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Theone

I've wanted to talk about this for some time

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Hi,

I am new here.

There has been an issue that has been growing in the back of my mind for about 5 years now and I don't want to talk about it without remaining anonmous. I have regestered with this forum to do just that. For a bit of background I am 20 years old, as far as I believe healthy and pretty happy with life at the moment- university is going well and I look forward to what life will be give me in the future.

However, when I started getting older...maybe at around the age of 14, I realised that I found girls cute...I mean girls younger than me. This really became apparent when my best friend who lived in my neighbourhood had a little sister who was 9 (I was 14 at the time). I began to realise that I found her really cute. Then I realised that I liked her! I felt disgusted in myself and tried to not talk to her. But I was going through puberty and when you have someone you like in front of you, you do talk to them. Anyway, to cut a long story short nothing happen...I might have fanatised about it. But I'm not the type of person to ruin someones life. She trusted me enough to let me into her room and that alone made me really happy. Heck me and her bro (her included) went swimming together. Her mum even told me to watch out for her.

Anyway time passed and the family moved away. I guess I felt close because I always wanted a little sister...so I tagged it down to that. Anyway, fast forward to when I was about 18 and I started getting into lolicon- japanese anime where little girls engage in sexual activity. I mean I realised that I found the characters cute and I got a weird warm feeling when they were portrayed all happy like. I hated the rape stories, I liked the happy sex ones with the nice endings. But, I begant to realise that I craved like cuteness of little girls, like I really wanted to hug one when I saw them...just what the hell is wrong with me O.o

Anyway, I forced myself to stop reading those mangas around the age of 19, but I still like to watch anime with little girls in them, especially ones with cute little sisters :) Well, as time went on a though hit home...one day I would be a father and I could have a daughter. You don't understand how this thought still makes me so excited about life, that one day this could happen. I don't really understand why it does, but I think having a adorable little girl, just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. I have been around children a lot...even at age 20. I don't think sexual thoughts about them, but am I a peadophile? if I could I would date 13 or 14 year olds. I find them pretty cute and I wouldn't even mind the dual role of like an older brother. In fact on my skype 2 of my good friends are 14 year old girls. They don't see as a peadophile (well i didn't tell them I think they look kind of sexy) but they just see me and well me. I have actually been hit on by a 13 year old one skype (long story I've never felt so uncomfortable) who actually started getting naked, but I told her to stop.

I've noticed that I've waffled on now. I just want a judgement... what is wrong with me. Why do I have strange cravings to hug and play with cute little girls :S am I a peadophile?

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Judgment is a difficult thing to ask for. Partly because many people won't give it to you, and there's no particular reason to trust the ones who will.

Children are beautiful, and likable, and fun to be around. It's natural to feel those things, and feeling that way about children doesn't seem likely to harm them. You already know what would harm them: sexual contact before they're ready for it, which society dictates to be when they reach adulthood. If you need evidence of the harm that can be done, we have plenty of reports of members who were molested as children, in various forums on the site, and about their struggles to overcome what happened to them. However, you don't seem to be interested in that, so to me, the question is whether your feelings interfere with your life.

You mentioned that you would date young teens, but that you don't have sexual thoughts about them. You didn't describe the rest of your life in much detail, but that suggests that you're relatively inexperienced with dating in general, and with sexuality as well. {That's a sort of implied question ...} Do you have any interest and/or opportunity to date people your own age? Perhaps getting to know the women who are out there might ease your mind a bit. I know plenty of women my own age, for instance, who still have their girlish innocence. You just have to be able to see it.

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Judgment is a difficult thing to ask for. Partly because many people won't give it to you, and there's no particular reason to trust the ones who will.

Children are beautiful, and likable, and fun to be around. It's natural to feel those things, and feeling that way about children doesn't seem likely to harm them. You already know what would harm them: sexual contact before they're ready for it, which society dictates to be when they reach adulthood. If you need evidence of the harm that can be done, we have plenty of reports of members who were molested as children, in various forums on the site, and about their struggles to overcome what happened to them. However, you don't seem to be interested in that, so to me, the question is whether your feelings interfere with your life.

You mentioned that you would date young teens, but that you don't have sexual thoughts about them. You didn't describe the rest of your life in much detail, but that suggests that you're relatively inexperienced with dating in general, and with sexuality as well. {That's a sort of implied question ...} Do you have any interest and/or opportunity to date people your own age? Perhaps getting to know the women who are out there might ease your mind a bit. I know plenty of women my own age, for instance, who still have their girlish innocence. You just have to be able to see it.

Thank you for the reply.

Yes I am a virgin still and fine with that decision. I do find people my own age attractive, I just have not found anyone whom I would like to date yet. I guess I always liked the "cute" women. Guys normally go for big breasted, big butt women. I really get turned off by those types. I prefer the whole small breasted types and those that look younger, not older.

I do tend to overthink things. However, I just want to make sure that the way I think is not weird. I have a fear that people will start to judge me about how much I like children. Something like that would honestly ruin me if it did happen. I don't want a fear when I have(and if) I have children that I can't be too close to them because people will judge me. Heck, it even happens now, this fear I mean.

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The only real way to test whether your thinking is different from others' is to talk to as many others as you can manage. I know that may not be easy (I was a shy, late bloomer myself), but there isn't in fact any possible substitute. My first real date was at 21, and I didn't have sex with anyone for quite a while after that ('til I was 40, in fact, though I don't recommend that long a wait to others). Still, I see no problem with taking your time with decisions of that magnitude.

It's possible this is related more to the fear than it is to what the fear is about. Would you say your anxiety is higher than average, in general? Or do you spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about things that might happen (and might not)? It's possible that a doctor could help with those feelings, if you decide they're interfering with your appreciation of your life.

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