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slavefeet

Mental Advice, I'm in desperate need for?

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I'm not really sure if this is in the right topic. I do believe so though. But, Back to the topic, I'm not like other people. I know i am not a psychopath. But, I don't feel bad for anything i do. Even though, I have never done anything ethnically wrong extreme things anyway. I don't have the urge to. I don't really live by time. I just kinda drift in it. Not caring much about anything. Besides a special someone. I think, I don't feel feelings. Alot of people call me a machine. Because, I love logic. I have to know how everything works. I am also called old soul. I use a lot of quotes, and I have been through more stuff then most people my age. I don't know why i'm writing this. Just, I want to know why i feel the way i do, and if other people have been through this. You might would call me a modern day hippy. Because, I am calm all the time, I don't argue, I just kinda let everything flow. I don't think ,i just sit and do nothing. I learned how to meditate about a year ago, And, that's how i dealt with stuff, I would go sit out in the nature and meditate. Until, i no longer felt the pain or the worry. Medication is not an option for me, because of my family would think I'm pulling things out of thin air. I think, Happiness comes from within anyway. I talk to a lot of depressing people. That are clinically depressed, and i try to help as best i can. Even though, I don't care if they end their life or not. I try to help as best i can to every situation. Not that i care, Just because I'm the only one that will listen, and not wait for a turn to speak. To sum everything up, I just kinda live day by day, Same stuff Different day. I don't care about most things, I'm content with life. I'm not sad, I'm not happy. I'm just here.

I do apologize if, there's a lot of i thinks, or i'm not sure. I never was good at speaking my thoughts.

But, Thank you for anybody that read it. I hope you have some advice.

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Hello and welcome. No need to worry about where to post. Anywhere is fine. It's good you are expressing yourself and reaching out for support.

Am I understanding you correctly that you are concerned or hoping to feel more, slavefeet? Was there a time in your life when you felt more connected with your emotions?

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Thanks, yes, that is correct. I want to feel more emotion. I help a lot of people hoping that I could feel more things. I know life is nothing but boring if I do not take risks. So I take risks that are in favor of me coming out on top. But,even that I get bored with. There was a time I felt more emotions but, I then went through a lot of readjustments. Which sometimes I love the new me because it's different. I cannot get hurt. But, I also cannot get happy.

Thanks for the reply.

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"I cannot get hurt" is an interesting idea, when coupled with "I cannot get happy." Do you want happiness? If so, you're already getting hurt, by not letting yourself feel it.

Now, I can't tell you "what's wrong", or even if anything really is wrong, with you. I'm just a guy who types on a computer. But I know that I spent part of my life trying to insulate myself from my feelings in similar ways, perhaps with less apparent "success". I definitely tried to think instead of feel. In fact, I thought I wasn't "good enough" at feeling, so I went into computers instead. Now, in my fifties, I find that not only do I have my own feelings, I have some skill at empathy with others, and I want to put that to use helping people.

Maybe you have the same potential. It might be interesting to explore what kind of hurts you're hoping to avoid, which would mean going into some of the ones you've experienced. And that might mean you would want to do that in the privacy of a therapy setting. And you'd have to want to.

I would say that making the effort to help your peers, no matter how little you might be conscious of caring, still suggests that you do care. It takes energy to listen, to help, to relate. Some part of you wants to spend that energy. It might be interesting to ask that part of you to treat you as if you were one of your friends, going through a rough patch. What would you tell you?

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I cannot take my own advice for some reason. It's a weird thing. But, I thank you for the reply. Its very much appreciated. I'm gonna try to focus my energy into helping people, Maybe that will bring my feelings back. If it doesn't, I have the rest of my life to keep trying.

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