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I have a small penis


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thanks! Everyone needs a talent and if spotting psycho-babble & BS is mine, I'm fine with that.

nope. It is the women that I've encountered are the ones that have made that argument, especially my ex-wife. Given that the other men that I've unfortunately observed are larger than the so-called average, I can't really blame them for having high standards since that's what they're used to.

as far as lumping me into the playboy/player stereotype that jumps from woman to woman....thanks for the laugh. I needed it.

I am not spouting BS and I'd appreciate it if you can try to be helpful and not spiteful.

It is your choice to take what hateful women say as reality and ignore that their ulterior motives and/or frank shallow nature are the problem, not you.

Other than the above, you need to stop taking what I post personally unless I make it clear I am directing it specifically at you (as below). I do not direct my postings directly at any one person--I mean these things in generality as I realize you are not the only person reading this forum and I have no clue who you are, what lifestyle you are leading, nor what it is you want from life. I apologize if you thought I was directing any of that specifically at you, it was meant as a generalization.

I am curious if you expect the negativity that you bring to the discussion is a helpful thing? It seems you were burnt badly by at least one woman in your life and it seems to have been in a way very different from the OP (you were committed, possibly in love, whereas he doesn't paint that picture). Yours is much much more difficult to recover from if at all. Several of my friends have sworn off any serious interaction with women forever due to being burned so badly. I can't say I blame them, but we guys are largely responsible for passively allowing the creation of a society where a woman can so cruelly and without sound basis rape a man emotionally, financially and otherwise. But, we've got this society now and unless men as a collective decide enough is enough and tip the balance back to a less female dominated dynamic, we'll continue to suffer. Its sad but what can we do about it?

I don't know the specifics of your situation, but if your exwife is shallow enough to dump you over penis size, you really are better off without her. I don't blame you if you don't want to risk it with another woman who may turn out to be the same way, but I do hope you realize the problem is her, not you.

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I think I'm fairly comfortable about "what I want in life". I gave the married life a whirl for twenty one years and, in the end, all I got out of it was losing 75% of what I owned, (most of it earned before entering in the one way sham marriage) and came out looking like a blithering idiot to the folks who I once considered to be friends.

All I can say to any younger guy who shares what most of us here consider to be a handicap is to not put a lot of faith in others if you plan on any long term relationships.

I am truly sorry to hear that, it is an epidemic in this female dominated society we've allowed to be created. Two of my partners are currently struggling to maintain their marriages and I doubt they'll succeed due to their wives being unwillingly to compromise in any way (why should they, everything is weighted in their favor) as well as being surrounded by many, many divorced friends. In this current environment, I cannot say for or against the long term thing--its a huge crap shoot with a potential huge downside I know. Unfortunately, the single/playboy life is unfulfilling in its own way. No great options here. Many of my friends wives have left them, most for no good reason I can discern. Occassionally I hear about a guy leaving first or a guy doing something that justifies her leaving, but usually she's "just not happy".

The only message I want to get across here is that no, we guys aren't perfect, but neither are these women. As well, the hateful stuff they spew out does not serve as proof that we guys are inadequate or "handicapped", it only serves as proof that they view men as beneath them, not as equals, but as "subhumans" that only serve the female's selfish needs for materialism and casual sex. These women are no better than the old fashioned male chauvinist who saw a woman as a maid with a vagina and boobs. To hang your sense of adequacy and self worth on this kind of woman's supposed viewpoint is just not right. Get angry--at her, at society, etc, just don't let it get to you to the point you see yourself as "less" than any other guy. He's got just as many flaws and issues as you do, I guarantee. If he truly happens to have a big penis she claims to prize, it doesn't mean she views him as worth any more as a man--he's just too stupid to realize it.

I came across a book called What Men Know that Women Don't, it was written by a guy who was, like so many others, wrongfully raped by a woman he put through school. It gives an awesome perspective on this scenario and is one of the major reasons I now see the scenario as very different and much more clearly than before.

I used to be sucked into the void of telling myself I was useless and less of a man because I believed this societal crap about big penises. There was a point I could not bring myself to think that a bigger penis would feel better than mine without sinking into a deep depression. Now, I can honestly say that I'm sure a bigger penis MIGHT (I don't know for sure) give my wife more pleasure during penetration, but I know that's not the point AT ALL. I realize if she has decided she doesn't want to share intimacy with ME and goes looking for a big penis, that that reflects a rift in our "soul connection" and represents a misguided attempt by her to "fill a void"--a void that won't be filled by any sized penis and she'll ultimately continue to be miserable inside.

