I have a small penis

[2112_2112]

Hello everybody. So, where do I start from? :-)

Disclaimer - I might come off as bragging. I know. I definitely do not present myself in real life the way I'm going to do here. It's all for the sake of letting you know where I'm coming from. After all, nobody knows me on the internet... so please bear with me and please don't think I'm a show off - I really am not.

I'm in my late 20's and my life is in a good place: I'm good looking (tall, fit shape, blue eyes), I'm really skilled at my job and I can sell myself accordingly (so money's not a problem at all for me), I've got some nice friends and a happy social life overall. Everything's great - except for this "little" thing... I guess you all know what I'm talking about :-)

I get hit on regularly - at my job (I'm a contractor so I come in contact with a lot of different people - and a fair share of them are women), at bars, after concerts (I play guitar). Plus, I've studied and practiced seduction for quite a lot of time now. I have no problem getting women on a date (and in bed) with me.

The problems start when they see me naked the first time. I'm not extremely small (4.5 in, 4,5 around), mind you, so we're not talking about micropenis here. I can see the disappointment on their face right that moment but up to now nobody ever refused me sex. After that they either find an excuse not to see me again or try to go at it a couple more times before finding that excuse.

There are some who still want to stick around but they honestly are either not that attractive or have some major problems in their life. The good ones, the ones I see myself with, all fold after one or two nights.

I've confronted almost all of them about the reason why. The ones who were more willing to tell me the straight up truth were one night stands, the ones I went out on dates before usually don't say it out loud (but they let it definitely "slip" if pressured), some do - they're usually more sorry about it then I am.

Before you ask, I don't use my penis only in bed. I use my tongue and my hands and I believe I'm pretty good with them. I myself offer to use toys - but they're usually refusing that.

Basically I'm living a life of hedonism right now. I bed 2-3 different women every month - since I travel a lot because of work I fortunately avoid the "word of mouth" effect. I honestly don't see myself with a woman long term - the ones I want don't want to live with my penis. I'd like to have real intimacy in my life but not at the cost of "dating down", so to speak. Sorry if I come off as superficial but that's the way it is. Also, I don't want a woman to stay with me because either she can't find a better option or needs some staple in her life.

It was a couple of months ago that I found out that something called "Small penis syndrome" exists... and, I have to say, I was quite offended to know that it is not considered a "real" pathology. Try to say to someone who's in a wheelchair that suffers from "Impaired movement syndrome" and telling them "You can still move around like normal people, you just need to find someone who's not so biased towards people in a wheelchair to appreciate you". Having a smaller than normal penis is a real issue who's caused very real problems in my life - and I can do absolutely nothing to fix it.

So I am not even sure what to ask here. I just wanted to tell my story. Everywhere on the internet I've found forum like this who basically say that this is something that's just in your head. It hasn't certainly been like that for me. Thanks for reading.

[feelingbetter]

I was 4.75 when I met my now wife of 17 years. I now hover between 5-6 depending on the day. She is beautiful, smart, talented. She loves our sex. But she is not a westerner. She did not grow up to be conditioned to think bigger outweighs all things. I maintain you don't have a penis problem. You are a victim of 2 things. 1. Our society has conditioned many women to feel disappointed if a guy isn't a porn star size. This is a self fulfilling prophecy for the women. If they mentally feel disconnected due to preconceived size expectations, they wont enjoy sex as much. This is sad for both you guys as most men are going to disappoint

them until they mature enough to appreciate truly good sex. 2. The other issue is you are not yet able to see past the superficial qualities and thus are focused on the wrong type of woman for a truly meaningful long term relationship. It is possible the concept of the ones who want to stay with you are "settling" because they can't find better is in your head. Perhaps they are mature enough to recognize what a catch you are and allow themselves to fully enjoy sex with you. Whereas the "hotter" ones sabotage the situation with too much focus on one falsehood--ie, the size of your penis. A girl with that mentality is not good for you but you want what you can't have-- until a certain level of maturity comes. So again, their attitude and other factors are the source of what you experience, the actual size is not.

[2112_2112]

While society certainly has its influence, I don't think the women that have rejected me have done so only on a cultural basis. These women, some young, some not so, are very independent and successful in life, and they know very well what they want - it's not that they're just drinking the koolaid. As I said, one in particuar (but more if considering the "hints" they gave me) profusely apologized when she told me she didn't want to see me anymore.

I don't think these women were superficial - sex is a very important part in their life and if they know they won't be satisfied with me (and I believe they had all the experience they needed to know what they really want in bed) I find it correct to discard me as a partner. I think it's unfair to them to say that they aren't mature enough to know what they want from life, relationship and sex.

