Not Caring What Other People Think

[soh238]

I'm a pretty anxious person, and I do avoid people sometimes, when I don't feel so inclined to make good. I do my best to be friendly, but on my off days, people aren't very receptive to me (or it's all in my head?).

I just feel tired of feeling that I'm not liked by a lot of people, even though I do my best to be friendly and believe that their motives are good. What I want to know is, is this other people deal with too? Because I'm not the most well liked person, does this mean that I'm not as good as those who are excellent with their people skills? I just feel like the black sheep everywhere I go.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi soh238,

When someone believes they are not liked by others it almost always means that they don't like themselves and look for reasons to be convinced that they are not liked. In other words, you seem to have really low self esteem.

You are just as good as everyone else. The problem is why don't you think so? How did it happen that you have such low self esteem?

Now remember, none of us are liked by everyone. In fact, there are usually some people who just don't like us at all. If you are a person who wants to be liked by everyone, and you would not be the only one, then you will be disappointed in yourself. Yes, there are people who don't like you and there are people who don't like me and etc. You are not alone with this. So, yes, plenty of other people have similar problems.

However, do you have friends? Are there people who you know do like you? It doesn't matter how many. Just a few or two or one is all most of us need?

Honestly, why wouldn't people be receptive to you? If you greet them with a "Hi" and smile, why wouldn't they greet you back? That smile is important.

So is saying, "hi, how are you today?" It really works. People may be in a hurry and will say hi back but not have time to stop and talk. There will always be others who will stop and talk.

You need to know that others want to feel liked, just as you do and a warm smile and hi helps them feel your liking of them.

What do you think?

Allan

[soh238]

I think you are right, but I think a lot of people struggle with self esteem. I have been borderline anorexic in the past, and have had other issues with social anxiety. I do what I can, though, and I believe that I am doing well in developing inner confidence. But I think that you are right, if I present a friendly outer presence, there would be no reason for me not to be received well.

[Guest GingerSnap]

Not being familiar with you, I would wonder what your age is as that does have a lot to do with how secure you are in the social arena, usually. Sometimes, we try to "fit" where we just don't. In high school, I was not in the "in" crowd and did not want to be. I was considered "shy" and boy, no one believes that now. I guess the reason is that school was just not my venue. I always enjoy watching "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion" and I was in the "C" group. Just thinking about being young makes me glad I am not. I guess to have any more of an opinion, I would need to know what kind of social situations you find yourself in. You may just not have found people that you can share a social relationship with and I bet you have a lot to offer the right group of people. Everyone has a "fit" but you sometimes have to try a few different situations to find where you belong and "click" you are there. It is about accepting yourself, being the best you can be and just sort of blowing off the rest of the people if it isn't good enough for them. You probably don't remember the song by Ricky Nelson, "Garden Party" and there is a line that says words to the effect "Well you can't please everyone so you got to please yourself." Years later when I heard that I said "Yeah! That's it." This all takes time and understanding but you'll get there.