The simplest way I can say it is, she has sex with me, the person, David, and my penis is a part of that experience--despite not being huge, it is a very pleasurable part of it. That is the way sex is meant to be. If she decides to pervert it and choose a sexual partner based solely on one single body part, thats her perogative but it reflects inappropriate priorities and doesn't mean I have a problem. She will not find happiness as long as she has this mentality and I do not long to be with a woman like that. I no longer sit and wish I had the pecker sufficient enough to win her favor, to convince her I am worthy of her sex. She is screwed up if she has this mentality and I want no part of it and I definitely don't hang my self worth or my sexual ability on her assessment of it.

Ok, I'm going in circles cause I'm very tired. Look into the book, it is eye opening on how screwed up we've allowed society to become. Our current path won't end well--what is the longest lasting female dominated society in history? I can't think of one--they have existed but not for long. The book outlines the reasons for this.

Let me be clear, equal is fine, domination by either is not good. We don't have equal, we have complete female domination. Recognize this and figure out the screwed up perspectives this has created and you'll start to realize why you are not handicapped, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are not perfect, but you are far from the loathsome creature society and many women would have you believe you are.

AGAIN, these are generalizations, if it doesn't apply to you, please don't take it personally--I do not intend it to be so.

Thanks!

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I am not spouting BS and I'd appreciate it if you can try to be helpful and not spiteful.

It is your choice to take what hateful women say as reality and ignore that their ulterior motives and/or frank shallow nature are the problem, not you.

Other than the above, you need to stop taking what I post personally unless I make it clear I am directing it specifically at you (as below). I do not direct my postings directly at any one person--I mean these things in generality as I realize you are not the only person reading this forum and I have no clue who you are, what lifestyle you are leading, nor what it is you want from life. I apologize if you thought I was directing any of that specifically at you, it was meant as a generalization.

I am curious if you expect the negativity that you bring to the discussion is a helpful thing? It seems you were burnt badly by at least one woman in your life and it seems to have been in a way very different from the OP (you were committed, possibly in love, whereas he doesn't paint that picture). Yours is much much more difficult to recover from if at all. Several of my friends have sworn off any serious interaction with women forever due to being burned so badly. I can't say I blame them, but we guys are largely responsible for passively allowing the creation of a society where a woman can so cruelly and without sound basis rape a man emotionally, financially and otherwise. But, we've got this society now and unless men as a collective decide enough is enough and tip the balance back to a less female dominated dynamic, we'll continue to suffer. Its sad but what can we do about it?

I don't know the specifics of your situation, but if your exwife is shallow enough to dump you over penis size, you really are better off without her. I don't blame you if you don't want to risk it with another woman who may turn out to be the same way, but I do hope you realize the problem is her, not you.

Seriously? I still honestly can't decide if you're astroturfing for the self esteem site you originally posted or some sort of mail order bride service specializing in little Asian women untainted by the evils of Western feminism. I don't have the time or money for either one even if I did find Asian gals attractive. Some guys do, some guys don't. I'm in the latter, but make no judgement against the guys in the former group. If you're both happy, that's great.

I don't think it's a matter of feminine dominance as much as just women a generation or two beyond the sexual revolution being completely free to express what they want and to go for it. If you listen to the anthropologists and others, it's why the human penis to body ratio is much larger than the other primates. (of course the ability to freely choose by females has apparently had other ramifications http://www.people.fas.harvard.edu/~iversen/PDFfiles/LottKenny.pdf )

The following were comments on a thread by several middle class, middle aged women apparently having just having fun in response to an animated gif of an underwear model with his dick moving in a circle like a clock

"great photo...he needs to be longer so it just doesn't peek out the top"

"...I don't think size matters all that much, although I do prefer 8in"

"little dicks are only good for anal, so unless he's bringing a friend, don't bother"

"length is ok, but I'm happy if he's as big around as my wrist"

"HP: yeah, thick ones are great. You know I didn't marry SE because of his money or his smile. ;)"

"SE: What? I thought you liked my smile. You said I had a purdy mouth :( "

"HP: you know I was fantasizing about being a dentist, hon"

....

"HP: what are you supposed to do if your hubby takes a Viagra pill and has an erection that lasts for more than 4 hours?"

...insert discussion about SE needing to go to the hospital, etc.

"HP: no girls, you know the right answer is that you ride that bad boy as long as you can. He can take his own damn self to the hospital once you've passed out."