Same goes for me - actually, at this point I don't care so much about appearence anymore, as long as they're above a certain threshold it's fine by me. What I want is a strong and independent woman. I wasn't able to find one of that kind who wasn't disappointed with my size - and trust me, I've met many.

So when you say that size isn't really the problem, I believe that is not true. Rationalizing it away does no good in my opinion.

[feelingbetter]

You make me sad. I have been down the path you are going and unless you change your thinking, it wont end well. You have been convinced that the very complex process of meeting a life mate boils down to penis size. I am not significantly bigger than you but I have met, married, and fully sexually satisfied a wonderful woman-- for 19 years now. I am 39 years old, I have struggled with this penis size "issue" since was 15. I would think if you are not successful in your efforts, you would want to entertain the musings of someone like me. Obviously this forum is a very difficult medium to use to work this out as statements are necessarily generalized, I don't know you, I wasn't there on your dates or when you had sex. So I can't know everything, I only go on what you post. You come across as set in your conclusion your penis is inadequate and that is final. If you are only seeking validation, I cannot support your conclusion as I've been there and it is incorrect. This is an INCREDIBLY complex subject but if you are open to discussion on why your size is fine instead of on why it isn't, I'm here for you. I have no vested interest here, I only know the pain and suffering this feeling of inadequacy can bring-- I have been suicidal many times over it! If I can help a fellow man realize the REAL truth, its worth all the obsession I've done.

[2112_2112]

You have been convinced that the very complex process of meeting a life mate boils down to penis size.

Not at all. The women I get in bed do not get there on the promise (or even the hint) of a big penis I might possess. I believe that's because they're interested in me as a person - that's what finding a "life mate" should be about, right? Finding someone you're interested in and then building a relationship with him or her.

While they might, for a number of reason, accept me as a "life mate", they definitely don't as a "sex mate". For a whole lot of reasons, it seems to me that if women have an aspect they like to compromise when it comes to relationship, that's their sex life - as in, if they find a partner which is "good" for them but does not sexually satisfy them, they're usually happy with the bargain. What most likely happens to me is that I come across to women who don't have (or don't feel like they have) to compromise. So they're not willing to sacrifice their sexual satisfaction to be with me. Mind that I'm not one bit resentful towards them - actually, I understand their choices.

When finding a "sex mate" is a subset of finding a "life mate" then penis size matters, a lot. Of course if the women you meet willingly decide to discard the "sex mate" part for some other thing you offer them penis size don't matter anymore. It depends a lot on the woman in question - as I said already, not all the women rejected me.

If you are open to discussion on why your size is fine instead of on why it isn't, I'm here for you.

Thanks a lot for that - really, I appreciate. Of course I'm open to discussion (that's why I'm writing this post)... but I believe it should be a discussion at least in a philosophical way - no need to bring evidence to the table but at least let's try to argument with something different than "you're wrong" :-)

[feelingbetter]

Ok, I think I'm done here. You've attacked my approach and I feel belittled by your critique of my posts. I think there may be more going on here. If you make someone like me in a forum like this feel ticked off, there's a good chance there's a personality issue that is the reason these women are running for the hills. I wish you luck in figuring this out for yourself.

[feelingbetter]

Didn't intend to come back but decided on giving benefit of the doubt. Perhaps you intend to come across as intellectual and witty. Done correctly, this can be a good thing. Done with a hint of sarcasm or in a way detracting from another's intelligence is a HUGE turnoff. I have been guilty of this and have had to work hard to modify and soften this aspect of myself. My wife has been key in showing me this. If women sense this, they categorize a guy as a "know it all" and many women have said they'll hint at penis size problems to "bring you down a notch." Of course, we guys take them at their word not realizing there's more going on. I type these on my phone so it is very difficult to fully expand every idea so exploration and not jumping to conclusions is key, for both if us.

[2112_2112]

Well, I certainly didn't want to offend you, in any way. I've read my reply 3 times and I can't find even a hint of offensiveness in it. The only thing I've stated (and I do it again, seeing that nothing has changed) is that a discussion should be about presenting ideas, and those ideas should be backed with something more than "you're wrong". Or "you're mean", in this case.

I am really sorry to have "belittled" you. Really, that was so far away from my intention - I just wanted to point out what I see to be flaws in your reasoning. I think that If we can't do that to one another (pointing out why we're wrong), then there's no point in discussing at all.

[Notdoneyet]

2112 2112 You are living early in your life that which I presently live in the latter stages of mine.

After twenty years of marriage raising two other guy's children alleged to be mine, I decided that I would no longer be the proverbial "good guy" who can be lead around on a rope and believe anything I "wished" was true.

I now do much the same as you, but am not interested in any sort of long term relationship.

