life. Maybe its just a fear of the unknown. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppursimuove Posted October 24, 2011 Report Share Posted October 24, 2011 Im really sorry but ive red ur post twice and I still did not understand, Im feeling a little numb dont know why I my self cant seem to concentrate today. Is ur main problem these toughts of urs of kids in speedos what bothers the most? U think of urls in ur head all the time? these is what I think ive red so far.I think the best way to distract a mind is to keep it busy, when u work Im sure u dont think in these toughts. Why not look for a hobby or something like that? We think to much when we are bored activitys help.Just put these toughs aside and live ur life, u wanna children start thinking in that insted.If u feel guilty coz u have watched these kids, or had pleasure with ur self then leave these in the past, move forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted October 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2011 I want to leave these. Behind and the damndest thing is one of the sites shut down in 2006. I really don't think I went on it that late but how would I have gone 5 years happily without even thinking about it? I just don't get it! Ugh! I thought these things were in the past. I want to have kids but how do I not pictgure him or her in the stories or speedos? I am so lost.I can't love anyone if I hate myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted October 25, 2011 Report Share Posted October 25, 2011 SR, are you on any medication at all for your intrusive thoughts? This sounds very distressful for you. Have you ever tried any exercises with this? Sometimes I imagine myself pushing all of the intrusive thoughts into a corner of my mind...and it does help some. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted October 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2011 I am but I sometimes forget to take it. When I do take it I feel no different. On a possitive note....I am having a great school year. My kids are learning a lot. Just wish I felt a little better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted October 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 Can anyone give me an idea of how medication is supposed to wok for my thoughts? I researched a little but don't understand fully. I want so much to just get my family started. I know who I am and this feels right. I have heard of married people doing far worse than I did....so I have the right to go for what I want. I just want to know when the thoughts are going to let up and how medication can help. ECT is my next step. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SomethingOrOther Posted October 26, 2011 Report Share Posted October 26, 2011 Hi sr,you've been taking these meds for quite a while, so you could ask your psychiatrist about them. I sure could google you stuff, but I have the impression you don't talk to your psychiatrist, the same way that you don't seem to ask your therapist(s) questions. This could be a real problem. Or it's not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted October 27, 2011 Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 Well, I don't believe medication can change anyone's thoughts. They can reduce depression. Lamictal is good at evening out moods if you have a bipolar disorder. But, not all meds work for everyone. We are all built differently, with different nervous systems, etc. aaaaawithout the symptoms of mood swings or deep depression, if the medication works, you can start to think more clearly, but, that does not mean that you will think differently.Questions and disagreement with me are welcome. I don't mind.allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted October 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 What is good for redirecting thoughts? I find myself too sad to function at times, but I look good doing it! I am still ripping up the school year! I am really teaching the kids a lot. I just don't get any joy out of it. As soon as I try to relax, everything comes back. I am puzzled as to the timing. I just want to wake up one day and have it just go away. It did before. What can I do to get there again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted October 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 You know what I am confused about.....the ocd diagnosis. Are my doctors saying that most people could go on a site that had kids in speedos that most of america would call pedophilic and just get over it? Again, a kid in a speedo is not in itself bad. Its just that other people called it bad that kills me. That other people labeled it pedophilic is what is upsetting me. I thought pedophilia was about sex with children. I don't want that at all. So how is a little boy in a speedo pedophilic? The story bothers me....I know I didn't punch it up looking for that...but it is just words. Yuck! But would anyone else just slough this off? Why am I diagnosed with ocd? I don't get it. I really am not a bad person believe me. I so badly want my own kids. I am so close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppursimuove Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 perhaps the kids got nothing to do with ur problem, tomorrow u can be so obsesse with the food u gave to ur cat last night and thinking u gave her the wrong one and feel guilty, go see a doctor for new meds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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