"SE: it's the only way she ever lets me show off to the ER nurses"

"J: at least that's a medical excuse. Whenever CW gets drunk at a party, he'll whip it out and start knocking shit over with the damn thing"

"CW: Hey, isn't that how we met? I thought you liked that?"

"J: Yes I do, but that ring on your finger means that I get exclusive access to your talent, K?"

etc, etc.

catty? yes. Spiteful? probably only for guys with SPS. Otherwise probably not much different than if they were off in a corner in a coffee shop and it was a diversion from yakking about music, gardening, or shoes (anything but another damn shoe thread!!!), not a reason to bash guys. They're actually nice people in person. They do recognize that I'm the quiet & reserved one at any gatherings, don't know all the reasons why, but are glad that I'm the sober one to make sure everyone gets home ok and has an accurate memory of what happened.

As far as the ex-wife goes, we did do the entire "exploration to gain intimate knowledge of each other and experimentation" thing for years. It took us 6 years to get her to the point of being able to have a little orgasm without an electro-mechanical "helper". Six years, a lot of frustration, and an exhausting (if not sometimes painful for me) process resulting in 10 seconds of bliss for her, and didn't happen often. In contrast, several years earlier future husband #1 aka Mr Donkey Dick #1 gave her several intense orgasms the first time they slept together, which was a few hours after she told me over the phone that she had met someone else and our 2 year relationship was over. Over the next week or two, she thoroughly enjoyed herself for hours at a time and had sex as many times as we had during the previous 12 months of "exploring and experimenting" when she was wondering why other women made such a fuss about sex. Fast forward a few years after I got out of the monastery er.. college, she changes her mind and decides a little dick that won't leave her and that has a steady job is better than a big one with employment and abandonment issues. So she plays the part of a happy wife for a few years, pretending to enjoy it. But she slips at times and says things like "are you in yet?" after intercourse has initially started, "hey, can't find your dick, where'd it go?" in the middle of the night or in the morning when she can feel it a little better... "go deeper. why are you stopping half way in?", move less than an inch further "that's all the way in" "Oh...". But when she was mad, the "little limp dick" insults always came out. Eventually, she didn't bother pretending and leaving was a win-win. She didn't have to feel guilty or sneak around to have Mr Donkey Dick #N screw her brains out and could enjoy sex without all the hassle. Plus, she got a steady income as ordered by the court, could spend it anyway she wanted and I couldn't say jack.

So, yeah. I'm a playboy now hopping from divorcee to divorcee that is desperate enough to think that me paying for a dinner & a movie is preferable to watching TV at home. I pray that they don't go on rants about their ex-husbands, especially about their worthless little penises or gesturing about how big they were and make me envious of their former spouses. But if it goes well, then they get really disappointed. Yep. I hop around and get more hang time than the MTV spaceman. So much so that I haven't touched the ground in a decade - still in mid hop.

But this must all be aberrant experiences from a parallel dimension. No way can real people behave like that. Nope. I just have to change my mindset and it will all be like some romantic comedy.

:( Edited by flander
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But this must all be aberrant experiences from a parallel dimension. No way can real people behave like that. Nope. I just have to change my mindset and it will all be like some romantic comedy.

:(

Flander, I sincerely appreciate the background info--I was going to ask for some more details so I could more fully understand your perspective. I never intended to come here to say anyone wasn't experiencing something real or severely painful--actually I knew guys on this site have severe deep pain (mine was largely self inflicted and thus not nearly as severe as yours--and as much as I cried and beat myself up, I can't see how you've managed to cope). Obviously we two look at scenarios from different angles and that's fine. I am not here to say "do this and all will go perfectly" or "everything that has happened to you is all in your head" in any way. All I intend to do is share the path I've walked, learn the paths others have walked, and do our best to help each other gain a deeper perspective and hopefully progress to a happier state of existence. How successful will that be? Hell, I don't know, this is a brand new endeavor for me and mistakes have already been made but I'm learning. What I don't want to happen is for guys like you to view me as some kind of enemy or someone to direct anger and belittlement at--there's plenty of women to through that stuff our way without us doing it to each other. I want to understand and if I can, help in some way.

