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ba51th

me....

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had a dream

the setting of the dream that I'm a senior high school student, on the evening, waiting for the bus to come home. on the distance I saw an idol girl, somehow I can feel she has a weird intention on me, that she want to kidnap me, hypnotize me to be a sissy crossdresser man... then I run but she also run to get me, then I run faster (somehow, in this dream I had some exercise so I can run faster than I normally do), and I run  and run and run. until I know that I'm safe...

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Would you be comforted to know that you have touched others in your life and that this lives on through them? Or that a person's energy and essence also live on, in some ways? Maybe a loved one or friend will recall fond memories? These thoughts bring me comfort. What would feel comforting to you?

I'm sorry you're feeling down. :( I hope today feels a bit brighter.

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I kept day-dreaming and day-dreaming things that will never happen...

and when I woke up...

I will lost my mind for sure...

though I more prefer death  than losing my mind...

weird, that I always ridiculed people that love day-dreaming when I still a child...

now look how I turn out to be...



please... end my torment...

please...

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there was power outage... and then my mind wander again...

no one need my existence... in fact some people will wish that I'm not exist anymore... I can't fight for my own life... therefor I have no right to stay alive...


I heard there's a new drugs, which called flecca if I'm not mistaken, some people already dead because of it... I think that's my way out...

maybe it's time to write a note for the people I care, in case I couldn't make it...

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had a nightmare...

communist vietnam invade my country... I go out of the house and many neighbors out of their houses... many of them talk that the vietnam army will come to this neighborhood... so I prepare myself to join the resistant, but my father prevent me... then I go to my car which in this dream I have a new porsche 911, but there are no air on the tires... I want to wake my brother to tell him that vietnam army will come to our neighborhood, but my father prevent me, he told me to not wake him up from his peaceful sleep, if I wake him up, he will panic... then I pump the tires of my car, and decide to go out roam the neighborhood for better situational awareness...

then my family decided to go out somewhere safe, all of us get into the car, we decide to go to the other side of the hills (I live on the foothills) but on the way I scare the thought that I will get shot while driving, then my father take driver seat. on our journey, we finally reach the entrance of the mountain pass, but the road get blocked... then we wait for a while on the dinner nearby...

the dream continue but I can't remember the rest of them...

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I'm no longer have convenient access to internet, so...

I think there is nothing wrong saying farewell words

looks like living is getting harder and harder... It's getting harder to pay electricity bill, and food getting expensive and more expensive to buy...

and here I'm still don't know what to do with my life...

the time is getting near...


thank you everyone... for your support for me so far...

I'm fully know that I'm full of shit... annoying... and bla bla bla...

this site is the only place where I can get support despite what I did...
 

how sad it is, that I stranger are more supporting and trusted than family...



I just hope you all have a good, healthy and happy life and afterlife...

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