Having Nothing to live for, committing suicide in December for my miniature penis

[Gryphon]

It's and option only if your partner is unfaithful...

[Resolute]

12 minutes ago, Gryphon said:

It's and option only if your partner is unfaithful...

i see. in that case, idk what to wish for you . either way, good luck.

[Gryphon]

Haha...no need to wish me anything. Just keep talking to me..

[Resolute]

3 minutes ago, Gryphon said:

... Just keep talking to me..

you got it.

[IrmaJean]

Gryphon, welcome to the community. 

Have you tried talking with your wife about your feelings, concerns, and needs? Does she enjoy physical closeness, such as being held? How is your relationship otherwise?

[Gryphon]

Thanks Irma,

I would think our relationship is pretty ok. We still talk bout our kids, problems that she has, that she needs to go back to visit her grandma in Brunei and complains to me that her cousins insist that she goes back. Talk bout her and her job.

She enjoys being held, I guess. But we do not have any closeness on bed. When I try to hug her on bed, she does gestures to reject me. So I stop there.

She seems to avoid it when I bring up topics on closeness on bed. So I stop further conversation.

[IrmaJean]

That does sound like a concern and must be very difficult for you. Has anything happened in her past that you are aware of? Do you think she would be receptive to counseling? I think the suggestion of pastoral counseling is a good one.

I wish you both well.

[Gryphon]

I'm not sure if anything happened to her. Maybe is partly my fault for giving up on my advances on intimacy and sex 8 yrs ago. It's like every 5 times I tried, I was rejected 4 times. I couldn't take the rejections so I stopped and it ended up in this situation today.

I will try and talk to her again, maybe suggest going on holidays with just the two of us. Previous holidays were always with the kids.

I will probably leave counselling as the last option.

[ShameOnThem]

Yeah, I'm glad IrmaJean is weighing in, because she's a saint and usually right about most things. I'm a single agnostic guy, so I'm not sure what the best way for you both to go about counseling would be. I do think that snooping around and generally suspecting her of cheating is a recipe for disaster. If you don't get the impression she is, then she probably isn't, and being distrustful of her will only make things worse if you do go forward healing your relationship.

It's not normal for her to always push you away when you try to be intimate, but you also shouldn't be pressuring her because that will only make things more difficult for her in her own mind. I think IrmaJean and Victim are right about talking with her and seeing if you can get counseling.

 

Quote

How do I tell that she is having vaginal orgasm? I could only tell that she that enjoyed sex with me.

 From one novice to another, I think you should focus on clitoral orgasms, as they are much more common and better understood. Also, if she is making it outwardly clear that she is enjoying sex with you, you're probably doing alright already. But this article about not pressuring a woman to orgasm has a lot of merit to it. You have to be focused on her pleasure first and foremost, and her orgasms have to come second to that, if at all. It's all about the pressure we put on women to perform, ultimately for our own self-confidence. When it comes time to be intimate with her, I think making it clear to her that there's no pressure coming from you for her to "perform", will help things. But again, I'm not an expert or anything. Though I do suggest from experience the "come hither" motion in conjunction with direct clitoral stimulation, which you can google for further info.

[JetCase]

Guys, I totally feel what you're saying, but i think there is treatments that exist for that. I've heard that you can get some hormones injections like testosterones and stuff like that. Also you can combine that with some other more natural treatment such as stretching and massaging techniques. There's also pumps that you can try. For those who are circumcised, you can try restoring the forskin by using an instrument that keeps you remaining forskin and the rest of your shaft stretched for long periods of time. (I guess even if you're not cut, It could work for you too). Many men that used the product only for foreskin restoring purpose, claimed that they saw a difference in their length and girth after about 2 years of using it. Anyway guys, I think before you do the irreversible, you should read about real concrete and permanent treatment that exist.

[Wayless]

I've never thought more than momentarily about suicide or self-harm.  I was too busy blaming myself for not "manning-up" better about my penis:  hanging back, not asserting myself, etc. in spite of my handicap.  At other times I blamed myself for not being able to deny my handicap effectively.