It sounds like your ex had serious issues with belittling you. I full well realize I wasn't there when you guys were trying things and if my observations are off point, just say so. It seems to be pretty well documented that the major factor that prevents women from achieving orgasm is mental hangups. In other words, if they aren't mentally turned on, they won't orgasm. The fact that she so easily made hurtful comments toward your penis seems to indicate that she was mentally turned off whenever you guys were together. Is it because she really didn't care for your? Is it possible she had such a hangup on big penises (mentally, not just physically) that she could not mentally engage and thus get to orgasm? Or, is it possible she never loved you and in some way despised you, thus creating the block? Of all the tens of thousands if not millions of words I've read (supposedly all written by women :-) ) the women who stated their preference for a larger penis essentially never linked it to easier or better orgasms-just that it gave a nice full feeling and actually quite a few admitted that that full feeling detracted from the clitoral/gspot stimulation needed for them to orgasm thus actually making orgasm harder to achieve from penetration. Of course, there were a couple of rare ones that said that deep sensation was the best way for them to orgasm and it is possible your ex was one of those. The vast majority of women state that the only way for them to orgasm is without a penis at all, but direct stimulation of the clitoris.

Again, from the things you say she was saying to you, it seems to me she never respected you. I doubt she ever saw you as an equal. This is the form of feminism I allude to, where a woman only views a man as a penis, not as a person-the modern day female equivalent of a male chauvinist. I know its a little more complicated than that, but thats the core issue as I see it.

It sounds like you got linked up with a pretty awful woman (not uncommon these days unfortunately).

Based on the amount of hurt I sense from you, would it be safe to say you gave this woman your heart?

Again, please understand I am simply exploring and throwing out thoughts--not judgments nor conclusions that these things are the reality. I merely want to induce dialogue and understanding, thats all.

So far as the Asian thing, she was the furthest thing from a mail order bride--thats kind of insulting and I'm not sure why it keeps coming up. I never said anyone should go out and get an Asian woman. Actually, I always saw myself with a California type, blonde blue eyed, but met my current wife and life took over. I simply laid out the details of my life to better explain my current point of view, not to suggest guys go out and get an Asian girl--actually some of her "friends" are worse than American girls at running down and sleeping around on their husbands.

May I ask what your measurements are? What size is it you guys typically would classify as a "handicap"? I myself and 5-5.5 long and 4.75-5 girth. I shrivel up like crazy when flaccid--that actually drives me crazier than anything.

Another question that popped into my head, Flander, who would you say is in control of your life now?

Lastly, I'm not exactly sure what "astroturfing" means here, but my counselor suggested that site and I did find it very useful in opening my eyes to how low I viewed myself and how that was coloring everything, including my perception of my penis size and its importance. I realize its like some super criminal thing to do to mention another website in a forum, but I do not have any connection to it other than it helped me, so I mentioned it as something that might help others. I still am not clear on why thats such a horrible thing to do but if it has significantly offended someone here, I do apologize.

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As far as the ex-wife goes, we did do the entire "exploration to gain intimate knowledge of each other and experimentation" thing for years.

When I stated this as my view of the best way to optimize a satisfying sexual relationship, it was assumed that that non-physical intimacy and knowledge of each other had reached a significantly deeper plane. It doesn't sound from the way your ex spoke to you that she ever connected with you on that deeper emotional plane. Perhaps this sabotaged the entire relationship and especially the physical. Your vantage point tells you its all because you had a physical handicap. The way I see it, the handicap was that you were in a relationship with a woman who had no interest in giving you her heart but instead was with you because you were stable and didn't cheat. I seriously doubt given her motivations to be with you that the relationship would have gone the distance even if you'd been packing. To take that thought further, would you be satisfied finding out years down the road that this woman didn't care for you but stayed around because you had a big penis? Or, is the thinking that a big penis will actually INDUCE a woman to have deep emotional feelings for you? I've never considered they could be creatures bent that way (its pretty demeaning to suggest they could operate this way, but they have shown just how low they can sink, as low as any man I know) as I could never imagine that I would grow to love a girl that I couldn't stand just because she gave great blowjobs, etc. I do like exploring these thoughts and I hope you don't take offense at my chasing rabbits and throwing things out there for consideration-I really am just trying to sort through these complicated issues.

Thanks,

FB

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Guest cokeaine

Some things I have done for myself is to lose weight, especially around the stomach and hip/pelvis area. It makes it look much bigger for me. I have also shaved the entire area as well as done jelqing exercises to help myself. I don't think the jelqing actually does a whole lot, it just makes the penis bigger for a certain amount of time when it is flaccid (non erect).

But to me, if a women is so focused on one part of the body, then they are too superficial for me.

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As far as the ex-wife goes, we did do the entire "exploration to gain intimate knowledge of each other and experimentation" thing for years.