Should I eventually date the "one" who "might" be a keeper, I seriously doubt that I would culture anything long term with her since I have learned from my past that not all of us are marriage material.

Good luck.

[2112_2112]

Hi Notdoneyet. I'm really, really sorry for what happened to you, it's really horrible and it should be punished by law with much more severity than it actually happens.

One colleague of mine found her wife cheating on him, in his bed with another man, and she got to keep the house and the full custody of their son after divorce - now he's not even sure about if his child is actually his. After he's tried to kill himself he's been living with a friend of his and now things seems to be a little better for him.

I wish I had something to tell you that could help you, but I really don't. I've given up on finding a woman for a monogamous relationship too, I don't know if my post made it clear. A part of me would really like the comfort that comes from knowing that somebody is on your side, I certainly have to admit that - but overall, life is okay.

I don't want to make generalizations here but some of the women I've met were cruel, for a lack of a better word. I remember one in particular, married with children that ended in bed with me - she's been rambling at the bar, drunk, about how much she was sick of her husband's small cock all night... oh the irony :-)

[feelingbetter]

My only purpose in ever coming to this site was to try to inject some health and sanity into the current state of male existence in this modern culture where men are cultivated to feel they are spit. But if you've gone so far down the road of believing that lie yourself and only want to bemoan the negative crap we all see around us, it just feeds on itself. No reason to talk if no one is open to listening.

[feelingbetter]

Not an advert, I know everyone gets so on edge about that, but I'm reading What Men Know that Women Don't. It does an excellent job of defining what has happened to the modern male. You don't have to agree with everything but it is very eye opening and makes a lot if sense on why we guys feel crushed the way we do. Again, just trying to help if anyone is interested.

[feelingbetter]

@2112 x2--There you go again. It doesn't matter what your post makes you feel, I'm telling you it felt offensive just like this latest one-the wording comes across as sarcastic and arrogant. It matters what the person receiving it feels, not what you feel. If you can't grasp that, expect to find yourself alone. Like I said, for a long time I did the same thing and wondered why no one stayed around me for very long, then I wised up and started respecting the feedback they gave me. Magically, people started enjoying my company and my conversations.

[flander]

Well, I certainly didn't want to offend you, in any way. I've read my reply 3 times and I can't find even a hint of offensiveness in it.

I'm not sure what he considered offensive either. Oh well....

[IrmaJean]

Hello everyone. Let's step back and take a breath. Everyone's feelings matter. FB, there is something called projection in which we actually transfer our own feelings onto another person. All of us project at times (me too) and I really think the online medium makes this even easier to do. The person is not in front of us and so it becomes easy to transfer and project. Is it possible that is what is occuring here? Try going back and rereading the post when you are feeling calmer. In saying that, I agree that presenting different ways of thinking about this is a positive approach. Everyone, let's try again.

[feelingbetter]

Because he said I was trying to argue with him with simpleton methods such as "you're wrong". Firstly, I'm not here to argue with anyone--this is a site to help each other and not argue each other down. Secondly, I said if you've concluded "x", you are incorrect (in my view). It is simply expressing my view of the scenario and that's all. Can someone clarify for me what the point of this thread is again because it doesn't seem to be going anywhere productive, and I do love productive rather than destructive/depressing endeavors.

[2112_2112]

feelingbetter, once again I'm really sorry if I've offended you in any way. It really wasn't my intention. I've never said you're a "simpleton" or even implied it - I just said that your critique of my statement (aka: small penis syndrome is not a "syndrome", having a small penis (even not clinically a micropenis) severely impairs one's ability to form stable relationships with women) wasn't "fair" in my opinion - if you don't agree with someone and want to tell him, I believe it's proper to at least provide a reason why.

I'm not sure myself what's the real point of this thread. For example, I've read an article about small penis syndrome by a certain doctor "schwarz" on the internet, I believe he's an admin/user of this forum. It would be really interesting to hear what he has to say about the matter.

[feelingbetter]

Ok, that's what is so hard about discussions in forums, nuances are left out and assumptions are made with no good method to quickly clarify further what was meant. This is such a complex subject, that's why the forums are full and little progress is made. The assumption you seem to have made is that the only reason you haven't found your "soulmate" is because you have a 4.5 inch penis (lower average but still normal). That's a huge assumption. It seems from your post you have gravitated toward women who are eager to very quickly get physical, then build a relationship. This has never worked well. While the population of women you interact with may seem to slight your size, there are millions of men that are similar size as you who have successfully found a mate. There is no shortage of women on more reputable websites as well as women I've talked to who do not feel the slightest bit slighted in the sex department despite their partner being small. These are women who thoroughly enjoy sex because it is with someone they love, not because he stretched their vagina to the limit so they decided to build a life with the guy. I would like to ask if you've ever fallen in love with a girl and her with you before you had sex?

