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Victimorthecrime

No one cares about men

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No one cares about men. We are seen as bad, period. In America men live to serve their wives mothers & daughters and that is it. Anything else is condemned. I grew up having the s**t kicked out of me by bullies and no one ever cared for a second. I get more depressed on thus site than anywhere else.

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Welcome to the community.

I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences. :( I was bullied some in school as well and I know it can be very painful.

It's true there is a lot of pain and sadness here. I also believe there is light and hope. There are people out there who care. How can we help support you?

Take care.

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These sound like several issues, to me.

I'm an American man, and I haven't felt that everyone was against me. My ex, maybe, but not everybody. ;-) Is it possible that your observation is only true locally, that maybe the people around you feel that way but not everybody?

Could you let us know more about why this site depresses you? You know it's not our intention. And, as a counter-example against "no one cares about men", currently the last four forum responses are to threads begun by men.

I wish that there was a way to stop the bullying that happened to you. But I also wonder what you hoped would happen if someone did care. At the very least, though, you deserved someone to comfort you for the pain and humiliation; I'm sorry you didn't have that.

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Thanks for the kind words both. I am 50 years old & an throughly disgusted w everything. It really is true that nice guys finish last. I just wish I had known. I should probably get counseling but it ain't cheap & not much time either. I feel like all i do is work to pay bills & taxes. There are no services for me. If I don't work I don't live it is that simple. When you are young you live for the hope that things will change but that becomes harder to sell the older you get. Still I know others have it far worse than me and there are things I am grateful for - employment, health - not much else. There needs to be a way people can live for mutual betterment instead of constant degradation. As far as the bullying thing goes that is what set me on the wrong course - fearful, sad, demotivated, angry, seeking escape, & and hiding these feelings the whole time. I have not given up but am concerned for sure.

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I'm sorry you are feeling so discouraged. :( I understand how living paycheck to paycheck can drag you down after a while. It's good that you haven't given up. I believe there is always hope. Do you have friends or family to connect with? Hobbies or activities that you enjoy? I hope that expressing yourself here helps.

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I agree AP. In my opinion life here in USA as a man is a constant battle, a war. Relentless vicious hatred everywhere, you cannot let your guard down for a second. Nice guys don't just finish last they are attacked and destroyed. Had I not been blessed w good health & some intelligence the hideous animals would have gotten me already. Some day it will all be over that is my only solace. Nature has it right - the lessors like myself should just be killed off as a matter course. That is much more compassionate than being forced to contemplate your fate

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I agree AP. In my opinion life here in USA as a man is a constant battle, a war. Relentless vicious hatred everywhere, you cannot let your guard down for a second. Nice guys don't just finish last they are attacked and destroyed. Had I not been blessed w good health & some intelligence the hideous animals would have gotten me already. Some day it will all be over that is my only solace. Nature has it right - the lessors like myself should just be killed off as a matter course. That is much more compassionate than being forced to contemplate your fate

Not letting my guard down and relying only on myself are the reasons why I'm still alive.

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I'm sorry you've had painful experiences in your life. :(

I can say that I really like nice guys. I have noticed that the better I feel about myself, the more I am surrounded by kind and respectful people. I enjoy my friendships with kind and caring men.

Does it help to talk more about your feelings? I know there is darkness in the world. I hope your eyes are open to seeing the brightness too.

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Thanx IrmaJean. Yes it helps to talk about my feelings. In my era kids growing were told to be kind & work hard and the good things in life would follow. Looking back at lies really infuriates me, even though I rationally know it is silly & pointless. But the truth is that for humans biology is destiny. Take myself for example. While I am not classically handsome, I am not hideous to look at facially or physically & have even had cosmetic surgery to enhance my appearance and am of at least average intelligence & energetic, witty; and yet I am a complete loser w women & marginal career success. There is just a certain animal magnetism that I lack. I don't have that factor X, that confident air about me that attracts people. I am anxious, fearful, worried, and increasingly sad & despondent. so my point is you either have it or you don't. And I have known guys - barely literate, far from 'cute', few skills of any sort - who rarely are w/o a girlfriend(s). I am telling you there is just an animal vibe that attracts women & gains respect from other men and either ya got it or you don't.

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…I am a complete loser w women

Do you mean you have not had success in your relationships with women or that you have had trouble getting into relationships with women?

I am anxious' date=' fearful, worried, and increasingly sad & despondent.[/quote']

I've struggled with many of these feelings in the past too. Sometimes I still do. Maybe it helps to work on your relationship with yourself? As I've worked on myself, I've been more capable of taking risks socially, and I have more friends now. I think once you begin to feel okay with the person that you are, you are also then able to shine as the person you are, and that will naturally attract others.

I’m taking Biology of the Brain this semester and we talk a lot about evolutionary biology. It’s mind-stretching stuff for sure. One thing I’ve learned is that although biology can be a factor, environmental, genetic, and psychological factors also play a role. Everything interacts reciprocally and the brain has plasticity throughout our lives. That means there is always a place to grow and learn if we are open to new experiences. It also means we can learn new strategies to cope with such challenges as fear and anxiety.

Do you do anything relaxing to help with your anxiety?

Take care.

Edited by IrmaJean
grammar

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On 12/11/2012 at 2:55 AM, Victimorthecrime said:

No one cares about men. We are seen as bad, period. In America men live to serve their wives mothers & daughters and that is it. Anything else is condemned. I grew up having the s**t kicked out of me by bullies and no one ever cared for a second. I get more depressed on thus site than anywhere else.

I don't know what being a woman is like from direct experience, but my own experience of being a man is that it is for the most part a grim, miserable existence.

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To the people that complain about "slights" and "having their feelings hurt" and being offended by harsh words I'd like to ask:  have you ever had a larger person sit on your chest to where you couldn't breathe?  Did said person punch you in the face and spit in your face?  Was this done in public in front of a cheering crowd?  Was not a single fuck given by a single living organism ever?  

If the answer is no - then get a real fucking problem before you bitch to me.  

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I hear your anger. Bullying is a serious problem in our society, I feel, and there doesn't seem to be enough emphasis on it.  I'm sorry no one stepped up for you, intervened or offered you support when you needed it most. 😟 I can't imagine what that must have been like for you.

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Thanks for the kind words and reactions.  It was back in the early 70s. I guess it was just a different time or perhaps it still goes on for all I know.  BTW - just to be clear there was not just one episode, all sorts of stuff went on but I'm not getting into it now. 

Lastly, all suffering is real. Verbal assaults are real & painful too as I know first hand.  So I am not looking to invalidate anyone.  

Bit of a retrograde lately all manner of problems.  ATM all quiet on the western front so I hope we are coming out of it.  

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