When I stated this as my view of the best way to optimize a satisfying sexual relationship, it was assumed that that non-physical intimacy and knowledge of each other had reached a significantly deeper plane. It doesn't sound from the way your ex spoke to you that she ever connected with you on that deeper emotional plane. Perhaps this sabotaged the entire relationship and especially the physical. Your vantage point tells you its all because you had a physical handicap. The way I see it, the handicap was that you were in a relationship with a woman who had no interest in giving you her heart but instead was with you because you were stable and didn't cheat. I seriously doubt given her motivations to be with you that the relationship would have gone the distance even if you'd been packing. To take that thought further, would you be satisfied finding out years down the road that this woman didn't care for you but stayed around because you had a big penis? Or, is the thinking that a big penis will actually INDUCE a woman to have deep emotional feelings for you? I've never considered they could be creatures bent that way (its pretty demeaning to suggest they could operate this way, but they have shown just how low they can sink, as low as any man I know) as I could never imagine that I would grow to love a girl that I couldn't stand just because she gave great blowjobs, etc. I do like exploring these thoughts and I hope you don't take offense at my chasing rabbits and throwing things out there for consideration-I really am just trying to sort through these complicated issues.

Thanks,

FB

feelingbetter, I think you are finally getting the drift about what SOME of us have encountered. It's a fact that SOME women will hang with a guy who can provide for them financially in spite of any perceived "handicaps" they may have to deal with. Women like this don't hang a sign around their necks stating just who they REALLY are and prove to be quite adept at concealing it. Some for MANY years. Once they get their claws into a guy, the first hint may be merely that they prove to be "too tired" to offer sex to their dimwitted husband while, unknowing to him, they are banging the guy down the street while dimwit is toiling away bringing home the bacon.

Let me say, if you find you've been saddled with a woman like this for over twenty years and she finally decides to cut you loose by coming "clean", it will sour you on long term relationships permanently.:cool:

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you were in a relationship with a woman who had no interest in giving you her heart but instead was with you because you were stable and didn't cheat.
She confirmed that after the divorce.
To take that thought further, would you be satisfied finding out years down the road that this woman didn't care for you but stayed around because you had a big penis?
as long as she was a good wife, I wouldn't really care why.

People have lots of different preferences when it comes to finding a spouse. I don't see why weeding someone out because of a physical attribute is any more shallow than doing the same thing due to a personality or character attribute that they don't have or over something that they do have, but you don't like.

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I think it's unfair to accuse a woman of being a superficial tramp because she has a preference for big cocks. Everybody has there own things they're into. If a man likes redheads does that make him superficial or shallow?

I've gotta agree. I've always defined a size queen as a woman who finds out you're underhung, and then publicly makes fun of you, derides you, gossips about you to everyone.

A lady that doesn't lead you on, doesn't lie to you and quietly says no thank you later simply has a preferance.

I guess really doesn't it come down to respect and honesty?

John

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I've gotta agree. I've always defined a size queen as a woman who finds out you're underhung, and then publicly makes fun of you, derides you, gossips about you to everyone.

A lady that doesn't lead you on, doesn't lie to you and quietly says no thank you later simply has a preferance.

I guess really doesn't it come down to respect and honesty?

John

I classify them has "history". Especially if they spend my money on the guys they want to be with instead of me.

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Some things I have done for myself is to lose weight, especially around the stomach and hip/pelvis area. It makes it look much bigger for me. I have also shaved the entire area as well as done jelqing exercises to help myself. I don't think the jelqing actually does a whole lot, it just makes the penis bigger for a certain amount of time when it is flaccid (non erect).

But to me, if a women is so focused on one part of the body, then they are too superficial for me.

Thanks man, this is a post in the right direction. This belief that just because a woman is pretty, great body, intelligent, successful, independent or just plain female that she has the right to demean a man (yes, that's what is happening when a person puts TOO much emphasis on a body part rather than seeing that person as an equal PERSON) has got to be examined. It is false. It is destructive. Yes, you may limit your choices by eliminating these women from your "pool" but who cares? I for one would rather be alone that with a woman who viewed me as a walking penis for her pleasure. Selling yourself cheap that way reveals a severely low self esteem and I refuse to do that anymore.

Thanks again, if you keep up the positive attitude, you may stand a chance of finding a quality woman and showing her you are a quality man who will care for her, etc, but who won't be trampled by her. It is a delicate balance a lot of guys have trouble with. With the RIGHT girl, sex is enjoyable and the penis size plays no role in the satisfaction--because the satisfaction lies in the fact that two people who care deeply for each other have just expressed their feelings through pleasuring each other. How do you think lesbians feel satisfied with their sex lives? Huge dildos?? I have a few lesbian friends and they range from no toys to average toys to big toys but they ALL say its not about the specific acts, it is about WHO they are doing it with. It seems that is a very difficult concept for some, but it is absolutely the way to satisfaction. Finding that right person is not always easy, nobody said it was a cake walk. But when you do, all this other BS somehow goes away.

