soregretful Posted December 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2011 Thanks Sue!I have been told to concentrate on the good things in my life before....I have a job I love! I have a family and a girlfriend who care the world about me. I am trying. I just don't want to let this define me. I want to just get past it. I want to be a dad! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted December 18, 2011 Report Share Posted December 18, 2011 Hi SR,I cannot know but, it doesn't sound like what I know of EMDR.As a teacher, don't you have health insurance to pay for some of the psychotherapy?I am positive you are helpful to others on the outside. What about doing that here, too? Doing so helps others but we know it also helps ourselves when we do so.Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted December 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2011 Allan, I had a hard time even with the insurance. I literally can not afford to go nor can I afford meds. I have a mortgage to pay and need to buy the essentials to live. I put so much into feeling better but I only feel slightly better. I can help others on here but my advice has no credibility. I even think in trying to be supportive I offended one member. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted December 19, 2011 Report Share Posted December 19, 2011 Hi soregretful Allan, I had a hard time even with the insurance. I literally can not afford to go nor can I afford meds. I have a mortgage to pay and need to buy the essentials to live. I put so much into feeling better but I only feel slightly better. I can help others on here but my advice has no credibility. I even think in trying to be supportive I offended one member.Im sorry that you cant afford therapy or meds:(Hun, do you remember earlier on the year - i was having such a very hard time - seriously. Well you replied to my thread - and do you have any idea how much that meant to me? Incase you havnt worked it out - it meant a lot.Sometimes replying to others threads is not about giving advice its about just taking the time to let someone else know that you care about what they are going through. I know it helps me when someone just takes the time to say 'hi' - I dont feel quite as alone or unheard. A bit of support goes a LONG way Anyway just thought I'd mention that.Hope that you are having a good weekendTake care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted January 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 Scared! Just want it to go away! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 What's wrong, SR? Would it help to talk about it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted January 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 I don't know why I know the address of a pedophilic website! It really wasn't anything more than the speedo pics with kids, but I am a teacher and am just disgusted! I can not even say how sorry I am! Just today my kids were telling me how much they loved me, which is awesome, but why did I do this? Am I going to just think about this all the time? I want to find a way to get this off my mind for good! I am do sorry! I don't want to hurt any kiddos or look at them sexually. And all over speedos! Ugh! Makes me sick! I wanted to be a dad, but I may have to let that go! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 So you're back to that place again then. Sorry to hear that. Maybe you can try something different and offer yourself forgiveness for having visited that particular web page. It was many years ago and the time has come now to let it go. You can't change the fact that you visited the page, but you can focus on your actions today. It's okay to let the past go now. It doesn't define you and it never did. Let it go. Walk forward. You can do it, SR. You've said that your students love you and that they learn from you. Why allow a mistake from the past have power over that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppursimuove Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 dude i think ive said this en every post that someone says i cant afford meds or therapists, theres allways a free way u have to search ur an adult think. u live in USA, UK, CA, etc dont know where u live but even my country has free attentions sites and they also give meds if u cant afford them.and about the urls what can i say theres kids starving for a piece of bread and even they live there life and u are all crazy for some internet urls. stop paying internet and pay some meds, dont pay ur satelite tv and pay a therapist, or just go to a place where they provide u meds for free and therapist and start moving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted January 5, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 dude i think ive said this en every post that someone says i cant afford meds or therapists, theres allways a free way u have to search ur an adult think. u live in USA, UK, CA, etc dont know where u live but even my country has free attentions sites and they also give meds if u cant afford them.and about the urls what can i say theres kids starving for a piece of bread and even they live there life and u are all crazy for some internet urls. stop paying internet and pay some meds, dont pay ur satelite tv and pay a therapist, or just go to a place where they provide u meds for free and therapist and start moving.Not sure what meds will do, but I am back on them. Came close to losing my home! Sometimes I would like to trade lives and have nothing, like the internet, at least this couldn't have happened! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 Don't blame the internet entirely we choose what we look up and what we click on. Granted things have links to others that hold unknown information but it's still the users choice to click on a link. Perhaps you might just want to instal a filter on your internet from sites like that. Also (not that you have to answer) but why were you even looking up speedos?So in conclusion the internet might be bad but it can also be good as you can maybe see with this site, but it is up to the user to decide which ones they go to. Don't just give up on the internet altogether. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted January 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 No,I don't blame the internet, I totally blame me, believe me!! It's just that my life would be so much better if I didn't have that temptation out there in the first place! The speedo thing has always just been an interest of mine...that I am not making up. The funny thing is that this issue was dead and buried a while ago and depression bought it back. What happened to do that?I have gotten a lot of advice on here and it does help to talk. If you ever met me, you would see why I am upset. I am WONDERFUL with kids, and it just isn't me to have visited these sites. Maybe I didn't think through who the sites were intended for, I don't know. I just feel like this is something I never would have had to deal with given who I am and what I stand for! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 Breathe for a moment, SR, and stop the thought. How can you take care of yourself right now? This endless cycle of self-blame is only hurting you. Many years ago, you made the mistake of clicking on some links on the internet. Can you offer yourself forgiveness in this? It was a long time ago and punishing yourself now serves no positive purpose. It only brings more pain and anxiety. It happened. It's done. It's in the past. Try offering yourself some comfort. This has upset you, yes. You might start out by saying, "I feel..." and then listening to your feelings around this. Then think of ways to comfort and take care of yourself.You might say to yourself something like this: SR, I hear that you are feeling guilty and upset about a past behavior. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. You're a good person and it's okay to forgive yourself now. You're capable of moving beyond this and leading a life which brings you contentment and joy. What do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted January 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 I think I have decided to just try to go for my dreams. Nothing can erase the past, but I never broke any laws! What gets me is that when I started going out with my girlfriend, I was myself...maybe a little nervous, but totally myself. Life just pitched me a curve and I struck out! I would be lying if I said I didn't feel any better than last year. I just have to kind of be quick about this, as my girlfriend and I need this to happen soon for biological reasons.I am thinking of just sleeping with her...not in the sexual sense yet, but just to develop some intimacy and see where it takes me. I know who I am well enough to say I don't lust after kids. Keep praying for me!Thanks!SR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Good for you, SR. Cuddling and being close with your partner can be very comforting and nice. Try not to pressure yourself, if you can help it. I hope you can enjoy yourself and be present in the moment. Best of luck. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted January 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Thanks! I am feeling better and wanting to propose. I am on meds for OCD again, so I hope I can get this off my mind! This happened before I met her so maybe I just thought I had to be perfect! I don't know. I didn't look at anything illegal so I am hoping I just feel better soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 It's great to hear you are feeling better, SR! I like your positivity. It's true that no one is perfect. I hope you continue on a healing path. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted January 10, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Well here is the latest. My girlfriend is going off of some medication so we can try to get pregnant in two months. I hope this all works! She is risking a lot to become a mother. I don't want to let her down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted January 12, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2012 Any thoughts on this guys? I will admit something....when I was talking with my girlfriend about the possibility of becoming intimate, it was arousing. It felt like it probably should though. Maybe that's normal? I have not had any biological issues lately. I have kids all over me at work, and nothing happens. Could it be that I just blew this way out of proportion? Could it be that I just magnified the problem in my mind? I just know I don't feel like myself, but in two months, I am going to try to get intimate with my girlfriend and become a father. In my heart, I know it is what I want. Advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted January 13, 2012 Report Share Posted January 13, 2012 Be yourself with her, SR, and be in the moment. Try not to think too much. Breathe. Live. Enjoy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted January 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 I am just curious about how this treatment will work...I am willing to do anything. I am back on meds...will they just help me forget? I am looking forward to a future that I can be proud of. I am feeling better than when I started here, I do know that. Thanks for your support, everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted January 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 29, 2012 Just wanted to check in! Just feeling guilty knowing about something I wish I didn't. Never had any bad intent, but just feeling like this will never go away. Still going to try to have children in the next few months. Hopefully I won't be too depressed. I am really a good person! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted February 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2012 Hello,I know that maybe some are sick of hearing from me, so I will keep this short. I have been recommended CBT? What are the logisitics of it? How does it work? I have a little bit of money to start trying, but I want to kind of know what to expect. Sorry to have bothered you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralph Posted February 26, 2012 Report Share Posted February 26, 2012 I would describe CBT as a set of tools for identifying your triggers, catching the automatic thoughts that create emotional reactions, and stopping to check if they are accurate or distorted. You can expect a CBT therapist to train you in using these tools. I would highly recommend the self help book "Feeling Good" by David Burns to anyone curious about CBT. It's a little mis-named in my opinion because it doesn't teach you how to "feel good," but it can help you to understand CBT and has sample dialogues between therapist and patient to give you an idea of what happens in a CBT session. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted February 26, 2012 Report Share Posted February 26, 2012 SR, you aren't bothering us. We are here for one another. CBT might be a good approach for you. Did you try this kind of therapy once before? How are things for you of late? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.