Im trying to leave a friendship of 5 yrs

[Confusedaily]

He is controling obsessed with himself.jealous beyond normal. He believes people are like property. If he claims you your his. He has no problem letting people knw he owns you. Im met 3 personalities. All very ugly dark and cold. Hefelks nothing after hurting someone. Pks I need advice so I can leave safely. Calling police no an option.

[Luna-]

Hi confusedaily and welcome to the site.

I am unclear of the situation you are in. Is he holding you hostage? Is he going to seek revenge on you if you leave? What am asking, I guess, is, are you in physical danger?

[Confusedaily]

hi luna. ill try to explain. Because "im his" he wont let me leave. To him im like his favorate pair of shoes. Put in a box in his closet.,fir him only. He has never raised his hand to me.but when I disobey he creates drama to punish me. Example he caused an argument among some friends. In my home. They began fighting and breaking things. When I tried stoping it a punch landed right in my eye. I had a beautiful shiner for a few weeks. Later that night we were eating dinner. He leaned over and touched my cheek and said wow it could have been worse. Next time u really need to listen when I tell u something. The ones fighting didnt mean to hit me. My abuser knew they wlould fight and break things . That was my punishment. The backeye was a bonus for him. So yes and no about me in danger. he has to make situations for me. Im hoping when I leave. Itl km take a few days and by then ilk belong gone and safe . I hope I answered your questions

[Confusedaily]

He lacks compasion he feels nothing for u when he hurts you. He gets this look. Its lijehe enjoys watching. And he always watches as ut unfolds . he becomes proud that he created a beauriful mess. Id see him watch thru windows at people arguing. He woud have ne come to the window too. Tell me

How he created it and why.

[Luna-]

If you don't mind me saying so, he sounds creepy. I would also want to leave. Do you plan to leave your home or what are you thinking to do? Will he try to follow and threaten you, do you think? I don't really know what to suggest if you say calling the police is not an option. You need to keep yourself safe.

If you go and stay somewhere else for a few days, how do you think he will react? Is there a way to keep him out of your home? Just throwing out questions...

[IrmaJean]

He sounds controlling, dominating, aggressive, and abusive. I'm sorry you have been living in this kind of environment. It's good that you want to leave. It seems to me, from what you've described here, that you could be in danger. Is a women's shelter a possibility? Are you afraid of what might happen if you go to the police?

[Confusedaily]

Thank u for posting irmajean. Hes all that. I tried everything. even counter attacks. I must say I would get him good. Then I would tell him. See I can play to. Now back off leave me alone. He always response the same way. He throws me a kiss says never that. And leaves for few days. I called the police last time. He actually had them convenced it was me. I got put in hosp on 51/50 then a 14 day hold nah no police this time. But thank u for hr concern

[Confusedaily]

I really have no where to go. He has made it to where my family doesnt speak to me anymore. I hv no friends. The ones I hv will gv me up in a min to him. Thats why im here. I dont know what to do. But I do know ihavr to go. Hes not even my man. Not a boyfriend. At one time it was sexual but I stoped that 2 yrs ago

[Luna-]

That is a tough one. I don't know what to suggest. Can you tell him you don't want to see him again and refuse to let him in the door, since it is your home? Or wouldn't that work?

[Confusedaily]

If only it was that easy. He honestly believes I belong to him. Im his property. There for everything I have is his to. I cant make him leave his own home. Police were called on this one too. Thats what I was told by tbem.

[malign]

Confused, taking your username into account, maybe it would help to start from the beginning and take things step by step.

First, it doesn't matter what anyone believes; property ownership isn't determined by belief. Do the two of you rent the place where you live, or if someone owns it, whose name is on the title?

I know that if someone swears out a protective order, they can remove the other person from the residence regardless of ownership, even if only temporarily, because it happened to me.

If you are not prepared to swear that you are in danger (and you may not be), do you have any resources to move out on your own, to a place he doesn't know about?

Again, we're not talking about his beliefs here: can you withdraw money from your account, put it in a new account, or anything? For that matter, are you employed yourself, to where you could put money away?

I guess we come around to the question of why the police believed everything he said. Or for that matter, how did he make it "to where [your] family doesnt speak to me anymore"? Would they speak to you if you told them you needed their help to leave him once and for all?

[Confusedaily]

The house was mine. I rented it. when iit forclosed 7 months ago. I told him where I was going. I even took him a nb d showed him where. The day I moved he didnt come over. He didnt hv to cuz he knew my plans and didnt trip on it. I really was counting on that. He is prodictable. I was getting ready to leave I called him said meet me at my new apt. He said ok. I took off and drove straight to my house where I rented a room without him knowing. he doesnt come here as muvh. Hr dont know these people andi do.t allow him to get to knowthem. He wilk get in their heads to.so im starting to break free. Scence iv been here its been calmer. Just having him less is like a different world. i see more now within me that needs healing. He would suck me dry of my energy my life. his lies and manipulation had my head spinning dailey. Yes my name.i just cant understand how I got here with him. Im sorry if um bouncing around with what im saying. There is so much he hss done. And so much abuse iv taken there no way I can write it. He has asked me several tines thru the years to kill myself. I tell him if u cause my death. When I take my last brearh u will take urs to. .i just need to go.