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I've gotta agree. I've always defined a size queen as a woman who finds out you're underhung, and then publicly makes fun of you, derides you, gossips about you to everyone.

A lady that doesn't lead you on, doesn't lie to you and quietly says no thank you later simply has a preferance.

I guess really doesn't it come down to respect and honesty?

John

You guys aren't getting the point of my post. Of course everyone has PREFERENCES. But, when a person uses one single body part to negate everything else about that person or to demean that person, that is superficial. For example, I posted I always had a preference for blonde hair blue eyes. I am still a sucker if a pretty blonde asks me to do something. But, my wife--the PERSON (not the walking vagina or head of hair) has black hair and eyes. And I LOVE them, because I love THE PERSON and those are a part of her. Do I prefer a smooth flat belly? Sure, who doesn't? But am I going to leave her because now she has a wrinkly soft belly from three pregnancies? HELL NO! I love that wrinkly belly because its HERS and it reminds me of the love we share that led to those 3 kids she carried for us (yes, they are mine ;-)) Now, some negative person is going to say I wouldn't have married her if the wrinkles were there from the start, that's just bogus--I go for personality and soul, not for body parts. I just happened to get lucky on getting a pretty girl, even if she didn't fit my "preferences".

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feelingbetter, I think you are finally getting the drift about what SOME of us have encountered. It's a fact that SOME women will hang with a guy who can provide for them financially in spite of any perceived "handicaps" they may have to deal with. Women like this don't hang a sign around their necks stating just who they REALLY are and prove to be quite adept at concealing it. Some for MANY years. Once they get their claws into a guy, the first hint may be merely that they prove to be "too tired" to offer sex to their dimwitted husband while, unknowing to him, they are banging the guy down the street while dimwit is toiling away bringing home the bacon.

Let me say, if you find you've been saddled with a woman like this for over twenty years and she finally decides to cut you loose by coming "clean", it will sour you on long term relationships permanently.:cool:

Notdoneyet, once again you assume I wasn't getting it. I didn't want to assume any given persons specific scenario, but I have watched what has happened to many of my friends as well as the many people I've talked to as part of my job. I know whats out there and it is sickening. The reason I keep posting here is because I sense that several guys on this site have mistakenly concluded from the awful events that have occurred in their lives that something is terribly wrong with them physically. The reality is there are awful, terrible women out there. They will string you along as you know and use you for what they can until they "find a better deal" or just decide for a change of scenery. This is of course assuming that none of you guys played any role in the demise of the relationship. This is usually not the case but sometimes I have found the guy is completely duped and innocent. To take what these women do and use it to bury yourself in a tomb of depression and misery is just not right. It takes the awful things they did and makes it even worse. Most women when they split, for whatever reason, find it necessary to hurt the guy as much as possible on leaving. This includes demeaning penis remarks, unsatisfactory sex remarks, etc. I think they play on the sex angle the most as they know it does the deepest damage and this thread is proof that they have succeeded. So, while she has moved on and proceeds to sucking the life out of some other poor sap without one thought of you, you live in a dungeon of darkness, brooding over what the lying witch said. She already proved that she was a liar, her whole time with you was a lie. So why, now, do you take her comments on penis size and sexual satisfaction as the gospel truth? Because you already believed it about yourself, thats why. Until you can see that you are ok, that you are a PERSON, not a body part, that you deserve happiness and companionship just as much as and arguably more than this cretin of a woman, you will continue to believe the lies

It is clear from some of the posts that guys have very low self esteem going into the relationship. No self-respecting guy would stick around while his wife demeans him the way some posts have read--he had to have believed it about himself already or felt he somehow deserved the abuse to tolerate it. I have been there, I tolerated abuse from my wife before she matured a little and before I grew a pair and told her I wasn't taking that mess anymore. She actually respected me much more for standing up for myself. Now, what kind of woman seeks out a man who looks down upon himself? An abusive woman does. He's the only one who will tolerate her abuse. Most abusive women will leave you once you stand up to her and will move on to the next shmuck and thats the way you want it to be.

Quality women are getting extremely hard to find, I believe. But, if you come across one, you better be damn sure you are a quality guy or she won't want to mess with straightening you out unless she's a saint--and those are even more rare, maybe extinct. Based on the posts I've been reading, most guys here would not come across as quality guys with the mentality exhibited. That can be changed. You don't have to continue to let women from your past control your lives and your minds. You really do have control over them, she only has the control you allow her to have.