When I got too old to pursue partners, it was a relief. 

[Victimorthecrime]

3 hours ago, uptight outasight said:

When I got to old to pursue partners, it was a relief.

I know what you mean. 
Wow @Resolute on this thread 😑😕😢

[Toosmallforcomfort]

5 hours ago, uptight outasight said:

When I got to old to pursue partners, it was a relief.

I've contemplated this as well.  No pressure.

[Wayless]

14 hours ago, uptight outasight said:

I've never thought more than momentarily about suicide or self-harm.  I was too busy blaming myself for not "manning-up" better about my penis:  hanging back, not asserting myself, etc. in spite of my handicap.  At other times I blamed myself for not being able to deny my handicap effectively.

When I got too old to pursue partners, it was a relief. 

I have been trying to think of advice regarding suicide based on my life, ie. how I avoided thinking about that as a response to having a small penis. 

The only time I really thought about suicide for a very short time was when I had very serious legal and job consequences from the alcohol I habitually used to cope with lack of self-assertion, shyness, etc.  Alcohol would give me the illusion of "potentially" being "ok".   If I could just be like I am when I'm drunk all the time, everything would be OK.  When drunk, I didn't care what people thought of my penis, my looks, my personality, nothing. . .   People were attracted to me when I was at "peak high" from drink, not disabled drunk.  Unfortunately, I had a high capacity for alcohol, so I could stay in "peak high" for a long time carousing and not get into too much trouble until I DID get into too much trouble.  Fortunately, I never developed the tendency I saw in some others to sip all the time--a sure route to severe illness.

Now, I see that I needed to adjust to life possibilities as they were and risk and overcome depression in the process, ie. battle through it.   Anesthetizing myself with alcohol or other things is not the same as learning to live life.  I never really analyzed and changed the thinking behind not being able to accept my life as it was which was the cause of my need for alcohol.  Inhibitions need to be analyzed and sorted-out, the good ones reinforced, the worthless ones eliminated.

Emotions and/or "state of mind" can only change when fully analyzed.  Others and/or society should be blamed only too the extent others and society are really at fault.  What was that old saying:  "changing what you can (mostly yourself) and accepting what you can't change and learning to know the difference."

Here it is:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer

God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer contains wisdom, I think, irrespective of ones attitude towards religion.  The thought does not have to be in the form of a prayer. 

Bringing "God" into it doesn't work for me as an all powerful creator "God", if there is one, imposed the problems in the first place either as a "test" or from sadism.

 

 

[Klingsor]

15 hours ago, Victimorthecrime said:

I know what you mean. 
Wow @Resolute on this thread 😑😕😢

Does it genuinely get easier to deal with? I’m in my early thirties now. Being around 18-20 year olds fills me with a mix of strong emotions. I don’t like being around them or seeing them. This is actually what killed resolute...aging, regret. It was the thing that pushed him over the edge. I think he would have been around 36/37 now if he were still alive. I never really thought about it before...it never used to bother me, but within the last two years it hit me hard and abruptly.

 

[Victimorthecrime]

@KlingBro it’s different for everyone. Some people just get more and more depressed and bitter as they age.  Others like myself (age 57) reason that with time so short and so long to be dead might as well make the best of it.  
 

The world views teens and 20-somethings as little darlings and when that comes to an abrupt halt at 30 it can be jarring.  

[YOTH]

Wait, I'm not a 37yr old little darling? I had myself all wrong 😂

[Wayless]

On 12/15/2019 at 9:30 AM, JetCase said:

Guys, I totally feel what you're saying, but i think there is treatments that exist for that. I've heard that you can get some hormones injections like testosterones and stuff like that. Also you can combine that with some other more natural treatment such as stretching and massaging techniques. There's also pumps that you can try. For those who are circumcised, you can try restoring the forskin by using an instrument that keeps you remaining forskin and the rest of your shaft stretched for long periods of time. (I guess even if you're not cut, It could work for you too). Many men that used the product only for foreskin restoring purpose, claimed that they saw a difference in their length and girth after about 2 years of using it. Anyway guys, I think before you do the irreversible, you should read about real concrete and permanent treatment that exist.