[IrmaJean]

I'm sorry for your pain and confusion. You have been through a lot and that hurts. No worries about how you're expressing yourself. We're listening. Are you able to reach the parts of you that hurt and offer yourself kindness and care?

Are the people there with you supportive?

I hope you are okay.

[Luna-]

Do you have any sort of plan for breaking things off with him, Cd?

[Confusedaily]

I have every intention on leaving him. Even death do we part., but im want to live. LIVE WITHOUT HIM. Im a good person. I think thats what attracted him. He has no good. Its all faulse. So he sucks me dry of mine. I dont knw this ok s where the confusion comes. Hes one man. He is loved by many. All the bad all the drama that all of us that know him he creates 80% of it. Hes in all the drama. Everyone talkd abt him. On the good. How does hr have time. My energy is gone after a little episode pf his b.s. but he thrives on tbese arguments. They revive him. Man hes sick. And im the crazy white lady. Lol thats what he calls me.

[Confusedaily]

Luna... No plans. I really dont see how. He doesnt show his true self to anyone but me. Ive helped him nany time do the right thing. He trust me with that. Remember he really has no emotions. He dont know right or wrong hes 30 yrs old . Grown man acts so childish. I help him to keep right. Its my good that he gives out. Have I lost you?? I dont know hoe to explain it. Without me he would be nothing. Just like befor me. In and out of jail. Not really having friends. Its lke im him. Together we make one. One perfect person. Good for him I say. WHAT ABOUT ME!!! If it takes 2 to run you? Damn! Thats one to many. Someone is getting left behind. Right? ME!!! I dont know me anymore. Mu family said the same thing. I keep choosing him over them. Not true. He makes problemd that look like that. Maybe I give him to much credit. Or not enough. I dont knw it confuses me. I have anger alot of it toward him. How dare you keep me. I need help breaking free. It has to be so right. Not one flaw, or he will know. Pls someone tell me im not crazy. Wow he tortures my soul daily. I DONT WANT TO BE ONE OF HIS ALTER EGOS ANY MORE. I WANT TO BE FREE im being held captive. In a sick twisted way.

[Confusedaily]

S o here it is. Lets say his name is R. And im D. R is a kind and loving man. Respectful shy and stands up for what he wants and fights for his. R is my friend. I miss him horrably. R has 3 others who live in his head also. There is young R, the abused lil boy hes awesome. I dont see much of him these days. Then u have the king. Powerful demanding, wants evertthing and is intitled to it all.its has to be about hm. Hes mean. I have a real hard time talking to him. And last is mat. Hes the thug. Hes the one that gets things done. He will fight in a heart beat. Hes the theif.all R CRIMES are commited by him. Im his adopted personality I guess, im his compassion, his thoughfulness.im his love. None of them have that. But young R. He tucked away so far, and he holds all of it. So these nasty others feed of me. My god when I just wrote this I reread befor posting. Im in trouble arnt I? Hes never gunna let me go is he? Rhat means gis love goes to. He will never allow that. Oh wow.i never knew what I was to him until now. Umm wow. Im outta words. Hes not gunna let me leave. All of you thanks for your support. But I dont see how. You have to have a neg and pos in everything. Guess ut is death do us part. Cuz ill never allow him to make me take mine. Im rambling. Again thank you all

[malign]

So why does he have all the power, Cd? Granted, he probably won't like having to live without you. But why is that his choice?

You keep saying "until death do us part", but you're not married, are you?

[IrmaJean]

Are you seeing a therapist, confused?

[Confusedaily]

He has the power because I gave it to him. At rhe beginng we were good.he took care of me . I guess as I pulled away I never took the powee with me , I think death is the only answer. He creates horrible things for people. my neighbor was having problens with a few gang members in our area. R knew this. My neighbor was coming over one night ti help me with our fence. We were out back when r arrived with one of the gang membets. Long story short. My nighbor went to the hosp with 2 stab wonds. R confessed he didnt know there was a problem. My neighbor mad him mad few nights befor embarressed him infront of peopke. Things like this he makes. He will kill me. No im not married to him. I once was his friend he has a wife. She is held like me. We talk all time. Iim starting to think the rest my life he willbe in. no I have no therapest

[Confusedaily]

Im terrified of this man. What he will send to me. He knows alot people on the streets. I will be hurt if I dont obey him. Sick I know.

[Luna-]

Oh Cd, my heart goes out to you.

Could it be time for a protection order? If he has a wife (poor woman) then he has no claim on you (not that he could behave like this even if he were married to you). How does he behave towards his wife?

Whatever happens, you are always welcome to come here and talk about it.

[Confusedaily]

His wife says she loves him. Its the love that keeps her with him . Hes more controling on her. She cant go to the store without a (bodyguard) I say spy. We both know we fear him. It all just needs to stop.

[Confusedaily]

Thank you all for your comments. They helped me alot. When things get rough and when I finally leave. Ill post and let you all know. Again. Many thanks..

[Luna-]

You're always welcome here.