[feelingbetter]

I suppose what I'm trying to clarify is that the "small penis" thing isn't really a problem of size. I truly believe a man of your size is perfectly capable of sexually satisfying most any woman on a purely physical level--no, it wont "stretch and fill" like a big one, but it can be very pleasurable and adequate to satisfy--understanding satisfying sex is a whole body and soul experience, not just penetration. Now, if a woman has determined for whatever reason that the full stretched feeling is paramount over all other qualities you possess, she will not be satisfied because her psychology has predetermined her experience. Sadly, more and more women are taking this viewpoint as you have experienced. This view degrades men and distills you down to a "piece of meat", nothing more. Flip it around, if you told women you would not be with them unless you had sex to determine a certain level of vaginal tightness, you would correctly be crucified. Neither is it right for them to do it to men. U truly think the "syndrome" is due to distorted psychology, not due to a true inadequacy as a lover because of your size. There are still women who recognize your worth for all your assets and would be completely satisfied sexually by you because their psychology of love, relationships, sex and priorities isn't skewed. You aren't just a piece of meat to them, thus they are open to fully enjoy the pleasure you give them. These women are admittedly getting hard to find, thus the agony throughof guys go through.

[IrmaJean]

My thinking has always been that sexual intimacy is about love and sharing, not judgment and measurements. You deserve to be with a woman who accepts and loves you as you are. Take care.

[feelingbetter]

Thank you, Irmajean. Sadly, I feel the younger generation is much more gravitated to the view that physical attributes come first. Anyone (I'm so lucky to be one) who has had true intimate sex with someone they love will attest to the fact it is the best experience ever and has very little to do with specific physical attributes. Admittedly, a basic level of skill at lovemaking is needed (not good if you are really inept ;-) ) Being into each other emotionally, then learning and exploring each others bodies and mastering pleasuring each other just can't be beat.

[flander]

Flip it around, if you told women you would not be with them unless you had sex to determine a certain level of vaginal tightness, you would correctly be crucified.

they must be getting the hint though since apparently "vaginal rejuvenation" is starting to become a lucrative procedure for the medical tourism industry in places like Singapore.

There are still women who recognize your worth for all your assets

no gold diggers wanted. I've had dealt with them enough

and would be completely satisfied sexually by you because their psychology of love, relationships, sex and priorities isn't skewed. You aren't just a piece of meat to them, thus they are open to fully enjoy the pleasure you give them. These women are admittedly getting hard to find, thus the agony throughof guys go through.

nor do I want to go the mail order bride route because I think the single version of the women you describe is extinct in the West.

[2112_2112]

Sadly, I feel the younger generation is much more gravitated to the view that physical attributes come first.

I'm not sure if it is fair to describe their behavior as shallow. Physical attributes shouldn't come first, I agree with that. Usually, also the women I date agree with that too. But they still have some importance, which is not marginal.

Let's make a thought experiment here. Let's say you've met a woman and you get along great. When it comes to you two having sex the first time, you find out she has no vagina, or ass, and your dick doesn't fit in her mouth. Basically, you can't have intercourse with her. Sure, she can still give you an handjob but, honestly, are you willing to stay with such a woman?

If the answer is "yes", why is that? Because, if you have choices and if you think about it, why should you sacrifice a big part of your sex life to stay with that woman, when there's plenty other out there who can give you what you want sexually? Is it worth it?

My thinking has always been that sexual intimacy is about love and sharing, not judgment and measurements. You deserve to be with a woman who accepts and loves you as you are.

Sexual intimacy is certainly something that goes beyond penis size, I totally agree with that, but it's hard to be intimate with someone who "turns you off" because of a physical feature of his. I believe It's nothing about measurements or judgment here - it's just about having a basic need satisfied.

Does "Acceptance" means "it's not as I wish it was but I'll go along with it anyway" to you? Because it's one of those words which have no well defined meaning, so it's difficult to talk about it. Don't even get me started about "love" :-)

[gone]

Great thread!

Does "Acceptance" means "it's not as I wish it was but I'll go along with it anyway" to you? Because it's one of those words which have no well defined meaning, so it's difficult to talk about it. Don't even get me started about "love" :-)

That's a great sentance. I always thought of it as compromise. I've got to think most men would hate to go through life knowing they were the biggest sexual compromise of their wife/girlfriend/significant others life.

John

[IrmaJean]

I don't and never would have any "wishes" about the size of a man's penis. If I am with a man that I love of course I'm going to appreciate and value his body just as it is. This is a part of him and the sharing is a gift. It's about getting to know a person and recognizing them. I have always though of sexual intimacy as a sacred act, but then I'm an idealist at heart.

How can I best support you in this?