This is very bad advice, except that testosterone supplementation should be undertaken when a man is proven to be chronically low.

[Wayless]

On 4/5/2016 at 2:01 PM, ShameOnThem said:

 From one novice to another, I think you should focus on clitoral orgasms, as they are much more common and better understood. Also, if she is making it outwardly clear that she is enjoying sex with you, you're probably doing alright already. But this article about not pressuring a woman to orgasm has a lot of merit to it. You have to be focused on her pleasure first and foremost, and her orgasms have to come second to that, if at all. It's all about the pressure we put on women to perform, ultimately for our own self-confidence. When it comes time to be intimate with her, I think making it clear to her that there's no pressure coming from you for her to "perform", will help things. But again, I'm not an expert or anything. Though I do suggest from experience the "come hither" motion in conjunction with direct clitoral stimulation, which you can google for further info.

I learned very quickly not to pressure or even ask a woman about orgasms.  But, that did not solve the problem.  I never knew if they didn't want to be judged about their level of orgasmic response or if they wanted to be "free" to patronize me.  Then, the woman's superior responses to toys, oral, female dominance, whatever would lead me to believe the latter and, over time, destroy the relationship.

[Wayless]

22 hours ago, KlingBro said:

Does it genuinely get easier to deal with? I’m in my early thirties now. Being around 18-20 year olds fills me with a mix of strong emotions. I don’t like being around them or seeing them. This is actually what killed resolute...aging, regret. It was the thing that pushed him over the edge. I think he would have been around 36/37 now if he were still alive. I never really thought about it before...it never used to bother me, but within the last two years it hit me hard and abruptly.

 

Resolute committed suicide?   Is that what you are saying?

Disappointment and regret, for some reason, never bothered me that much.  I was always convinced, by parents and relatives and teachers, I guess, that everything was my fault.

Blaming self is perhaps a covert path to hope.

[IrmaJean]

On 12/16/2019 at 5:20 PM, Victimorthecrime said:

Wow @Resolute on this thread 😑😕😢

😞😢

[Klingsor]

14 hours ago, uptight outasight said:

Resolute committed suicide?   Is that what you are saying?

Yes, two years ago last August. He didn't have SPS, but like many others Lady Fortune decided to take a massive shit on him anyway. Don't ask me anymore about it; his content is available for your perusal.

[Wayless]

9 hours ago, KlingBro said:

Yes, two years ago last August. He didn't have SPS, but like many others Lady Fortune decided to take a massive shit on him anyway. Don't ask me anymore about it; his content is available for your perusal.

Ok, I will look into it.

I'm just becoming aware how my "blaming of self" was such an effective defense mechanism against depression and suicidal thoughts.

I would concentrate of my "will" being inadequate.  Which always left the hope that all I had to do was exercise my will to solve my problems.

[Wayless]

23 hours ago, uptight outasight said:

I learned very quickly not to pressure or even ask a woman about orgasms.  But, that did not solve the problem.  I never knew if they didn't want to be judged about their level of orgasmic response or if they wanted to be "free" to patronize me.  Then, the woman's superior responses to toys, oral, female dominance, whatever would lead me to believe the latter and, over time, destroy the relationship.

After decades of pondering these issues, I suddenly realized that when a woman started to flex her hip preparatory to orgasm, I would either slip out or apply weight and force her to stop flexing.  Duh!  This would spoil it for her.  Somehow, I have been repressing this.  Now it comes back to me like PTSD!  Very disturbing.  I don't know what solution or work around to this might have been available for a short dicked guy.  I was too sensitive mentally to deal with it in real time, that was for sure!  A decade of "no sex" seems to have cleared my mind.  Investment in having sex no longer there.