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ba51th

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I have a little brother... he is 4 years younger than me...

I loved him so much... but since he enrolled in elementary school, things changed... I start to abused him, I enslaved him... and here I am, a man that he hate most in this world...

I don't remember how it start... one of the cause that I remember is because my parents favor him more than me... they love him more than me... they frequently angry to me... somehow... I'm nothing but a lazy fat pig... sometimes my father hit me... I hate him so much... but, since I'm just a weak boy, I had no chance to beat him... and it looks like I'm looking for an easy target... which is my little brother... then I start to abuse him... and because of that he have difficulties to socialize... honestly... I really concern about his future right now...

just remembering it torn my heart to pieces... how cruel I am...

ever had a thought, that I'm just a child back then, so I'm not responsible for it... but it don't give me any comfort...

if just one of our parents stay at home, they may can prevent things like that happen... but, still, it doesn't give me any comfort...

I'm a kind of guy that hold grudges against other, I can't easily forgive someone... because I'm a weak guy, I frequently hold grudges against people that I hate... sometimes I can't hold it anymore then I start to destroy furnishing, if I hold myself, feels like I will lose my sanity...

what kind of monster I become...

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