NONE of what I post has any intention of diminishing the pain and suffering any guy has had inflicted upon him by life--I full well understand that a deep level of suffering is what brings guys to a website such as this. None of us can avoid life and the pain it brings, but we can take control of what impact it has upon us and once we've been cast on the rocky shore, battered, bruised, bleeding, do we lay there forever, lamenting the storm that came, or do we heal ourselves, pick up and move on, hopefully being wiser so as not to be caught in the same storm twice? Theres no guarantees of course, but I want to be the guy who keeps moving on, learning and growing wiser, not the one who lays on the shore and says there's no use, its too hard.

I fully realize that I cannot lead anyone out of a mindset--we are the only ones who can change our minds. No one led me out of my prison I had created, I slowly started wondering why I felt the way I did and why it hurt so deeply, then started exploring my past and my perceptions and slowly pieced it together and realized I had missed some major points in this whole life business. I simply intend to present my views and if somebody decides to start the process of healing, maybe what I have come to understand will help that process.

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She confirmed that after the divorce.

as long as she was a good wife, I wouldn't really care why.

People have lots of different preferences when it comes to finding a spouse. I don't see why weeding someone out because of a physical attribute is any more shallow than doing the same thing due to a personality or character attribute that they don't have or over something that they do have, but you don't like.

You've provided some insight that is valuable. You don't recognize it, but you have a significant flaw in your view of a relationship. If you feel its ok for a woman to stick with you simply because you have a big penis, you don't have what it takes to succeed in a long term relationship. Sound, mutually satisfying, successful long term relationships are not built around body parts. They are built around personalities and commonalities in belief systems. That is why a person should be selected or rejected based upon personality, character traits, belief systems--those are the things that remain the most constant and will support or tear apart a relationship over the struggles of a lifetime--say her mother whom she is very close to dies. Do you seriously think its your big penis and not your loving support that will mean the most to her? Apply that to any life struggle and you'll start to see what is important and what is just "golly gee whiz". Sure, there needs to be a basic level of physical chemistry and physical compatibility, but not to the exaggerated degree you seem to support.

I suspect from our conversation so far that you do not believe in a person as a soul and that love is either not a real entity or is simply a vague term for chemical reactions in the brain. If this is so, you really don't stand a chance at feeling right about yourself and certainly not a chance of finding a quality woman. You posted a conversation that as best I can tell was carried out by your "friends". I shared that conversation with quite a few of my friends, male and female. The overwhelming consensus was that you need to find a new crowd to hang around ( yeah, I know you won't agree, thats ok) as that kind of conversation is carried out by shallow, vulgar people. Given your current state of mentality, they are the worst thing you can be around. I don't know if it is possible for you to find some decent, positive people who don't carry on about a guy and his dick that way, but if you could I think it would be a great move to make. Just a suggestion.

And, about who is in control of your life--your ex wife is. She will continue to exert this control as long as you give credence to her words (why believe a liar--is it because you believed it before she said it?)

Anyway, I realize none of this likely means anything to you at this point, I guess I just enjoy typing a lot LOL!

FB

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I would like to open the topic of porn and its place in the penis size issue as well as linking to some of the things that have been posted so far.

Anyone interested in sharing how much porn they tend to watch, what type and how they feel this impacts their view of penis size?

I have some thoughts I've developed on this but I would like to hear from others if possible, assuming I haven't attained "enemy number one" status in this thread yet (if so, I'll just post my thoughts maybe somebody will comment).

FB

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You've provided some insight that is valuable. You don't recognize it, but you have a significant flaw in your view of a relationship. If you feel its ok for a woman to stick with you simply because you have a big penis, you don't have what it takes to succeed in a long term relationship.
Who are you to judge the reasons why one person loves another? Do you pester your wife to find out why she loved you X years ago to see if they are the same reasons she loves you now? If so, your wife must be a bloody saint to put up with you. My marriage failed because it was a sham. She had me fooled into thinking that she loved me which in reality was a lie. Emotional satisfaction aside, none of that changes the fact that she had considerably less physical enjoyment during sex with me than any of her more endowed lovers/boy-toys/whatever. It still would have been the case if she had loved me.

[ why do people keep trying to bring up lesbians to make the case that penis size is irrelevant? Sheesh. Haven't any of you people watched "Chasing Amy"? ]

Anyway, I realize none of this likely means anything to you at this point, I guess I just enjoy typing a lot LOL!

