help

[robot]

Ive had a major break down i cant stop the ruminating about suicide and what i could have done to avoid the breakdown. Ive been in hospital fro two weeks got out as i didnt want to get put in long term care, ive driven my family mad with disturbed talking etc and i just cant stop thinking, ive tried everything, CBT, meds, and ive got no time to recover as i have my own business. Please does anyone have an idea what i could do to stop the ruminating quick before its too late.

thanks

[Verbally abused?]

I am no expert, if things are really that bad for you, there are help lines created specifically for suicide prevention! Maybe you could try one of them.

If I were in your current situation and could be in the hospital wheather short or long term, I would be there! I can't do that because I have no insurance or finances for it!

[robot]

thank you verbally abused for your reply, yes i think i should be in hospital but that wont solve the problem, i guess i have to keep going and hope i dont kill myself. I just dont know how im going to solve this one, im going nuts, i think im gambling with my life but there is no way round it!

[robot]

even with all the support i feel like im coming to the end. There isnt a thing that seems to be stopping my thoughts, i feel like ive just got to get out, the thoughts (my own not voices) are telling me to end it.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Hello robot,

have you tried to focus your thoughts on something different? Is there a connection between the negative thoughts and your business? Maybe you could take a holiday then, unless your business helps you to keep going. Take care,

S.

[robot]

ive tried to refocus my thoughts, im working today but im being bombarded with thoughts as i work and as soon as i stop im overcome and i keep loosing focus each minute. Its as if the thoughts are so powerful they can overcome any barrier i put in front of it. The thoughts are desperate to beat me down.

[malign]

Robot,

You are the Thinker. They are just thoughts.

More importantly, there's a reason you have them, and trying to beat them back without addressing the reasons may not work.

That doesn't mean that you necessarily ought to agree with reasons like "life is hopeless". But that's where you start: by looking at the thoughts and trying to understand them. As SoO suggested, are the thoughts brought on by your business?

i should be in hospital but that wont solve the problem

How do you know, unless you know what will solve the problem?

So, what is it? And don't stop yourself just because you think the solution is impossible (that's why you're depressed, after all, because you believe that.) But beliefs change, and that can start by simply stating dispassionately what needs to change, without addressing what you believe, at the moment.

Can you try that?

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Have you tried working with music? I find that helpful sometimes, like the music occupies the part of my brain that's overthinking and the rest works better. I haven't dealt with that kind of intrusive thoughts, though.

S.

[robot]

ive lost the ability to focus on films, i cannot read books or newspapers and i cannot hold a conversation unless its about my ill mental health. Music seems overwelming and i get agigitated that i cant enjoy it, now everything is a reminder of my ill health, just the fact i cannot enjoy anything or focus on anything has broken me. I cant find the strength anymore to live.

[robot]

im broke i have a lot of debt, i cannot focus to sort this out

I dont enjoy my work, but i dont have the strength now to change

the anxiety has stripped everything i enjoy

and as a result of my pain im causing others misery.

its the classic snowball effect it becomes all encompising.

5 weeks ago i was happy 90%, it took one week to drop to 20% after one panic attack followed by anxiety, now im at 5%

I know have to sort my problems out to recover but its a chicken and egg situation, how can i resolve the problems if i dont have the strength to do so.

Thats what i mean by impossible

[robot]

i ruminate about what i could have done to prevent this, i could have meditated my dad hs told me for years to do so incase this might happened and i ignored his adviced even after i has a breakdown three years ago. When i recovered i just took it for granted, i know im a fool and thats whats hardest.

[malign]

But if "classic snowballs" really did keep growing indefinitely, they'd be rolling down into tropical oceans all the time. There is always a limit; there is always a point where things turn around. There simply has to be.

You know, it happens to all of us, that we have periods of time when we're not strong enough. That's what other people are for: they help.

Have you never helped someone else through a rough patch? Probably even some of the people whose help you're relying on, now. You're entitled to it, and if you survive, you have the chance to help them, in return. That's how human societies work, and it's the reason we don't all live in hermit shacks all alone.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Maybe it would be easier, if you became completely desinterested in what you could have done. It's a waste of energy to retrace your steps. Four weeks is actually not much time for some meds to work, do you see a psychiatrist for this?

S.

[robot]

for your messages everyone

yes i guess the snowball will have to stop at some point, i need patience i suppose, the meds could take a while longer and its just having the guts to stick it out.

I am indeed a helper and have spent time nursing friends broken hearts looking after my nieces and nephews helping my parents etc, so real friends are there as a shoulder to lean on, and yes i can return the favour one day.

I have seen a phyciatrist (im not such a great speller) in hospital and they prescribed me venlafaxine (anti depr) and beater blockers to stop my heart racing so much, i hope in time they will work.

Its a real battle to keep things going, i have had moments were i see the light, but they are so fleeting, its such a shame you forget them or cannot celebrate them, even when you know theyve happened when a new crisis begins.

[robot]

melt down iminent im back at work and i think im going to explode what can i do? I cant just lie in bed all day and hide, i cant take this!!

[IrmaJean]

Would it help to talk about it, robot?

[robot]

maybe i just cant take it, my mind is melting and im trying to pull through and its not working, i need to keep it together my friends and family are saying just keep in there but i know i only have a little time left before i either go mad or take my life i cant seem to focus on anything else.

[robot]

I have a crisis team member coming to see me each morning to check in on me but i cant tell them completely what im going through because i will just end up in a hospital again with no support and just left to rot and i will loose all i have worked towards my business my home etc

[robot]

and this is the most opportune moment for my business so i cant afford to stay out of it, its the one thing that my save me but there is only a one percent chance ahhhhhhhhh!

[IrmaJean]

I can understand that you are frightened about potentially going to a hospital, but it could be helpful in keeping you safe until you get you back on your feet. Do you have family support? Can someone else hold up the business while you take care of your own needs?

[robot]

brother is my business partner but i am the designer for the business so without me the business cannot function and we have a big project that we are already behind on because i had a break down, i have lots of family support but they can no longer work out what to do all the options have been exhausted and all the treatments like meditation yoga etc inflame my depression because i am ashamed i didnt do them before, they are a sting.

Im trying not to talk my way out of life but as you can see the negativity is so strong i cant get past it.

[IrmaJean]

Do you think that possibly the pressures of work are playing a factor in this?

[robot]

yes totally but i cant just walk away, everyone is counting on me, plus if i walk away i wont have anything and i will be in an even worse predicament Ive already not worked for three or four weeks. I think ive just come to the end of my life.

[IrmaJean]

Robot, I hope you will call for help if you feel you are in danger. Jobs can be replaced. People cannot. Your life has immense value. Your family would want you to be safe from harm. Things can be brighter down the road if you keep walking along the path. I hope that you are okay.

[robot]

thanks irma

You are right, i would just be passing my pain onto others if i ended my life, its is a heavy weight to bear, I dont want to end my life but the compulsion wont go away it goes through my head on average once a minute. From waking to sleep. I will try Irma.

Just one problem My brother wants to sign a lease for a shop today i need to work on the shop if i tell him i cant everything i will be over and i will be jeopardising my health, if i tell him i can i am jeopardising my health too.