FB

the only two things I can say I agree with since you started posting.
I have to ask..........feelingbetter, are you just here trolling or do you truly believe all of the utter bullshit you have spewed in this thread?
what about all of the above? No doubt there's a book or website that explains how to surround yourself with "quality women" instead of the shallow and/or vulgar people that everywhere else. :(
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All of you know that I respect everyone's feelings here. I would never want to minimize anyone's pain or struggle. I can say, though, that (over the years) I have seen a pattern in the responses by many who post here. My sense is that (and correct me if I'm sensing wrong) there seems to be some purpose in "proving" your view to others. Why is that? Truths aren't black and white either. If your truth causes you pain, wouldn't it possibly be beneficial to be open to stretching those beliefs? Challenging your thinking and beliefs does not have to equate with denying your hurt or what you've been through in the past. It just means the past doesn't necessarily dictate the future. Things can get better, but you have to allow for the possibility in order for that to happen.

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I would be extremely happy if a gal wanted to go out and be my companion just for the sake of enjoying my company. Someone content to be there just for -me-. Unfortunately, I've come to the conclusion that those that I've gone out with since 1985 have done so for some combination of: a) I was going to pick up the tab or pay for something that she wanted and :) she needed her computer fixed or some other chore.

frankly, I'm tired of the pompous "our shit doesn't stink" attitude and the "you need to find a good quality woman" non-advice. It isn't as if anyone is going "hmmm...she doesn't appear to be a gold-digging succubus and/or a size queen....nah, I'll pass. Those GDS's are awesome..I gotta have one of those and I just love the look of disappointment. Those silent vacant expressions during sex really turn me on! Whoohoo!". :(

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My sense is that (and correct me if I'm sensing wrong) there seems to be some purpose in "proving" your view to others. Why is that? Truths aren't black and white either.

You sense right. Imagine, just for a moment, to be in a wheelchair. You can't function normally, you can't even go to the bathroom by yourself. At the same time, when you mop about being in such a miserable condition, people around you (instead of being moved, or at least be respectful of your pitiful condition), keep telling you "Oh don't grief about your condition, there's something much worse than this" or "Being so bitter about your condition certainly won't help" or "Come on, you're in a wheelchair but you can still have a great, normal life!" or the dreadful statistical "You're just a little less able to move around than average, you're just fine, just find somebody who will enjoy you for who you are".

Now, bear with me for a second - HOW would that make you feel?

That's why the people who had my experience are so "stubborn" about what's real and what's not. Truths, in this case, are definitely black or white - as being able to use your legs or not being able to is about as black and white as it gets. When you have a small penis and complain about it, not only society treats you with not even a drop of respect but people like Dr. Schwartz have no better idea to take away from you the only thing that gives you dignity - the recognition of the disability itself. So, without the recognition, you're a sexual basket case which has not even the right to complain about his condition, because it's "just in your mind" and you're just "delusional" about that.

Things can get better, but you have to allow for the possibility in order for that to happen.

Things do *not* get better. That's why having this condition bring so much grief and bleakness. You can improve yourself how much you want, you can aim for the sky, you can sculpt your body how much you will but your small penis will always be there. Some women will "accept you for who you are" because they basically don't have better options - the ones who do will not sacrifice their sexual life to be with you, no matter how good looking, charming and rich you are. That's the reality of my life, if you or Dr. Schwartz or anyone else want to deny it I will stand my ground, as any other coherent person would do.

Edited by 2112_2112
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Things do *not* get better. That's why having this condition bring so much grief and bleakness. You can improve yourself how much you want, you can aim for the sky, you can sculpt your body how much you will but your small penis will always be there. Some women will "accept you for who you are" because they basically don't have better options - the ones who do will not sacrifice their sexual life to be with you, no matter how good looking, charming and rich you are. That's the reality of my life, if you or Dr. Schwartz or anyone else want to deny it I will stand my ground, as any other coherent person would do.

Au contraire! If you can provide for a woman financially, many will overlook your handicaps in order to get a free ride. My ex did it (at least as far as I knew)for over twenty years. She even permitted me to raise her tow children she had with two other guys, although she had to make me think they were fathered by me.

Once she had been kicked to the curb by the last guy she was with, she even asked me to let her back in my life, saying she was "sorry".:(

Edited by Notdoneyet
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Well, maybe it would be productive to turn your example around on you:

What would you say to the guy in the wheelchair who can't go to the bathroom by himself?

I'm not going to accept that that guy should commit suicide, or that he should give up all hope of any happiness. So, how would you deal with the situation you suggested for IrmaJean?

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